Should I do anything or ride this storm out

[Bigdaddyt]

Who is paying for the Vegas trip, surly not you?

 

Alive, I am not, probably her father or girlfriends.

[Buckeye2]

All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. Fast recovery. I told her have your parents watch them tonight and I will take them off roading and camping over the weekend.

 

I can tell she’s really broken up by the current state of your marriage (sarcasm). Your marriage is hanging by a thread and she goes on vacation for an extended girls night out. Without direct pressure your wife instantly goes back to her old way of life. She’s like a bucket of water. It changes when you put your hand in it but when you take your hand out it goes back to the way it was as if you were never there.

 

To keep your leverage you need to divorce her. If you want to live with her after the divorce for the kids that’s up to you. Basically you have to keep one foot out of the door to keep her from snapping back to the way she has been living her entire adult life. I think the main reason she wants to keep you is that your support is required for her to live that life.

 

She is number one.

[aliveagain]

First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day. I'd be shocked if her dad is paying for her trip.

Edited September 10, 2015 by aliveagain

[TX-SC]

First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day.

 

Absolutely. Take her out of your finances.

[Clay]

First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day.

 

Do this TODAY. If you have to work Leave work now to do this. This is where she can take you to the cleaners and the courts won't do anything about it.

 

Also if you do direct deposit have that changed too. Do not use the same bank. Find a completely different bank so she cant lie her way into getting access into it.

 

 

C

[sandylee1]

All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. Fast recovery. I told her have your parents watch them tonight and I will take them off roading and camping over the weekend.

 

She doesn't give a damn about you.

Tell her once you fil, you will do as you please regarding dating.

 

Move on and don't look back.

She's just a jealous cheating wife.

 

You know what.....she knew you weren't cheating . She would have confronted you if she really believed it.

 

I meant did her dad know she was Bi?

[World's.Edge]

All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will.

This tells you all you need to know, well in addition to the instances of adultery, the lies, and the horrible way she has treated and disrespected you. She is not sorry, remorseful, sincere and considerate. You should effectively terminate any thoughts of reconciliation.

 

She has been dating throughout your marriage yet she doesn't want you to date anyone:confused:. Possessiveness is a very common trait amongst cheaters, your wife also displays narcisistic and sadistic tendancies. She also needs to find a job and start working instead of having you provide, spoil and finance her extravagances..

 

Your wife is an experienced manipulator. You should limit all communication with her to either emails, texts or messages, and only when it concerns your children, the household, the divorce or finances. If possible, have your lawyer handle as much of these interactions. Avoid seeing her as well, none of this seeing each other for lunch or dinner once a week. This was her playing you again and keeping you in line. Just as it was here -

She wants to live separately for now allowing me space, but would like to attend marriage counseling together and go on dates during the week.

 

Having you live separately to allow you (her) space (i.e. having you out of her way) then having you take her out/pay on your dates with her. I hope you see now how she is able to handle and manipulate you.

 

See her only if you it's absolutely required, otherwise focus on your life and moving on from her.

[singer23]

All: I wasn't going to post this , but thought what the hell. My STBXW texted me this morning and said her and her girlfriends are going away on a trip to the casinos and I can watch the boys or her parents will. Fast recovery. I told her have your parents watch them tonight and I will take them off roading and camping over the weekend.

 

Who is paying ? This is going to be a painful divorce and looks like she will be pretty vindictive..Make sure you have your In laws on your side, atleast not against you.

 

I have a few questions:

 

 

1)Do you know the identity of the OM ? How did she meet him ? I missed it if you posted about him.

 

2) Why does your fitness trainer think so ? How does she know your wife ? It does look like your wife also has a reputation in the community.

[Bigdaddyt]

First thing you should do is change your banking. Take her off your credit cards, give her a grocery budget that you top up every week, you see and pay all the other bills. Do not give her carte blanche to all your money or you may find it gone one day. I'd be shocked if her dad is paying for her trip.

 

Alive, I did this already, I will cancel her AmEx today. I know she is totally self absorbed . She said that the trip was due to her being stressed by our D. I am just going to be the best DAD I can be and try to move on quickly.

[qubist]

Bigdaddyt let her know that this trip may be the last nail on the coffin of any chance of R. Tell her that this is the behavior that you will never tolerate if she insists wish her a happy trip to Vegas and just forget about her

[Bigdaddyt]

Who is paying ? This is going to be a painful divorce and looks like she will be pretty vindictive..Make sure you have your In laws on your side, atleast not against you.

 

I have a few questions:

 

 

1)Do you know the identity of the OM ? How did she meet him ? I missed it if you posted about him.

 

2) Why does your fitness trainer think so ? How does she know your wife ? It does look like your wife also has a reputation in the community.

 

Singer, I know who the POSOM is he is a underemployed construction worker. My wife met him through Jill.

The trainer knew my wife because we were both members of the same gym . No my wife is highly respected in our community. I think that Jill did everything in her power to get my wife to leave me for her including bringing in another man. Jill wanted to set up house with my wife , when my STBXW saw this she cut her off.

My wife liked me as her show husband we have a great life style and beautiful kids. I don't know where this all went wrong, like I posted earlier it was like I was sleep walking through our marriage.

[Bigdaddyt]

Bigdaddyt let her know that this trip may be the last nail on the coffin of any chance of R. Tell her that this is the behavior that you will never tolerate if she insists wish her a happy trip to Vegas and just forget about her

 

Qubist, I told her this in no uncertain terms.

[Bigdaddyt]

So given the chance to EARN your trust back she immediately plans a trip = to Vegas. Hmmm

 

And if Daddy is funding this trip - no wonder he wants you to stay. He wants her to be with you so you pay for her.

