S2B Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 After her timeline is written and IF you think you might consider staying - then tell her she must take a polygraph to confirm her truth. She should have no problem getting confirmation that she's being honest - if she's been honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 After her timeline is written and IF you think you might consider staying - then tell her she must take a polygraph to confirm her truth. She should have no problem getting confirmation that she's being honest - if she's been honest. S2B, I am open to her giving me a full accounting of her infidelity, but if it is too bad I cannot stay with her, I would just regret it and would probably just want out. A polygraph will be a must for me to stay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why isn't she respecting your request? You told her not to call you unless it's to do with the kids. Tell her to stop it. And there isn't any reason for her to treat you like her errand boy (especially now)! If she needs groceries or take out food tell her to do it herself! She doesn't work! She should have plenty of time in her day to plan out errands and dinner. Quit being her little bitch! She's testing you and you keep making it easy for her to think you are at her disposal. She has a request? Tell her NO! No to everything! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why isn't she respecting your request? You told her not to call you unless it's to do with the kids. Tell her to stop it. And there isn't any reason for her to treat you like her errand boy (especially now)! If she needs groceries or take out food tell her to do it herself! She doesn't work! She should have plenty of time in her day to plan out errands and dinner. Quit being her little bitch! She's testing you and you keep making it easy for her to think you are at her disposal. She has a request? Tell her NO! No to everything! S2B, Ouch that would have hurt my feelings if I had any feelings left. She cannot bear to let me go and doesn't know how to fix this I am expecting something major to happen over the weekend. She is afraid that the truth will land her in the same boat as Jill and Susan . The SS Cheater. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 S2B, Ouch that would have hurt my feelings if I had any feelings left. She cannot bear to let me go and doesn't know how to fix this I am expecting something major to happen over the weekend. She is afraid that the truth will land her in the same boat as Jill and Susan . The SS Cheater. Why would that hurt your feelings? It was directed at her being disrespectful to you. She doesn't work. She's got ALL day to do her duties. Don't do them for her. If she goes without dinner then she can figure out where she mismanaged her time! I bet a lot of her time right now is wasted trying to cover her tracks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why would that hurt your feelings? It was directed at her being disrespectful to you. She doesn't work. She's got ALL day to do her duties. Don't do them for her. If she goes without dinner then she can figure out where she mismanaged her time! I bet a lot of her time right now is wasted trying to cover her tracks. S2B, I understand and will push her to do more she was just reaching out for no reason, she wants to still be connected to me. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 S2B, I understand and will push her to do more she was just reaching out for no reason, she wants to still be connected to me. NO, not connected. She wants and needs to be in control. As it was stated earlier here she is seaching for a way to place you back under her thumb. She has tried being nice, being needy, being a b*tch, using the kids, making it your fault. Every fu*king thing except the truth. From what you've wrote she isn't at all interested in being connected, just in control. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 NO, not connected. She wants and needs to be in control. As it was stated earlier here she is seaching for a way to place you back under her thumb. She has tried being nice, being needy, being a b*tch, using the kids, making it your fault. Every fu*king thing except the truth. From what you've wrote she isn't at all interested in being connected, just in control. DING DING DING lol We have a winner. This is exactly why I suggested drawing up the divorce papers. She is going to use everything she can to get him under her control and she sees he is wavering. She knows she has a chance to rug sweep this and then in a few years when things are all calmed down she will be back in business. This is exactly the reason why you have to be willing to through it all away in order to really save it. C Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 NO, not connected. She wants and needs to be in control. As it was stated earlier here she is seaching for a way to place you back under her thumb. She has tried being nice, being needy, being a b*tch, using the kids, making it your fault. Every fu*king thing except the truth. From what you've wrote she isn't at all interested in being connected, just in control. DKT3, I am sure that you are right. My ultimate stands and I will follow through with it. Honestly the more time that goes by I am starting to think that I wasn't as happy in my marriage as I thought. My wife has learned to control me from her Mother, her poor Father is severely hen pecked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 DING DING DING lol We have a winner. This is exactly why I suggested drawing up the divorce papers. She is going to use everything she can to get him under her control and she sees he is wavering. She knows she has a chance to rug sweep this and then in a few years when things are all calmed down she will be back in business. This is exactly the reason why you have to be willing to through it all away in order to really save it. C Clay, I get this , I really do if I could go back in time I would have divorced her when I caught her in the bar or when I caught her in the hot tub. I told her Sunday and I am sticking to my guns. She can no longer manipulate me, yes I will get milk and eggs from the store for my children, but I really am so done with this drama. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Clay, I get this , I really do if I could go back in time I would have divorced her when I caught her in the bar or when I caught her in the hot tub. I told her Sunday and I am sticking to my guns. She can no longer manipulate me, yes I will get milk and eggs from the store for my children, but I really am so done with this drama. fact is you can't go back in time and neither can she. had you showed more toughness before it wouldn't had escalated but it is what it is, you can't fix that now. you are a different man now and you are showing her the toughness which is going to stop all the BS. just do what you really believe it's right. Sunday is only few days away, so take it easy on yourself. It looks like D is inevitable so be prepared, Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Her input to you in the past few days is still very entitled and then she adds criticism to you about how the kids are behaving. She just doesn't intend to take responsibility for anything. Don't expect things to change from her side. The greatest predictor of the future is past behavior. Any time she criticizes at all - tell her you're not willing to listen to her opinion any longer, so just stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Her input to you in the past few days is still very entitled and then she adds criticism to you about how the kids are behaving. She just doesn't intend to take responsibility for anything. Don't expect things to change from her side. The greatest predictor of the future is past behavior. Any time she criticizes at all - tell her you're not willing to listen to her opinion any longer, so just stop it. S2B, my WW shows zero remorse and acts like everything is normal, she had about six of her girlfriends over last night for a GNO at our house. She has no idea how different her life will be starting next week. She will have to get a job and work, no more lunches out with her BFF's. I plan to call my attorney today to schedule the first available appointment , hopefully Tuesday. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Bigdaddyt- for what it's worth, I believe you are making the right call, opting to file sooner rather than later. From the sounds of it, your WW is probably not remorseful about her affair(s), and therefore will probably never be capable of ever showing it. The longer you remain in this toxic environment, the more damage you will suffer to your psyche and long term ability to heal from this all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 All: I intend to cancel all credit cards and only leave her with a debit card and an allowance in the bank. I will pay all of the household expenses and anything necessary for the children's support including my daughters tuition. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 (edited) My WW shows zero remorse and acts like everything is normal, she had about six of her girlfriends over last night for a GNO at our house. She has no idea how different her life will be starting next week. She will have to get a job and work, no more lunches out with her BFF's. This is her set point or baseline. This is how her world should be and has always been. She doesn’t know how to handle any other environment so she desperately avoids even considering change. You raddle her cage by saying that you want a divorce. She reacts by trying different things from her "bag of tricks" and then goes back to her safe place. She is not going to change. Bag of Tricks = She has tried being nice, being needy, being a b*tch, using the kids, making it your fault. Edited September 4, 2015 by Buckeye2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 All: I intend to cancel all credit cards and only leave her with a debit card and an allowance in the bank. I will pay all of the household expenses and anything necessary for the children's support including my daughters tuition. Good move, she needs to experience what life without you will be like. You gave her a drop dead date for her timeline, do not move your line in the sand because doing so shows weakness. Defend your threats, do not say or promise anything you don't intend to enforce. Continue with the 180, and by all means listen to your lawyer. It is probably time to expose her to the families because I don't see any change in her. Burying her head in the sand isn't a sign of remorse. Remember, once you start the process of divorce it doesn't mean you have to divorce, you can stop the process if you get the results you need. That is if it's proven that her infidelity wasn't as bad as we all think it is, but that is up to her to prove to your satisfaction. Having a girls night out party at your house when she's trying to save her marriage isn't the wisest thing to do. It doesn't sound like your wife ever grew up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Good move, she needs to experience what life without you will be like. You gave her a drop dead date for her timeline, do not move your line in the sand because doing so shows weakness. Defend your threats, do not say or promise anything you don't intend to enforce. Continue with the 180, and by all means listen to your lawyer. It is probably time to expose her to the families because I don't see any change in her. Burying her head in the sand isn't a sign of remorse. Remember, once you start the process of divorce it doesn't mean you have to divorce, you can stop the process if you get the results you need. That is if it's proven that her infidelity wasn't as bad as we all think it is, but that is up to her to prove to your satisfaction. Having a girls night out party at your house when she's trying to save her marriage isn't the wisest thing to do. It doesn't sound like your wife ever grew up. Alive, my deadline is Sunday then I will expose this and move out. I know that a lot of posters said that I should have done this immediately,but it has only been two weeks since my D day. This will not be easy, but my wife is still in the fog and I can't reach her. If she approached me as a loving wife and gave me a complete confession and asked for R, I would probably cave. I am a Christian and I believe that at this point if my wife did this it would be miraculous . Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Bigdaddyt, just got say I admire you for developing an exit strategy for yourself and sticking to it. No one should be treated like they are a rug good only for paying the bills and wiping muddy shoes off with. Just one thing, go for full custody. It might not even be too hard to do if she implodes - she will find it is still possible to have her WNO party with her other cheater friends even if she is on welfare. Her lousy friends will certainly understand her situation and not make a stink, but both you and your kids deserve so much more. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Alive, my deadline is Sunday then I will expose this and move out. I know that a lot of posters said that I should have done this immediately,but it has only been two weeks since my D day. This will not be easy, but my wife is still in the fog and I can't reach her. If she approached me as a loving wife and gave me a complete confession and asked for R, I would probably cave. I am a Christian and I believe that at this point if my wife did this it would be miraculous . The only way to knock them out of fantasy land is with a real shot of reality. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Bigdaddy: It was all predicted, we all knew she wants to avoid the only way to fix this ordeal. D is the way to go. Call your lawyer today. D process takes time so you will decide later what you want to do about R. but unless you slam her with the reality she wouldn't realize that you had changed. I would be surprised if she comes with all facts Sunday, she will play one of her ticks on you, just tell her immediately that you decided to D. I know you still have a soft soft for her in your heart, I can sense that, but trust me you are giving her a favor. that would be a lesson she would thank you for it later Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I doubt seriously she will write anything up that you need that has any real value. Just your statements at to her level of remorse at this point would be enough for me to be talking to a attorney. I would be really careful canceling cards and such. The last think you want to look like in court is someone intentionally trying to make her suffer. I would just start splitting things and opening a new account in your name only at a different bank. If you direct deposit get that changed to your new account right away. Once she sees your doing all this she is liable to take as much money as she can out. Splitting it evenly puts you in a good standing with the courts. When I said yesterday you should have had divorce papers drawn up it does not mean you have to have them filed. No one says you have to divorce her but its more a show of actions. It speaks loudly that not only you took the time to go out and hire a attorney but you had them draw up the divorce papers. It sounds like she is planning on calling your bluff and riding out the storm until you give in. I am not saying your going to do that but her actions make me think that is her intent. If she felt you were serious and she was concerned about loosing you she would not have friends over. She would be doing everything she could to fix things. So either she really doesn't care or she thinks she will call your bluff and get control over you again. If she does call your bluff don't move out until you talk to a lawyer. Do not leave the house until he or she says it is ok to do so as far to as moving out. I have to give you credit. I am not a patient guy so there is no way I would be waiting until sunday. C Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I doubt seriously she will write anything up that you need that has any real value. Just your statements at to her level of remorse at this point would be enough for me to be talking to a attorney. I would be really careful canceling cards and such. The last think you want to look like in court is someone intentionally trying to make her suffer. I would just start splitting things and opening a new account in your name only at a different bank. If you direct deposit get that changed to your new account right away. Once she sees your doing all this she is liable to take as much money as she can out. Splitting it evenly puts you in a good standing with the courts. When I said yesterday you should have had divorce papers drawn up it does not mean you have to have them filed. No one says you have to divorce her but its more a show of actions. It speaks loudly that not only you took the time to go out and hire a attorney but you had them draw up the divorce papers. It sounds like she is planning on calling your bluff and riding out the storm until you give in. I am not saying your going to do that but her actions make me think that is her intent. If she felt you were serious and she was concerned about loosing you she would not have friends over. She would be doing everything she could to fix things. So either she really doesn't care or she thinks she will call your bluff and get control over you again. If she does call your bluff don't move out until you talk to a lawyer. Do not leave the house until he or she says it is ok to do so as far to as moving out. I have to give you credit. I am not a patient guy so there is no way I would be waiting until sunday. C I agree with this specially the last sentence. Bigdaddy had shown incredible patience for someone in this ordeal, I told them that last week, that speaks of his mental toughness. Idon't think she doesn't care she just got used on "bluffing" him all these years and hoping she would ride this storm out. D papers will be a proof that bigdaddy isn't bluffing anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 All: I will stick with my plan and I will meet with my attorney on Wednesday , he said that it will take about a week to file the papers. I just don't see any alternatives left for me. When I file I do believe that I will see this through to the bitter end. I feel that we are at the point of no return for us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 All: I will stick with my plan and I will meet with my attorney on Wednesday , he said that it will take about a week to file the papers. I just don't see any alternatives left for me. When I file I do believe that I will see this through to the bitter end. I feel that we are at the point of no return for us. Have you gotten the papers to fill out yet? They are extensive and you will need to sift through a lot of info to prepare your draft to submit to the attorney. He types them up and then you sign so they can be filed. It's a process, one that you need time to get it right. My suggestion is to get the draft papers now so that you can be ready just in case. Otherwise you will lose a week or two in preparing them to be filed. Just my thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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