Ex virgin.........confused....advice needed!!!!!!!!

[Sweetcheeks05]

Hi all,

 

untill very recently i was still a virgin... and i felt really

embarassed about it as im not that young(27)!!

Reasons for not having done it so far...are a bit

complicated......Ive had one serious rel, which was really

good at first and I was in love. We were very attracted to

each other physically etc and it was great, we had great

oral sex and touching and he would finger me etc...but we

never had proper intercourse..... Part of the reason was we

were quite young at first...also my family has always been

very strict about sex, very catholic which i think

influenced me... My relationship became long distance after

the first year...and things just got complicated.......and

started to go down hill though we were still in love....the

fear of breaking up held us back from full sex......... i

know it sounds very strange.......and going back maybe id

behave differently.

 

Anyway ive felt like ive been ready for sex for quite a

while but ive been so paranoid about still being a virgin.

I worried about when I would be dating a guy and looks like

sex is going to happen...would be too embarrassed to tell

him im technically a virgin.......what would he think???

probably that im a weirdo for not having had sex

already......!!!!!!!!!

 

Anyway i met this guy about 2-3 months ago, very nice sweet

guy...we've been dating, i like him but i dont think I

really like him that much. He's not really my type and not

the kinda guy i see myself ending up with.

 

.....I'm not a virgin anymore! I finally had sex for the

first time on saturday!!

 

He stayed over on saturday...and i guess i really wanted to

do it, i felt ready at the time, was in the mood and part

of it was curiosity as well. I never really had any

particular hopes for the first time, and i knew it probably

wouldnt be great and hurt a bit. It was quite awkward, but

he was very gentle, it did hurt quite a bit, but not as bad

as i thought it might be.

 

Anyway...im not in love with this guy, though i do like

him, but i don't think he's really my type or someone i

would want to be with for good. However i do feel a lot

more attached to him now and i miss him too. But i guess

this must be because it was my first time...??I felt quite

vulnerable and a bit strange on sunday...maybe this is

normal? I didnt think i would but it did..i was thinking, i

hope i hanvt made a mistake, doing it for the first time

with someone i don't love...?? I waited sooo long!! I do

think i wanted to do it because i trust this guy(more than

i fancy him), i think the first time should be with someone

who you can trust and feel comfortable with.

 

Its done now so i know i can't complain or change

it....just wanted to share my thoughts and see what you all

think.

 

Im not sure whether i should keep seeing him, i do want to

now, but maybe thats just because i feel attached after

what happened?? Ive been single for a long time, since my

proper boyfriend, and its really nice to have someone that

i like and trust to have fun with, i didnt really think i

wd sleep with him, was just going to have fun for a bit....

Just a bit worried i might get really attached to someone

who is not right for me and not someone i really want to be

with........or maybe i shd just keep seeing him, see what

happens and then if im not sure and its not fun anymore

etc...break it off???Any advice please????

[st8toftheheart]

First off being a virgin at 27 was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact I think Some guys would have been lining up to marry you on the sole fact alone.

 

So to lose your virginity or having sex for that matter for the sake of having it, or because people would think your wierd if you didn't is a bad choice no matter how you slice it.

 

No preferrably you'd want to have sex with someone you cared about, or maybe not. The point is, you shoudl have sex when YOU want to hace sex.

 

Now for Catholic in me.

 

You're going to burn in hell now missy.

 

Fortunately I never listen to that side.

 

Hope this helps.

[Sweetcheeks05]

Thanks for your reply.

 

I guess it must be better to have sex for the first time (or any time for that matter) with someone you really love....but I didnt just do it because I felt i was too old.

I just wanted to...without it being too much of a big deal...which is what i felt it had become with my ex boyfriend. (who i did love) Maybe I made a mistake? I dont know...but i guess its done now, and at least i did it with a guy i do trust and I know respects me.

 

Im just confused about the way i feel about this guy....I do like him, and i want to see him again...but i just don't know how much i like him. I guess im worried that i might just get attached to him purely because of the sex and bec i had my first time with him....?? Or if its just that wd i realise...and know i shd break it off??? Maybe i really need to see him again to see how I feel???

[st8toftheheart]

Well first off, the thing you want to avoid the most is regretting what you did. Doesn't sound like you do so that's good.

 

Having sex for love versus sex to feel good requiring and that the only minimal criteria are thing like mutual respect etc. has been a battle of opinions for some time. You need to decide what camp you belong to.

 

But you have alot of positives. You don't regret the decision. The guy you experienced it with isn't a jerk and respects you etc.

 

So if you'e not sure if you like this guy or if you have this attachment to him because it was your first time (which is perfectly normal by the way) you need to discuss it with him, because there are two people involved.

 

So if he says that he isn't interested in pursuing anything other than friendship then you know, and you can begin to work to move on.

 

If he is interested then you can both work out boundaries of how the relationship can grow and explore thigns within a framework that you are both comfortable with.

 

Hope this helps

[confused21]

I can definitly relate to how u r feeling. I'm 25 and just lost my virginity a couple months ago to my best guy friend of 3 years. I've had feelings for him for a long time now. I also would say I'm not in love with him, but I do care for him so much and wanted my 1st time to be with him and he wanted to share it with me.

 

I dont know what kind of connection you have developed with this guy over the last 2-3 months but if you are unsure of how you feel maybe you should stop being physical with him and get to know him and decide if he's the person you want to be with. My guy and I have had a very close bond for a while so we know each other very well and were comfortable with doing it. I would definitly talk to him and ask him how he feels and how he wants things to end up.