 

 

 

All of this speaks volumes. Take note! She's not worried about you, the marriage or the kids - she's just planning to party even more.

 

There isn't any reason to try and work on things with someone like this. She's taking care of all HER needs.

 

Time for you to look out for your future and the kids.

 

 

Your wife is officially a terrible person.

 

You owe her no dates and no therapy WITH her. Therapy on your own to deal with separating your needs from her requests? Yes! Every decision from here forward should be about what's only best for you (and your kids).

 

Your wife is more selfish than I thought. Act accordingly.

 

S2B, I am done perhaps we had a great marriage at one time, but it is gone now. I am going to accept the truth and move on. I will say I do love the wife I once knew but she is gone.

[Bigdaddyt]

All: I thank everyone for your support and the 2x4s when needed. I see that my marriage has come to an end and I will move on. I will stop posting for now, but I will update all my friends here time to time to let you know my progress . Should I keep this thread open or close it?

[TX-SC]

I too made a horrible miscalculation in just how messed up she is. Time to make the separation official and move forward with the divorce. Ignore any "advice" the FIL has at this point. It's now all about your happiness and your kids' well being. Financial support for food and kids needs only. Cancel any CC you are on with her. Change banks and transfer any money to them. Protect yourself now.

 

No dates with her. Get the separation going then date anyone else you want. Go NC except for kids concerns.

[TX-SC]

Keep it open and give us an update on your life now and then. Good luck!

[bigman1]

Bid D: As I read your post, it appears that you have placed your wife on a pedestal, to a degree AND you have redefined yourself into husband/father rather than who you are.

 

As for you, I think that you are more in tune with the ideas expressed in your FIL's speech to you about being the "head" of the family and making sacrifices. As a man, it is easy to become so focused on fulfilling those roles, Husband and Father, that you forget that you are an equal member of the family and entitled to certain things as well. You are more than your role!!! Its hard to get out of that mindset, but you are going to have to do so. You are Big D and you have kids and a STBXW. It will change how you process things.

 

As you change your mindset about you, then you will stop focusing on your wife. It won't be, "what kind of husband would..." You won't use your kids as an excuse by saying, "As a father, I owe it to them to ...". (Not that you have used that). Still, It will be: "I deserve...." "I can be the best me, which will benefit my kids if I ...". Did you notice that you are the focus in the last quotes?

 

The woman that you loved never really existed like you thought, so don't mourn her for long. You have not lost anything except the blinders that you had on. She took them off you. Now, you see her for what she is, miss what you thought she was, and realize that you can never unlearn the truth of who she has been all along and will continue to be.

[qubist]

All: I thank everyone for your support and the 2x4s when needed. I see that my marriage has come to an end and I will move on. I will stop posting for now, but I will update all my friends here time to time to let you know my progress . Should I keep this thread open or close it?

 

I wish you the best luck Bigdadyt, I'm confident a man like you will survive all this ordeal and even learn from it and be better. We also learned from your experience and thank you very much for sharing it with us. It would be nice to keep hearing from you but I understand if you don't feel to share any more of your life.

If you want you can start a new thread here or the divorce/ barrack up section of the forum.

I really think you are a class A person and deserve a class A marriage. Good luck

[singer23]

Qubist, I told her this in no uncertain terms.

 

Yet she decided that she will need it due to the stress of the D. How fake is this woman you married ? Be prepared to get your heart destroyed in the next few months.

 

With the urgency she is making this trip, I suspect that there something more to it than just vacation.

[Bigdaddyt]

I wish you the best luck Bigdadyt, I'm confident a man like you will survive all this ordeal and even learn from it and be better. We also learned from your experience and thank you very much for sharing it with us. It would be nice to keep hearing from you but I understand if you don't feel to share any more of your life.

If you want you can start a new thread here or the divorce/ barrack up section of the forum.

I really think you are a class A person and deserve a class A marriage. Good luck

 

Qubist, Thankyou Brother, I will keep the thread open and post every week or so. I have also learned so much about myself and everyone here, the only good advice that I can give everyone in return is to not let a bad event such as betrayal define you and poison you against relationships or members of the opposite sex. There are so many wonderful people in the world you just need to not be afraid to find them.

[aliveagain]

Perhaps you'll hang around and give advice about your experiences to those who have just discovered infidelity in their relationship and are now lost. You have so much to offer. Pay it forward.

[Bigdaddyt]

Perhaps you'll hang around and give advice about your experiences to those who have just discovered infidelity in their relationship and are now lost. You have so much to offer. Pay it forward.

 

Alive, I want to Thankyou for your advice and even the tough love. I will contribute and pay forward , I just was afraid that I wasn't in a position to give someone proper advice.

[sandylee1]

Take care and just know this is all down to her self absorbed nature. A good looking, loving caring and wealthy man who spoils and treats her.....and she does this?

 

I just don't get some women. ...why????

 

I hope none of your children inherit this horrible trait from her.

 

You deserve so much more and my heart goes out to you after what she's put you through. You're a good man, you just didn't have a good wife.

[Redbird Fly]

In my position, I can relate to the feeling of just wanting to run away sometimes. But I can't imagine actually DOING it.

 

I'm sorry, BDT. You're gonna be okay though.

[Clay]

In my position, I can relate to the feeling of just wanting to run away sometimes. But I can't imagine actually DOING it.

 

I'm sorry, BDT. You're gonna be okay though.

 

I don't think he is a run away kind of guy. She has no clue what she just lost but once she sees him moving on with someone else and enjoying his life again its going to eat her alive.

 

He will make it.

 

 

C