greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky True. You would have to turn into a second mommy for them.... This is what I was saying kooky, they need to keep someone on pedestal either their mommy or their wife. But I wish he changes in your case Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn This is what I was saying kooky, they need to keep someone on pedestal either their mommy or their wife. But I wish he changes in your case Hm, I've been posting to know what the chances are for a change and if it's not better to put my sneakers on and run like Forrest Gump. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Hm, I've been posting to know what the chances are for a change and if it's not better to put my sneakers on and run like Forrest Gump. Well, my advice is that your love life is like a box of chocolates.... make sure to identify and avoid the marzipan ones Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Hm, I've been posting to know what the chances are for a change and if it's not better to put my sneakers on and run like Forrest Gump. I think it is quite ironic, KOOKY, that women don't want mates who are "mama's boys" but when these same women have sons they sometimes turn them into "mama's boys" Link to post Share on other sites
JanieQP Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn they need to keep someone on pedestal either their mommy or their wife. that's the biggest challenge: they have to learn to think for themselves. even after I moved out, XH was still asking me to check e-mail drafts before he sent them to his boss. (and this is a highly competent specialist in his field.) I once snapped at him to stop asking me advice about everything before thinking it through for himself, and he whined back "but you always have the right answers!" Once I quit being his crutch, he learned to think on his own. but girl, save yourself the trouble. get a guy who was raised healthy, or at least a completely reformed MB. (want my ex's #? he's a good cook, too.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I think it is quite ironic, KOOKY, that women don't want mates who are "mama's boys" but when these same women have sons they sometimes turn them into "mama's boys" Hmmm...... No, I don't think so. I'd send them to boarding school as soon as they don't need diapers anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by JanieQP but girl, save yourself the trouble. get a guy who was raised healthy, or at least a completely reformed MB. (want my ex's #? he's a good cook, too.) Nah, I hate giving up. I looooove the challenge. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 mine never changed. in his case, his mother died when he was 18. i met him when he was 21. throughout the 8 years we were together, he would have very very bad days. this is to be expected, but he could never hold down a job, never cared about himself. i was much, much MUCH younger than him, and yet i took care of him. it was like once he lost his mom, nothing else mattered. on the anniversary of his mother's death, he would drink like crazy and then usually start a physical fight with me. same for her birthday, mother's day, his birthday....you name it. people had to be careful not to use the word "mother" around him too much. it was very difficult to have a relationship with him for so long, and a lot of the reason i stayed with him is because of what he experienced. i felt too guilty to leave him. how stupid was i. my case might be a little different, but in his own way, he was a momma's boy. i would never diminish anyone's pain over losing a parent, and it sounds crass, but i don't think a grown man is supposed to act that way, especially 8 years into the grieving process. eventually, i smartened up and decided i wouldn't deal with it anymore. i couldn't be his mother, and i couldn't handle it. we've been apart for two years, and it's the best thing i ever did for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten in his case, his mother died when he was 18. i met him when he was 21. throughout the 8 years we were together, he would have very very bad days. this is to be expected, but he could never hold down a job, never cared about himself. i was much, much MUCH younger than him, and yet i took care of him. it was like once he lost his mom, nothing else mattered. on the anniversary of his mother's death, he would drink like crazy and then usually start a physical fight with me. same for her birthday, mother's day, his birthday....you name it. people had to be careful not to use the word "mother" around him too much. this dude had some psychiatric issues going on, SEXKAT. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I have to admit I am a "mummy's boy" but there I have learned the hard way that "mummy's" must be put on a lease with their meddling. Once you have SO in your life your mom must learn to take the back seat. My priority is my wife not my mom. After all if I piss off my mom I just get the cold shoulder and have to listen to her grip. If I piss off my wife, I don't get laid and I live with her and my life can become no fun real quick. So momma's boys can change and I think it takes a SO coming into their life to give them new priorities. My 2 cents for what it is worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR My priority is my wife not my mom. After all if I piss off my mom I just get the cold shoulder and have to listen to her grip. If I piss off my wife, I don't get laid and I live with her and my life can become no fun real quick. TUDOR, I like guys who get straight to the point and don't sugarcoat the hard facts in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I agree with Tudor............ My exh was not real close to his mom, but she spoiled all her boys- they never did chores or even picked up after themselves. Once we were married we almost killed each other. I am raising my son to know how to take care of himself- I taught him to pick up his dirty clothes when he was small! He can also dust, sweep and clean bathrooms. I told my exmil that I was not going to hear from my future daughter in law that it was all my fault her H didn't know how to do anything. My BF is emotionally close with his mom. He's a only child. She does things for him that a wife would do if he had one- like helps drop his cleaning off if he doesn't have time or call and make a dr's appt for him. He can function on his own without her though, and he cleans his house and does his laundry like a woman would. He can also cook better than I can! I think the fact that he's divorced and has been single for a good percentage of his life may have something to do with this. They talk on the phone regularly- but he talks to his dad just as much. It doesn't bother me because it's not interfering with our relationship. I think that sometimes how a man treats his mother is a sign of how he will treat you. He treats her with respect and love so that's a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale this dude had some psychiatric issues going on, SEXKAT. thanks, ALPHAGUY, i kinda knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I disagree when he generalizes that death of the mother will force a guy to change. A death of a parent will change anybody. Changed me when my father died. I was 23. I think it all depends on how dependant they were on the mom/dad. How close too and how good the dynamtic was etc... Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie It doesn't bother me because it's not interfering with our relationship. I think that sometimes how a man treats his mother is a sign of how he will treat you. He treats her with respect and love so that's a good sign. Yup, somehow there's a balance here. Guys that don't respect or love their mum (and similarly for girls with their dads) are not good romantic choices either - they're gonna play this on you too. Sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Yup, somehow there's a balance here. Guys that don't respect or love their mum (and similarly for girls with their dads) are not good romantic choices either - they're gonna play this on you too. Sooner or later. Assuming their parents deserve the respect. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Assuming their parents deserve the respect. I understand the point you're making, Kooky. But I don't agree. Even if the parents are absolute a***holes, then your bf/gf is going to translate a lack of respect for them into a lack of respect for you. Whatever you do and however nice and kind you are. Trust me on this. I've dated a few girls in this position - they always imprint features from the bad dad onto you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo I understand the point you're making, Kooky. But I don't agree. Even if the parents are absolute a***holes, then your bf/gf is going to translate a lack of respect for them into a lack of respect for you. Whatever you do and however nice and kind you are. Trust me on this. I've dated a few girls in this position - they always imprint features from the bad dad onto you. I really don't think so. If someone realizes that her daddy (or any parent) is not really the best father then she may not feel a lot of respect for him, she may also not think that highly of him, but she may still act respectfully and understand that he's just a human being who has flaws like everybody else. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 of course a boy should love and respect his mother. but there is a difference between a man who loves and respects his mother and one who is a "momma's boy" no one sets out to find a subervient pu**y as a boyfriend, unlike she is looking to "mother" him too. sometimes you don't realize that you have one of these on your hands until the whining and crying to mommy starts. yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by kooky but she may still act respectfully and understand that he's just a human being who has flaws like everybody else. So she *is* being respectful. Precisely my point, oh confused one Originally posted by SexKitten no one sets out to find a subervient pu**y as a boyfriend Pussy is a permissible word, SexKi**en Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 my case might be a little different, but in his own way, he was a momma's boy. i would never diminish anyone's pain over losing a parent, and it sounds crass, but i don't think a grown man is supposed to act that way, especially 8 years into the grieving process He wasn't a 'momma's boy', he was a man suffering from chronic clinical depression. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 i am sure he was depressed, there's no question of that. but he wasn't before she died, and was a momma's boy then, which lead to the severity of it. i was the one with him for 8 years. he was a momma's boy before and after her death. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tokyo Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo So she *is* being respectful. Precisely my point, oh confused one Oh Romeo, my Romeo, there's a difference about having respect for someone and being respectful. People may not have respect for someone who is rude and abusive, but that doesn't mean they will treat him in the same way. Did you get this? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Did you get this? Maybe Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 I finally realized that this is my problem with my boyfriend. Part of me feels relieved that it's not me, but part of me feels like I have to give up now. My boyfriend is 26, has had a college degree for over three years now, and lives at home with his mom. He makes around $10/hour. Up until about a year ago, when he and his mom moved into their own house, they lived with his father, who was alcoholic and verbally abusive. His mom sought a divorce. His mom is always making dinner for him, doing his laundry, etc. She doesn't want us having sex in her house, and seems threatened by me. Even he's rude to me in her presence, she won't say anything. My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex because his father cheated on his mom and his mom is sort of a prude now. He feels sex and fantasizing about women is somehow disrespectful. He also seems to push me away sometimes. He doesn't want to talk about marriage, I suspect because of his mom, and when I broached the idea of someday getting a house together, he said, "My mom wouldn't be able to maintain this place by herself" even though all he does is mow the grass. He doesn't even pay rent. They've only been away from his father for a year, but should I give up? *sigh* Sometimes things are ok, but now that this has dawned on me, I feel hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
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