tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I was wondering recently if guys who are mummy's boy ever change? Do they ever manage to get a spine of their own or are they incurable? Is it possible that they realize they have to weaken the bonds with their mother, the first and most important being in his life for such a long time, in order to grow up? Can guys form strong bonds with a partner while keeping this strong attachment to their mother or doesn't it contradict somehow? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Yes, but it's not automatic. How long has he been living away from home? Does he recognise the problem? Is he showing signs of changing? Or is this just a theoretical post, Kooky? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Yes, but it's not automatic. How long has he been living away from home? Does he recognise the problem? Is he showing signs of changing? Or is this just a theoretical post, Kooky? Of course this is a highly theoretical post. I should throw in some psycho talk about Existenzangst to elevate it to higher grounds. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Of course this is a highly theoretical post. Give us a hypothetical example to discuss then Age, time away from home, signs of change, etc. I should throw in some psycho talk about Existenzangst to elevate it to higher grounds. Be my guest. Don't forget to ground it in Transaction Analysis and Jungian psychodynamics Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Give us a hypothetical example to discuss then Age, time away from home, signs of change, etc. Let's talk about something more concrete than hypothetical examples - you. Be my guest. Don't forget to ground it in Transaction Analysis and Jungian psychodynamics Uhoh... Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 No they don't change. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn No they don't change. Autobiographical? Or just your general experience? Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Autobiographical? No not autobiographical, I was never a mama's boy or the blue-eyed boy of my Mom, so definitely can't be autobiographical. Or just your general experience? Well it is more in the context of the question. When a women asks this, most of the time it is cause they don't want their SO to be Mama's boy, but ask them about their son and they would like him to be mama's boy So the question itself in bit skewed in the support of one who asks it. It is a theoretical answer to the theoretical question. I guess if the question is based on the fact that " Do guys always trust their Mom?" or stuff like that then there can be judgemental answer. Well my personal experience says that " Never trust a women, unless she is your mother or your sister" Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Well my personal experience says that " Never trust a women, unless she is your mother or your sister" Hey, Greenie It's gonna get better. We were both screwed (metaphorically as well as literally). But most girls are nice. The bastards just have good camouflage. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Hey, Greenie It's gonna get better. We were both screwed (metaphorically as well as literally). But most girls are nice. The bastards just have good camouflage. he he , I was not only screwed but riveted after that , but let's see though I don't have much hope. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 They don't change unless they are forced to. And sometimes not even then. It's who they are. Good traits as well as bad! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 i guess when "mummy" kicks the bucket (dies) that they would have no choice but to change. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i guess when "mummy" kicks the bucket (dies) that they would have no choice but to change. So what is required to be changed ? Love for mom, importance for mom, trust on mom, so that it changes by her death. I hate guys who changes for girls, they are spineless fellows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Autobiographical? Or just your general experience? First it was theoretical, then hypothetical and now autobiographical.... Romeo and Greenhorn, are you guys mommy's boys in disguise? Alpha, don't you think that things might become worse when their mommy dies? That they will start to compare every woman to their mom and none will ever compare to her? She might be a mother-in-law from hell when she's alive, but when she's dead you are fighting a saint. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Romeo and Greenhorn, are you guys mommy's boys in disguise? NO I am not mommy's boy. I am my ownself, I am individual and I am never going to change, if one has to accept me or like me then it has to be on the basis of how I am. Those who change are spineless. If you have to accept someone then do on the basis of their present condition, not on the basis of some assumption . Decision taken on the basis of some assumption are inherently risky and more so on the failure side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn So what is required to be changed ? Love for mom, importance for mom, trust on mom, so that it changes by her death. I hate guys who changes for girls, they are spineless fellows. Wait, I have to clarify that. I mean with change, will they ever stop putting their mom on this pedestal for being the perfect woman. Will they always put their mommy first before their wife? Will they one day stop to behave like selfish spoiled brats, because they were the apple of their mommy's eye? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky First it was theoretical, then hypothetical and now autobiographical.... The advantage of Greek and Latin education Romeo and Greenhorn, are you guys mommy's boys in disguise? No, but my cousin married a real mummy's boy. He changed *a lot* in the first year of marriage. Partly as my cousin became the main woman in his life, partly as they worked together on drying him out. Rumour has it she put him in the oven every night for a year Alpha, don't you think that things might become worse when their mommy dies? That they will start to compare every woman to their mom and none will ever match with her? She might be a mother-in-law from hell when she's alive, but when she's dead you are fighting a saint. I don't think Alpha was making a recommendation, Kooky, just an observation. You're worrying me by starting to discuss the pros and cons of his mother's death Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Wait, I have to clarify that. I mean with change, will they ever stop putting their mom on this pedestal for being the perfect woman. Will they always put their mommy first before their wife? Will they one day stop to behave like selfish spoiled brats, because they were the apple of their mommy's eye? From my cousin's experience: yes, no and yes. So all the good answers. But it took a little time. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Wait, I have to clarify that. I mean with change, will they ever stop putting their mom on this pedestal for being the perfect woman. Will they always put their mommy first before their wife? Will they one day stop to behave like selfish spoiled brats, because they were the apple of their mommy's eye? Well if someone is like this then it not due to his mommy, there are some itrinsic defect in his character and one who is like this will always be like this. If he changes then he will put his wife on pedestal or take her to be perfect and then vie for love and care as his mom was giving. To take some human being as perfect is the sign of some basic flaw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo No, but my cousin married a real mummy's boy. He changed *a lot* in the first year of marriage. Partly as my cousin became the main woman in his life, partly as they worked together on drying him out. Rumour has it she put him in the oven every night for a year What do you mean with they? But your post gives me hope. I don't think Alpha was making a recommendation, Kooky, just an observation. You're worrying me by starting to discuss the pros and cons of his mother's death I'm sorry that Alpha's mom is dead. And I'm not discussing her death, I'm just wondering if there will be really changes when the mother dies as he claimed. I kind of doubt it.... Originally posted by greenhorn Well if someone is like this then it not due to his mommy, there are some itrinsic defect in his character and one who is like this will always be like this. If he changes then he will put his wife on pedestal or take her to be perfect and then vie for love and care as his mom was giving. To take some human being as perfect is the sign of some basic flaw. I just think that it's also the fault of some mothers to spoil their child too much and to make him the center of constant attention. If you have always been treated like a king, would you want to get out of your comfort zone one day and just be a normal human being? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Alpha, don't you think that things might become worse when their mommy dies? That they will start to compare every woman to their mom and none will ever compare to her? She might be a mother-in-law from hell when she's alive, but when she's dead you are fighting a saint. I think for first couple yrs after her death it may be rough but eventually the dude would have to become more independent. It is a forced cutting of the apron strings. Comparisions are gonna happen no matter what. U can do nothing about it. Women compare the men they are with against their fathers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I think for first couple yrs after her death it may be rough but eventually the dude would have to become more independent. It is a forced cutting of the apron strings. Comparisions are gonna happen no matter what. U can do nothing about it. Women compare the men they are with against their fathers. I think it's not only about being independent. I'm talking about their expectations concerning other women. There are surely a lot of mummy's boys out there who can cook and live on their own. But what if they only talk to their mom about things, because she's the only one who understand him? What if they think that their girlfriend can never measure up to their mom? What if their mom still calls every day and they love it? I find that weird and it scares the **** out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky But what if they only talk to their mom about things, because she's the only one who understand him? What if they think that their girlfriend can never measure up to their mom? What if their mom still calls every day and they love it? I find that weird and it scares the **** out of me. if their mom has brought their boys to be very dependent on them there is nothing u can do. she has been doing it since they were in the womb. KOOKY, u would just avoid these types of men because they are extremes of dependence and their mothers are not smart either. A smart mom will bring her kids up to be independent. Link to post Share on other sites
JanieQP Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I agree with Alph when he says the best thing is to avoid them. I disagree when he generalizes that death of the mother will force a guy to change. Yes, a mama's boy can change, but it requires a spinal implant. He has to be more afraid of the partner's reaction than of mommy's. And this isn't pretty. It just about extinguishes all erotic that might have existed. (But mama's boys aren't particularly erotic anyway IMNSHO.) My XH was a classic MB. And now he's not. But we're not married any more, either. Best to find a partner who has his or her own issues resolved as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by JanieQP Yes, a mama's boy can change, but it requires a spinal implant. He has to be more afraid of the partner's reaction than of mommy's. And this isn't pretty. It just about extinguishes all erotic that might have existed. (But mama's boys aren't particularly erotic anyway IMNSHO.) True. You would have to turn into a second mommy for them.... Link to post Share on other sites
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