Should I do anything or ride this storm out

[qubist]

BigaddyT: with all my respect to S2B and TX, I don't believe that taking your kids with you is a good idea unless you want her to commit a suicide. If you miss your kids you can take them out to dinner or breakfast. go see them in school but taking them with you to your new place is not necessary.

i also believe that you should not go back home tonight, you might not be ready for her drama. stay away and get her some help.

good luck

[TX-SC]

BigaddyT: with all my respect to S2B and TX, I don't believe that taking your kids with you is a good idea unless you want her to commit a suicide. If you miss your kids you can take them out to dinner or breakfast. go see them in school but taking them with you to your new place is not necessary.

i also believe that you should not go back home tonight, you might not be ready for her drama. stay away and get her some help.

good luck

 

Suicide or murder-suicide?

[S2B]

IF you feel you must go = take a solid friend along.

 

If she's unstable then your kids shouldn't be there either way.

 

Have her evaluated if there is any sign that she isn't thinking/acting rationally.

[qubist]

Suicide or murder-suicide?

 

maybe both. my point is the purpose of all this is to get himself out of this mess not to punish her. i don't think BDT is looking to hurt his STBXW. so I thing it would be wise if he leaves the kids with her for now, he said in an earlier post that she's always been a good mother to them.

[S2B]

maybe both. my point is the purpose of all this is to get himself out of this mess not to punish her. i don't think BDT is looking to hurt his STBXW. so I thing it would be wise if he leaves the kids with her for now, he said in an earlier post that she's always been a good mother to them.

 

A good Mother doesn't bring drama and messes to their kids lives...especially by cheating and acting like she's two separate people.

 

I can't see where she qualified as a "good Mother" - she just went partying in Vegas!

 

No, that isn't a good Mother!

[TX-SC]

maybe both. my point is the purpose of all this is to get himself out of this mess not to punish her. i don't think BDT is looking to hurt his STBXW. so I thing it would be wise if he leaves the kids with her for now, he said in an earlier post that she's always been a good mother to them.

 

I understand. But, my point is that if she is mentally unstable enough to commit suicide, he needs to have her parents or a professional watch her and get the kids away from her. If she is that upset and unstable, she might commit suicide where the kids might find her, or she might do worse.

 

Now, I'm not arguing that she is that unstable, but you did mention suicide.

[qubist]

A good Mother doesn't bring drama and messes to their kids lives...especially by cheating and acting like she's two separate people.

 

I can't see where she qualified as a "good Mother" - she just went partying in Vegas!

 

No, that isn't a good Mother!

 

agreed, he probably meant that she never treated them bad, I guess BDT can answer this. i still think he shouldn't take them with him now

[Bigdaddyt]

agreed, he probably meant that she never treated them bad, I guess BDT can answer this. i still think he shouldn't take them with him now

 

Qubist, S2B, TX, I am at the house with my in laws and a friend, I am going to stay the night, you all are not wrong, but I can never not be there for my children. I told my wife that I must have a break from all of this upset and I cannot talk about us. My in laws are also staying will post in the morning.

[qubist]

Qubist, S2B, TX, I am at the house with my in laws and a friend, I am going to stay the night, you all are not wrong, but I can never not be there for my children. I told my wife that I must have a break from all of this upset and I cannot talk about us. My in laws are also staying will post in the morning.

 

Bigdaddyt you are a great man. I have the most respect to people that put their children interest above all considerations.

It's good that your IL and friend is there too. Maybe this is a good opportunity to suggest she go gettested and treated if needed

[aliveagain]

BDT, some posts back I suggested you have her evaluated because she almost sounds like she's bipolar. Poor with money, can sell ice cubes to Eskimo's but never finish the sale, life of the party, hyper sexed when up but tends to crash heavily and can be suicidal when manic, infidelity is a symptom. You can have a rockem sockem blow out and an hour later she can act like nothing happened. She needs to be evaluated because if she is mentally ill and unable to handle the situation she could become suicidal. Is there a history of depression or other associated disease's in her family?

 

My ex was bipolar, there is no cure but with the proper medication it can be managed and she can lead a very normal life. She attempted suicide three times, once a month before I left and twice after I left. She lost her older two son's, her ex got custody of them. Her affair child was put into foster care until she could prove she could take care of him properly, that took her over a year to get him back. Please have her looked act, get her family involved.

Edited September 16, 2015 by aliveagain

[m.snow]

I have three children D19, S17 and S10. We will survive and I will always be there for them and they know this.

 

after a good and careful analysis, I seem to have found something. not necessarily the problem but a catalyst.

 

"Empty Nester Syndrome!":D

 

As time and again. When children reach a certain age mothers tend to go cray2x.

It something you really need to brace for.

 

she needs therapy!

