Should I do anything or ride this storm out

[Bigdaddyt]

She needs to be focused on her well being.

 

Why didn't you have her admitted to the hospital?

 

Why are you allowing her into the home? She is sick, yes, but negatively affecting you and her kids and her parents.

 

Check with your insurance. She may get better faster if she's admitted for supervised long term care.

 

Having her in your home or even in her parents home is not an option while she is so toxic!!!

 

Your kids need some peace of mind... So do you... So do her parents.

 

She can get therapy and round the clock care - which is what she needs (from what you described).

 

 

Having her in the home is a terrible influence on your kids. They need to feel safe... And there's no way to feel safe when Mom is volatile, crying and manipulative.

 

 

And don't you think for new second this isn't her way of manipulating you! It is! But it worked now, didn't it?

 

 

Get her out. Find a place for her to find professional care.

S2B, I am getting her the care she needs and protecting the children as well. I am first and foremost a Father everything else comes second to me. She truly is unstable now regardless of the reason. She said it best last night telling me that she misses me and relizes that I would never take her back in her current state. She continued that she is going to work hard to be the Mother and Wife she once was and prove that she will never cheat on me again. I told her that I care for her and will help her get back on her feet, but it is not time to talk about us.

[Bigdaddyt]

Hi BDT

 

Well done on your handling of the long, sorry situation. I'm sorry for your children, I'm sorry for YOU! No pity. Just pure empathy as our situations are eerily similar. More on that later...

 

You've shown compassion and mercy to WW. I hope I can / am...maybe.... to WH. Don't honestly believe they deserve it but that's where mercy comes in.

 

You seem to be managing "damage control". Concerned for WW words re-suicide? She may take YEARS to wake up that SHE repeatedly gave you GOOD reason for D (as my exWH). My exWH lamented to me for over a decade, even after both of us had remarried! Some people just don't UNDERSTAND CONSEQUENCES AT ALL.

 

Right now I see you're trying to support WW until she's "ok". BDT this WW will never be "ok" with losing you! No one will do for her what you have and are!

 

Put AS MANY security measures in place as humanly possible. Certainly long term Mental Health care. Drop the kids with a responsible person you trust with your children to visit her BUT any measures at all to detach detach detach.

 

SHE NEEDS YOU for a million reasons. THIS is the reality that's hit her (and she didn't know it). These are parts of her "new" mental health state. Her shock.

 

When you detach slowly but definitely, lock on your bedroom door etc, she will seek other forms of self soothing. So far they've been horribly unhealthy for her and most definitely for you and the children. Obviously she needs IC but being so far gone, I agree completely with residential care programs. She needs support from professional people and many of them! This mental state of hers is just beyond you. You are many things noble but not a round the clock mental health team! Nor should you or anyone expect that from you.

 

Do whatever you can to get OTHERS to care for her.

This allows you to detach and sends a strong message to her that she is NOT your "everything" any more. She was. Despite her actions she still was. She burnt you real bad so now she's not.

 

I'm certain WW will pull any string she can to have you dancing like a puppet. She's a masterful manipulator alright.

Cut those strings.

Attach them to others.

Sure she's been crazy for a long time to abuse you and her position as wife and mother but too bad too sad for her. Hopefully you and the kids soar!

 

Many good wishes for your speedy recovery from this craziness.

 

Lion Heart

Lion Heart, LS is truly an amazing place you and I are on total opposite sides of the world from each other. I truly do not feel sorry for my situation, I am feeling stronger and stronger everyday. I always wanted a normal life, but I have realized that there is no such thing as a normal life, just life.

 

My WW is a master manipulator, I am aware of this and I have been pointing out each and every occurrance to her. I am working to cut strings and become independent from her. I really am disengaging from her, this may have been her hail Mary pass to get me back, time will tell.

[OldRover]

Bigdaddyt,

 

Been following this thread for quite awhile, and you sure have gone thru a lot.

 

I find you are an incredible good person, and really think things out rationally and with lots of thought before acting, and that's a great quality.

 

I know there'a a lot of posters that clearly say to absolutely get rid of your wife forever, and do your own thing. But you have the compassion (and caring) to be sure that she gets the help she needs. Yet, you still tend to your needs and the needs of your kids. Good for you!

