Dating a woman who has slept around....

[deadelvis]

No . . . the way I see it is that the more sexually uninhibited a woman is, the more open (at least physically) she is and that is an indicator of greater attraction, trust, and bonding with her partner. Inhibition is a barrier that gets in the way of intimacy, so it makes no sense that a woman would be more inhibited with a man who she supposedly cares more about than the miriad of ONS partners with whom she was considerably less inhibited.

 

This is exactly my sentiment. And I should add that she was very specific about describing all the wild kinky stuff she's supposedly into when we first started dating and supported these claims by listing off a bunch of the "best times" from her past, all of which were pretty intense stuff that made me more than a bit uncomfortable. But I figured it's an unspoken trade-off with dating a promiscuous woman. You accept her colorful past and in return you get more wild and uninhibited sex. Or at least that's what I thought. I was a bit confused how to even please such a woman. So I bought some books on Sub/Dom relationships and stuff like that, and sat around the house trying to learn how to tie safety knots and learn about safewords. But then once I started trying to do the things she had told me she's sexually into, she always put the brakes on. At one point she gave me a long answer about how she thought she liked all that stuff, but now she's decided she just wants "vanilla sex". The really strange thing about this is that she spent the first months explaining all the things she wants done to her in bed... So it's not like this was in the distant past. She literally seemed to have her "reformation" about 2 weeks into dating me. You may call it entitled but I feel like I got slighted by the whole thing.

[Rejected Rosebud]

So she didn't want to do any of it, or find it enjoyable? Why do it then?

Did I say she didn't want to do it or find it enjoyable?? :confused: NO I did not!

 

What she did with other guys is not his business, you saying they "got her best and he got scraps" is ignorant, because you don't know what she was experiencing then and neither does he!

I wouldn't make a girl do anything, or see her as an object.

if you think they should be doing sexual stuff for you because they have done it before, YES YOU DO SEE HER AS AN OBJECT. Her sexuality is her own.

 

But how many guys like deadelvis have ended up with wives/gfs who were formerly sexual but turn down the guy they supposedly 'love' all the time?

Are they only good enough for being a provider and not a lover?

No. It probably means that the girl is in a different place now than she was then. Maybe she doesn't find him sexy, I don't know, but what I do know is that the fact that she had wild sex at some point in her life does not predict that she needs to continue.

 

If he doesn't like it, either work on it with her or move on. I would say the exact same to a girl who was complaining about not "getting" something from a guy that other girls in his past "got."

[Rejected Rosebud]

Wait, so, you're saying a woman is entitled to a man she wants even if he disapproves of her past behavior?

Huh? Where did I say that??? I didn't say anything at all about what I think a woman is "entitled" to, actually I think that all of us are entitled to very little in this life!!

 

I do have a problem with the idea that a man I might be involved with could possibly be in a position to "disapprove" of anything to do with me though, sheesh, unless it was my grandpa!!

 

Let's get this straight. I've been told I'm too short, too inexperienced sexually, too lots of things. But a guy says, 'sorry, slept with too many men,' now it's entitlement, not just preference?

A girls sex life is not any of your business except as it is within your own relationship. If a girl wants to share it with you it is CERTAINLY not so that you can "approve" or "disapprove" of it!! That is all there is to it.

 

It is not related to being short or inexperienced or ugly or having small boobs or whatever. I see that you just don't get it so I just give up, unless you would like to watch that video that Malificent linked that probably explains it alot better than I seem to be!!

[Rejected Rosebud]

No . . . the way I see it is that the more sexually uninhibited a woman is, the more open (at least physically) she is and that is an indicator of greater attraction, trust, and bonding with her partner. Inhibition is a barrier that gets in the way of intimacy, so it makes no sense that a woman would be more inhibited with a man who she supposedly cares more about than the miriad of ONS partners with whom she was considerably less inhibited.

It makes sense. There is something wrong with the relationship, probably. Or her libido.

[guest569]

Men have shot themselves in the foot by trying to force women to act a certain way and by not being able to differentiate between a women who loves sex and has a wild side ..... and women who don't have morals and cheat.

 

Exactly! I'm amazed that 21st century women are forced to suppress their sexuality or else be deemed dirty or a cheat that has sex with anything that moves or uses herself as a sex object for men (surely women dont ever choose to have sex for their own enjoyment).

 

We are talking 15, in a lifetime.... Come on people. No problem with having preferences, just stop being so derogatory and rude.

 

I personally think it is a high number, so is OPs number, i dont judge him for it or call him names. I also dont care if my future man is a virgin or very experienced.

Edited August 31, 2015 by smiley1

[lino]

Did I say she didn't want to do it or find it enjoyable?? :confused: NO I did not!

 

What she did with other guys is not his business, you saying they "got her best and he got scraps" is ignorant, because you don't know what she was experiencing then and neither does he!

if you think they should be doing sexual stuff for you because they have done it before, YES YOU DO SEE HER AS AN OBJECT. Her sexuality is her own.

 

No. It probably means that the girl is in a different place now than she was then. Maybe she doesn't find him sexy, I don't know, but what I do know is that the fact that she had wild sex at some point in her life does not predict that she needs to continue.

 

If he doesn't like it, either work on it with her or move on. I would say the exact same to a girl who was complaining about not "getting" something from a guy that other girls in his past "got."

 

Yes, and just like her sexuality is hers... His is his and he can get up and walk when he finds out she did all sorts of wild stuff with other guys and boring things with him.

 

Blokes aren't objects either who just sit in a corner to dispense cash at will and accept whatever bread crumbs of sexuality you may think they deserve.

 

Once again, just like women can [have sex with who] they want so can guys. Stop trying to make it one sided.

