Married Sex 2 weeks after period

[Justcurious3]

research "OCD", I think you've got it.

 

 

also, who the heck cares if you are clean enough for oral sex? certainly not him. Let him screw you all 4 weeks of the month, and have him wait for the two weeks after your period for cunilingus.

 

 

those two weeks while you are making him wait....I am sure his girlfriend appreciates having him all to herself

Umm... I don't think you understood what was written.

[Justcurious3]

I'm so sorry. He just sounds so selfish. He's not even willing to try to overcome his aversion. If this were my husband I'd be "Eff you- go suck a tampon you selfish dick!" But that's just me.

 

He's being irrational and illogical. Therapy could really help with this. It's a shame he won't go.

 

Also, to tell you to use a toy to take care of yourself! That makes me angry for you. He gets his, and doesn't gaf about your pleasure. I've been having sex with my husband 24 years and my pleasure is what gets him really turned on. He enjoys seeing and feeling my body respond to what he does to it. The fact that your husband isn't motivated by a desire to sexually please you is a big problem and I'm sorry you are facing this.

 

You have to consider your options and decide what you can live with and tolerate. Intimacy is the glue that keeps a couple together. If he isn't willing to change, are you willing to accept this and accommodate his sexual needs, while he ignores yours?

Oh he refuses to accept that he's a selfish lover. He believes he is a very great lover and says I'm just trying to belittle him. I don't have any options he's all I got. Thanks for your advice I appreciate it.

[GemmaUK]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

My last ex appeared to have the same issue. He told me that he had once been covered in fresh blood all over his face, head, neck and shoulders. Not that I believed him as that sounds pretty ridiculous to me.

I was on contraception which stopped my periods but he was still even then very un giving, a few seconds was al it should take according to him whenever he did make any effort.

One time he just stopped and I went to pull my little vibe out of the drawer but he slammed my hand in the drawer, that was the end of that for me and he just continued and had sex with me.

 

He grew stubble and it suited him so I said so. (We were long distance by the way so he had grow it when we were apart). He somehow translated me liking how his stubble looked to then trying to use that directly on my clitoris. I screamed in pain. Again, that was it for me, he carried on.

 

One time we had a night which was going to be lots of foreplay, learning etc and I described to him what I liked and what worked for me (which no other man yet has had any problems with - in fact they loved that I told them) but he again, stopped, got up and then threw himself back on the bed saying 'it's too difficult!'.

 

He only ever initiated sex twice in the 7 months I was with him, both times were punishment.

One was when he was angry as I didn't tell him where I was going when I left the living room full of people when I needed to go to the toilet. He raped me that night.

The other time he tried to initiate just as we were leaving to go and meet my friend for a drink. He didn't want to meet my friend.

 

I've read a few books on his behaviour - there were many other things about him that were just off. One book called Why Does He Go That says that basically some men just don't see sex as being something women need.

Maybe your man has the same attitude. Maybe my ex did.

 

There were so many other issues in the relationship - all were my fault he said - that sex became a non-issue.

Finally after several attempts I managed to end the relationship.

 

I get a feeling that without counselling your guy isn't going to change and he won't do counselling. Maybe you should try some for yourself to help make you aware that you shouldn't have to live like this.

[Lois_Griffin]

So, my husband has been hinting at sex for a few days now since my period ended on the 9th which is almost 2 weeks ago. I felt comfortable that enough time had passed since the end of my period so I initiated sex.

 

I like to wait an extra while after my period is over before having sex because otherwise he'll refuse to go down on me because there might be residual blood, which is fine I understand that and it's totally ok, and that's why I wait to make sure there is nothing left.

 

But oral is how I get wettest and the only way I can climax, and he knows this.

 

So we're making out and when he goes to put it in I asked him to go down on me first and he said no that there might be blood. So I told him I would rather wait to have sex whenever he feels comfortable enough to go down on me than have 'painful dry vag only he gets pleasure sex.'

 

Well he didn't like that.

 

It's been two weeks there's no blood. I feel as if it was merely his excuse for not wanting to give me oral, and instead of just saying so he blamed it on 'potential blood' that could be there after two weeks.