 

The divorce sure seems like a logical step, and probably appropriated. However, never say never. People DO change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. And some people has problems that make them into awful human beings. And those problems can be fixed.... not always, but certainly possible.

 

Never say never, and you seem to have that attitude. Things are not absolute, nor are they black and white.

 

Time will tell where you will end up. Also, the results of your efforts, her healing, your kids will all play a factor. You may end up back with her in a better and loving relationship for the rest of your life, and you may not. But at this time, you're smart to just take things one step at a time.

 

I went through something somewhat similar to you and left my wife, divorced and thought I'd never be back, ever. Big changes happened and we are happily back together. However, when I left her, I did care for her and did not totally abandon her.

 

Ya never know.....

[SpokenFor]

Hey BDT,

 

You continue to do the caring thing and I applaud you for your compassion. You are navigating a tough road without a map at this point.

 

I continue to think that the pressure you are getting, especially from family, is doing you personally a lot of harm -- increased stress, distraction and inability to make the best choices without a storm of noise around you. I am urging you to take the step now, while she is amenable, to go with her together to some of these people and lay out enough detail so that folks understand the level of betrayal and disrespect you have been dealt. Perhaps then they will understand why you are handling things as you are and just back off and give you some room.

 

It is critical that these disclosures be done with her in the room. You said that you had talked to her folks and given more info to them -- I wouldn't count that as "delivered" unless your wife was there to agree that you were telling them the truth. Once she corroborates your account to the families, life could get a bit easier for you. You should make that a condition for her to get your support.

 

Anyway, that's my opinion... Best wishes, you are doing great!

[Bigdaddyt]

Bigdaddyt,

 

Been following this thread for quite awhile, and you sure have gone thru a lot.

 

I find you are an incredible good person, and really think things out rationally and with lots of thought before acting, and that's a great quality.

 

I know there'a a lot of posters that clearly say to absolutely get rid of your wife forever, and do your own thing. But you have the compassion (and caring) to be sure that she gets the help she needs. Yet, you still tend to your needs and the needs of your kids. Good for you!

 

The divorce sure seems like a logical step, and probably appropriated. However, never say never. People DO change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. And some people has problems that make them into awful human beings. And those problems can be fixed.... not always, but certainly possible.

 

Never say never, and you seem to have that attitude. Things are not absolute, nor are they black and white.

 

Time will tell where you will end up. Also, the results of your efforts, her healing, your kids will all play a factor. You may end up back with her in a better and loving relationship for the rest of your life, and you may not. But at this time, you're smart to just take things one step at a time.

 

I went through something somewhat similar to you and left my wife, divorced and thought I'd never be back, ever. Big changes happened and we are happily back together. However, when I left her, I did care for her and did not totally abandon her.

 

Ya never know.....

Old. Rover, Thank you for your kind words and encouragement , no one can ever make me do something that I don't want to do, I am extremely driven or stubborn ; which either sounds better. I do love and care for my WW and D is on track but I will also never say never. I do believe that everyone is redeemable in the right situation . Your own story is encouraging and hope that that everything is going well for you and your wife. Can I ask how long have you been together and do you ever trigger from certain events?

[Bigdaddyt]

Hey BDT,

 

You continue to do the caring thing and I applaud you for your compassion. You are navigating a tough road without a map at this point.

 

I continue to think that the pressure you are getting, especially from family, is doing you personally a lot of harm -- increased stress, distraction and inability to make the best choices without a storm of noise around you. I am urging you to take the step now, while she is amenable, to go with her together to some of these people and lay out enough detail so that folks understand the level of betrayal and disrespect you have been dealt. Perhaps then they will understand why you are handling things as you are and just back off and give you some room.

 

It is critical that these disclosures be done with her in the room. You said that you had talked to her folks and given more info to them -- I wouldn't count that as "delivered" unless your wife was there to agree that you were telling them the truth. Once she corroborates your account to the families, life could get a bit easier for you. You should make that a condition for her to get your support.

 

Anyway, that's my opinion... Best wishes, you are doing great!

 

Spoken For, I am playing the hand of cards that I have been dealt and am doing what I know in my heart is the right thing. I have been forced by this infidelity to face all of my past demons and my WW infidelity together . Initially I was devastated by realizing all of this and with my past it opened Pandora's box . I have come to terms with everything and I truly am getting stronger and am finding my own inner peace with this. It is no longer about me but fixing my WW so she can survive without me. I probably post too much, I am really a Chatty Cathy in real life and I am not a shy person. If I share too much just tell me.

