mixwell Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Well I went to eat at a restaurant with my friends and low and behold my ex walks in with her new b/f.. wow my heart seriously dropped. I know she saw me but they were sitting far across from us so we couldnt see each other.. So like an idiot I sent a txt saying "too good to say hi at (restaurant name)" Then i get a txt back saying " too scared to say hi. ha" I texted back and said "na. I said I just dont want to keep in touch with someone who lied and betrayed me. I should even have text. k have a nice life" then i get back "same to you" and I said " thanks. peace" I was soo freakin mad.. It felt like he was intruding on my girl even though we aren't together.. Its soo hard because I haven't seen the 2 of them in public until tonight.. It hurts but you know what I am not as bad as I was when the initial breakup happened. It still sucks though because all i can see in her is the good things and it has been hard for me to hate her.. I still feel strongly about her even though were aren't together and I wish I didn't feel that way.. Anyways thought i'd vent a little bit.. I know tomorrow that I am going to be thinking about it but I think ill be ok.. Ok im out.. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Your answers lie within yourself. I'm assuming she cheated on you or somehow betrayed your trust. Well if that's the case, remind yourself that you're better off without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mixwell Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 she didnt cheat on me. basically i moved out of state and she didnt want to do a long dist. relationship. so she broke up after 2 weeks. 2 months later I decided to move back and she was seeing this guy already... she lied and lied to me though about it and i felt like when times got hard she just gave up and found someone else, which is why i feel betrayed.. why do the dumpers find another partner faster than the dumpees ?? doesnt seem fair to me !!! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 By showing her you are bitter, you showed "weakness." You should have walked right up, introduced yourself with a smile and walked away. That would have killed her. That ooozes confidence and maturity. If I ever see my ex and her new beau in public, that's EXACTLY what I am going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by mixwell Why do the dumpers find another partner faster than the dumpees ?? doesnt seem fair to me !!! Coz they were looking for someone new BEFORE they broke up with you. My ex already had someone in mind before she ended things. Good for her. I must have be due for someone much, much better Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 she didnt cheat on me. basically i moved out of state and she didnt want to do a long dist. relationship. so she broke up after 2 weeks. 2 months later I decided to move back and she was seeing this guy already... she lied and lied to me though about it and i felt like when times got hard she just gave up and found someone else, which is why i feel betrayed.. why do the dumpers find another partner faster than the dumpees ?? doesnt seem fair to me !!! Well, there may be more to the story than what I know now, but based on what you have said thus far, she's not really done anything wrong. You moved, and she didn't want to date someone long distance. But then you changed your mind and expected her to do what, figure out what you were going to do? Wait around for you? Not trying to antagonize you here, but what did you expect? What did she lie about? Seems to me she was pretty straight up about what she wanted and what she didn't. Maybe you're just having a hard time accepting it, which is understandable to a point, I suppose. But you just have to move on, as she's done. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by mixwell why do the dumpers find another partner faster than the dumpees ?? doesnt seem fair to me !!! Well my theory on why the dumpers find somebody so much quicker is this: It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave somebody who you once loved, I have never done it but I imagine the dumper thinks about it long before they actually do it. This proves to them that they do have strength and courage and builds up their confidence to do anything they want. Therefore I imagine once they are single even though they have done something to hurt somebody it has given them a whole new strength and courage in their lives. This new found confidence probably carries forward and makes it very easy for them to find somebody new. The dumpee on the other hand has just had all of their confidence knocked out of them and as you all know looking and feeling like you have no confidence does you no favours in the dating game. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mixwell Posted May 12, 2005 Author Share Posted May 12, 2005 i know what yer saying amerika.. I mean i think physically I moved but when I moved back I admitted like a man that i messed up and I was sorry and it messed me up.. what else could I say ? I poured my heart out to her.. haha i just got a txt from her phone saying "lied and betrayed you ? haha." She obviously feels like i betrayed her by moving but I dont know. I just said we needed each other then and that i felt like she just gave up" i said i admit i messed up and i moved back so its not like distance was the issue. whatever though just recapped.. i just said its time to move on and thats all i have to say. then i said peace... i just now got another txt saying "peace yerself" how insensitive.. i just said " thats all you have to say about all this? wow you really dont give a shiz.. i said im done with this" thats it for now.. im sure ill get another txt back in about 5 mins or so or whatever.. ill keep you updated.. im going to bed cuz i have work and i dont need to think about this shiz.. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk Well my theory on why the dumpers find somebody so much quicker is this: It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave somebody who you once loved, I have never done it but I imagine the dumper thinks about it long before they actually do it. This proves to them that they do have strength and courage and builds up their confidence to do anything they want. Therefore I imagine once they are single even though they have done something to hurt somebody it has given them a whole new strength and courage in their lives. This new found confidence probably carries forward and makes it very easy for them to find somebody new. The dumpee on the other hand has just had all of their confidence knocked out of them and as you all know looking and feeling like you have no confidence does you no favours in the dating game. Just my thoughts. I dont 100% agree with that. I agree the dumpee probably will take some time before they find anyone. But I do think the dumper might also be cowards. They dont want to leave their familiar surroundings unless they have someone else lined up and ready. I think it depends on how long of a relationship, and if the dumper met the OP before or after. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl They dont want to leave their familiar surroundings unless they have someone else lined up and ready. Originally posted by dgiirl I think it depends on how long of a relationship, and if the dumper met the OP before or after. Seems like a bit of a contradiction there? If they met them before they dumped you then that is obviously the reason they dumped you, if however they met them after they probably did so because they weren't feeling down and depressed about things. