eric1 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Well that solves that. In some ways it's just easier when things are made obvious. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Lord, she is not getting it. I would tell her father so he would know how she treats you and your family with neglect Qubist, I did call her and the first thing I said was "really". I then tore into her about how selfish she was and when it got heated I told her that I wasn't going to wait to start dating that we are done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Qubist, I did call her and the first thing I said was "really". I then tore into her about how selfish she was and when it got heated I told her that I wasn't going to wait to start dating that we are done. So now she will screw someone in Vegas and use the excuse that you said you were going to date others. That's how their mind works. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 There is something seriously wrong with your wife. Every time you confront her or give her bad news she throws a party or does something with her girlfriends. Her coping mechanism is fu*ked. Her reaction to stress is to party. How can you survive a lifetime with someone that messed up. She needs a lot of help, perhaps you should point this out to her consular if not to her. At least this confirms your making the right decision. absolutely, she is missing the whole purpose of his 180 and D. and you are right every time he faces her with something she doesn't like she goes to party with her friends. she needs some serious help. Bigdaddyt: tell her that this kind of behavior is exactly what put you guys in this mess, let her father know and explain to him her behavior. obviously she has a loooong way to go to earn your trust 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 So now she will screw someone in Vegas and use the excuse that you said you were going to date others. That's how their mind works. TX, I am just so numb to her BS , I don't even care. I know that I am a good looking guy and can hook up with someone if I wanted to, but I am not a shallow person. I really am glad that this happened . I know now who she really is. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Who is paying for the Vegas trip, surly not you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 It sounds like what I said before. She really did not care about you all that much. It was more of the fact she had a safe guy to stay at home, take care of the kids, Pay the bills, while she ran out and had her fun. I know its hard but I would not talk to her anymore except for dealing with the kids and the divorce. She clearly thinks she can keep you strung along while she goes out and has a great time. I would tell the father what you just found out and then I would inform him you are done. You never deserved any of this. No one does but just like the others have said your not alone. My xW had no problem rubbing everything in my face when things went down for me. That is why I cut off all contact to her and made her write letters. She still bashed me for six months in those. I just would not respond to anything other than the divorce and the kids. Your going to have to just move on for you. C 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 It sounds like what I said before. She really did not care about you all that much. It was more of the fact she had a safe guy to stay at home, take care of the kids, Pay the bills, while she ran out and had her fun. I know its hard but I would not talk to her anymore except for dealing with the kids and the divorce. She clearly thinks she can keep you strung along while she goes out and has a great time. I would tell the father what you just found out and then I would inform him you are done. You never deserved any of this. No one does but just like the others have said your not alone. My xW had no problem rubbing everything in my face when things went down for me. That is why I cut off all contact to her and made her write letters. She still bashed me for six months in those. I just would not respond to anything other than the divorce and the kids. Your going to have to just move on for you. C Clay, I called my brothers and they are coming up tonight to go out. I haven't dated in over twenty years, but like everything else in life I am just going to do it. I will cut off all contact and reimplement the 180. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Who is paying for the Vegas trip, surly not you? Alive, I am not, probably her father or girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. Fast recovery. I told her have your parents watch them tonight and I will take them off roading and camping over the weekend. I can tell she’s really broken up by the current state of your marriage (sarcasm). Your marriage is hanging by a thread and she goes on vacation for an extended girls night out. Without direct pressure your wife instantly goes back to her old way of life. She’s like a bucket of water. It changes when you put your hand in it but when you take your hand out it goes back to the way it was as if you were never there. To keep your leverage you need to divorce her. If you want to live with her after the divorce for the kids that’s up to you. Basically you have to keep one foot out of the door to keep her from snapping back to the way she has been living her entire adult life. I think the main reason she wants to keep you is that your support is required for her to live that life. She is number one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day. I'd be shocked if her dad is paying for her trip. Edited September 10, 2015 by aliveagain 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day. Absolutely. Take her out of your finances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day. Do this TODAY. If you have to work Leave work now to do this. This is where she can take you to the cleaners and the courts won't do anything about it. Also if you do direct deposit have that changed too. Do not use the same bank. Find a completely different bank so she cant lie her way into getting access into it. C 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. Fast recovery. I told her have your parents watch them tonight and I will take them off roading and camping over the weekend. She doesn't give a damn about you. Tell her once you fil, you will do as you please regarding dating. Move on and don't look back. She's just a jealous cheating wife. You know what.....she knew you weren't cheating . She would have confronted you if she really believed it. I meant did her dad know she was Bi? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. This tells you all you need to know, well in addition to the instances of adultery, the lies, and the horrible way she has treated and disrespected you. She is not sorry, remorseful, sincere and considerate. You should effectively terminate any thoughts of reconciliation. She has been dating throughout your marriage yet she doesn't want you to date anyone:confused:. Possessiveness is a very common trait amongst cheaters, your wife also displays narcisistic and sadistic tendancies. She also needs to find a job and start working instead of having you provide, spoil and finance her extravagances.. Your wife is an experienced manipulator. You should limit all communication with her to either emails, texts or messages, and only when it concerns your children, the household, the divorce or finances. If possible, have your lawyer handle as much of these interactions. Avoid seeing her as well, none of this seeing each other for lunch or dinner once a week. This was her playing you again and keeping you in line. Just as it was here - She wants to live separately for now allowing me space, but would like to attend marriage counseling together and go on dates during the week. Having you live separately to allow you (her) space (i.e. having you out of her way) then having you take her out/pay on your dates with her. I hope you see now how she is able to handle and manipulate you. See her only if you it's absolutely required, otherwise focus on your life and moving on from her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
singer23 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. Fast recovery. I told her have your parents watch them tonight and I will take them off roading and camping over the weekend. Who is paying ? This is going to be a painful divorce and looks like she will be pretty vindictive..Make sure you have your In laws on your side, atleast not against you. I have a few questions: 1)Do you know the identity of the OM ? How did she meet him ? I missed it if you posted about him. 2) Why does your fitness trainer think so ? How does she know your wife ? It does look like your wife also has a reputation in the community. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day. I'd be shocked if her dad is paying for her trip. Alive, I did this already, I will cancel her AmEx today. I know she is totally self absorbed . She said that the trip was due to her being stressed by our D. I am just going to be the best DAD I can be and try to move on quickly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Bigdaddyt let her know that this trip may be the last nail on the coffin of any chance of R. Tell her that this is the behavior that you will never tolerate if she insists wish her a happy trip to Vegas and just forget about her 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Who is paying ? This is going to be a painful divorce and looks like she will be pretty vindictive..Make sure you have your In laws on your side, atleast not against you. I have a few questions: 1)Do you know the identity of the OM ? How did she meet him ? I missed it if you posted about him. 2) Why does your fitness trainer think so ? How does she know your wife ? It does look like your wife also has a reputation in the community. Singer, I know who the POSOM is he is a underemployed construction worker. My wife met him through Jill. The trainer knew my wife because we were both members of the same gym . No my wife is highly respected in our community. I think that Jill did everything in her power to get my wife to leave me for her including bringing in another man. Jill wanted to set up house with my wife , when my STBXW saw this she cut her off. My wife liked me as her show husband we have a great life style and beautiful kids. I don't know where this all went wrong, like I posted earlier it was like I was sleep walking through our marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Bigdaddyt let her know that this trip may be the last nail on the coffin of any chance of R. Tell her that this is the behavior that you will never tolerate if she insists wish her a happy trip to Vegas and just forget about her Qubist, I told her this in no uncertain terms. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 So given the chance to EARN your trust back she immediately plans a trip = to Vegas. Hmmm And if Daddy is funding this trip - no wonder he wants you to stay. He wants her to be with you so you pay for her. All of this speaks volumes. Take note! She's not worried about you, the marriage or the kids - she's just planning to party even more. There isn't any reason to try and work on things with someone like this. She's taking care of all HER needs. Time for you to look out for your future and the kids. Your wife is officially a terrible person. You owe her no dates and no therapy WITH her. Therapy on your own to deal with separating your needs from her requests? Yes! Every decision from here forward should be about what's only best for you (and your kids). Your wife is more selfish than I thought. Act accordingly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 So given the chance to EARN your trust back she immediately plans a trip = to Vegas. Hmmm And if Daddy is funding this trip - no wonder he wants you to stay. He wants her to be with you so you pay for her. All of this speaks volumes. Take note! She's not worried about you, the marriage or the kids - she's just planning to party even more. There isn't any reason to try and work on things with someone like this. She's taking care of all HER needs. Time for you to look out for your future and the kids. Your wife is officially a terrible person. You owe her no dates and no therapy WITH her. Therapy on your own to deal with separating your needs from her requests? Yes! Every decision from here forward should be about what's only best for you (and your kids). Your wife is more selfish than I thought. Act accordingly. S2B, I am done perhaps we had a great marriage at one time, but it is gone now. I am going to accept the truth and move on. I will say I do love the wife I once knew but she is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 All: I thank everyone for your support and the 2x4s when needed. I see that my marriage has come to an end and I will move on. I will stop posting for now, but I will update all my friends here time to time to let you know my progress . Should I keep this thread open or close it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I too made a horrible miscalculation in just how messed up she is. Time to make the separation official and move forward with the divorce. Ignore any "advice" the FIL has at this point. It's now all about your happiness and your kids' well being. Financial support for food and kids needs only. Cancel any CC you are on with her. Change banks and transfer any money to them. Protect yourself now. No dates with her. Get the separation going then date anyone else you want. Go NC except for kids concerns. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Keep it open and give us an update on your life now and then. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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