[turnera]

She truly is unstable now

How, exactly?

[Bigdaddyt]

How, exactly?

 

Turnera, unstable may have been a bad choice of words, she is extremely depressed and crying uncontrollably . She has show so improvement with the medication and calming down the emotional roller coaster. Over the weekend she was almost in a manic state. I have reached out to her psychiatrist and have told him about all of the events. She is going to see him tomorrow .

[turnera]

That's what I figured. That's not a nervous breakdown or anything even close.

 

That's shame and regret and finally having to admit you've done wrong, along with a good-sized dose of 'how can I get him to feel so sorry for me that he gives me a free pass?' included.

[qubist]

Turnera, unstable may have been a bad choice of words, she is extremely depressed and crying uncontrollably . She has show so improvement with the medication and calming down the emotional roller coaster. Over the weekend she was almost in a manic state. I have reached out to her psychiatrist and have told him about all of the events. She is going to see him tomorrow .

it's going to take time maybe a looong time my friend. her reaction is normal because in the past the easy way out was her being silly and immature, now for the first time she is forced to face her problem, if you decide to stay you will be making a tremendous sacrifice that you probably don't have to do but whether you should or not is another debate.

[Bigdaddyt]

That's what I figured. That's not a nervous breakdown or anything even close.

 

That's shame and regret and finally having to admit you've done wrong, along with a good-sized dose of 'how can I get him to feel so sorry for me that he gives me a free pass?' included.

 

Turnera, you are one tough cookie! I do actually like that in a person. I know her and her current state is out of the norm for her, I am taking a wait and see approach with everything with her.

[Bigdaddyt]

it's going to take time maybe a looong time my friend. her reaction is normal because in the past the easy way out was her being silly and immature, now for the first time she is forced to face her problem, if you decide to stay you will be making a tremendous sacrifice that you probably don't have to do but whether you should or not is another debate.

 

Qubist my friend I agree that there is no easy way out of this and she knows it. I truly believe that she is remorseful and wants to save our marriage, but I am not sure what her motivation is to do so. I am willing to give her a little more time to see what happens .

[turnera]

Of course it's out of the norm. She's never had to take responsibility for such a BIG thing before. Most people don't know how to admit fault on small things, let alone big things, so their natural response is to run, flee, hide, deflect, or just plain fall down and cry.

 

Doesn't mean she's unstable or anything close to it.

 

She's doing this because you're watching.

 

It's working.

[S2B]

You have described unstable.

 

What you haven't described is the care she's receiving now.

 

What is SHE doing to help herself get stable?

 

What honesty has she given you about what she has actually done? What is she doing to show she's thinking of you/your feelings instead of herself?

[turnera]

Exactly.

 

I used to cry, early on in my marriage, if I didn't get my way, or if I felt he was going to call me out on something I'd done. It worked for the first year or two, then he realized I was just basically manipulating him. I didn't do it on purpose; it's just something I learned to do in a dysfunctional home. But thank God he stopped accepting blame and stopped letting me get away with it.

 

She's had 3 days now of lying around, moaning about her life, crying 'uncontrollably,' and so far it's worked really well for her. You've practically washed her actions completely under the bridge and down the river. You're talking long-term plans for 'caring' for her.

 

It must feel so good to be patted on the back (in real life and on here) for being such a strong, decent man to help a woman in need.

 

But what if you're just being played?

[OldRover]

Of course it's out of the norm. She's never had to take responsibility for such a BIG thing before. Most people don't know how to admit fault on small things, let alone big things, so their natural response is to run, flee, hide, deflect, or just plain fall down and cry.

 

Doesn't mean she's unstable or anything close to it.

 

She's doing this because you're watching.

 

It's working.

 

You never know. And I've seen situations similar where a person does bad things because they have some sort of mental or emotional issue, and most can be treated. I don't thing we know what she's going through now, but will defer to the professionals in the future. I'd certainly let them deal with it for now.

[Bigdaddyt]

Exactly.

 

I used to cry, early on in my marriage, if I didn't get my way, or if I felt he was going to call me out on something I'd done. It worked for the first year or two, then he realized I was just basically manipulating him. I didn't do it on purpose; it's just something I learned to do in a dysfunctional home. But thank God he stopped accepting blame and stopped letting me get away with it.

