Second chance on a guy i once dated

[Jennyd419]

I need a bit of advice about dating someone i have prevously went on two dates with a year and a half ago. First off, i will tell you the whole story. I will shorten it so dont worry. I have been in two relationships in my lifetime so far. One lasted 6 years and he dumped me because of another girl. So after that I was devastated. Went on a binder and did some online dating. I was surprised with how many guys there were that wanted to go on a date with me.

 

 

I ended up going on dates with three of them. I will skip the first one i went on a date with but the second one lets call him Steve, was fun. We went on a couple dates and had a lot in common had a great time. On the second date I may have drank a little too much. We started to make out and I initiated having sex but he didn't want to out of respect for me. I thought that was nice but was horrified with how drunk I got. Didn't think he would call me again. Well later that night, he texted me he that he got home okay and that he wanted to have another date.

 

 

At the same time I had meet another guy who we also had much in common, lets call him Matt. I thought why not I'm single, let me go on a date with this guy. He was really sweet and we seemed to hit it off. Now I had to decided to between the two. I wanted to do a third date with Steve but he reminded me of my ex and due to me being afraid of being hurt again, I kept putting our third date off and he was getting frustrated with me. I told him that it was me i have a busy life and he decided to pursue other people while I stayed with the other guy. Steve did say he was disappointed it didn't work out because he liked me.

 

 

I played it safe and stayed with Steve who was quiet and didn't drink much and didn't have a relationship before. I knew he wouldn't hurt me and stay loyal. Don't get me wrong he was a really good guy and things were great in the beginning but as the months went by, he just became a miserable person. He hated everything and wouldn't communicate with me. It was very draining and I only could help him so much. During our relationship, I kept thinking about the other guy I went on dates before my current relationship and that I made the wrong choice. I would also have vivid dreams of him and would wake up feeling happy. In May of this year, my boyfriend at the time, Matt, had told me he is moving to West Virginia to be with his family and that he is leaving tomorrow. He had known this information for months and only told me the day before. So we ended things. We lasted a little over a year.

 

I decided to stay single a little bit because after my six year relationship I didn't give myself enough time for me. I went on the dating sites a week after he dumped me, the one i was with for 6 years. Now i have been thinking about Steve a lot. And because i signed up for match.com a year ago, i still get my daily matches through email. So i started looking at them again and what do you know, Steve is one of my matches. Apparently he is still single and is on match.com. Steve did contact me last April 2014 to wish me happy birthday. Before that, i hadn't talked to him in over a month and i got the happy birthday text out of no where. What made me surprised was he actually remembered. He also wanted to take me out again. I said sure even though i had been with Matt. I thought about it and decided it wasn't right.

 

 

So not to hurt Steve, i told him i was getting root canal the time he wanted to take me out and we should we reschedule. I actually did get root canal that day. Steve had texted me that he hoped my root canal went well and i never texted him back. That was the last time i spoke to him. I thought i would pursue Steve again. He is single and isn't seeing anyone. I still have his number also. I just don't know how to go about it. I feel bad i blew him off but at the time i didn't know what i wanted. I stayed with Matt mainly because i wanted companionship and i was still hurt by the last relationship. I didn't want another guy that could hurt me. My life is in order and i feel like i know what i want and i am more mature now for dating. How would i go about asking him out? Should i apologize for what happened to us before? I just hope i didn't screw any chance of anything in the future.

 

Sorry for the rant. Just need a bit of guidance. I appreciate the advice guys so much!!

Edited August 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added punctuation for better readability ~ V

[trippi1432]

Hi Jennyd, welcome to LS. The dating world isn't always easy to maneuver and especially so if you are still carrying some "baggage" of a previous relationship. So, yes, entering dating a week after ending a six year relationship...especially when you are hurt, can be quite confusing. Not going to chastise you about it though, it does sound like you have done some internal soul-searching about this.

 

I did want to ask before responding further, did you mean that you stayed with Matt? The current boyfriend of one year who didn't tell you he was moving until the day before? I believe you stated that the timeframe was May of this year.

 

At any rate, I would approach things slowly. There are some people who don't take their profiles down but are actively dating someone....so taking things slow and having no expectations is probably the wiser way to approach Steve. How do you think you could approach him in that fashion?

[Jennyd419]

No Matt and I broke up memorial day weekend this year, in May. Matt never communicated with me on how he felt. I feel like it was just a friends with benefit thing. I thought about Steve a lot during my relationship with Matt. Matt was great in the beginning but then he just became so miserable it was hard to be around him. I believe Steve is single because a friend of mine is facebook friends with him and says he is still single. Hes not a close friend of steve just an acquaintance. I just don't know how to reconnect with him and If I have a shot.

[Jennyd419]

Hi Jennyd, welcome to LS. The dating world isn't always easy to maneuver and especially so if you are still carrying some "baggage" of a previous relationship. So, yes, entering dating a week after ending a six year relationship...especially when you are hurt, can be quite confusing. Not going to chastise you about it though, it does sound like you have done some internal soul-searching about this.

 

I did want to ask before responding further, did you mean that you stayed with Matt? The current boyfriend of one year who didn't tell you he was moving until the day before? I believe you stated that the timeframe was May of this year.

 

At any rate, I would approach things slowly. There are some people who don't take their profiles down but are actively dating someone....so taking things slow and having no expectations is probably the wiser way to approach Steve. How do you think you could approach him in that fashion?

 

No Matt and I broke up memorial day weekend this year, in May. Matt never communicated with me on how he felt. I feel like it was just a friends with benefit thing. I thought about Steve a lot during my relationship with Matt. Matt was great in the beginning but then he just became so miserable it was hard to be around him. I believe Steve is single because a friend of mine is facebook friends with him and says he is still single. Hes not a close friend of steve just an acquaintance. I just don't know how to reconnect with him and If I have a shot.

• 
  

[trippi1432]

Hi Jennyd, I guess I would venture to ask how Steve reminded you of your ex that you had a 6 year relationship with, and are you over that part of your life that Steve won't remind you of that time in your life?

 

By what you state here, the Happy Birthday text from out of nowhere and the invite for a date seem to be recent and after you and Matt split up...which are good signs. How long ago was that if I may ask?

[Jennyd419]

Hi Jennyd, I guess I would venture to ask how Steve reminded you of your ex that you had a 6 year relationship with, and are you over that part of your life that Steve won't remind you of that time in your life?

 

By what you state here, the Happy Birthday text from out of nowhere and the invite for a date seem to be recent and after you and Matt split up...which are good signs. How long ago was that if I may ask?

 

It was actually last april 2014 not this past april. So it was about a month after we went our separate ways and I started a relationship with Matt. So that was over a year ago.