 

He said that I was making it difficult and being impossible by refusing to have sex. He became very upset and told me that he shouldn't be punished just cuz I don't get to climax and that I should have sex with him just to make him happy and give him pleasure, not just to orgasm.

 

I'm so tired of it. I don't even understand anymore. Am I wrong? What am I missing here?

Well apparently, YOUR pleasure is up for negotiation but his isn't.

 

Lazy and selfish. Aren't YOU the lucky woman?

 

I wouldn't waste my time with this ass.

[Lois_Griffin]

He says it makes him feel inadequate that I need a toy, or lube, and that I should just be soaking wet by just looking at him or by the time his pens gets close to my vaginas like every other woman he's been with, he tells me he's never had this problem with any other woman, and I remind him those other women cheated on him.

 

LOL. He's a special kind of stupid, isn't he?

[Lois_Griffin]

Make an appointment with your Gyn/OB doctor and be honest with them. You can take your BC pills in a way so as to SKIP your period each month, and it's still healthy to do so, perfectly safe.

 

This will eliminate your husbands "blood issue" and get down to the truth. If he persists on making your sexuality and orgasms low priority you can then take this newfound truth to a marriage counselor.

 

Then you will decide, with him and in counseling, if this is a deal breaker in your marriage. It would be in mine, and many other women, but perhaps not you. Either way, there will no more yanking your chain as to what he will do, or why, and you can make an honest decision based on truth.

 

Good luck.

Do NOT play God with your body just to pacify this selfish assclown. He's not worth the time and he's CERTAINLY not worth altering your body's natural functions. Good Christ.

[road]

Not all men like going Downtown. So they come up with excuses to avoid going there. Though to not allow a woman to use lube if she wants it or a toy is not being reasonable.

[Grumpybutfun]

I'm so sorry. He just sounds so selfish. He's not even willing to try to overcome his aversion. If this were my husband I'd be "Eff you- go suck a tampon you selfish dick!" But that's just me.

 

He's being irrational and illogical. Therapy could really help with this. It's a shame he won't go.

 

Also, to tell you to use a toy to take care of yourself! That makes me angry for you. He gets his, and doesn't gaf about your pleasure. I've been having sex with my husband 24 years and my pleasure is what gets him really turned on. He enjoys seeing and feeling my body respond to what he does to it. The fact that your husband isn't motivated by a desire to sexually please you is a big problem and I'm sorry you are facing this.

 

You have to consider your options and decide what you can live with and tolerate. Intimacy is the glue that keeps a couple together. If he isn't willing to change, are you willing to accept this and accommodate his sexual needs, while he ignores yours?

 

This^^^Unfortunately, you are married to an entitled selfish ass. It will, or has, bleed out into other areas of your relationship. You are accepting poor behavior because of self esteem issues.....you need to figure this out in a hurry before you waste anymore time on dicks.

Move on,

Grumps

[autumnnight]

Not all men like going Downtown. So they come up with excuses to avoid going there. Though to not allow a woman to use lube if she wants it or a toy is not being reasonable.

 

True. Of course, I assume no man who hates "going downtown" expects a BJ, right?

 

OP, if your H is using a period as an excuse, then his dishonesty is on HIM.

[redtail]

Not all men like going Downtown.

 

Whoa, get out!!

[Diezel]

He doesn't like going down on you at all, and it seems like this is a requirement for you.

 

You two are both sexually incompatible.

 

The blood is an excuse, he's using it to minimize the amount of times he gives you oral.

[jen1447]

I'd trade him in for a new model if I were you.

[anna121]

I just feel so defeated I've tried everything except being selfish. He tells me to stop focusing on his pleasure and 'get mine' but only as long as it includes little to no effort from him and only his penis.

 

I guess I'll be in a sex less marriage. Now I'm just venting.

 

 

Why?

 

He sounds beyond awful. Ugh.

 

Why sign on for 2-3 decades of this?

[SSJROMANCE]

Tell your husband to take off his dress. My goodness. I go down on my wife DURING her period but keep it on her love button. A little taste of blood isn't going to kill him!!! Do you give him BJ's and does he cum in your mouth? Even if he doesn't there is always that fluid that is released during oral sex. So tell him to man up and quite being a p****! Sex is dirty, sweaty and fluidity - the more the better!