 

She's had 3 days now of lying around, moaning about her life, crying 'uncontrollably,' and so far it's worked really well for her. You've practically washed her actions completely under the bridge and down the river. You're talking long-term plans for 'caring' for her.

 

It must feel so good to be patted on the back (in real life and on here) for being such a strong, decent man to help a woman in need.

 

But what if you're just being played?

 

Turnera, I do not want to be where I am currently at. I don't want to be patted on the back and told that I am such a nice guy. I am doing what I think is necessary at this time. I could be being played a fool again. I will know in time. I have three children with her and that is my motivation for helping her. I can replace her today if I choose, but I am a decent person maybe I appear weak, but I am not. I have spoken with her Pyschiatrist in detail, I will rely on his judgement on this matter.

I want to hear yours and everyone's opinion it makes me see the whole picture and the what ifs.

[Bigdaddyt]

You have described unstable.

 

What you haven't described is the care she's receiving now.

 

What is SHE doing to help herself get stable?

 

What honesty has she given you about what she has actually done? What is she doing to show she's thinking of you/your feelings instead of herself?

 

S2B, WW hasn't done much of anything to help me, she is in her depressed state and can't get herself out of it. Things are bad I just haven't articulated them very well.

[Bigdaddyt]

You have described unstable.

 

What you haven't described is the care she's receiving now.

 

What is SHE doing to help herself get stable?

 

What honesty has she given you about what she has actually done? What is she doing to show she's thinking of you/your feelings instead of herself?

 

I missed part of your post, WW is taking her medication and meeting with her healthcare provider tomorrow in regards to her current state.

[S2B]

Daddy,

 

You've described your childhood (your family of origin - or FOO). Have you researched that for your own well being? Have you seen a trauma counselor yourself to overcome that trauma?

 

 

Since "that" is/ has been YOUR sense of "normal" then this would also seem 'normal' to a guy with your history.

 

 

You can overcome the past. You can get to a point where you say "this is not right, or balanced or acceptable".

 

 

Since this is your past and your perspective may be off - I believe you could benefit from some help and guidance with a professional to determine what looks 'balanced' for your life.

 

 

 

Remember, we can't change her. You CAN change yourself and what you do or don't do.

 

 

The more you 'do' - the less she takes responsibility for her own actions, herself, her future.

 

 

Right now = she is in the role of "helpless" which has now put you into the role of 'helping' more than you MAY need to.

 

She's crying and wounded. What the hell? It's up to HER to help herself! But it's working isn't it? Because now YOU have again taken responsibility for her.

 

 

Notice how YOUR feelings haven't been considered? Once again, it's ALL about HER!

 

She will show signs of improvement when she quits manipulating. Quits feeling sorry for herself. Quits crying. Quits getting YOU and her parents to do this FOR her.

 

 

You are a perfect enabler. You don't need to be her victim anymore.

 

Detach. Allow her to do the work. Allow the professionals to do their work.

 

 

You can't fix her. Staying attached gives her hope that she can get you back into the role she needs you to play...her provider, her victim, her pawn and her beard.

 

She hasn't been decent. That's the bottom line. Even one second of considering her now means you need help.

 

 

Please seek help to gain strength to stand firm on this behavior being completely unacceptable.

 

 

There's no role to play unless YOU allow it. Get her help lined up and drop it at her feet. At this point she either learns how to become decent or she doesn't.

 

 

From my experience - my ex didn't become decent - he just move on to his next victim. Oh yes, he's a beautiful man to look at - but so broken on the inside.

 

 

I made a conscious choice not to be a victim ever again. Helping is one thing - provide her professionals... Then it's up to her if she changes or not.

 

 

Don't fall for her manipulation... Her crying and throwing a fit is so you feel sorry for her and you do the work instead of her. Can you see how backwards that is?

 

 

Get her out of the home!! Her behavior is terribly detrimental to your kids well being! She can cry and feel sorry for herself in the privacy of her own place. It's not healthy having her around any of you.

[Bigdaddyt]

Daddy,

 

You've described your childhood (your family of origin - or FOO). Have you researched that for your own well being? Have you seen a trauma counselor yourself to overcome that trauma?

 

 

Since "that" is/ has been YOUR sense of "normal" then this would also seem 'normal' to a guy with your history.

