Why smart men fail with women

[WomenWubber]

Intelligence comes in many forms, and it's not limited to just logical reasoning.

 

Maybe those who fail with the opposite sex are just not that smart in the required department. Sometimes you just need to work harder than the rest and also could use some advise from those who excel at it.

[anduina]

I'll take this one! You are assuming the woman is going to be logical. That was your first mistake.

 

(No Offense, Ladies)

There's no mention of the girl needing to be logical, only focus on the process instead of the outcome.

[Imported]

I'll take this one! You are assuming the woman is going to be logical. That was your first mistake.

 

(No Offense, Ladies)

 

 

 

You imagine this to be more difficult than it is.

[Keenly]

You imagine this to be more difficult than it is.

 

You interpret my post to be more serious than it is.

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Free Republic is a right-wing crap hole.

[Male]

If a guy really is smart, why would it be so difficult to figure dating and people out? Dating is quite logical.

 

• Boy spots attractive girl.
  
• Talks to attractive girl and asks her out.
  
• Girl says no. Abort.
  
• Girl says yes, firm up date.
  
• Girl won't firm up date. Abort.
  
• Girl firms up date. Continue.
  
• A day before date, contact.
  
• Girl doesn't return text. Abort.
  
• Girl returns text. Continue.
  
• Girl doesn't show up for date. Abort.
  
• Girl shows up. Continue.
  

 

I agree 100%. Dating is actually really simple. If these guys are as smart as they want to believe they are, they should have no problems figuring out how to do well with women.

 

Theres different levels of being smart. The list above is obviously a poke at being sort of sarcastic because I doubt you lack the intelligence to understand the difference but I will explain anyways.

 

One can be smart with women, knowing how to play the game, knowing how to read her singals, saying the right things at the right time, knowing when to make moves. That is smart, but its only smart in that world. Its only good for interacting with women.

 

Then you have the type of smart that is far enough above the heads of most people that they lack either some or most social skills. Think of Dustin Hoffman in the movie RAINMAN. He was extremely smart but unable to function properly in society.

 

Scene from Rainman

 

 

And below the man that the movie was based on, the real rainman.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ej5GTIwtbI

 

Now the examples above are there to show a benchmark. They are at the extreme edge. If the real rainman is a say a 10...imagine a person at 7 or 8. They may communicate and interact with people a little better, but they still lack the regular everyday social skills that majority of people possess. The biggest problem is at a young age for people like this. Thats where regular people pick up the social skills to learn how to interact with others.

 

Then you have the super rare conditions where you have rainman smarts but have somewhat normal levels of behavior as far as interacting wit others. Daniel, in the video below is one of those people. He still has some social issues, but is able to identify them, and work on them, whereas someone like rainman is unable to.

 

How many people do you know that can recite 22,000 digits of Pi with no mistakes in under 6 hours?

 

 

 

 

I believe I also have Aspbergers syndrome, but its either not that severe for me, or maybe I've learned over time how to adapt to it. But I definetly have issues with reading body language at times, and understanding why people(especially women) do some things.

Edited August 22, 2015 by Male

[elaine567]

I believe I also have Aspbergers syndrome, but its either not that severe for me, or maybe I've learned over time how to adapt to it. But I definitely have issues with reading body language at times, and understanding why people(especially women) do some things.

 

Makes sense.

And that is why I guess when women fade on you, you have little idea why, and it is why you want them to just communicate with you verbally instead.

 

YOU miss the non-verbal communication that is telling you,

"Male, can't you just kiss me now, I have been showing you I am seriously interested in you all evening." - you do nothing, she thinks you are not interested and fades.

Or

"Male, you are boring me to death here, change the subject" - you carry on regardless - she loses interest and she fades.

 

You are missing the non-verbal cues, that others take for granted.

[AD1980]

Makes sense.

And that is why I guess when women fade on you, you have little idea why, and it is why you want them to just communicate with you verbally instead.

 

YOU miss the non-verbal communication that is telling you,

"Male, can't you just kiss me now, I have been showing you I am seriously interested in you all evening." - you do nothing, she thinks you are not interested and fades.