Edited September 16, 2015 by m.snow

[OldRover]

Qubist, Your friend is probably right, I have recently suspected that she has issues. I am not heartless she is the mother of my children and I will make sure that she receives the care she needs . I am going forward with the D and I will make sure that I do so as kindly as is possible. She is currently hysterical and I will probably go home tonight because my children are begging me to. I am the Father and I must always put them first.

 

Bigdaddyt,

 

I'm going to take the stand that the jury is not out. Your wife may have some serious health issues that has cause a lot of her actions. I'm not excusing her, but BPD is very serious, and should be seriously treated.

 

I might go so far as to say TAKE her to get her some help, don't rely on her to do it herself. (Do that because you still care, not because you're condoning what she did). I've been with a person that has BPD things and caused a LOT of grief and major problems. Not nice, but is curable.

 

Sure, she's done some awful shi*, but she is still a human being and needs help.

 

You can continue with the D, but make you OWN choices as things develop. Don't let your divorce lawyer make your decisions, only let him advise you with legal advise.

 

You really sound like a sharp guy who's gone thru hell. I'm betting you'll come out ok, but there's lots yet to do.

[S2B]

Qubist, S2B, TX, I am at the house with my in laws and a friend, I am going to stay the night, you all are not wrong, but I can never not be there for my children. I told my wife that I must have a break from all of this upset and I cannot talk about us. My in laws are also staying will post in the morning.

 

I'm relieved you have others there to help you with her chaos.

 

I respect you for stepping back in, for now, just don't hesitate to get her professional help. She seems as if this is beyond any scope of what's expected - and should have a professional helping her get back on track.

 

 

 

 

Maybe her parents could stay for an extended time to keep an eye on her?

[turnera]

Qubist, Your friend is probably right, I have recently suspected that she has issues. I am not heartless she is the mother of my children and I will make sure that she receives the care she needs . I am going forward with the D and I will make sure that I do so as kindly as is possible. She is currently hysterical and I will probably go home tonight because my children are begging me to. I am the Father and I must always put them first.

And once you DO go home and calm her down, you OWE it to your kids to sit them down and tell them the truth and say she has hurt you to the core and you don't know if you can stay with her and that, if you can't, you will work to get her into professional therapy so SHE can fix HER problems - which are not YOUR problems.

 

That's a valuable life lesson for your kids to learn - you can love someone, but it's not your job to SACRIFICE yourself for that person.

[m.snow]

I have three children D19, S17 and S10. We will survive and I will always be there for them and they know this.

 

things seem to fall into perspective now.

 

wait about that casino thing. you mentioned awhile back she let you watch the kids while she went to the casino.

going to a casino when your kids are young 9,7&5 is a whole lot different than going to a casino when your kids are all grown up 19,17 & 10

(you should have sent the 19yo to watch her mom).

 

your kids are pretty grown up, aren't they telling their mom about what she is doing?

 

the FIL is missing a few cogs there. what was he talking about sacrifice again? you got a 19yo and 17yo. that's enough sacrifice if you dont mind me, thank you! FIL your argument is invalid.

 

I dont see a problem with a divorce. but Im glad your not totally leaving WW in the dust. your a good man good luck.

Edited September 16, 2015 by m.snow

[66Charger]

I am sorry but none of this sits right.

 

Why did your kids call and beg you to come home?

 

What was told to them? Why was this told to them without consultation?

 

Did she tell them to call their father and beg him to come home?

 

A 10 year old? And teenagers. On the day she was served?

 

I am sorry that is straight out manipulation.

 

Your only a Father. You must sacrifice. Even if she cheated AGAIN 2 DAYS AGO. She pulled the card and he went running.

 

Boy, i bet BDT is getting the screws put on him about right now.

 

Its his life, but who didn't see this coming.

Edited September 16, 2015 by 66Charger

[Bigdaddyt]

Bigdaddyt you are a great man. I have the most respect to people that put their children interest above all considerations.

It's good that your IL and friend is there too. Maybe this is a good opportunity to suggest she go gettested and treated if needed

 

Qubist, as always Thankyou for your kindness, but I am just a Dad. Anyone here if your children called and asked for you to help them would give the same answer. I am on the way.

[Bigdaddyt]

BDT, some posts back I suggested you have her evaluated because she almost sounds like she's bipolar. Poor with money, can sell ice cubes to Eskimo's but never finish the sale, life of the party, hyper sexed when up but tends to crash heavily and can be suicidal when manic, infidelity is a symptom. You can have a rockem sockem blow out and an hour later she can act like nothing happened. She needs to be evaluated because if she is mentally ill and unable to handle the situation she could become suicidal. Is there a history of depression or other associated disease's in her family?

