Why smart men fail with women

[elaine567]

For some people, learning social skills is nearly impossible.

The point is enigma can learn and do things naturally. Some people out there cannot...

 

I realise that body language and signals do not always come naturally, but they can be learned from books, videos, the internet, training courses etc. but it seems to me some want to go lalalalala and stick their fingers in their ears and keep saying it is all gobbledygook to me, I have no idea what women are on about.

I negged her like they said, and she went off in a huff, beats me why she did that... Women!!! who needs them.

 

That is fair enough, but dating is serious stuff, it can impact your whole life, and can make the difference between an OK life and one of hell and upset.

 

Taking a week or two out to suss out what it actually means when she is twiddling with her hair, biting her lip, folding her arms or staring intently at the floor, seems pretty sensible to me and time well spent.

It may save a lot of time chasing women who are not interested and ignoring those that are.

[hotpotato]

I realise that body language and signals do not always come naturally, but they can be learned from books, videos, the internet, training courses etc. but it seems to me some want to go lalalalala and stick their fingers in their ears and keep saying it is all gobbledygook to me, I have no idea what women are on about.

I negged her like they said, and she went off in a huff, beats me why she did that... Women!!! who needs them.

 

That is fair enough, but dating is serious stuff, it can impact your whole life, and can make the difference between an OK life and one of hell and upset.

 

Taking a week or two out to suss out what it actually means when she is twiddling with her hair, biting her lip, folding her arms or staring intently at the floor, seems pretty sensible to me and time well spent.

It may save a lot of time chasing women who are not interested and ignoring those that are.

 

If a person is intelligent and wants to strugjle, why not do something else that is probably more rewarding?

Not everyone wants to sit there and constantly struggle.

Edited August 23, 2015 by hotpotato

[NGC1300]

This is why you suck, this is why you fail, blah blah blah.

 

Do this, worry about that, expend effort here, and maybe you'll succeed with women.

 

Haha what a F'in' burden.

 

I'm ready to die alone. Some will claim it's a defense mechanism, an 'excuse', blaming society for my problems, etc.

 

But really, I'm ready to die alone. Too much to expend for too little back.

[elaine567]

This is why you suck, this is why you fail, blah blah blah.

 

Do this, worry about that, expend effort here, and maybe you'll succeed with women.

 

Haha what a F'in' burden.

 

I'm ready to die alone. Some will claim it's a defense mechanism, an 'excuse', blaming society for my problems, etc.

 

But really, I'm ready to die alone. Too much to expend for too little back.

 

That is fine too.

There have always been men that have had little to do with romance or women - confirmed bachelors who spent their days without the company of women.

It is not an issue, if the "burden" of women is too much for YOU, you are correct to jettison them.

We only get one life, lead the life YOU want to live, there is room for everyone.

[autumnnight]

Well, I guess that may depend on what youre doing. Most of the things I enjoy are logical and involve very little emotion.

 

 

Sigh...maybe this is one of those nuances. Since we are talking about dating relationships, my point was that most aspects of a relationship are not all logical or all emotional.

[anduina]

For some people, learning social skills is nearly impossible.

For example, i would never catch on to whether or not a man was into me. I would actually have to have someone with me to point it out. Or the guy walks up to me and pulls out his junk. Im one of those people, though im lucky enough to whete my condition is not as severe as it is with a lit of the more awkward men.

 

The point is enigma can learn and do things naturally. Some people out there cannot...

Watch

.

[autumnnight]

This is simple: if having a successful dating life is important enough to you, you will learn to interact successfully. If it isn't you will continue with the litany of "buts."

[xxoo]

Well, I guess that may depend on what youre doing. Most of the things I enjoy are logical and involve very little emotion.

 

Do you enjoy relationships?

[hotpotato]

Sigh...maybe this is one of those nuances. Since we are talking about dating relationships, my point was that most aspects of a relationship are not all logical or all emotional.

 

And the emotional part can stomp someone who is used to something that is logical and straightforward.

[hotpotato]

Do you enjoy relationships?

 

Well, i dont daye so that doesnt matter anymore. Relationships xan be fun.

[Male]

 

 

Best way to find out of a woman is into you is physical contact. Women who want you tend to show it through touch. They will touch your arm, grab your hand, give you hugs, the whole nine yards. Some woman who thinks you are funny, but doesn't want to blow you might hang out and laugh at your jokes, but she will probably keep her hands to herself, aside from the date killer side-hug that she reserves for people she wants to make clear she isn't interested in.