[salparadise]

C'mon folks. She's married to the guy and has a kid. You have to accept people where they are, as they are––telling her to dump him is kinda like telling a fat lady to just be thin or a bald guy to get over it and grow some hair. That advice expresses the poster's narrow view without taking her circumstances, values and perspective into account. If the OP is not already considering separation/divorce how can anyone in good conscience try and convince her to do that? Counseling is needed, and I think she should be exploring ways to convince him to go. And I don't think withholding sex would be advisable.

 

OP, do you value your marriage and family and love your husband? What do you think might motivate or convince him to go to counseling?

[redtail]

Sex is dirty, sweaty and fluidity - the more the better!

 

That's what I'm talking about!

[TX-SC]

Oh good Lord. If my wife would let me, I would never even come up for air. I'd live in it! But, that's me. Your husband has some serious hangups and should see a counselor.

[Justcurious3]

C'mon folks. She's married to the guy and has a kid. You have to accept people where they are, as they are––telling her to dump him is kinda like telling a fat lady to just be thin or a bald guy to get over it and grow some hair. That advice expresses the poster's narrow view without taking her circumstances, values and perspective into account. If the OP is not already considering separation/divorce how can anyone in good conscience try and convince her to do that? Counseling is needed, and I think she should be exploring ways to convince him to go. And I don't think withholding sex would be advisable.

 

OP, do you value your marriage and family and love your husband? What do you think might motivate or convince him to go to counseling?

I do value our marriage and family, and he says he does too. Neither one of us wants to divorce.

 

He once told me he'd kill me,the babies,and then himself if we didn't work out because his life would pretty much be over. I know that sounds horrible,and it is, but I choose to think he wouldn't do that. He has gone through soooo much terrible stuff in his life, so I think I just understood it as he would be so devastated if we split. When he said that to me was the first time I felt afraid, he says I shouldn't be afraid that he'll never hurt me or our children, but that's a he'll of a thing to say.

 

Anyways, counseling he says will stress him out more and he says he has enough stress from work and school, and doesn't need more at home.

 

I've told him that I've given him oral soooo many times and he smells gross and tastes bad even straight out of the shower but I never stopped doing it or created a ****ing obstacle course of things he had to do before I would go down on him.

 

Now he's all dramatic and bought some jock itch spray and says it's because I told him he smells so he's spraying himself.

 

Also, he told me that it's not that he doesn't care about my pleasure (ok sure) it's that he gets anxiety because he feels that if he goes down and I don't orgasm I'm going to blame it on him and make it his fault,and he'd rather avoid that altogether and just penetrate and leave the rest up to me.

 

His other solution was to continue having sex and not worrying about me orgasming to help him heal and feel less anxious about performing. He tells me to stop thinking he doesn't care because he cares too much.

 

The things he says don't make sense to me.

 

I have no family, and no friends , I wouldn't know where to go or what to do if we broke up.

[Waynester]

What a sad situation for you to be in op. Sex isn't everything they say, but in a loving relationship, it's a very large and important part of it!!

Making love should be exciting & highly stimulating, but it (imo) should have a foundation of complete & utter trust and respect. There's certainly no place for any selfishness! The best part for me IS foreplay, listenening to what my partner wants and particularly enjoys. Apparently, for a man this is quite a rare thing!

The best part for me is the pleasure I can give to her rather than what I receive. I love it when she orgasms through oral/foreplay..before we even have penetrative sex!

 

Not everyone likes oral sex, I accept that, but the way he's talking to you, treating you is completely out of order, It's really hurtful, and I'm so sorry for you.. If he doesn't listen to you, or make an effort to change his attitude then..I cannot imagine how you can continue your marriage like that. He needs to shape up or ship out!!

[Justcurious3]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

My last ex appeared to have the same issue. He told me that he had once been covered in fresh blood all over his face, head, neck and shoulders. Not that I believed him as that sounds pretty ridiculous to me.

I was on contraception which stopped my periods but he was still even then very un giving, a few seconds was al it should take according to him whenever he did make any effort.