Or

"Male, you are boring me to death here, change the subject" - you carry on regardless - she loses interest and she fades.

 

You are missing the non-verbal cues, that others take for granted.

 

If women aren't gonna meet men halfway verbally and expect the man to do all the mind reading of nonverbal cues then they'll have to live with the fact that they'res men not good at reading them.

[elaine567]

If women aren't gonna meet men halfway verbally and expect the man to do all the mind reading of nonverbal cues then they'll have to live with the fact that they'res men not good at reading them.

 

My post was about Male and his mild Asperger's, which will make it difficult for him to read body language, facial expressions and visual cues accurately.

[mrldii]

If women aren't gonna meet men halfway verbally and expect the man to do all the mind reading of nonverbal cues then they'll have to live with the fact that they'res men not good at reading them.

 

Nahhhh...non-verbal clues are a necessary part of everyday living for both sexes and are not confined to just the dating arena. If one is not good at them and one insists on ONLY receiving verbal indicators, one is going to have trouble understanding:

 

*lights that turn yellow are about to turn red;

 

*when approaching a line, one is expected to go to the end of it and not up to the front because, after all, 'that's where the entrance is'; and

 

*lights dimming in a crowded auditorium means the show's about to start and one should be quiet.

 

In each of these examples, not heeding the non-verbal cues can result in serious bodily harm; none of them require any level of "mind-reading" skills. The same type of skills utilized in these examples are applied to the dating arena...and can be mastered with enough experience and desire.

[xxoo]

If women aren't gonna meet men halfway verbally and expect the man to do all the mind reading of nonverbal cues then they'll have to live with the fact that they'res men not good at reading them.

 

But we don't have to date them.

 

It's not mind reading. It's clear communication to most men and women. If it's a language you don't understand, you are at a disadvantage and would be wise to put effort into learning.

[Male]

Makes sense.

And that is why I guess when women fade on you, you have little idea why, and it is why you want them to just communicate with you verbally instead.

 

YOU miss the non-verbal communication that is telling you,

"Male, can't you just kiss me now, I have been showing you I am seriously interested in you all evening." - you do nothing, she thinks you are not interested and fades.

Or

"Male, you are boring me to death here, change the subject" - you carry on regardless - she loses interest and she fades.

 

You are missing the non-verbal cues, that others take for granted.

 

Yes in my case you are correct to a point. Its almost like it comes and goes with me. I may be wrong about that, but thats how it feels. Sometimes I function perfectly normal and other times I notice quirks either during the moment, or realize what I did later on.

 

 

If women aren't gonna meet men halfway verbally and expect the man to do all the mind reading of nonverbal cues then they'll have to live with the fact that they'res men not good at reading them.

 

I agree with this as well. I think there are a certain percentage of women that just flat out expect the guy to "know" what to do and say based specifically on reading her signs. And if the guy cant do that, she will ditch him till she finds one that does. Then theres the middle of the road women, that use a little more verbal, but still expect the guy to pick up some of her signs, at least the key ones.

 

I think the biggest problem with all of this sign and body language in my opinion....is that theres too many women that write a guy off just because he didnt react to her sign, when in all reality that really doesnt have a huge impact on what he can offer in terms of a relationship, especially long term. Because the more time you spend with someone that you truly car for and love, you will pick up on their non-verbal cues.

 

Just because guy A picks up on it on the 1st date doesnt automatically mean that a relationship with him will be any better than guy B who took 3 dates to pick up on it.

Edited August 22, 2015 by Male

[mrldii]

Just a reminder: We women are allowed to accept or not accept additional dates with a man based on any reason - good or bad, real or imagined - at any time, with or without said man's consent, approval, or understanding...

 

...just as men can and do with/at/to us women.

 

 

No, really...we can. It's in The Rules, and sh*t.

 

 

It was the consolation prize awarded us when the ERA didn't pass.

[Male]

Just a reminder: We women are allowed to accept or not accept additional dates with a man based on any reason - good or bad, real or imagined - at any time, with or without said man's consent, approval, or understanding...