If a guy doesn't want to [have sex with a promiscuous woman] it's his choice and he certainly can judge as he sees fit because we're judged every which way and sideways.

 

How is this hard to understand?

 

Not sleeping with 50 people is very easy. If you make your bed, lie in it and accept the judging that comes along.

Edited August 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Rejected Rosebud]

Yes, and just like her sexuality is hers... His is his and he can get up and walk when he finds out she did all sorts of wild stuff with other guys and boring things with him.

:bunny: Yes indeed he can! To me though that speaks alot more negative about him than it does the girl. Like I said if somebody's sexual needs are not getting met that is a pretty good reason to end a relationship. I don't think that a person's past has anything to do with that decision though. I can't even imagine the scenario where a girl would share all of that in detail. only to be dumped for it. I bet she mistakenly felt "safe" or why would she have??

 

 

 

Blokes aren't objects either who just sit in a corner to dispense cash at will and accept whatever bread crumbs of sexuality you may think they deserve.

How did dispensing cash and "deserving" sex even get into this conversation?? I'm so confused. :confused:

 

Once again, just like women can [have sex with who] they want so can guys. Stop trying to make it one sided.

Who disagrees with this? Not me that's for sure!! :bunny:

 

Not sleeping with 50 people is very easy. If you make your bed, lie in it and accept the judging that comes along.

Well I would have to accept your basic premise that enjoying sex outside of relationships is BAD (if you're a woman) and I don't, so therefore I don't think it is anyone's position to judge her for doing it. We will have to agree to disagree!!! :) Edited August 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quotes

[Keenly]

:bunny: Yes indeed he can! To me though that speaks alot more negative about him than it does the girl. Like I said if somebody's sexual needs are not getting met that is a pretty good reason to end a relationship. I don't think that a person's past has anything to do with that decision though. I can't even imagine the scenario where a girl would share all of that in detail. only to be dumped for it. I bet she mistakenly felt "safe" or why would she have??

 

 

 

How did dispensing cash and "deserving" sex even get into this conversation?? I'm so confused. :confused:

 

Who disagrees with this? Not me that's for sure!! :bunny:

 

Well I would have to accept your basic premise that enjoying sex outside of relationships is BAD (if you're a woman) and I don't, so therefore I don't think it is anyone's position to judge her for doing it. We will have to agree to disagree!!! :)

 

I understand that you want to judge a man based on his own preferences, but that's just it, it's HIS preferences.

 

I fail to see how this some how makes him a bad person, as you implied that it " says more about him than her ". Yeah, it says that he doesn't want to be with a woman who tosses around sex so easily, which is his right to believe.

 

If it bothers you, don't date a man like that. There is really no need to try to convince everyone to share your opinion, especially since you aren't even dating these women.

[William]

One aspect moderation often notes on LoveShack.org is that members have a propensity to, when discussing a topic, deflect onto the opposition with statements, off-topic, that 'they do it too' and similar. This thread is about men dating a woman who has slept around, personal experiences with that and discussion surrounding that topic. Threads are available, for free, to discuss women dating men who sleep around and other various and sundry 'sleeping around' topics. We'll attempt to keep the discussion on-topic through postings like this but, failing that, will use stronger measures to enforce our guidelines.

 

As always, our language guidelines relevant to bashing will continue to be enforced without comment other than members being moderated, as seen or reported.

 

Thanks for reading and have a good morning.

[deadelvis]

I do think some of the ideas in this thread of what constitutes "promiscuous" are a bit antiquated. Again I'll use the example of my ex/gf. In the year before we started dating she had sex with 6 guys including me. She met two of the guys off a dating website and dated them each for about a month. One of them she slept with once and decided she didn't really feel the "connection", one of the guys she slept with a handful times, but eventually he decided he still had feelings for his ex and didn't want to get involved. She also had two different short relationships during that year, each for about two months, but both of those relationships ended quickly since both of those guys (I know them both) are total douchebags. She also had one really disgusting ONS type of encounter, with a really sleazy older guy who I also know... I won't go into details, but the story is pretty gross. She realized about 5 minutes into having sex with the sleazy older guy that she was making a horrible mistake and ran out the door without even grabbing her clothes. And then she met me and I became number six. So in one year she racked up 6 notches in the bed post. And really, the only one of those encounters that I would consider "promiscuous" was the random hookup she had with the sleazy older guy, and she even admits that was a horrible mistake. But I certainly don't consider the other 5 sex partners she had over that one year period to be more than a normal amount. 2 guys she dated for about a month, two short relationships and then she started the relationship with me. That doesn't seem very promiscuous to me. So if she had sex with 5 guys a year it wouldn't take very long to have a pretty high number.

 

But I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that a person's number isn't really a valid way to measure their "sleaze factor". Those 5 guys she dated during the past year certainly don't reflect on her in any negative way, but the ONS she had with some creepy old pervert (I know this guy and the story about what happened that night... trust me, it would make your stomach turn) does make me question what kind of a person she is to engage in a hookup with someone like him. It wasn't like she had a few too many drinks and went home with an attractive guy, that stuff happens sometimes. Her hookup with the "creepy guy" was epic in terms of bad decisions. When I asked her why she decided to have sex with him she said "Sometimes you just want to do something sleazy." Jesus...

 

So you get my point? The 5 "regular" notches she put in her belt last year are not outside of what I would consider normal adult dating practices and behavior, and doesn't "lower her worth" as a potential partner. Arranging to meet up with a creepy old pervert for a one time hookup because she was feeling in the mood to "do something sleazy" absolutely indicates that she was not exactly "wife material" and should have been a major red flag.

 

It's not the number that matters, it's the actual things you've done.

[Robert]

Thread closed, it's run it's course, thanks all who participated in this popular thread and thanks for those who posted to the topic and decided not to gender bash.