thorin Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 This might sound pathetic, but there are things that lowered my confidence seriously - break up half year ago, friends finding girlfriends, me not being able to get even a date since half a year. Where do I look for? - attending dance lessons by myself - partying with friends every week (or 2x a week) Where's the problem? - I can start talking with a girl, but it ends in max 5 minutes - I can't keep the conversation flirty, funny, whatever - they lose interest. I talk about whatever I think of, but mostly I can't make it interesting. - I'm the type of person who's kind of shy at the beginning, but becomes open and outgoing later during relationships (formal, sexual, doesn't matter) - I don't meet many girls What do I do to fight the problem? Everything - found a good job, did a bungee jump, planning to do parachute jump, moved out of parent's house, went on vacation, started going out more. On the lowest level all of those things I do to find new girlfriend, or forget about the old one. Results so far One new relation with a girl who has a bf and doesn't really want to dump him. A couple of worthless phone numbers. A couple of drunk kisses on parties. ------------ The whole 6 months seriously lowered my confidence as I said - and I don't see how it would change in the future. Summer break ends, winter is coming, and I don't have any idea. Bah, I'm tired of approaching girls, and afraid that more rejection will only lower my confidence even more. And thus I'm trying to do everything to find a girlfriend without any effects. I'm not bad looking, I'd say the average. It's just...how not to give up, and keep trying? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Try a gym membership. Something to work on yourself. Look around for groups, clubs on things that interest you. Have a good friend critique your wardrobe. Clothes do make the man. Work on yourself the rest will come. Read up and understand women. What they want, like, need. Getting one doesn't mean you'll be able to keep her. A good friend of mine who is nothing to look at attracts more women than most. Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 This might sound pathetic, but there are things that lowered my confidence seriously - break up half year ago, friends finding girlfriends, me not being able to get even a date since half a year. If it's any consolation in the confidence department, in my experience quality of the person doesn't seems to have any correlation with ability to attract women. Have you ever trained a dog? Or any animal, for that matter? Well, it's pretty much a matter of repetition, making them do it over and over again. I'm reminded of what Gene Hackman said in Crimson tide, with enough use of the cattle prod, you can train horse to deal cards. I think it pertains to this too. One has to train oneself the same way: through repetition. You could try to talk to and ask out lots of women, as many as you can, and presumably, you will learn from experience, which in truth is the only way to learn almost anything. Baptism by fire and whatnot. That part is speculation on my part, as I have yet to conclusively ascertain the results of my own trials in these things. But what I know for fact (or for me at least) is that, in time, much when subjected with physical pain, you gradually become more and more desensitized to the humiliation of rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Keeping a conversation going isn't the easiest thing in the world but you don't always have to be "on" to do so. Are you asking Qs? Are you interested in the answers? This is where most people fail. They ask the Q because they know they are supposed to but they are so focused on the next question & their own nervousness that they don't listen to the answer. Active listening involves eye contact and relevant related follow up Qs There are classes taught by groups like Dale Carnegie that can help you improve these skills. If you can't afford a Dale Carnegie class ask when they have the next training class. You go at a discount because it's the "final exam" for people who are training to be instructors. You get the program but it gets interrupted as the real trainers critique the newbies. It's much cheaper than the regular class. I actually got a lot of insight from listening to the critiques of the trainees. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 You're not doing anything wrong; you just haven't met anyone who is in to you. If someone was into you it wouldn't matter what you said; that person would surely keep the convo going. Think about it, if a chick was talking to someone with the looks of Brad Pitt, you think it would matter what he said? lol. I think for most guys, they will find only a very small amount of women who are attracted to them. It's weird, because for guys, they can walk past 20 women a day they'd be interested in. It all comes down to the right time and luck. I wouldn't beat yourself up; modern dating is almost impossible for a lot of guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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