One time he just stopped and I went to pull my little vibe out of the drawer but he slammed my hand in the drawer, that was the end of that for me and he just continued and had sex with me.

 

He grew stubble and it suited him so I said so. (We were long distance by the way so he had grow it when we were apart). He somehow translated me liking how his stubble looked to then trying to use that directly on my clitoris. I screamed in pain. Again, that was it for me, he carried on.

 

One time we had a night which was going to be lots of foreplay, learning etc and I described to him what I liked and what worked for me (which no other man yet has had any problems with - in fact they loved that I told them) but he again, stopped, got up and then threw himself back on the bed saying 'it's too difficult!'.

 

He only ever initiated sex twice in the 7 months I was with him, both times were punishment.

One was when he was angry as I didn't tell him where I was going when I left the living room full of people when I needed to go to the toilet. He raped me that night.

The other time he tried to initiate just as we were leaving to go and meet my friend for a drink. He didn't want to meet my friend.

 

I've read a few books on his behaviour - there were many other things about him that were just off. One book called Why Does He Go That says that basically some men just don't see sex as being something women need.

Maybe your man has the same attitude. Maybe my ex did.

 

There were so many other issues in the relationship - all were my fault he said - that sex became a non-issue.

Finally after several attempts I managed to end the relationship.

 

I get a feeling that without counselling your guy isn't going to change and he won't do counselling. Maybe you should try some for yourself to help make you aware that you shouldn't have to live like this.

Thank you, and I'm so sorry you went through such horrible abuse.I'm glad you survived it and got away.

 

I think maybe I could suggest some couple's sex therapy or something like that.

[Justcurious3]

I know it's incredibly depressing, and what makes it worse is that we talk about it, and talk about it, but his actions don't match his words.

 

I know what it feels like to be with someone that enjoys satisfying me and I don't get that feeling from him it feels like he either doesn't know what he's doing(which at his age I can't imagine) or he is doing the bare minimum of "foreplay" (if he decides to do any at all which to him is only kissing my neck and nibbling my ear), doing foreplay so badly that I tell him to stop ( if I try to adjust anything he gets offended.), or not doing foreplay at all.

 

I'm always initiating and that's why I always end up doing everything that he likes if I ask him to reciprocate he pretends like he didn't hear me or like it's a big shocker that after sucking him off for a half hour I want him to return the favor, everytime. If I don't ask for anything he won't volunteer reciprocation at all he'll go straight to penetration and when I stop him he'll get soft and act shocked that I want oral after sucking him off for half an hour.

 

So I don't understand his "solution" of "let's continue to have sex where I get everything I want and you don't" why would I want to continue doing that after doing that for 4 years and it's the same outcome I'm going insane.

[salparadise]

I know it's incredibly depressing, and what makes it worse is that we talk about it, and talk about it, but his actions don't match his words.

 

I know what it feels like to be with someone that enjoys satisfying me and I don't get that feeling from him it feels like he either doesn't know what he's doing(which at his age I can't imagine) or he is doing the bare minimum of "foreplay" (if he decides to do any at all which to him is only kissing my neck and nibbling my ear), doing foreplay so badly that I tell him to stop ( if I try to adjust anything he gets offended.), or not doing foreplay at all.

 

I'm always initiating and that's why I always end up doing everything that he likes if I ask him to reciprocate he pretends like he didn't hear me or like it's a big shocker that after sucking him off for a half hour I want him to return the favor, everytime. If I don't ask for anything he won't volunteer reciprocation at all he'll go straight to penetration and when I stop him he'll get soft and act shocked that I want oral after sucking him off for half an hour.

 

So I don't understand his "solution" of "let's continue to have sex where I get everything I want and you don't" why would I want to continue doing that after doing that for 4 years and it's the same outcome I'm going insane.

 

 

He's rushing through it, skipping the fun parts and much of intimacy. The fact that he gets soft if you try to redirect may be indicative of insecurities and performance anxiety... which is probably why he's hesitant to start going to counseling. And, probably why he doesn't learn to please you better and better as time goes on. I think he has defensive walls in place to protect a fragile inner core. I do not think it's that he doesn't want to to please... it's that he afraid to fail and that's what he focuses on.

