yxalitis Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 So I left Kay after 9 months because she simply wasn't invested enough in our relationship. I felt a tad used, she had decided that things weren't working out a while before we broke up, but kept the relationship going partially because I was supporting her financially. I know this for fact as her friend had reached out to me to try and help us work out the issues (she respected me, and felt that Kay was very unappreciative of my love and support) Anyway, fast forward to last week, and Kay reaches out to me...cryptically..by changing her What's App status message to: "Life is so much challenge. ... when will the sea go smooth???" "Wait, how do you think that was an attempt to reach you?" You may ask.. Because I am just about the only English speaker in her list of contacts, and her last message was in Chinese. I also know the way she works. I have been meaning to open communication with her again, as I believe that if there was enough to sustain a relationship for that long, we can still be friends. (I know that's not a popular opinion, but I'm still friends with most of my ex'es) So I contact her, and sure enough a few minutes into the call she starts going on about her problems, she's got TWO speeding tickets on the way back from her snow trip (Paid for by her a friend), and her flatmates are moving out and she has to find new ones...how will she pay all the bills etc. I didn't bite, other than to be sympathetic...I left her in a lurch, as I knew without me she wouldn't have enough money...but at the end of the day, she has to be self-sufficient. And I'm not about to send her any money, and she didn't ask. But, hypothetically, would you help out an ex? Especially if you were the provider, and took that support with you. (In Australia you have to be de facto for 2 hears before you are eligible for financial assistance from the ex). Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 F*ck no. I'll never help a GF out financially again, either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Nope. Absolutely Not. Never. Uh-Huh. Niet. Not this time. Unfortunately not. Not possible. Nah. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 ^^ I think she means 'no'. ^^ I concur. She laid enough hints to open a new super highway. Take the scenic route.... Well done for avoiding those grid-lock roadworks!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 yes I have helped out my formers ,and vice versa. Scenarios were more in medical help then home/household. In your dynamic situation, it was wise to not offer. She is on her own for the tickets and her living circumstance. Glad to hear you can remain friends, ppl toss out others like candy wrappers... so to rise above that shows character. Just keep your wallet closed for now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Nope. Absolutely Not. Never. Uh-Huh. Niet. Not this time. Unfortunately not. Not possible. Nah. But...are you SURE? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 yes I have helped out my formers ,and vice versa. Scenarios were more in medical help then home/household. Agree that is different. In your dynamic situation, it was wise to not offer. She is on her own for the tickets and her living circumstance. Yes, she has to lie in the bed she made. Glad to hear you can remain friends, ppl toss out others like candy wrappers... so to rise above that shows character. Just keep your wallet closed for now. Oh for sure! 100% agree! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 If we were actually friends, maybe. In your situation, no. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 No honey, no money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 What.... You mean, paying for sex....? Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Um no! It's nice that you want to be nice for someone you once cared about but tbh, bailing people out who have financial problems tends to always be a recipe for disaster, let alone doing that for an ex. Let her vent to you if youre ok with it, but it's not your responsibility. She's an adult so I'm sure she can sort herself out. And if she doesn't know how to, she'll soon learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 What.... You mean, paying for sex....? It was an Asian themed joke. Sex is never free, even in a relationship. Of course he should not give her a penny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 kay probably can get money if that's what she needs. Money didn't do much for your relationship then, it won't now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 I want to say No. I really do. But I can't for two reasons. 1). I broke up with a guy who had no where to go. I wanted him out of my life so badly I bought him a plane ticket & gave him $500 cash just to get the F away from me. He swore he'd pay me back. I knew it was a lie even as he said it but it was a small price to pay to get him out of my life & house. 2). 20 years after we broke up an EX-BF came to me with a business proposition. It was a sweet deal for me & the EX paid me a lot of money. He really wanted my particular skill set; it wasn't a hand out. But after the person was out of my life, I can't see myself giving an EX a hand out. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 She is already out of your life, you are letting her back in allowing the contact. IF you give her any money you are inviting her back into your life... I would never give any ex GF any money... period... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 In your situation I don't think I would. She seems irresponsible. Me? For my ex-husband, yes I would. He's a good man and the father of both my children. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
keebee Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Don't do it, homeslice. I took care of the family finances when I was married (managed them, wasn't the breadwinner, I only worked part-time until we split and now I'm kicking butt). He let everything fall apart after he left and now a year later I'm STILL giving him money because I feel bad for him. Over time, they come to accept it as the norm and take it for granted. Just don't take the bait. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, that's too bad" and keep right on moving to another topic Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I agree that she should become self-sufficient. I would consider helping- to the extent that I could afford to- only one of my exes, the one who was financially generous and helpful to me. I doubt he would ever need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Completely undeserved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 She got back in touch, and within a few lines started talking about her woes again: Kay: How's thing? Me: Good thanks Kay...! Me: And you? Kay: I'm fine. Kay: Still looking for work to change Kay: Wasn't success for last 3 interviews Kay: ? Me: Yeah...I'm OK for now...oh, that's bad luck Kay: And i got to sort out my fine very soon ? Me: At least you're getting interviews! Kay: I know. ..no luck Kay: Yeah. .. Kay: Now I'm trying for private corporate Me: Wish you luck Kay: Well. .. I've check my demerits points balance. .. only 3 points left Kay: Do you still want to collect your stuff? Me: Yeah...for sure Me: Saturday Morning? Me: Or after work Kay: Will let you know. Not sure about my plan yet. Me: No problems Kay: ? Me: Maybe talk about that when I come over...I'm thinking Saturday you drop [daughter] off, I shout you a yummy breakfast at Brunelli's, and we see... Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Say to Kay no way to a pay day, Okay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Cool texts, bro. Make sure to post the sex vids here too, plz. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Cool texts, bro. Make sure to post the sex vids here too, plz. It's technically not prostitution..right? I doubt she'll go for it... Not that she'd have a problem with the sex, but I think she wants to remain emotionally detached...and she's not the type to disassociate sex from love. Link to post Share on other sites
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