 

 

As I said, many women act that way with me. Married women, women that are my friends, women that have a boyfriend, women that I met on a date and then ignored my calls for a 2nd date....they pretty much all laugh with me, touch my arm or hand, give me hugs....its all the same sh*t as far as I can tell, but none of it means a damn thing.

[hotpotato]

As I said, many women act that way with me. Married women, women that are my friends, women that have a boyfriend, women that I met on a date and then ignored my calls for a 2nd date....they pretty much all laugh with me, touch my arm or hand, give me hugs....its all the same sh*t as far as I can tell, but none of it means a damn thing.

 

Right. A lot of people give signs that could possibly be romantic.

How many threads on ls do we have in which a girl is friendly to a guy, and he mistakenly thinks he wants to date? After all, she was giving off signs that could be romantic, or really, could be friendly.

 

I would just think they were being nice.

[Male]

Right. A lot of people give signs that could possibly be romantic.

How many threads on ls do we have in which a girl is friendly to a guy, and he mistakenly thinks he wants to date? After all, she was giving off signs that could be romantic, or really, could be friendly.

 

I would just think they were being nice.

 

Agreed.

 

But theres a group of women on here that act like its sooo cut and dry. That if a guy cant tell the difference he must be worthless. I think theres more guys that just take a chance and make a move, than guys that make a move because they picked up a sign. But the woman thinks it was her sign that made him make the move because it feels better that way, and it makes it more romantic in her mind.

[autumnnight]

I think the problem is that it is NOT cut and dried, it will never be cut and dried, but there is a type of person who expects it to be cut and dried.

 

People are not math problems. They never will be. And railing against that fact is just going to lead to more frustration.

[Justanaverageguy]

REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT

REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS

It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.

REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION <<<< Pretty much sums up my entire existence

 

Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!

 

REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT

 

I know this thread has many pages but from the first post none of the things mentioned are in my opinion really linked in any way to some one who is quote "very intelligent". At best they could be used to define people who are skilled in a very narrow logical field of study they stick to. IE: An IT nerd who is very good at math. They sound more like descriptors for socially inept stubborn hermits who stick to their logical comfort zone and feel insecure when asked to move outside that area.

 

Intelligence spans a very wide numbers of areas which include the social sciences, music, emotional intelligence and many other areas. I would not call someone "very intelligent" if they have no knowledge in these areas. Reason 1 alone is almost the perfect descriptor for someone who completely lacks intelligence

[hotpotato]

Agreed.

 

But theres a group of women on here that act like its sooo cut and dry. That if a guy cant tell the difference he must be worthless. I think theres more guys that just take a chance and make a move, than guys that make a move because they picked up a sign. But the woman thinks it was her sign that made him make the move because it feels better that way, and it makes it more romantic in her mind.

Not just guys, but men who are doing well with women and good at picking up cues...and popular with women...

[hotpotato]

I know this thread has many pages but from the first post none of the things mentioned are in my opinion really linked in any way to some one who is quote "very intelligent". At best they could be used to define people who are skilled in a very narrow logical field of study they stick to. IE: An IT nerd who is very good at math. They sound more like descriptors for socially inept stubborn hermits who stick to their logical comfort zone and feel insecure when asked to move outside that area.

 

Intelligence spans a very wide numbers of areas which include the social sciences, music, emotional intelligence and many other areas. I would not call someone "very intelligent" if they have no knowledge in these areas. Reason 1 alone is almost the perfect descriptor for someone who completely lacks intelligence

 

Thats what ive been saying for how long on ls? Just bc youre good at one thing, doesnt mean youll be good at relationships.

 

Relationships, unlike math ir most other things, are very nonlinear.

[anduina]

Thats what ive been saying for how long on ls? Just bc youre good at one thing, doesnt mean youll be good at relationships.

 

Relationships, unlike math ir most other things, are very nonlinear.

If you consider intelligence, it's g-factor which includes the ability to pattern seek. Relationships have a pattern and so do social interactions. If someone's genuinely intelligent, they'll be able to observe these patterns and emulate them.

[hotpotato]

If you consider intelligence, it's g-factor which includes the ability to pattern seek. Relationships have a pattern and so do social interactions. If someone's genuinely intelligent, they'll be able to observe these patterns and emulate them.

