Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Alive, her first cousin is her plaintiffs attorney and he is extremely powerful and connected. My wife is from a large Italian family and they are very close. It is very possible that she has planned her escape for sometime. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 My guess is she may have new information about a settlement with the insurance company that she doesn't intend on sharing with you. This may be what she has been waiting for and is now making her move. She needed your financial support until now. Discuss this with your lawyer, infidelity won't make that much of a difference to you in a no fault state unless you can show the Courts that your children are at risk. Carry a VAR at all times around her because her next move will be to get you out of the house, she doesn't need to pretend to be nice anymore. Please read and Heed. I do not think your SBEX wants to stay with you. War, to a large extent, has been declared, take steps to protect yourself. The only silver lining is, if she sees that you are serious, she may decide she want to stay with you. If this happens, make sure that you get what you need and want from the relationship. You old marriage is over, while you may get a new one with her, make sure it is better, or end it. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I did ask many times to go to mc but she refused. I know that I am broken it is just coming to a head now. You are not broken, you sound like someone who has not had an easy life but in spite of that have managed to overcome the past. You should be proud of your accomplishments and know that you can look yourself in the mirror because you did not cheat or abuse her in any way. Your fault in this is picking the wrong spouse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Sandy, Gorillia, Alive ,Elaine all: Thank you for your kind words and support. I will keep this thread open until the end of this drama as it is almost like a Shakespearian play. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I just spoke to my Wife who said that we both have cheated in our marriage. Me by keeping a photo album of my high school girlfriend and having so many female friends and she was only guilty of emotional cheating. I have never seen her this angry in over 20 years. She told me that I pushed her away and that I am to blame for our D. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I just spoke to my Wife who said that we both have cheated in our marriage. Me by keeping a photo album of my high school girlfriend and having so many female friends and she was only guilty of emotional cheating. I have never seen her this angry in over 20 years. She told me that I pushed her away and that I am to blame for our D. She is just projecting, she knows that she is the one who cheated and is stuggling with her conscience so she has to try to make you out to be the bad guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Sandy and friends, Wife and I are going to meet tonight after work to talk. I don't even know at this point about what. It will be either about D or R. I am certain it is D. This would be so much easier if I had proof that she was currently cheating. I will update this thread tomorrow unless I get kicked out then I will update tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 All: This is tough because I work a very demanding job and over see multiple factories and I am fighting for my marriage on the side. Wife has been texting me saying we are done no going back.Your reply: "Good. I have no desire to stay married to someone who can do what you're doing. The sooner the better." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I will update this thread tomorrow unless I get kicked out then I will update tonight.NO NO NO NO NO! She CANNOT kick you out. Know your rights. Tell her if she's that unhappy, she's free to move out but you aren't going anywhere. On your way home, stop by Office Depot or Radio Shack or something and buy a recorder. Feel free to put it on the table between you so she KNOWS you will from now on be recording any conversations. NO MORE CONVERSATIONS with her without recording it. And make sure the bank knows she can't pull money out without your signature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Do not hesitate to call the police if you feel threatened or you think she may file false charges against you. Have the VAR on you at all times in case she makes false claims against you. It wouldn't be the first time a VAR playback saved an L/S member from spending the night in jail. If she is Italian than everyone in the family knows her interpretation of your situation and she would have gotten daddy's approval first. She would have talked to the family lawyer friend to understand her rights. I too am of Italian heritage. Family comes first so her not wanting to attempt reconciliation surprises me. Edited August 25, 2015 by aliveagain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Yeah, don't let her kick you out. The skanky one is the one who should leave. Oh wait I forgot..you kept a picture album! You manwhore you! You might as well of just had sex with another woman on top of your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) All: Last night I had a chilly reception when I got home, we had dinner as a family and I went outside and played with my youngest for an hour. I came back in and asked the Wife is she wanted to talk now, she said that she did. We went outside and talked for several hours, she went over all of my faults again and how much I have hurt her over the years and that she doesn’t think that she will ever be able to get over it. I asked her what Icould have done which was so horrible. She tells me that I am selfish and vainand emotionally unavailable. That I am too much into my personal appearance and that I primp like a girl. (Ouch) She blames me for her going out with Jill and she says that I let her do it so I wouldn’t lose her. I became angry and we stopped speaking for an hour or so.Later we spoke again and she told me that yes she cheated and she hates herself for it and she cannot bear to look at me when I look at her like a whor_. She said that she dies every time I look at her with hurt in my eyes. She continued that she has been in IC for 2 ½ years over this and it is killing her. She went on to tell me that Jill and anothergirlfriend were cheating on their Husbands and are now both divorced and shegot pulled into their world. She said that she cut them both off and that is when Jill started to come over to the house and start with me. My wife said that she is so sorry for hurting me and that she hates herself for this and that we cannot move forward unless I let this go. We were both physically and mentally exhausted at this timeand we both decided to watch TV and take a break, she put on a TV show called the Client list, the episode that we watched was where the star of the show had an affair and her husband found out (there is karma). My wife stopped the showand said that this is only a show and not real life. I particularly liked the part where the other women were standing up in church and calling her a whor_. We have not decided to R, we are currently living in thesame house different rooms and co-parenting. We have agreed to not D at presentand see where IC takes us. If we do D we will do so as two friends that had agreat run together and this just is the end of this union. My wife did say thatit would kill her if I was ever with someone else and she knows that if we do D, I will not be on the market long. Reconciliation is one of Gods greatest gifts that he givesus, not just with him but with each other. When someone hurts another personand the offending party tells you that they are sorry that is for them toremove their guilt. When the offending party asks you for forgiveness that is for the offended. When you forgive someone it should be over a period of time so that you first know what you are forgiving and you must work through all of your emotions. When you forgive someone you must relinquish the offense against you from your heart and never hold it against them again. You may never bringit up or throw it in their face if it is true forgiveness. This will take us time to work through, I do not know what the outcome will be, but I am finally at peace with this. My upset was in the not knowing the doubting of myself. Edited August 26, 2015 by Bigdaddyt 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Alive, My wife's family loves me, her Father is one of my best friends, when we first married we use to go on double dates together with her parents. Her family would never forgive her if we divorced and especially for this reason. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Then you should go talk to her dad about it. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 as bad as it was last night, it actually freed you from the anxiety of " what could've happen" that you have been beating yourself with all these days. I'm sure it had freed he too. if you ask my opinion do not rush to any decision yet as far as your future with her, concentrate on yourself go to IC as soon as you can then you will see what you can do. Sorry to hear your struggles , good luck my friend 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Quits and Tunera, I am at peace what made me crazy was the mind movies and the unknown. I am going to seek IC for me and hold off on R. I have decided to make a date deadline for R or D. I cannot handle no sex for very long. I haven't decided wether or not to expose this I did tell my sister last night. I was going crazy and had to speak to someone. I asked my sister not to tell anyone and to not let this effect her relationship with my wife. Thanks for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I agree with qubist, at least now you have some answers and it's now time to think about yourself. Get yourself a good IC and don't make any hasty decisions. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Sandy, I will work on me and come out of this better and stronger. I am not going to destroy my wife regardless of the outcome.i will work hard to fix myself and to become friends again with my wife. We may not work out as a couple but I will be in her life forever because of the children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Sandy, I will work on me and come out of this better and stronger. I am not going to destroy my wife regardless of the outcome.i will work hard to fix myself and to become friends again with my wife. We may not work out as a couple but I will be in her life forever because of the children. make sure she understands that clearly, she needs to know that you never intended to all this to happen in your Marriage, that you need time to digest everything and that would do the best for everyone involved you , her and the kids. Let her know that then ask her to do her part to make it as less painful as it could be . Honesty is the magic factor to solve all problems. You find that out in your IC. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Have you asked her for a timeline of events, how much cheating was involved, how many men, where. My guess is she saw what happened to her friends that she was cheating with, both ended in divorce. You caught her and her friend Jill hooking up with a couple of guys at the bar, she knew you were on to her by your actions. This caused her to panic, her aggression had to do with loosing control of a bad situation and her friends were loose cannons. They knew what she did and had this over her. You now know the truth or some of the truth and it's bad. Get both of you tested immediately for STD's. You will need to tell the doctor why so they do all the necessary tests. Testing for herpes is a special test and needs to be requested. Some STD's may not show up until 6 months after the event so additional testing may be required in a few months depending on when she last had sex with O/M. Do not have unprotected sex with her. Some Courts view intimacy after discovery as a form of forgiveness. You have an appointment with your lawyer tomorrow, find out your rights and plan your best course of action. Remember that divorce takes time and may work to your benefit if dealing with an unremorseful wayward wife. The process once initiated can be stopped anytime up until the final decree. They take you real serious when served and the papers are in their hand. This step isn't required if you have a remorseful wife willing to do anything to save the marriage. Ask your lawyer about a post nuptial agreement giving you a majority of the assets if you divorce because of a new infidelity. They are hard to inforce but are a great deterrent against future infidelities. Nothing you did pushed her to cheat and throw that back at her if she uses that BS excuse, she did it because she wanted to and there is no other reason. She has been in independent counselling for two and a half years does that mean that was her last infidelity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Qubist, I have and am very honest with my Wife about this whole affair and I told her that it may not work out between us. I believe that she is now seeing all that she stands to lose. She doesn't want to be the bad guy in this and she is remorseful but also has a lot of anger against me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 S2B, yes she did admit to cheating. Alive, I will get tested, she said that it was almost three years ago and she saw her girlfriends lives going downhill and knew she had to get out. I do not know if this is the whole truth, but this is enough to end the marriage for me. I will take my time to work through this and make a decision on what is the best course of action for us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Qubist, I have and am very honest with my Wife about this whole affair and I told her that it may not work out between us. I believe that she is now seeing all that she stands to lose. She doesn't want to be the bad guy in this and she is remorseful but also has a lot of anger against me. Well just how much anger would she have if the shoe was on the other foot and it was you having the affair? How angry would she be if you banged a few babes? It is you that should be angry for her not talking to you about her issues, banging other men is a poor way to deal with marriage issues. How does bringing other people into a already troubled relationship help the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Alive, she is remorseful and crying there is a deep sadness in her and this does make me sad as well. If I would have cheated she would have gone crazy and went scorched earth against me. I am at peace but deeply saddened by these turn of events. I will divorce her, if I chose as painlessly as possible. She told me last night that she is so afraid to divorce because she knows how ruthless I can be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bigdaddyt Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 S2B, I haven't forgiven her and we have not agreed to R we only agreed to not start the D process and live together separately in the same house and coparent together. I will start IC for me but I don't have all of the facts. I am certain that this house of cards will fall and everything will come to light. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts