outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Well thought we were on our way to getting things back together, when I find out she's already seeing someone else, after not even two months. Someone from work. She insists that wasn't the reason we broke in the first place, but I don't see how it couldn't be. I never thought she was the type to jump from man to man, and quite simply I don't know how you can do that. Don't people need time to heal? Every relationship you get in will fail if you don't give yourself a chance to reflect. Well, here's to wishing for doom... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I expect that she was able to do it, because she had already reconciled and accepted her loss of feelings for you before you were even broken up. By the time she dated this guy, she was emotionally ready to do so: even while she was still physically with you. Its pretty sad, and infuriating - I know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Usually while you are in the relationship there will be signs the other party is ready to move on. Either they will start to withdraw or they will get angry over things that used to never make them behave like that. By the time they finally break up their feelings are under control and they are ready to find someone else. Or they are just think they will get over it by seeing some. Rarely can someone just start dating after a break up if they still have strong feelings. She probably was eyeing that guy before you broke up and then made her move. Sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by outdated Don't people need time to heal? Every relationship you get in will fail if you don't give yourself a chance to reflect. The time needed to heal is based on an individual basis. Why do people make the assumption that they can determine how long it takes someone to overcome emotional damage from a previous relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 All I'm saying is that when you're in a good relationship for a long time, it seems like it would take longer than two months. Maybe it's a rebound, maybe I shouldn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 maybe I shouldn't care. This is my pick... Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by outdated All I'm saying is that when you're in a good relationship for a long time, it seems like it would take longer than two months. Maybe it's a rebound, maybe I shouldn't care. Why should it take longer than two months? Why do we see emotional strife as something that is necessary when ending a relationship? Why can't a relationship end and the person move on in a healthy manner? Why do people interpret the ability to accept life as it is and move forward as a negative aspect? Why do people automatically assume that any relationship entered into after the failure of another is a rebound and not something that is valid or sincere? I don't understand the way many people view the end of a relationship. I don't understand why emotional strife is expected and the person that doesn't display this behavior is looked down upon and seen as morally lacking. I find it more bothersome that people expect others to suffer in order to make themselves feel better. Why does she need to suffer over the relationship ending just because you are? We are such a selfish society, aren't we? Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Perhaps Pocky, but i don't need your bs to feel better. That's not why I'm here. I'm beat up enough as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by outdated Perhaps Pocky, but i don't need your bs to feel better. That's not why I'm here. I'm beat up enough as it is. BS, huh? Oh, my apologies. Here's a response you might like better: You're better off without her. Obviously she's just a whore that jumps from one man to the next. You're probably right - she's just on a rebound and she's going to have a hard time when reality hits her and she realizes just how screwed up she really is. Don't let this bother you - you're a better person that she is. You'll come out better than she ever will because she's too shallow to even realize who she is and what she had with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Thanks. See wasn't that easy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 And I didn't mean bs- sorry this is still pretty fresh. I get your angle from everyone else. It makes perfect sense, but I feel like crap as it is and dont' want to be told how selfish I am for caring that she's moved on so quickly. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Why should it take longer than two months? Why do we see emotional strife as something that is necessary when ending a relationship? Why can't a relationship end and the person move on in a healthy manner? Why do people interpret the ability to accept life as it is and move forward as a negative aspect? Why do people automatically assume that any relationship entered into after the failure of another is a rebound and not something that is valid or sincere? I don't understand the way many people view the end of a relationship. I don't understand why emotional strife is expected and the person that doesn't display this behavior is looked down upon and seen as morally lacking. I find it more bothersome that people expect others to suffer in order to make themselves feel better. Why does she need to suffer over the relationship ending just because you are? We are such a selfish society, aren't we? Couldn't agree with you more! Sorry dude.. I understand what you're going through and we've all been in those shoes...but maybe her feelings changed a while back and never had the courage to do anything about it because she didn't want to hurt you. I was in a 2 year relationship and let me tell you it was horrible to get out of. It took me about 3 months to find the strength to get up and leave. It was hard but he was bringing me down and barring me 6 feet under the ground. He made me feel horrible about myself and that's why I thought I could't leave him. I felt as if no one was going to love me, at least that's the way he made me feel.. After the break up, I started to date someone else...A week after and I was soo happy, was I in love no but I was happy and he showed me how to be beautiful again. He was my little angel from above and though we're not together anymore, he'll always have a special place in my heart because he excepted me when I thought I was unworthy of being loved. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Couldn't agree with you more! Sorry dude.. I understand what you're going through and we've all been in those shoes...but maybe her feelings changed a while back and never had the courage to do anything about it because she didn't want to hurt you. I was in a 2 year relationship and let me tell you it was horrible to get out of. It took me about 3 months to find the strength to get up and leave. It was hard but he was bringing me down and barring me 6 feet under the ground. He made me feel horrible about myself and that's why I thought I could't leave him. I felt as if no one was going to love me, at least that's the way he made me feel.. After the break up, I started to date someone else...A week after and I was soo happy, was I in love no but I was happy and he showed me how to be beautiful again. He was my little angel from above and though we're not together anymore, he'll always have a special place in my heart because he excepted me when I thought I was unworthy of being loved. this is so true. breaking up is a process, not an event. you go through deliberation, denial, empathy, more deliberation, the thought of familiarity versus loneliness, denial, anger, more deliberation, newfound happiness, end of false newfound happiness, lack of empathy, distress, and then the break-up. not necessarily all-inclusive, not necessarily in that order. it takes time to make a decision, and often it is because the "breaker" is concerned for the "breakee's" feelings. eventually it gets to be smothering, and the need to get out cancels out the breakee's feelings, and then the deed is done. i am sorry for your pain, but don't think this way. just move on as she has, and know you can find someone else when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 I appreciate what you're saying, but I didn't treat her like crap or bring her down. We had a lot of happy times and never fought. I don't want to think that I was bringing her down because I put all my effort into making her feel good about herself. I guess I gave her the strength to find someone new. Maybe I was a rebound Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by outdated Thanks. See wasn't that easy? Sure - lying is always easy. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Bummer. Sorry you are hurting. It takes a different amount of time, not only based on the individual, but their past relationships, etc. It has taken me over 2 years to get over my exhusband. It only took me about 4 months to get over my exBF who I dated AFTER my divorce, while I was still hung up on my exhusband, so there ya go. People are complicated. They lie. They lie to each other, they lie to themselves. THey have untraceable motivations. They confuse themselves sometimes. The sheer number of people on this board are case and point to that theory. Honestly, I know this from experience - depression is a very selfish emotion. It makes you fixate on your personal issues and ignore other things. You really need to manually move your focus and fixation from dwelling on this relationship and wondering why she is doing what she's doing, to focusing on YOUR life. That's why NO CONTACT is so good. My parents always taught me - once you break with someone, don't get back together with them. Only as I get older do I realize they were right. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Sure - lying is always easy. What you say is true, but it is so difficult to take when one is hurt and feeling low. If someone moves so quickly then one feels that all the time he was with her was fake and it was kind of bluff. So they can't take it. But what to do , truth is truth Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Thanks peeps. Yes I am not quite ready for the truth. I feel like our time was fake and that I was involved in something that was all a figment of my imagination. The truth of the matter is, and I know this from experience, is that once you accept that someone has moved on, it makes it easier for yourself to move on, not harder. Once the final glimpse of hope is gone, then there is no other choice. I don't want to believe that she has moved on so quickly, and part of me wants this new relationship to blow up in her face - work based relationships often do- I know that from experience too . But in the end I want her to be happy and I still think she's a great girl with or without me. I hope I can move on gracefully now that I know the truth. Still have to get stuff from her. Hope he's not there when I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 I appreciate what you're saying, but I didn't treat her like crap or bring her down. We had a lot of happy times and never fought. I don't want to think that I was bringing her down because I put all my effort into making her feel good about herself. I guess I gave her the strength to find someone new. Maybe I was a rebound Oh well. Maybe you didn't make her feel this way...Or maybe she never told you! It could work both ways. All I know is she got her closure try and find yours. No matter if you're doing the breaking up or getting dumped (sorry to use that word I hate it but I coudln't find a better one) it hurts. Just remember God has a plan, and the girl you're suppose to be with is out their. And when you meet her and realize what love is truly about it's going to be amazing. Learn from your experiences and be optimistic...Life goes on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Thanks NSN- hopefully the girl I'm supposed to be with hasn't come and gone already and I missed her! Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 TRUST ME YOU WON'T...YOU'LL KNOW THE FIRST TIME YOU LAY EYES ON HER... Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 I love your comfort factor NSN. And I remember not thinking that about my recent ex. It sucks because I feel like I was resisting at first, then finally fell head over heels and then splitsville. I hope you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 If you have hope...you'll be fine. When you pick your head back up and realize how silly you're being, you'll start to see what's in front of you. Until then, many nice girls will pass by you and you'll lose your chance. Pick your head when your ready of course and take on the world like if your the biggest stud muffin on earth!! Just trying to pick your spirits Up...!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author outdated Posted May 11, 2005 Author Share Posted May 11, 2005 Hey, I used to be a studmuffin, and I looked a whole lot worse then . I know this is for the best, it's just hard to stomach when you've invested so much time and energy into it as I'm sure you all know. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 this is so true. breaking up is a process, not an event. you go through deliberation, denial, empathy, more deliberation, the thought of familiarity versus loneliness, denial, anger, more deliberation, newfound happiness, end of false newfound happiness, lack of empathy, distress, and then the break-up. not necessarily all-inclusive, not necessarily in that order. it takes time to make a decision, and often it is because the "breaker" is concerned for the "breakee's" feelings. eventually it gets to be smothering, and the need to get out cancels out the breakee's feelings, and then the deed is done. i am sorry for your pain, but don't think this way. just move on as she has, and know you can find someone else when you are ready. is this really how a dumper feels? i've never had feelings for a girl in a proper relationship and did this? but what you describe above seems to make sense! funny that the night before she told me she loved me! but maybe she felt she had to say that and the month before at dinner told me how she just loved to go out with me to dinner for my birthday my only regret is being too nice, i treated her like a princess and i remember telling her she was a wee goddess the night before she for the 2nd time dumped me seemingly now for good... a week before she gave me 'the talk' and I chucked her out of the house and told her I wouldn't be seeing her again, the next night I ( yes I ) was worried about her... so I went to see her to have a talk about the whole thing and she wanted a break ( red flag ) for a week then get back together which only lasted 5 days... i should have been tough and stuck to my initially chucking her out as she says she would have called me the next week and maybe after a few weeks called me to get back again but oh no I was too damn nice Link to post Share on other sites
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