Should I do anything or ride this storm out

[TX-SC]

When I'm depressed, a good comedy usually does the trick. Usually something by Mel Brooks or maybe Airplane or Naked Gun. Anything to lighten the spirits and ease the pain. A light drink of wine and a cigar Is fine. But down drown your sorrows.

 

Believe it or not, you have better days ahead.

[Bigdaddyt]

All: I plan to call my attorney this morning to update him and ask him to expedite this process. I will limit my contact with the STBXW to finances , children and the mechanics of our D. STBXW has been texting me saying that voice mail was a misunderstanding . I have not responded to her, at worst she is a serial cheater at best she has no concept of boundaries .

[m.snow]

just making sure, did you tell your father in law about that casino trip your wife had?

 

did you also tell about the happy b day voice mail she received.

and that when she goes out she goes by the name amanda?

 

did you tell your in-laws about this.

 

if your haven't pls tell them. so they truly know you are justified in this divorce.

 

revealing the truth will help you since your at some point will be taking care of your children and that would bad if they dont have the right information about why you divorced.

[TX-SC]

Keep us posted. Your wife is really something.

[qubist]

BigdaddyT: before I weigh in on your situation with your STBXW, I would like to urge you to take care of yourself. I can read your stress between the lines of your last posts. You are a strong man you should act like one. Go do some activities that you like have fun and please stay away from depressing thoughts.

Your STXW has some major mental issues and needs help, she really does. And to help her IMO you should stay away from her now and go on with D process. She needs to realize that things have changed already she really needs that so maybe she gets her acts up. She also needs professional help suggest that to her parents.

As for you, go have fun the best you can stay close to your kids as much as you can without involving her. It is time to show the tough love treatment.

[Clay]

You know it sounds like your stbxw is crazy. I know people cheat and they continue to lie and do anything they can but she is saying she wants things to work out but the next minute you keep seeing her using a different name and still playing these games. She almost sounds like my xW. My xW demanded we be friends during and after our divorce. I was like NO that is not going to happen.

 

I think your right you need to cut off all contact as much as possible at least just to help keep yourself somewhat sane. I hope you have some friends you can hang around and go do things with.

 

Good luck with your attorney.

 

C

[Bigdaddyt]

just making sure, did you tell your father in law about that casino trip your wife had?

 

did you also tell about the happy b day voice mail she received.

and that when she goes out she goes by the name amanda?

 

did you tell your in-laws about this.

 

if your haven't pls tell them. so they truly know you are justified in this divorce.

 

revealing the truth will help you since your at some point will be taking care of your children and that would bad if they dont have the right information about why you divorced.

 

Msnow I told her parents about her trip, but not about the VM, it is to the point that I don't think it matters I am sure that they see the picture. At the end of the day I am the only one that I need to face and this is my decision alone, no one has pushed me to it.

[Bigdaddyt]

BigdaddyT: before I weigh in on your situation with your STBXW, I would like to urge you to take care of yourself. I can read your stress between the lines of your last posts. You are a strong man you should act like one. Go do some activities that you like have fun and please stay away from depressing thoughts.

Your STXW has some major mental issues and needs help, she really does. And to help her IMO you should stay away from her now and go on with D process. She needs to realize that things have changed already she really needs that so maybe she gets her acts up. She also needs professional help suggest that to her parents.

As for you, go have fun the best you can stay close to your kids as much as you can without involving her. It is time to show the tough love treatment.

 

Qubist, I am sure that she has her issues and I will seek for her to do IC and joint counseling so we can coparent. I will speak to her parents today.

[Bigdaddyt]

You know it sounds like your stbxw is crazy. I know people cheat and they continue to lie and do anything they can but she is saying she wants things to work out but the next minute you keep seeing her using a different name and still playing these games. She almost sounds like my xW. My xW demanded we be friends during and after our divorce. I was like NO that is not going to happen.

 

I think your right you need to cut off all contact as much as possible at least just to help keep yourself somewhat sane. I hope you have some friends you can hang around and go do things with.

