positivelikeme Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Hi, everyone. I'm in a bit of a pickle so here's my story. I'm kind of anxious for responses, but I know it's time to do something about the current situation. I dated a man for a year and a half, and we had an excellent relationship. I broke up with him when I went through a slump of depression as I was concerned he was the root of it - he wasn't. He went through a period of begging for me back, to which I told him there's a chance I'll come back. Three weeks later, I had tossed and turned in sleep wondering how to tell him I made a mistake and make up with him. When I decided on a day, I heard that morning by a friend that he was cuddling another woman yesterday. Now, I'm ashamed of this, but I got angry at him. We fought, and he told me that he wasn't dating her and they were just friends. When I calmed down, he told me that they had been dating for a while now. We continued to talk as friends, but in a few days it had progressed much more. A fairly innocent online conversation turned to sending nudes. We decided immediately that it was wrong and stopped. Yet, on Wednesday, he ended up in my bed. The next month was full of fights, and us being on and off (mostly because I was struggling to be the other woman). During this time, I began to notice how terribly this woman treated him (manipulative and verbally abusive). He also claimed that he doesn't like her like he originally said, but they still continued to go dates. One day, he told me that he still loves me very much, and asked if we could take our relationship to a more emotional level. I was thrilled when he said that would mean he'd leave this woman soon. So, life returned to it's previous state (he's extremely jealous and overprotective), except that we rarely saw eachother. We began to fight more, and met up for fifteen minutes of sex or so most days. He never left her, despite her treatment of him which he recognised. He says that he's never happy with her, but he doesn't know how to leave her. One day, he left her, and she claimed that her older sister was just raped and he crumbled and said he didn't want to add to her troubles. He apologised to me for that, and decided he would try another time. One day soon after that, he promised to spend the whole day with me. When I said I didn't feel comfortable with sex that morning, he got angry and said he wouldn't bother spending the day with me then. I, of course, apologised and went through with sex. He ended up leaving early regardless. I'm at wits end. I know that it's unlikely he will get around to leaving her. I also know that it's unlikely I will leave him, as he tends to think suicidally and I want to care for him as I love him very much. But, we're fighting everyday, and I'm generally unhappy with him. I don't have any close friends I can open up to, so I've always relied on him to talk to. Yet, at the same time, our interests are so different I feel I'll just be mocked playfully if I were to tell him about a song I like or something. So, here I am. I'm unsure how to deal with the situation, and unsure what I want. I love this man, but even if he were to leave her and date me again, I think that I would struggle to trust him after seeing how effortlessly he has cheated on this woman (he doesn't even feel guilty). Should I leave him and focus on building happiness that doesn't rely on a man? Or should I wait patiently in hope that he'll leave and life will go back to how it was? Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. I'm sorry for the length of my post but I needed to pour my heart out to someone. TL;DR: My ex, and current partner, is procrastinating leaving his girlfriend for me despite their terrible relationship and his lack of feelings. I'm fed up with it. Should I wait for him or should I grow up and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Hi, everyone. I'm in a bit of a pickle so here's my story. I'm kind of anxious for responses, but I know it's time to do something about the current situation. I dated a man for a year and a half, and we had an excellent relationship. I broke up with him when I went through a slump of depression as I was concerned he was the root of it - he wasn't. He went through a period of begging for me back, to which I told him there's a chance I'll come back. Three weeks later, I had tossed and turned in sleep wondering how to tell him I made a mistake and make up with him. When I decided on a day, I heard that morning by a friend that he was cuddling another woman yesterday. Now, I'm ashamed of this, but I got angry at him. We fought, and he told me that he wasn't dating her and they were just friends. When I calmed down, he told me that they had been dating for a while now. We continued to talk as friends, but in a few days it had progressed much more. A fairly innocent online conversation turned to sending nudes. We decided immediately that it was wrong and stopped. Yet, on Wednesday, he ended up in my bed. The next month was full of fights, and us being on and off (mostly because I was struggling to be the other woman). During this time, I began to notice how terribly this woman treated him (manipulative and verbally abusive). He also claimed that he doesn't like her like he originally said, but they still continued to go dates. One day, he told me that he still loves me very much, and asked if we could take our relationship to a more emotional level. I was thrilled when he said that would mean he'd leave this woman soon. So, life returned to it's previous state (he's extremely jealous and overprotective), except that we rarely saw eachother. E We began to fight more, and met up for fifteen minutes of sex or so most days. He never left her, despite her treatment of him which he recognised. He says that he's never happy with her, but he doesn't know how to leave her. One day, he left her, and she claimed that her older sister was just raped and he crumbled and said he didn't want to add to her troubles. He apologised to me for that, and decided he would try another time. One day soon after that, he promised to spend the whole day with me. When I said I didn't feel comfortable with sex that morning, he got angry and said he wouldn't bother spending the day with me then. I, of course, apologised and went through with sex. He ended up leaving early regardless. I'm at wits end. I know that it's unlikely he will get around to leaving her. I also know that it's unlikely I will leave him, as he tends to think suicidally and I want to care for him as I love him very much. But, we're fighting everyday, and I'm generally unhappy with him. I don't have any close friends I can open up to, so I've always relied on him to talk to. Yet, at the same time, our interests are so different I feel I'll just be mocked playfully if I were to tell him about a song I like or something. So, here I am. I'm unsure how to deal with the situation, and unsure what I want. I love this man, but even if he were to leave her and date me again, I think that I would struggle to trust him after seeing how effortlessly he has cheated on this woman (he doesn't even feel guilty). Should I leave him and focus on building happiness that doesn't rely on a man? Or should I wait patiently in hope that he'll leave and life will go back to how it was? Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. I'm sorry for the length of my post but I needed to pour my heart out to someone. TL;DR: My ex, and current partner, is procrastinating leaving his girlfriend for me despite their terrible relationship and his lack of feelings. I'm fed up with it. Should I wait for him or should I grow up and move on? Yea...this isn't some wonderful love story. This man is using you for 15 minutes of sex whenever he has, well, 15 minutes for sex. Please don't delude yourself or waste more time on this one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Move on. A suicidal cheater who mocks you and uses you for sex isn't good for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author positivelikeme Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Is it really like that? I guess I just don't want to admit to it.. What do I do to move on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Is it really like that? I guess I just don't want to admit to it.. What do I do to move on? Come to the realization he's a using loser and dump him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Is it really like that? I guess I just don't want to admit to it.. What do I do to move on? You extricate yourself from his life. You block, delete, never answer. Of course, if you want to continue being used, thinking this is some wonderful love story then you won't. HE'S USING YOU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 He's been with her in a short term relationship and they are not even married. He has no excuses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author positivelikeme Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 He's been with her in a short term relationship and they are not even married. He has no excuses. Oh, they're definitely not married, haha. We're still quite young. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Come to the realization he's a using loser and dump him. Quoted for truth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Is it really like that? I guess I just don't want to admit to it.. What do I do to move on? Start loving yourself 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 A love triangle + emotionally chaotic + broken boundaries = A total waste of time. This can't go anywhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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