Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 STBXW, chose to go with her girlfriends away during a crisis because it was easier than facing the truth about her behavior. She villianized me to justify her cheating and running off. When the party is over she will want to come back to her safe real world, but that is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 But even now she texts and says she is going to be a better wife when she gets back (from her GNO trip of all things). My head is going to explode. Even my 13 yo is smarter than that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 But even now she texts and says she is going to be a better wife when she gets back (from her GNO trip of all things). My head is going to explode. Even my 13 yo is smarter than that! TX-SC, So is my 10 yo, I am going to divorce and move on, but will encourage joint counseling to allow us to coparent. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Two things; Why did you marry such a woman? You admit she is naive, in her own world, selfish, immature etc. Why did you have kids with this woman? Something is not adding here. You have no obligation to prove anything to your parents in law. You are a grown up man. Make your decisions and go on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Two things; Why did you marry such a woman? You admit she is naive, in her own world, selfish, immature etc. Why did you have kids with this woman? Something is not adding here. You have no obligation to prove anything to your parents in law. You are a grown up man. Make your decisions and go on with your life. wow do you even have to ask that? uhh people change? people are at there best at the start but towards the later they slowly begin to show their true colors? instead becoming more mature in the relationship, cheaters/waywards are people who become very immature and regress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 wow do you even have to ask that? uhh people change? people are at there best at the start but towards the later they slowly begin to show their true colors? instead becoming more mature in the relationship, cheaters/waywards are people who become very immature and regress. Well the OP said his wife's sister ALWAYS called her peter pan cause she was ALWAYS in her own world. This means she didnt suddenly change... Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) Well the OP said his wife's sister ALWAYS called her peter pan cause she was ALWAYS in her own world. This means she didnt suddenly change... some people put on mask's and some cant hold that up for long. clearly WW wasn't like that at the beginning of the marriage. aren't all WS like that. only that he was fore warned by SIL. -------------------------- on a sadder note, i guess Jill's cruel plans did come into fruition. If your wife never saw this its best to tell her after the divorce. btw do the FOO's (FIL & MIL) know about this casino trip? i think you need to call, your FIL on this. is this a local casino or vegas? Edited September 12, 2015 by m.snow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 All: My PI advised me that he interviewed Jill and her girlfriends and gave me pretty accurate picture of Jills relationship with my STBXW. PI said that Jill was in love with my wife and wanted a permanent relationship where they would all live together and raise my children along with Jills. My wife wouldn't leave me because she was in love with me and she told Jill that she was bi but preferred me as her partner. Jill tried to get me involved with her and when that didn't work she brought in the POSOM to drive a wedge between us. I always suspected this. Jill was always at my house and acted like a protective man around my wife. I was oblivious to all of this , but see it clearly now. My wife cut Jill off because she didn't want to jeprodize her family. This is a much shorter version of what the PI told me. I hate to say it but Jill's plan has worked:( :( your wife mental issues has made it easier for Jill to work her plan. her behavior while under pressure is reckless. I' may be in the minority here but you should get her some help for the sake of your children. I wouldn't let Jill raise my children 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 It's just kind of strange how she wouldn't leave you for them, but she was willing to have sex with them. It's almost like she is just too immature to understand her actions have consequences. Even now, after getting told you will divorce her, she heads to Vegas with her useless friends. Is it possible that she has a learning disability? Maybe she has some form of psychological problem where she simply cannot have empathy or see right and wrong? It's all just so damn confusing! A rational brain can't process this crap! This makes me think they sold the PI a load of baloney. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 It's time to be clear with her Mom and Dad that there is no fixing it/her. Her Mom has been silent through this? Any reason why her Dad is the front person/mediator? Is it possible her Mom cheated in the past and Dad forgave her? S2B, her mother is in a lot of ways like my wife except she isn't selfish. It is possible that there was infidelity in their marriage, but I have no evidence of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 Two things; Why did you marry such a woman? You admit she is naive, in her own world, selfish, immature etc. Why did you have kids with this woman? Something is not adding here. You have no obligation to prove anything to your parents in law. You are a grown up man. Make your decisions and go on with your life. SummerDreams, she wasn't always like this and to this degree . I tolerated the emotional roller coaster because I believe part of this is from her accident where she suffered a TBI. The cheating and lying is all on her from prior to the accident. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 wow do you even have to ask that? uhh people change? people are at there best at the start but towards the later they slowly begin to show their true colors? instead becoming more mature in the relationship, cheaters/waywards are people who become very immature and regress. MSnow, my wife has changed so much from her TBI it is almost like she is a different person. She it prone to fits of rage, then depression . She had to drop out of her last year of college in a specialty program, due to her injuries. I posted this info earlier in the thread , but maybe not in proper detail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 This makes me think they sold the PI a load of baloney. 