I messed up

[TaraMaiden2]

Out of curiosity, did you read some of the other threads about her?

 

no, I just went by what you last posted a thread about -

 

Lately things have been very rocky. During the summers I work 45 hours a week and I also take summer school. She has been complaining about how I don't make enough time for her and that is never my priority. Keep in mind I always see her at least 2-3 times a week. Just the other day she sent me a (VERY) long message by text saying how she's fed up and that it's not acceptable for a bf not to see his gf all weekend and yada yada yada.

 

The 'yada yada yada' bit is very telling.

 

 

When I told her that we're both good people and that we both deserve to be happy, and that maybe, just maybe, we won't/can't be happy together because we can't meet each other's needs, she went on a long rant about how breaking up isn't really an option and that we have to work it out.

Tell her to make her mind up, for goodness' sake.

And don't forget to tell her about the 'in the car' indiscretion, too.

 

We also just adopted a dog together, so she talked about that.

I totally fail to see what on earth this has to do with anything.

[TaraMaiden2]

 

...We were parked in front of her place for 45mins+ just talking and she started opening up about how rocky her relationship has been as well. I felt something was going to happen between us so I kept asking her to get out of the car (politely obviously). She kept saying things like she didn't want to, and nothing happened between us, all that jazz. At least 5 times I told her that she should go home before something happens. Next thing I know, she is kissing me. Made out for a couple of seconds before I told her to get off and that we shouldn't do this.

 

Feel like $hit now. Don't know what to do. Thoughts?

 

I avoided mentioning this part of your post because almost precisely the same thing happened to my H, about 6 months after we met.

 

He went to a Uni function (he was studying for his Law degree) and he gave a felow student a lift home. I knew he was doing this. He rang me and told me, "I'm giving X.X.X a lift home afterwards, but she lives miles away. It's going to take me about an hour, but she's given me fuel money. I should be home by about 1.30am. Don't wait up."

 

In the car, she starts opening up about how she and her BF, with whom she's been for around 3 years, are getting stale, drifting, going nowhere... and then she starts making suggestions about what she, and my H could get up to, once they reach her place.

I should point out my H was totally sober, as he was driving, and she had not drunk much due to being on medication for a shoulder injury. Her medication did not mix well with alcohol. So she was sober too, by this point.

 

so he makes tactful references to his being attached to me, and not being interested, but she persisits.

They reach her house.

She begins crying, feeling sorry for herself.

Then she puts her hand on his leg.

He lifts her hand off his leg, gets out of the car, and goes round to the passenger door, opens it, and tells her to get out of the car, as she's home now.

She doesn't move, but asks why he's turning a free bit of fun, down.

he again explains that he is attached, he loves me, he has no wish to have a bit of fun, it's late, he wants to get home, and she needs to get out of the car, NOW.

 

She pseudo-sulks, complains nobody's ever turned her down, clambers out of the car, and lunges at him to put her arms around his neck, and give him a kiss.

Next thing she knows, she's sitting on the grass verge, because he's unwound her arms from around his neck, and tipped her backwards on her high heels and lowered her onto the sidewalk.

 

He wasn't rough, abusive or violent. He got out of the situation by separating himself from her in no uncertain terms.

 

Then he turned round, went back to the driver's side, got in, and drove off, leaving her sitting on the grass verge, with her mother at the door, screeching at her to come in.

 

All this took fewer than 10 minutes.

 

Why would you sit outside her house for nearly an hour and then actually let her kiss you - and then also make out with her, even if only for 'a couple of seconds'...?

 

Any person secure, happy and confident that their relationship is sound and solid, would not even have given this girl the time of day....

[joemax]

...But it should be the last one you make about her, as your GF.

 

Out of curiosity, why did you say that?

[TaraMaiden2]

Because you should end this.

It's really not doing you any good staying with her. This is messed up.

 

She treats you badly, and you actually - for however brief a time it was - responded and reciprocated to someone else's advances.

This is not a good state to be in.

 

You both have problems you need to work through.

And if you need to work this hard, you have to ask yourself why you're in this - for the drama?

[Celestial-dreamer]

Sorry am I being odd by thinking his GF is only asking him to spend more time with her because she feels neglected/unloved/unwanted etc and that is a BAD thing? The more she asks you the more you pull away, nice. I thought communicating one's needs was the thing to do in a relationship? The way OP posted about her wanting more time and his flippant yadda yadda yadda at the end....wow. No wonder she's almost begging. A GF shouldn't have to beg her BF for time. Can you spend more time with her? She is asking you for your time and attention, I never thought that was a bad thing to ask for in a relationship. Do you fella's see everything a woman asks you for as an attack or her being demanding? Seeing her 2-3 times a week in a committed relationship really isn't that much time really.

 

On the other hand, you don't seem that bothered about actually getting to see your GF (anyone in love MAKES the time) and this thing with your co-worker...you put yourself in that position, you knew what was going on and you wanted it to. Your attitude seems so, *whatever*, about your relationship.