 

Good luck with your attorney.

 

C

Clay, She got involved with something that she couldn't manage or get out of and now that it is revealed and her safe world is gone she is in panic mode. I believe in time she will return from fantasy to the real world,but it is too late for us.

[Bigdaddyt]

All: I have been stressed and depressed, but I am moving forward my STBXW has no clue as to my depression I am acting calm and confident around her. I will find myself again and comeback stronger than I ever was before. Even the strongest runner stumbles.

[aliveagain]

I guess the husbands of her two girls night out amigos thought their wives antics were bad enough to divorce them. Your wife did everything they did and continues to do even with her new girls night out bunch. If the call was a misunderstanding ask her to prove it by taking a polygraph test, because with her history nothing coming out of her mouth is believable. The second part of this should be if she passes she will be required to have a full psychological evaluation. With your latest posts regarding her actions, her girlfriends and fun seem to take precedence over marriage and family giving you very little to hope for that she will change. Get your lawyer in gear, call a realtor to evaluate your home, have her served by a process server, stay in 180 mode.

[qubist]

Msnow I told her parents about her trip, but not about the VM, it is to the point that I don't think it matters I am sure that they see the picture. At the end of the day I am the only one that I need to face and this is my decision alone, no one has pushed me to it.

 

m.snow is right, tell her parent about the voice mail and Amanda. They need to know that you have tried everything but she is just too much of a mess.

[Bigdaddyt]

I guess the husbands of her two girls night out amigos thought their wives antics were bad enough to divorce them. Your wife did everything they did and continues to do even with her new girls night out bunch. If the call was a misunderstanding ask her to prove it by taking a polygraph test, because with her history nothing coming out of her mouth is believable. The second part of this should be if she passes she will be required to have a full psychological evaluation. With your latest posts regarding her actions, her girlfriends and fun seem to take precedence over marriage and family giving you very little to hope for that she will change. Get your lawyer in gear, call a realtor to evaluate your home, have her served by a process server, stay in 180 mode.

 

Alive, Initially the two amigos left their husbands for AP then one wanted to come back and her BS said no. I have shared everything with my attorney . I will not sell the house but will allow her to stay in it until youngest is grown and gone then we will sell it and split the proceeds.

[Bigdaddyt]

m.snow is right, tell her parent about the voice mail and Amanda. They need to know that you have tried everything but she is just too much of a mess.

 

Qubist, I will consider this, but I don't want to keeping calling to constantly to report her misdeeds. I am going to tell our parish priest sometime this week.

[OldRover]

All: I have been stressed and depressed, but I am moving forward my STBXW has no clue as to my depression I am acting calm and confident around her. I will find myself again and comeback stronger than I ever was before. Even the strongest runner stumbles.

 

If you're not on some depression meds, consider it. There are some wonderful drugs that can get you through this. See your dr. Depression can wipe you out easily, and make you totally ineffective. Be very careful and get it treated properly.

 

Anxiety is just about as bad, and may somewhat go hand in hand.

[m.snow]

Alive, Initially the two amigos left their husbands for AP then one wanted to come back and her BS said no. I have shared everything with my attorney . I will not sell the house but will allow her to stay in it until youngest is grown and gone then we will sell it and split the proceeds.

 

pls save yourself the trouble and sell the house.

 

her i'll give you nasty scenario.

 

one she starts bringing her AP's/OM's to your house and starts having a F**k Party inside your own house in your own bedroom.

 

two imagine the day another man is in that house playing daddy to your children. the house you built with your blood and sweat.

 

three your the one outside the house what will your children believe. there moms the cheater or dads the cheater and left.

 

please save your self the trouble.

[Bigdaddyt]

If you're not on some depression meds, consider it. There are some wonderful drugs that can get you through this. See your dr. Depression can wipe you out easily, and make you totally ineffective. Be very careful and get it treated properly.

 

Anxiety is just about as bad, and may somewhat go hand in hand.

 

Old Rover, I am seeing an IC he has already brought this up, I think with diet and exercise I can get this under control.