 

 

Yes yes...I agree. I never said ladies arent allowed to make their own choices.

 

I will however, say that a lot of those choices when it comes to dating are bad, and based on illogical thinking.

 

But that is the womans right to make bad choices if she chooses

[mrldii]

Yes yes...I agree. I never said ladies arent allowed to make their own choices.

 

I will however, say that a lot of those choices when it comes to dating are bad, and based on illogical thinking.

 

But that is the womans right to make bad choices if she chooses

 

 

Generally-speaking, we women have a tendency to rely on our emotional reactions when dealing with matters of the heart. This saves our logical reasoning skills for other important stuff,

 

like whether the toilet seat's proper return position is Up or Down.

[elaine567]

Yes in my case you are correct to a point. Its almost like it comes and goes with me. I may be wrong about that, but thats how it feels. Sometimes I function perfectly normal and other times I notice quirks either during the moment, or realize what I did later on.

 

Go and watch a film or a soap episode, with a good female friend and ask her to quiz you on what you think the actors are doing at various times in the film, how they are feeling, what signals they are giving out. If she thinks you are not really picking visual cues up well, nor reading facial expressions and body language accurately, then perhaps you need to go get some help for your Asperger's and your social skills - there are specific courses to go on.

[Popsicle]

I had to learn logic later in life (in my late 30's). A male friend that I respected helped me with that. I was all emotion before that, but now I regret learning logic because once you go to logicland it's hard to go back. Even though I was crazy before, I think I was happier.

[elaine567]

Yes yes...I agree. I never said ladies arent allowed to make their own choices.

 

I will however, say that a lot of those choices when it comes to dating are bad, and based on illogical thinking.

 

But that is the womans right to make bad choices if she chooses

 

Wait a minute, some men make choices on her bra size or the shape of her butt and women are the illogical ones???

[AD1980]

But we don't have to date them.

 

It's not mind reading. It's clear communication to most men and women. If it's a language you don't understand, you are at a disadvantage and would be wise to put effort into learning.

 

I never said you had to date them I said you have no right to whine about them if you're not gonna meet halfway.

 

It reeks of entitlement and women expecting men to make things easy as possible for them early on.

[Male]

Wait a minute, some men make choices on her bra size or the shape of her butt and women are the illogical ones???

 

LOL just for the record....I do not condone or support such men either. Theres a lot of stupid men out there that make illogical choices as well. I just dont date them so therefore I avoid them, which means I dont write about them.

[mrldii]

Wait a minute, some men make choices on her bra size or the shape of her butt and women are the illogical ones???

 

 

Hey, now!!! That is a *perfectly* logical set of criteria, as a larger butt is conducive to having child-bearing hips and larger breasts are an indicator of the female's ability to provide nourishment for said offspring. This is akin to the *fact* that a larger penis will produce better and healthier sperm.

 

Now, the fact that these same "some men" often have no desire TO actually procreate and just want to get as much practice in under their belts borders on being illogical...

 

...but that just may be an emotional response from a woman to the whole situation.

[Popsicle]

You're intelligent if you pick who I want you to pick. Namely me.

[xxoo]

Yes yes...I agree. I never said ladies arent allowed to make their own choices.

 

I will however, say that a lot of those choices when it comes to dating are bad, and based on illogical thinking.

 

But that is the womans right to make bad choices if she chooses

 

If a woman is unimpressed by a mans communication style (zero understanding of non verbal communication), it would be a huge struggle to be in a relationship with him. She's making a good choice by walking away.

[Hawaii51]

That's why the perfect man or woman will be intelligent enough to know that moderation is the key and, spice of life! To be smart, charismatic, sensitive, rough, passionate, funny, caring, affectionate, independent but will to interdepend. etc... Have to be a little bit of everything to be a good catch.

[Imported]

 

Just because guy A picks up on it on the 1st date doesnt automatically mean that a relationship with him will be any better than guy B who took 3 dates to pick up on it.

 

 

 

Timing is everything. If you choose to fire off your nitros after the race is already lost, that's not really logical.

 

 

Unless she is desperate, you might not won't get three dates of being boring and uninteresting to rope her in.