Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Bigdaddy: you had the fortune to stop by this site and maybe other sites where you had the chance to read and learn more about these issues from experienced people. she, like most people, is not aware of how these issues are better solved. she won't be honest with you she would rather rug sweep it, because she is not aware that Honesty is the only way out. I hope she realized that and just confessed everything it, as bad as it might be, it will be a great relief for you. Qubist, I agree that her being honest is the only way out. I have read hundreds of threads here on LS and on TAM. I have a solid feel for what must be done. I also know that True R is a rare thing. It is so hard for a man to accept his wife's cheating; because it is an offense against his manhood and R goes against our genetic nature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 If you sweep it under the rug it will never end, she will think that she can do just about anything and not loose you. Bring it to fruition one way or another, it all stops when you say it stops. Force the issue on STD testing, the shame she will feel testing will act as a future deterrent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 If you sweep it under the rug it will never end, she will think that she can do just about anything and not loose you. Bring it to fruition one way or another, it all stops when you say it stops. Force the issue on STD testing, the shame she will feel testing will act as a future deterrent. Alive, I know that I will end this madness one way or another. I will never allow this to be rug swept again. I must have the truth no matter how painful it is. This truly does suck! Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Qubist, the only way for me to go forward is complete honesty. I am gathering the facts because I know that from reading this site that cheaters only admit to what you know and can prove. My WW is really starting to implode she is texting me saying that we should drop this and get back to us. She is promising to be a much better wife to me. She wants to rug sweep this, but I can't let it go . That's true my friend, you do realize though that whatever you chose it will be hard, but a man like you should be able to overcome all this mess. I really believe that you would do the best thing for yourself and eventually be fine with it. I'm really rooting for you man 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 That's true my friend, you do realize though that whatever you chose it will be hard, but a man like you should be able to overcome all this mess. I really believe that you would do the best thing for yourself and eventually be fine with it. I'm really rooting for you man Qubist, thank you for your words of encouragement . I will survive this and I will make the results my new norm. I will see this through to the end like I have always lived my life, I give everything all that I have and hold nothing back. I will confront this week and decide on R or D later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Eric, I don't know if her actions are manipulative or just desperate . I don't want to turn off my phone because of my children . How old are your kids? Do they have their own phone numbers? I hope you're not responding to your wife's texts and phone calls. Once a day to check with her is adequate given the circumstances. What has the PI been observing/uncovering? Has you and your W been tested for diseases? Has she given you all passwords to her phone and computer? What kind of transparency has she offered to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 How old are your kids? Do they have their own phone numbers? I hope you're not responding to your wife's texts and phone calls. Once a day to check with her is adequate given the circumstances. What has the PI been observing/uncovering? Has you and your W been tested for diseases? Has she given you all passwords to her phone and computer? What kind of transparency has she offered to you? S2B, I am not responding and she has just stopped the texting barrage. She is either trying to play hard to get now or her phone died. My children all have cell phones and their ages are: D19,S17, and S10.the PI hasn't found anything current and the POSOM has moved out of state. I will meet Jack tonight to discuss my WW relationship with Jill. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Your kids are old enough to communicate with them directly. Nothing wrong with ignoring her for hours or days at a time. Did she get tested for std's? Did she offer passwords? Did she start counseling? What is she actively offering you to prove she will change? Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 S2B, I am not responding and she has just stopped the texting barrage. She is either trying to play hard to get now or her phone died. My children all have cell phones and their ages are: D19,S17, and S10.the PI hasn't found anything current and the POSOM has moved out of state. I will meet Jack tonight to discuss my WW relationship with Jill. What are the chances Jack knew about your wife's infidelity but never told you? How good a friend is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Your kids are old enough to communicate with them directly. Nothing wrong with ignoring her for hours or days at a time. Did she get tested for std's? Did she offer passwords? Did she start counseling? What is she actively offering you to prove she will change? S2B, I am ignoring her texts and calls, she called me on my sons phone. I was tested once all negative, she was tested by hey obgyn with negative results . I posted on this earlier, I just don't remember where. She has given me access to her phone and emails and I have found nothing. I did go through her iPad last night for hours looking for any evidence and found nothing. She told me that she is moving back into the bedroom tonight and she is going to get us back to where we should be as a married couple. I don't know if I will be able to resist this, it has been a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 [/b] What are the chances Jack knew about your wife's infidelity but never told you? How good a friend is he? Alive, I don't know, I am kinda clueless, it just dawned on me that my wife texted she was moving back into the bedroom tonight. She must be coming home early, maybe Jack called her or Jill and they told her. I just have so much on my mind with work and this I am on overload. I am still going to meet with Jack and go from there. I really feel that my WW is keeping a lot from me. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Alive, I don't know, I am kinda clueless, it just dawned on me that my wife texted she was moving back into the bedroom tonight. She must be coming home early, maybe Jack called her or Jill and they told her. I just have so much on my mind with work and this I am on overload. I am still going to meet with Jack and go from there. I really feel that my WW is keeping a lot from me. Jack and Jill were my number one choices for having a threesome with your wife, hope I'm wrong. Jill was my choice as a girl on girl with your wife. Hope I'm wrong there too but that would explain why they would want to contact her and a possible reason she is coming home early. Maybe she wants to confess more things without the kids there, giving you information without giving you all the truth, just enough to keep you in the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Alive, I don't know, I am kinda clueless, it just dawned on me that my wife texted she was moving back into the bedroom tonight. She must be coming home early, maybe Jack called her or Jill and they told her. I just have so much on my mind with work and this I am on overload. I am still going to meet with Jack and go from there. I really feel that my WW is keeping a lot from me. Why are you leaving that decision up to her? You can say NO! She calls all the shots because you haven't taken control of this situation. Even IF you have sex - she shouldn't be the one that decides ANYTHING right now! How much more are you going to allow her to disrespect you? Tell her to buzz off until you decide it's time. Your being too weak with her and she's STILL showing you who's in charge! If needed, tell her to stay in a hotel or rent an apartment somewhere. Anything to show her that you aren't going along with every little thing she demands. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Jack and Jill were my number one choices for having a threesome with your wife, hope I'm wrong. Jill was my choice as a girl on girl with your wife. Hope I'm wrong there too but that would explain why they would want to contact her and a possible reason she is coming home early. Maybe she wants to confess more things without the kids there, giving you information without giving you all the truth, just enough to keep you in the marriage? Alive, I will know more when she gets home, If Jack is involved I am out. He is tall and skinny, not my WW type. I just don't know what to think . If Jack cancels tonight I will know the answer to this question. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Easy solution = put a new lock on the bedroom door so she can't access the room. Keep the key hidden. Be away for hours when she arrives home. Let her know you're not waiting around for her to arrive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Why are you leaving that decision up to her? You can say NO! She calls all the shots because you haven't taken control of this situation. Even IF you have sex - she shouldn't be the one that decides ANYTHING right now! How much more are you going to allow her to disrespect you? Tell her to buzz off until you decide it's time. Your being too weak with her and she's STILL showing you who's in charge! If needed, tell her to stay in a hotel or rent an apartment somewhere. Anything to show her that you aren't going along with every little thing she demands. S2B, I will stay in the guest room and tell her that I am not ready to be with her. I am in charge of this, this was a curveball I should have expected. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 S2B, I will stay in the guest room and tell her that I am not ready to be with her. I am in charge of this, this was a curveball I should have expected. She shouldn't get the master room! Stop bowing down to her. Take charge man! Link to post Share on other sites
Celestial-dreamer Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 She told me that she is moving back into the bedroom tonight and she is going to get us back to where we should be as a married couple. I don't know if I will be able to resist this, it has been a few weeks. Do NOT sleep with her....if you do use protection. Don't let her trap you with a pregnancy. It happens more than you think! Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 All: I am running on empty right now , I can't sleep without waking up due to dreaming of her with the POSOM . I woke up last night at 2:00am and was up for the day. I will do the right thing and figure this out. It just dawned on me she was coming home today instead of this weekend. Her parents may have told her to go home and fix this mess or Jack told my WW or Jill or both. Link to post Share on other sites
Celestial-dreamer Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 All: I am running on empty right now , I can't sleep without waking up due to dreaming of her with the POSOM . I woke up last night at 2:00am and was up for the day. I will do the right thing and figure this out. It just dawned on me she was coming home today instead of this weekend. Her parents may have told her to go home and fix this mess or Jack told my WW or Jill or both. If both Jack and Jill are aware you want to *talk* to them....they will have prepared your wife first. They are all in on it now so it seems. Your best hope is she's coming home early to come clean. Funny how she was determined to go away, now she's coming back early, right after you reached out to Jack don't you think? He's told her. They have colluded their stories already, it's too late for you to get any truth from either of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 If both Jack and Jill are aware you want to *talk* to them....they will have prepared your wife first. They are all in on it now so it seems. Your best hope is she's coming home early to come clean. Funny how she was determined to go away, now she's coming back early, right after you reached out to Jack don't you think? He's told her. They have colluded their stories already, it's too late for you to get any truth from either of them. Celestial , I will get this together , I should think before I post. I don't know why she is coming home early, I will listen and see what she says or doesn't say. This would be so much easier if she told me the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Celestial, Maybe that is why she is coming home early. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Celestial, Maybe that is why she is coming home early. calm down , Big daddy. prepare what you are going to say and practice it. be firm. let her believe that you already know more than what she has revealed, just try to be as calm as you can, she will be crying breaking down in front of you asking for mercy and she could be sincere, but you should stay firm and just let her know that you have decided a path to end all this and if she really wants a chance on this she gotta come all clean. don't show any sigh of weakness, I know you can do it you are a soldier after all. she needs to realize that you have had enough and ready to pull a trigger on the final decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 calm down , Big daddy. prepare what you are going to say and practice it. be firm. let her believe that you already know more than what she has revealed, just try to be as calm as you can, she will be crying breaking down in front of you asking for mercy and she could be sincere, but you should stay firm and just let her know that you have decided a path to end all this and if she really wants a chance on this she gotta come all clean. don't show any sigh of weakness, I know you can do it you are a soldier after all. she needs to realize that you have had enough and ready to pull a trigger on the final decisions. Qubist, I will get it together , there is so much to this story that I don't know and it is making me crazy. My Mother even called me this morning and I very seldom speak with her. I think my WW is reaching out to everyone on this for support. I have a tendency to fixate on a task or issue instead of seeing the whole picture . At the end of the day I will do the right thing it appears that my CTJM will be tonight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 My only suggestion is your don't mention Jill or Jack. If your wife does, don't signal anything. Your sources are yours and if she is hiding something her main goal will be to find out where you are looking. Cheaters only tell you what they think you already know. So if you're manuevering a boatload behind the scenes, it'll make her go crazy nuts. Assuming she is lying. Just 180 it. If she says "were you going out with Jack" just say "I am planning on going out". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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