c57dood Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 The last relationship I had I was 22 and I'm 32 now. I haven't even dated in that time period either. I guess I don't really "need" a relationship, but I'm afraid that I'm too set in my ways and used to being single that I find it difficult to picture a significant other. Years ago I would get sad or jealous when I saw couples, now for some reason I laugh at them. The whole concept of being with one person for a long period of time just seems alien to me, like its strange that two people can be so into each other like that. I wouldn't even know where to begin, a part of me tells me I should have a girlfriend, but another part of me likes being single. The relationships I did participate in I felt nothing but being trapped and smothered, and I suspect that's a big reason why I've been single for so long and make almost no effort to meet women. I guess my question is how do you deal with these conflicting sides of wanting/not wanting a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 You do realize realize that its perfectly legal to end relationshps right? Once you get into one you are free to end it at any time. Just sounds like you are afraid. Of what, I don't know--maybe the unknown. If so, go get one and when you don't like it, end it. Link to post Share on other sites
bcnguy Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 May be you could reconsider things about your current mindset on relationships. I say this because of the contradiction you're expressing. Giving the impression that you're in denial about your actual needs (wanting/needing a relationship). I mean, that broad generalization based on your previous experience...I guess we should all avoid R altogether, then. So if you felt 'trapped and smothered', then it wasn't a healthy R. In fact sounds more like a codependent one (not saying it was). Good relationships require the two people to be healthy and whole. meaning, not being clingy or needy, being happy in their skin, having no problem being alone with themselves. So they can be truly free to choose that other kind of intimacy between two persons (sharing a common space, never overstepping). That only adds more happiness to their whole lives and it's the opposite to relying on the other to feel happy/complete/secure nor anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I have a similar dilemma. I feel like i should date, but ive grown accustomed to my independence. I think about the things id have to give up I know a lot of people want me to date and get married. They will most likely be sorely disappointed. I deal with this by not dating. This is whats making me happy now. Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I'm a bit like that. It's been 13 years since I last lived with a woman and my last three relationships have been with women who have lived at least 50 miles away. My last girlfriend lived 7,000 miles away but I did visit her regularly. She lived in a hot country with a plethora of palm fringed beaches and we use to travel around quite a bit. It was an arrangement that suited us. I like my space and independence too much without the stress that can be associated with a relationship on my doorstep I suppose and I'm not prepared to sacrifice these things just for anyone. For me to settle down again that person has to tick most of the boxes and I'm in no particular rush to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Relationships? In the 21st century? lol I think you are confused, friend. Unless you believe jumping from one novelty to the next is a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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