 

My ex was bipolar, there is no cure but with the proper medication it can be managed and she can lead a very normal life. She attempted suicide three times, once a month before I left and twice after I left. She lost her older two son's, her ex got custody of them. Her affair child was put into foster care until she could prove she could take care of him properly, that took her over a year to get him back. Please have her looked act, get her family involved.

 

Alive, I remember your posts, I have spoken to Wife and in laws and I will take her to be properly evaluated as soon as possible . I am going to move back home and wife will move in with her parents until medical is sorted out. D will not be stopped, told wife we have six months until final, a lot can happen. I am balancing being strong and caring.

The 180 has caused me to start to lose my feeling towards her. I know she feels it and has told me so. This is a difficult time but I am managing. I am back at gym and no more pity parties! I am still standing and will do the right thing for me and my family.

[Bigdaddyt]

after a good and careful analysis, I seem to have found something. not necessarily the problem but a catalyst.

 

"Empty Nester Syndrome!":D

 

As time and again. When children reach a certain age mothers tend to go cray2x.

It something you really need to brace for.

 

she needs therapy!

 

MSnow, possibly, could be BPD or it could be just bad behavior .

[Bigdaddyt]

Bigdaddyt,

 

I'm going to take the stand that the jury is not out. Your wife may have some serious health issues that has cause a lot of her actions. I'm not excusing her, but BPD is very serious, and should be seriously treated.

 

I might go so far as to say TAKE her to get her some help, don't rely on her to do it herself. (Do that because you still care, not because you're condoning what she did). I've been with a person that has BPD things and caused a LOT of grief and major problems. Not nice, but is curable.

 

Sure, she's done some awful shi*, but she is still a human being and needs help.

 

You can continue with the D, but make you OWN choices as things develop. Don't let your divorce lawyer make your decisions, only let him advise you with legal advise.

 

You really sound like a sharp guy who's gone thru hell. I'm betting you'll come out ok, but there's lots yet to do.

 

Old rover , I fully agree and will go with her to a qualified professional , all the decisions that I have made so far, I made them alone and was not pushed into any of them. My lawyer has been very neutral and is asking me what I want and to make sure of my decisions.

[Bigdaddyt]

I am sorry but none of this sits right.

 

Why did your kids call and beg you to come home?

 

What was told to them? Why was this told to them without consultation?

 

Did she tell them to call their father and beg him to come home?

 

A 10 year old? And teenagers. On the day she was served?

 

I am sorry that is straight out manipulation.

 

Your only a Father. You must sacrifice. Even if she cheated AGAIN 2 DAYS AGO. She pulled the card and he went running.

 

Boy, i bet BDT is getting the screws put on him about right now.

 

Its his life, but who didn't see this coming.

 

My oldest called me but my little one was upset, so there was never a choice for me. I don't think wife had any hand in the children calling me they just reacted to the events.

[Bigdaddyt]

BIgdaddyt: very important: I have a fiend who's a pro therapist, I was telling him about your case he even read your thread ( most of it) base on his experience he really believes that your wife suffers from Borderline personality disorder. he has seen similar situation. she needs to be evaluated by pro immediately talk to your family doctor about it then have them recommend a pro that specialize on BPD. if she has BPD things will even get worst with her. she is the mother of your kids after all. read about BPD you will understand more about her behavior her is a link from national institute of health "

BPD

 

Qubist, I read the link on BPD that you attached and for the symptoms she is the poster child for it. Not good. Her older sister is very disagreeable and the link talks about this being genetic. I will reach out to her primary care physician today for a referral .

[qubist]

Qubist, I read the link on BPD that you attached and for the symptoms she is the poster child for it. Not good. Her older sister is very disagreeable and the link talks about this being genetic. I will reach out to her primary care physician today for a referral .

please go ahead and do that immediately. I read about it too it is manageable in most cases but net yet treatable. with medication she can be under control.

Just wondering how your teenage kids handling this D19 ans S17 are old enough to understand the situation. I hope they are not blaming you for any of this. that must be hard on them too

[m.snow]

does the d19 s17 know about what their mom is doing? moms affair?

 

do they have information? about jill & the om?

 

cause i doubt kids would support WW in what she is doing.

 

it would be 3 voices to go against WW.

 

what do the kids even think about this?

and there not kids anymore there adults. they may or should somehow have a voice in this?

[66Charger]

Alive, I remember your posts, I have spoken to Wife and in laws and I will take her to be properly evaluated as soon as possible . I am going to move back home and wife will move in with her parents until medical is sorted out. D will not be stopped, told wife we have six months until final, a lot can happen. I am balancing being strong and caring.

The 180 has caused me to start to lose my feeling towards her. I know she feels it and has told me so. This is a difficult time but I am managing. I am back at gym and no more pity parties! I am still standing and will do the right thing for me and my family.

 

This is probaly the best that can be made of a bad situation. I will close my thoughts on this thread by sincerely wishing you and your family well. Which does include your STBX.