6541, The whole thing is a mess, but I believe that it is the truth. My XW always had pretty young woman at the house and they were always touching each other's hair and saying how beautiful they all were. It seems that her girlfriends were all Bi. I am at fault for being a fool and not recognizing it for what it was at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 I hate to say it but Jill's plan has worked:( :( your wife mental issues has made it easier for Jill to work her plan. her behavior while under pressure is reckless. I' may be in the minority here but you should get her some help for the sake of your children. I wouldn't let Jill raise my children Qubist, I know my wife has emotional or mental issues, I just don't know what was cuased by her injuries. Jill cuased a lot of damage but with her BS my wife finally shut her down but the damage is done. I know that my XW has no boundaries and she should have come to me about Jill. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Qubist, I know my wife has emotional or mental issues, I just don't know what was cuased by her injuries. Jill cuased a lot of damage but with her BS my wife finally shut her down but the damage is done. I know that my XW has no boundaries and she should have come to me about Jill. make sure that Jill is out of her life even if you D you don't want that toxic woman near your children Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 make sure that Jill is out of her life even if you D you don't want that toxic woman near your children Qubist my friend, I may have been a little frazzled from all of this but I am in full divorce mode and I have the means to absolutely crush my STBXW and Jill. I have control over all finances and investments. I plan to visit my in laws today to share the wealth. I am going to tell my FIL about the PI. I am going to continue the exposure to the next level. I am not doing this to be cruel or for revenge, I want the truth out there to level the playing field . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Qubist my friend, I may have been a little frazzled from all of this but I am in full divorce mode and I have the means to absolutely crush my STBXW and Jill. I have control over all finances and investments. I plan to visit my in laws today to share the wealth. I am going to tell my FIL about the PI. I am going to continue the exposure to the next level. I am not doing this to be cruel or for revenge, I want the truth out there to level the playing field . Bigdaddyt, I agree with your handling of your situation completely! If you do not act to get the truth out to family and friends, you will end up being made the scapegoat in your failed marriage. Having kept up with your story here, I do not get the sense that you have taken any cruel or vengeful actions against your WW, in fact quite the opposite. As I've followed your posts, I've went from having a glimmer of hope that you could save your marriage, to the realization that R is completely out of your hands at this point, due to the extremes in her behavior. If all of the actions you've take thus far is not enough to snap your WW out of her "fog", then it seems nothing will. Best of luck moving forward! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Your FIL is goig to try to guilt you into staying. I don't think it matters what you tell him. Did your wife have two affairs at once? Was she cheating with the man while she was cheating with Jill? Did the PI ask Jill if there was other men? I wonder if she cheating since then. Some WS' that are busted years after it happened don't seem to take it seriously. To them it was over a long time ago so they don't get that it is new to the spouse. I don't think your wife will take it seriously until she sees divorce papers. I also believe the dates you said you would do while apart has helped her believe it will blow over. I wouldn't do those at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 Your FIL is goig to try to guilt you into staying. I don't think it matters what you tell him. Did your wife have two affairs at once? Was she cheating with the man while she was cheating with Jill? Did the PI ask Jill if there was other men? I wonder if she cheating since then. Some WS' that are busted years after it happened don't seem to take it seriously. To them it was over a long time ago so they don't get that it is new to the spouse. I don't think your wife will take it seriously until she sees divorce papers. I also believe the dates you said you would do while apart has helped her believe it will blow over. I wouldn't do those at all. What, two affairs at once, probably the POSOM is a loser that Jill brought into the mix to force us apart. As Qubist pointed out it worked. I am done with any hope of R. I am on D mode , I am a very tough businessman, I will treat this as such. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I wonder if you can use the PI's interview with Jill to get the judge to say she can't bring the kids around Jill? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I wonder if you can use the PI's interview with Jill to get the judge to say she can't bring the kids around Jill? good Idea. Bigdaddyt: i hope you are sharing everything with your lawyer Link to post Share on other sites
singer23 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 How did PI find out all this stuff ? If Jill is telling him this, isn;t it likely that this is all BS anyway ? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 How did PI find out all this stuff ? If Jill is telling him this, isn;t it likely that this is all BS anyway ? Singer, he interviewed everyone separately , some of the interviews were at bars as casual conversation . I know this information to be accurate , my gut tells me so and it has not been wrong so far. Yes my lawyer knows everything . We are ready . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 It may be a good idea to seek a counselor to give you guidance in your transition. It's hard to begin separating yourself mentally from the person you've been with for many years. They can help you, give you ideas on what your healthy boundary will look like for you. Especially since your wife will likely pull out all the manipulative stops. Be ready for her to present crisis situations that are designed to bring you back into her personal space (illness, injuries). You need to prepare for these and have solid support when they come up. S2B, I have been with this woman for half of my life and losing her is killing me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 I understand that kind of pain. I was with my exH for 23 years when I found him cheating (for the second time). For my own self worth/respect - I divorced him. It was hard adjusting to not having the other half of me. I needed guidance to help me understand how to stand on my own two feet and what my healthy boundary looked like for me. That was 10 years ago. I'm still super glad I had help during that transition time. I would have lost myself otherwise. S2B, I am sorry for your pain, I am feeling it now, but I will also do what is necessary for myself worth. Did you have children and how is your relationship with your XH now? Did he ever ask you to forgive him? Link to post Share on other sites
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