 

Counseling- definitely. If he can learn to channel his energy differently it could make all the difference in the world. My advice is to do your best to remove all of the tit for tat, contentiousness, controlling tendencies and so forth not only the bedroom, but from the day to day routine. Set a tone of cooperation and ask him to go again. The tit for tat thing puts the two of you at odds when what you're trying to achieve is cooperation. Good luck- hope it all works out.

[elaine567]

He's rushing through it, skipping the fun parts and much of intimacy. The fact that he gets soft if you try to redirect may be indicative of insecurities and performance anxiety... which is probably why he's hesitant to start going to counseling. And, probably why he doesn't learn to please you better and better as time goes on. I think he has defensive walls in place to protect a fragile inner core. I do not think it's that he doesn't want to to please... it's that he afraid to fail and that's what he focuses on.

 

Counseling- definitely. If he can learn to channel his energy differently it could make all the difference in the world. My advice is to do your best to remove all of the tit for tat, contentiousness, controlling tendencies and so forth not only the bedroom, but from the day to day routine. Set a tone of cooperation and ask him to go again. The tit for tat thing puts the two of you at odds when what you're trying to achieve is cooperation. Good luck- hope it all works out.

 

Ok. but how does she persuade his "fragile inner core" to expose itself to counselling?

He refuses to go, as it would "stress him out".

 

He once told me he'd kill me, the babies, and then himself if we didn't work out because his life would pretty much be over.

 

That is very scary.

[Dolfin80]

He is totally emotionally manipulating you. His requests for sex are full of emotional blackmail. He is doing this on purpose to control you, it is sexual abuse and emotional abuse. I bet he manipulates you in other ways too maybe it's cooking or cleaning or shopping. You need to get yourself into counselling immediately. I believe he is dangerous as he has already shown a massive red flag - he mentioned killing you, your child and himself if you ever left him. Please go see a counsellor as I believe you are living with a perpetrator of domestic violence.

 

Please read this book as it will help you clarify his behaviour:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

 

He is purposely rejecting your sexual needs (making different excuses) and pressuring you into uncomfortable intercourse to destroy your self esteem and self confidence, that way he can control you further. He purposely talks about his previous partners enjoying him sexually, he blames you for all the issues, so you doubt you own reality and feelings. This way him gets control over your mind, you stop believing your own thoughts, it's called mind control. Narcissists see you only as an extension of themselves, they don't see you as a separate person with needs, they only care about themselves. Everything revolves around them.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Dolfin80

[Got it]

I do value our marriage and family, and he says he does too. Neither one of us wants to divorce.

 

He once told me he'd kill me,the babies,and then himself if we didn't work out because his life would pretty much be over. I know that sounds horrible,and it is, but I choose to think he wouldn't do that. He has gone through soooo much terrible stuff in his life, so I think I just understood it as he would be so devastated if we split. When he said that to me was the first time I felt afraid, he says I shouldn't be afraid that he'll never hurt me or our children, but that's a he'll of a thing to say.

 

Anyways, counseling he says will stress him out more and he says he has enough stress from work and school, and doesn't need more at home.

 

I've told him that I've given him oral soooo many times and he smells gross and tastes bad even straight out of the shower but I never stopped doing it or created a ****ing obstacle course of things he had to do before I would go down on him.

 

Now he's all dramatic and bought some jock itch spray and says it's because I told him he smells so he's spraying himself.

 

Also, he told me that it's not that he doesn't care about my pleasure (ok sure) it's that he gets anxiety because he feels that if he goes down and I don't orgasm I'm going to blame it on him and make it his fault,and he'd rather avoid that altogether and just penetrate and leave the rest up to me.

 

His other solution was to continue having sex and not worrying about me orgasming to help him heal and feel less anxious about performing. He tells me to stop thinking he doesn't care because he cares too much.

 

The things he says don't make sense to me.

 

I have no family, and no friends , I wouldn't know where to go or what to do if we broke up.

 

:eek::eek: Whoa. :confused: That is a very alarming comment.