 

 

You can overcome the past. You can get to a point where you say "this is not right, or balanced or acceptable".

 

 

Since this is your past and your perspective may be off - I believe you could benefit from some help and guidance with a professional to determine what looks 'balanced' for your life.

 

 

 

Remember, we can't change her. You CAN change yourself and what you do or don't do.

 

 

The more you 'do' - the less she takes responsibility for her own actions, herself, her future.

 

 

Right now = she is in the role of "helpless" which has now put you into the role of 'helping' more than you MAY need to.

 

She's crying and wounded. What the hell? It's up to HER to help herself! But it's working isn't it? Because now YOU have again taken responsibility for her.

 

 

Notice how YOUR feelings haven't been considered? Once again, it's ALL about HER!

 

She will show signs of improvement when she quits manipulating. Quits feeling sorry for herself. Quits crying. Quits getting YOU and her parents to do this FOR her.

 

 

You are a perfect enabler. You don't need to be her victim anymore.

 

Detach. Allow her to do the work. Allow the professionals to do their work.

 

 

You can't fix her. Staying attached gives her hope that she can get you back into the role she needs you to play...her provider, her victim, her pawn and her beard.

 

She hasn't been decent. That's the bottom line. Even one second of considering her now means you need help.

 

 

Please seek help to gain strength to stand firm on this behavior being completely unacceptable.

 

 

There's no role to play unless YOU allow it. Get her help lined up and drop it at her feet. At this point she either learns how to become decent or she doesn't.

 

 

From my experience - my ex didn't become decent - he just move on to his next victim. Oh yes, he's a beautiful man to look at - but so broken on the inside.

 

 

I made a conscious choice not to be a victim ever again. Helping is one thing - provide her professionals... Then it's up to her if she changes or not.

 

 

Don't fall for her manipulation... Her crying and throwing a fit is so you feel sorry for her and you do the work instead of her. Can you see how backwards that is?

 

 

Get her out of the home!! Her behavior is terribly detrimental to your kids well being! She can cry and feel sorry for herself in the privacy of her own place. It's not healthy having her around any of you.

S2B, Thankyou for well thought out response, based on yours and Turneras responses I will speak to my counselor about my past and see if it is truly effecting my judgement with my wife. I have always been very dependent on her for my emotional needs, probably too much. I always had a tendency to go from one relationship into another with little down time. I have always had someone since I was a young teenager and I have only been by myself at most a month alone.

She may be playing me to an extent, but I do know that she is broken .

Edited September 29, 2015 by Bigdaddyt

[S2B]

Have you read any books on boundaries?

 

CoDependent No More

 

Boundaries: when to say yes and when to say no to take charge of your life

 

 

 

It may be helpful to understand where you end and she begins. You've taken responsibility for her for so long that you don't recognize when it's HER responsibility to DO FOR HERSELF.

 

You can't fix her. You can't do this FOR her.

 

 

Change things for yourself. She will kick and scream while adjusting. But ultimately it's uncomfortable for everyone - and honestly easier to all back into the 'familiar' and unhealthy patterns (behaviors) that got you here.

 

 

 

IF things are to change - change starts with you! It starts with you doing for yourself and her doing for herself.

 

 

Doing enough for two people (you AND her) isn't right, healthy or balanced.

 

 

It may be normal based on your FOO - but it certainly won't get her the help she needs to grow and learn.

 

 

As much as you may do - it STILL gives her good reason to blame you instead of becoming responsible for her own actions.

 

The more you DO - the more she will blame you - the more she won't get better.

 

The issues are layed out at her feet. She's upset and crying... Good! Maybe SHE will have an epiphany and start changing herself and her perspective. But she won't if YOU don't create enough distance for her to see she is the one who needs to change.

[turnera]

I always had a tendency to go from one relationship into another with little down time. I have always had someone since I was a young teenager and I have only been by myself at most a month alone.

She may be playing me to an extent, but I do know that she is broken .

Holy cow, NO WONDER you can't let her go.

 

You are scared sh*tless to be alone.

 

That is SO VERY unhealthy.

 

Do you know what my #1 advice is to people whose marriage is ending? Almost always it is this: BE ALONE, for at least ONE year, if not TWO years, with no dating other than an occasional night on the town. Learn to enjoy the silence. Learn to be ok alone. Learn to fill your time with YOUR stuff. Learn to make your own decisions that have nothing to do with anyone else. Learn to go out to eat by yourself. Then learn to go to a movie by yourself.

 

These are important steps to take to remove that unhealthy hold that the fear has on you.

 

Only when you learn you can be ok alone can you then approach ANY partner or potential partner from a position of power (and a lack of dysfunction)..

 

She may be playing me to an extent, but I do know that she is broken .

Again, so what?

 

You are not her father. You are not her government. You are not her priest. You ARE the person she crucified for her own benefit.

 

She fired you as her 'protector.'

 

If she's broken, drive her to the mental hospital and have her admitted. Let the people who KNOW HOW to help people help her.

 

Anything other than that is just a continuation of YOUR dysfunctional need to be somebody's hero and to never ever under any circumstances be alone.

 

In other words, what you are doing is the WRONG THING.

 

Something to remember: people don't usually fix themselves until life becomes so uncomfortable that changing is more preferable to staying in the pain. She's experiencing pain. Good. It will be motivation for her to figure out why and fix that part of herself. As long as you're covering up all her pain, she won't do it.

Edited September 29, 2015 by turnera

[Bigdaddyt]

Have you read any books on boundaries?

 

CoDependent No More

 

Boundaries: when to say yes and when to say no to take charge of your life

 

 

 

It may be helpful to understand where you end and she begins. You've taken responsibility for her for so long that you don't recognize when it's HER responsibility to DO FOR HERSELF.

 

You can't fix her. You can't do this FOR her.

 

 

Change things for yourself. She will kick and scream while adjusting. But ultimately it's uncomfortable for everyone - and honestly easier to all back into the 'familiar' and unhealthy patterns (behaviors) that got you here.

 

 

 

IF things are to change - change starts with you! It starts with you doing for yourself and her doing for herself.

 

 

Doing enough for two people (you AND her) isn't right, healthy or balanced.

 

 

It may be normal based on your FOO - but it certainly won't get her the help she needs to grow and learn.

 

 

As much as you may do - it STILL gives her good reason to blame you instead of becoming responsible for her own actions.

 

The more you DO - the more she will blame you - the more she won't get better.

 

The issues are layed out at her feet. She's upset and crying... Good! Maybe SHE will have an epiphany and start changing herself and her perspective. But she won't if YOU don't create enough distance for her to see she is the one who needs to change.

 

S2B, I haven't read anything on codependency , but I will. I know what you wrote is the truth and I don't like facing it, I will figure this out and make the right choices.

[Bigdaddyt]

Holy cow, NO WONDER you can't let her go.

 

You are scared sh*tless to be alone.

 

That is SO VERY unhealthy.

 

Do you know what my #1 advice is to people whose marriage is ending? Almost always it is this: BE ALONE, for at least ONE year, if not TWO years, with no dating other than an occasional night on the town. Learn to enjoy the silence. Learn to be ok alone. Learn to fill your time with YOUR stuff. Learn to make your own decisions that have nothing to do with anyone else. Learn to go out to eat by yourself. Then learn to go to a movie by yourself.

 

These are important steps to take to remove that unhealthy hold that the fear has on you.

 

Only when you learn you can be ok alone can you then approach ANY partner or potential partner from a position of power (and a lack of dysfunction)..

 

 

Again, so what?

 

You are not her father. You are not her government. You are not her priest. You ARE the person she crucified for her own benefit.

 

She fired you as her 'protector.'

 

If she's broken, drive her to the mental hospital and have her admitted. Let the people who KNOW HOW to help people help her.

 

Anything other than that is just a continuation of YOUR dysfunctional need to be somebody's hero and to never ever under any circumstances be alone.

 

In other words, what you are doing is the WRONG THING.

 

Something to remember: people don't usually fix themselves until life becomes so uncomfortable that changing is more preferable to staying in the pain. She's experiencing pain. Good. It will be motivation for her to figure out why and fix that part of herself. As long as you're covering up all her pain, she won't do it.

 

Turnera, I guess that it is unhealthy but it is the truth I have always needed a girlfriend or wife and I have always had a lot of friends that are women. ( but I am not a cheater, never)

I cannot go to a restaurant alone, when I travel I always get room service. I will figure this out I will post an update tomorrow . Thankyou for the tough love.