 

Relationships have very few patterns. Oftentimes relationships are chaotic snd unpredictable.

 

Once again, you can be very smart in one area and not do well in another at all.

 

I like tolift weights. Irs very simple and straightforward. Relationships are notlike that. Hell, wven otger people who have been agreeing with you have said that relatiobships are not like math equation. Relationships are often very nonlinear. I really do think people get upset just because hot potato says it.

 

Lets just say people can emulate others. Would YOU want yo soend your life performing, plotting your next move abd every word you say? Worried about every detail? Thays,what socual interactions amount to for some people.

 

If we extended this idea to other things, it would be downright silly.

If youre good at automechanics, you should be good with relationships.

If youre good at brain surgery, you should be good sports, after all, some would argue that athleticism is type of intelligence.

By your logic, if youre hood at obe thing, you should be good at another nomatter how unrelated.

Edited August 24, 2015 by hotpotato

[anduina]

Relationships have very few patterns. Oftentimes relationships are chaotic snd unpredictable.

 

Once again, you can be very smart in one area and not do well in another at all.

 

I like tolift weights. Irs very simple and straightforward. Relationships are notlike that. Hell, wven otger people who have been agreeing with you have said that relatiobships are not like math equation. Relationships are often very nonlinear. I really do think people get upset just because hot potato says it.

 

Lets just say people can emulate others. Would YOU want yo soend your life performing, plotting your next move abd every word you say? Worried about every detail? Thays,what socual interactions amount to for some people.

 

If we extended this idea to other things, it would be downright silly.

If youre good at automechanics, you should be good with relationships.

If youre good at brain surgery, you should be good sports, after all, some would argue that athleticism is type of intelligence.

By your logic, if youre hood at obe thing, you should be good at another nomatter how unrelated.

You're confusing linear logic with intelligence and while intelligent people often apply linear logic, they're also able to source down into the roots of the premise, see the patterns and apply the abstraction of the concept out of context.

 

A stellar example of high intelligence would be Leonardo da Vinci.

[autumnnight]

You're confusing linear logic with intelligence and while intelligent people often apply linear logic, they're also able to source down into the roots of the premise, see the patterns and apply the abstraction of the concept out of context.

 

A stellar example of high intelligence would be Leonardo da Vinci.

 

Actually, it is the ability to work outside of categories and be comfortable with non-linear logic that can sometimes demonstrate exceptionally high intelligence.

[hotpotato]

You're confusing linear logic with intelligence and while intelligent people often apply linear logic, they're also able to source down into the roots of the premise, see the patterns and apply the abstraction of the concept out of context.

 

A stellar example of high intelligence would be Leonardo da Vinci.

 

Theres a difference between emotional intellugence and social intelligence and other kinds.

 

A lot of smart people may be used to doing things that are fairly linear. I could totally see how someone who is say good at math or whatever could very well be bad reading cues, esp since one cur can have a lot of meanings. I dont understand what the controversy is, really.

 

 

Maybe also you cant relate to struggling, feeling like you are performing, or things like that. Thats,why i see people who are different would may be better off dating someone who is also kind of different.

[hotpotato]

Actually, it is the ability to work outside of categories and be comfortable with non-linear logic that can sometimes demonstrate exceptionally high intelligence.

 

Once again, you can be good in one thing and be very bad at something. You can still be very intelligent.

 

Someone please explain to me why being good,at one thing or a few things means you should be good at...everything???

 

I dont think most people here can relate to generally struggling and having to think about every little thing. Like ive said before, my issues are relatively mild compared to a lot of the mean. Still, i can sit down and empathize.

[anduina]

Actually, it is the ability to work outside of categories and be comfortable with non-linear logic that can sometimes demonstrate exceptionally high intelligence.

Logic is linear. That's a fact. But linear logic isn't necessarily indicative of high intelligence.

[xxoo]

Once again, you can be good in one thing and be very bad at something. You can still be very intelligent.

 

Someone please explain to me why being good,at one thing or a few things means you should be good at...everything???

 

You're right, intelligence comes in many forms.

 

The average student and average worker who has terrific social skills and great relationships is "highly intelligent" in that area, despite being average in intellect.

 

The brilliant physicist who struggles with interpersonal skills is highly intelligent in a more conventional way.

 

And of course, some are highly intelligent in multiple ways. No one, however, is perfect Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.