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 mixwell, So it sounds like you moved away from her against her wishes, knowing what the consequences would be - knowing that she would break up with you if you moved away. Is that right? Well, then if you knew that ahead of time and you moved anyway, then what's the fuss? You made the decision - live with it. Some decisions you can't take back so easily. Other people have lives, too, ya know. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by mixwell .. So like an idiot I sent a txt saying "too good to say hi at (restaurant name)" why did u do that MIXWELL? That was stupid. This was a situation where u do nothing and say nothing. you gave away your position and power in that one action. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 why did u do that MIXWELL? That was stupid. This was a situation where u do nothing and say nothing. you gave away your position and power in that one action. I agree with Alpha ...By doing that your giving her the attention she craves. You're showing her your weakness and she'll never truly understand what she lost till you stop all contact. I would have been laughing with my friends, making it seem as if I was having the time of my life. I would have never looked her way, or even let her catch me giving her a glimpse...Ignore the f*** out of her and throw it in her face that after her...LIFE GOES ON! I would have even maybe gotten up and go to the bathroom and walk right by her table and not even look at her just smile and walk my happy a$$ to the bathroom like Dorothy on the yellow brick road skipping along... Of course in my own head I would have gone up to her and slap the s*** out of her and punch the guy in the face but that's just my subconscious talking... She doesn't have to know all the details!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Bitter Your still very bitter about the whole breakup situation. Stop analyzing about the "Shoulda, coulda, woulda." it's over. She has a new BF. You should go find a new GF. Do this - Delete her number from your phone. Delete all emails that you have saved, concerning her. Remove her email address from your saved addresses. Remove her picture from your wallet. Remove all framed pictures of her at your apartment. If you happend to see her again, don't even blink and just walk on by or just totally iginore her. Move on. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk Seems like a bit of a contradiction there? If they met them before they dumped you then that is obviously the reason they dumped you, if however they met them after they probably did so because they weren't feeling down and depressed about things. But how is it courageous to leave someone only after you meet someone else? That's cowardly. Courageous is when you know things are not working out and you leave on your own accord. Maybe the OP gives them the confidence to do it, but I dont think they have the confidence before hand. Again, every situation is different. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Yes I agree with you. In my original post i was responding to a question that somebody asked. "how can they move on so quickly?" I was responding assuming that they hadn't met anybody beofre the split but then seemed to meet somebody and move on after they had left theor previous partner. I suggested it was a matter of confidence and that they had probably gained a lot of confidence by realizing they can leave somebody they once loved and feel strong in their decision. If they met the new SO before they left the old one then that is a different ball game but nit what I was talking about. Hope this clarifies what I meant. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever I agree with Alpha I would have been laughing with my friends, making it seem as if I was having the time of my life. I would have never looked her way, or even let her catch me giving her a glimpse...Ignore the f*** out of her and throw it in her face that after her...LIFE GOES ON! yeah NSN. why is it that most women know this shyt instinctually but most men are too f***ing stupid to figure it out??? That is why many times women get the best of men. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 yeah NSN. why is it that most women know this shyt instinctually but most men are too f***ing stupid to figure it out??? That is why many times women get the best of men. See, I just value myself so much and I have so much pride that I don't give them the satisfaction to see me weak.. I've learned the HARD way that people can walk all over you if you give them even a hint of weakness. I've been f***ed over a lot Alpha...Plus with time and age and growing up, you learn to think of yourself first (not all the time of course)...But the reason I know this.. I'LL NEVER TELL... Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk If they met the new SO before they left the old one then that is a different ball game but nit what I was talking about. Hope this clarifies what I meant. oops sorry my bad I guess we both agree with each other and all is good Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 All good Dgiirl!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yeah NSN. why is it that most women know this shyt instinctually but most men are too f***ing stupid to figure it out??? That is why many times women get the best of men. Some people know it instinctually, some people learn it after a bad experience, and the real chumps just never learn, repeating the bad experiences and getting walked on their whole lives. I think women are, in general, more skilled at relationship issues and tend to be more emotionally intelligent. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yeah NSN. why is it that most women know this shyt instinctually but most men are too f***ing stupid to figure it out??? That is why many times women get the best of men. Oh believe me, I learned BIG TIME what not to do anymore. Had I just played it cool..... Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 I think women are, in general, more skilled at relationship issues and tend to be more emotionally intelligent. Can't agree with you more... But, theirs always an exception to the rule. Some woman never learn, and suffer for the rest of their lives. It's what their use to and all the know. Woman can be so f***ed up sometimes, we just show less.. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 i just wonder how exactly she lied and betrayed your trust? not to mention maybe she wasn't indicating that you were too scared to say hi, maybe she was saying that she was. maybe she didn't know what to say to you or how you would react. i'm sorry you're obviously still hurting, but what you did was along the same lines showing up at someone's front door, ringing the bell, and then standing there not saying anything so you can purposely ignore them when they answer. the person on the receiving end of that sees it as pretty silly, and no offense, but kind of pathetic. not the best idea. you're better of letting her think you're fine and that you don't miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron I think women are, in general, more skilled at relationship issues and tend to be more emotionally intelligent. I agree BROTHER AARON. Women got the emotional intelligence and men got physical strength. A man who has emotional strength will have women coming out his wazoo. Link to post Share on other sites
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