[Bigdaddyt]

pls save yourself the trouble and sell the house.

 

her i'll give you nasty scenario.

 

one she starts bringing her AP's/OM's to your house and starts having a F**k Party inside your own house in your own bedroom.

 

two imagine the day another man is in that house playing daddy to your children. the house you built with your blood and sweat.

 

three your the one outside the house what will your children believe. there moms the cheater or dads the cheater and left.

 

please save your self the trouble.

Msnow, Ugh! It is what it is. I will seriously consider this option.

[S2B]

Alive, Initially the two amigos left their husbands for AP then one wanted to come back and her BS said no. I have shared everything with my attorney . I will not sell the house but will allow her to stay in it until youngest is grown and gone then we will sell it and split the proceeds.

 

This might be tough if you don't set the date of sale in court papers. Map it out legally since she is probably also on title to the home.

 

If not, sell it now and split the money.

 

If she stays in the home she should pay you some money for living there.

 

 

Trying to make her comfortable isn't the way to make her remorseful.

[m.snow]

to add

pls sell the house. if you have her keep that. it will always be a trigger to you

 

dont be like that guy who comes back to marital home and gfinds om playing wife and kids and goes of course bh goes psycho of-course cops are called and bh is sent to jail.

 

sad situation. please i implore you it is a bad decision to keep that house and your not living in it.

 

i have seen wayward wives have F parties/orgies. at their house when bh leaves!

 

cannot un-see the nightmare. and your WW certainly falls into that category who do just that.

 

to add before you leave: burn the marital bed. aint no way letting others defile that!

Edited September 14, 2015 by m.snow

[S2B]

You should've trying to get full custody. She's unpredictable and not a good Mom.

 

Expose her behavior in court papers.

 

Sell the house. Or move her out now and YOU stay in the house!

 

She should be in a dumpy apartment. And she should get a job!

 

 

This is where you use her behavior as leverage to keep things you love. She did this; not you.

Edited September 14, 2015 by S2B

[aliveagain]

BDT, if your divorcing, get it all over at once. Don't tie yourself to her financially. What happens when you both have new partners in your life, last thing they will want is you tied to each other because of the house. The house will become a future battle and who knows what she'll be like in 10-15 years when she doesn't like you so much and her new partner is influencing her. If your going to end it then end it, listen to your lawyer. Talk to your doctor about sleep aids, you need to think strait. You will not be her best friend.

[m.snow]

Msnow I told her parents about her trip, but not about the VM, it is to the point that I don't think it matters I am sure that they see the picture. At the end of the day I am the only one that I need to face and this is my decision alone, no one has pushed me to it.

 

its important you talk to FIL about that voicemail.

 

why?

because the casino thing will just be a trip. FIL MIL to them it will be just a trip and nothing. more!

 

if you tell them about that voicemail it will give them a clearly view of what happened at that casino.

 

to cement their support for you.

 

dont be like that guy from the other forum:

FIL to BH: sorry i apologize to you for the way i treated you. i did not know my daughter was like that but you cant blame me because you never told me.

like 3-4years later after divorce. damn...

Edited September 14, 2015 by m.snow

[Buckeye2]

Did you also tell about the happy b day voice mail she received.

and that when she goes out she goes by the name amanda?

 

did you tell your in-laws about this.

 

if your haven't pls tell them. so they truly know you are justified in this divorce.

 

 

M.Snow is correct. The girls night out trip is bad but the voice mail on top of it is a death blow. It shuts down any ridiculous argument that the trip was innocent.

 

You can tell your FIL that you took his advice (gave her another chance) and this is what happened. If she does this now when the marriage is hanging by a thread what is she going to do years from now when she feels safe? Ask your in-laws if they expect you to live in an open marriage?

[OldRover]

Old Rover, I am seeing an IC he has already brought this up, I think with diet and exercise I can get this under control.

 

That's great, and there are a lot of things to do to fight depression without meds, but be careful and stay ahead of this. I've seen what happens when depression really takes over, and it's really impossible to function.