QueenDeath Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 How do you feel later on about the begging, the pleading and all? I begged my ex for another chance the day he ended things with me, sent one too many text messages to him, called him and it took the whole of Sunday to realize if he did wanted to work things out like I did, we wouldn't be here. Also did the begging worked and why do dumpers blame the dumpee for the break up? Not saying that they all do but since it happened to me for the first time, why do some tend to do that? And not take some responsibility. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Seth0194 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I didnt beg, but I asked her was there anything we could do to repair this? At first she was like, I am not sure. Then about a week later, she told me she would not go back, she told me she loved me but found it was time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I beg for me and my first guy not to break up. But the second guy.. i thought he was possessed by the devil and i just wanted to see how he was or who he really was. it was a mistake. never look back people. never 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) I am not sure if you would classify it as begging (probably) but I reached out to him to see if we could find a solution to the breakup and my emails were extremely emotional because I felt completely blindsided----knew he was interviewing for jobs in another state and he kept me in the loop but never thought he would break up with me when he moved. He didn't think we could do long distance- I work extremely long hours and have a fear of flying plus he had been in a LDR that didn't work. Also he didn't want me to move because it was too much pressure on him - wasn't ready to be married soon, scared my career would go to s**t and it would be his fault, concerned about how our similar personalities was bad in a way-both introverts and tended not to push each other to socialize with others so our relationship existed in a bubble of only me and him, which I guess was an issue for him. Basically he came up with a list of why we should break up and I wanted him to see the positives since he admitted we wouldn't break up if he had found a suitable job in the area. Then he asked if we could take a break so he could focus on his job search (he quit his job a month after we met and had been unemployed for almost a year). I said no to taking a break (same difference) but proposed finding solution. He was open to talking but I felt like I was pushing it so I let it go, then he reached out wanting to talk so we met and we discussed what long distance would look like, etc. We left off saying we would both think about it and discuss again. When he left, he texted, emailed, etc. and keep me posted on the job thing (the job he thought he was moving for hit a snag so he went back to the drawing board trying to find something else). We emailed back and forth for over a month (sometimes he would acknowledge that he knew he had put the "us" conversation on the back-burner but he thought breaking up with me shielded me from the roller coaster of his job search since he now had no clue where he would land--LUCKY ME. NOT). Ok so this went on for a month---where he would email his frustrations about the job search, bring up regular topics, etc. and I would respond. Then after about a month, I just sort of had enough. I realized he wanted to get his career figured out before making a concrete decision about us, if ever and that was not good enough for me. I quit responding to his emails and haven't heard from him since (2 months NC) so no clue where he landed or if he is still in town.....and life goes on. Edited August 24, 2015 by pidgeon1010 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 No, I didn't. Not at all. As soon as she made it clear that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in this relationship, I went radio silent. To me, it was a big sign of disrespect to me and for what we had made together. It's possible that I could have "saved" my relationship by going after her with begging, etc., but I don't want to have to do that. I only want to be with someone who is 100% certain about me, no hesitation or doubts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I didn't beg. I asked once during the break up itself if he was sure about his decision. Then I disappeared. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 You're not alone. I never did, after any of my several breakups, but many people do. All you have to do is read a few stories on here and you'll see what I mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NVO Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I did not beg for another chance, but I asked her several times if there was a way to fix it all, because I was ready to fight for our relationship. Funny thing is, I sometimes blamed myself for being to needy and felt like I begged and pleaded. I hated myself for that kind of behaviour, even though it really wasn't that bad. I guess this shows how this whole break-up thing messed with my mind and blurred my vision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seasickpeeve Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I'm not sure whether it was begging and pleading but I definitely did not just walk away like I wish I had! I didn't say the words 'I want you back' or 'please don't leave' but I cried alot and said alot of emotional things like how it was heartbreaking and how I thought 'we were it'. I texted and called a few times over a week. I made it clear I was hurt, shocked, disappointed, angry, confused......I completely over shared my every emotion. I was used to telling him EVERYTHING. I told him I wanted him to slow down and consider a break rather than a break up, that I didn't want the relationship as it was but I'd like to work at it because I was committed. In my defence though I was very shocked, he broke up with me in an angry cruel way and then vanished. I was in shock and panicked, and because he had done it before and come back a day or two later apologising I thought he just needed a bit of reassurance and persuading! Once I saw that he was serious and once I realised how hurt I was and how harsh he had been I gave up contact. I apologised for being in touch and just explained 'look, it's the shock. It's hurtful how cold you are being. I'm probably not thinking straight. You've probably done me a favour actually and when I calm down I'll be fine with this'. So is that begging???!!! I'm not sure....... I just know I wish I had said alot less and gave up alot sooner. Lesson for next time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
broken25 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) My ex didn't really give me the chance to beg. He told me to leave him alone - which I did. After I didn't hear back from him for a week. I contacted him trying to inquire why he wasn't talking to me properly. He wouldn't communicate much, so I asked him to tell me when he was ready to talk. No response. I tried a few messages here and there. Didn't get much. I then called him and he basically told me I was so annoying, I had nothing better to do, told me he would rip me apart... I never called him back after that and then he broke up with me and was pissed that I didn't try hard enough to save the relationship. After I told him I wouldn't settle for someone who spoke to me in such a condescending manner and was extremely upset at how told me he would rip me apart - he called me a sensitive cry baby and called me a hypocrite. Edited August 24, 2015 by broken25 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 The last time I was dumped I asked the guy if anything could be done. He said no. I asked him if he was sure about it and he said he was. Then I said I was going to cut contact as he really didn't treat me that well, and he started to send me messages, ask about me to our mutual friends, park inside his car around my house,.... Not everyday, but he did many times. And after about 3 months he was done with it. I changed numbers and blocked him everywhere; so I don't know what that was all about, but it was kinda.... funny, to say the least. (I feel bad for writing that, but it was true....) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
icyfeline Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I begged & pleaded. To this day I wish I hadn't. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I begged and pleaded, no crying or anything just said "I'm sorry" one too many times. I was in a real bad state when I reached out to her. Worst time to call is in a fragile state, don't do it. She was cruel and said some very hurtful things to me. She revealed the true nature of the breakup, not the lame excuse she gave me. The truth shocked me to my core as she had made an inventory of all the little issues couples have, making them out to be worse than they really were. She also spouted off all my flaws, rubbed them in my face. She also compared me to her deadbeat father (she has daddy issues) and then ended it by calling me a pathetic failure. She also implied that even if she were to give me another chance, she already burned those bridges with her friends and family (she loves to air her dirty laundry to the public for the benefit of gaining sympathy). After getting pounded into the ground, I professed how truly sorry I am and that I never meant to hurt her like that (I took all the blame, Ugh). She said; "Okay, so what do you want me to do about it?". I replied to that by saying "This is a nightmare.", It was truly that. I've had hard breakups before, never begged. I suppose deep inside I felt like I truly deserved a second chance after everything this woman put me through. I had given her so many reprieves, even after she almost ruined my life. Yes, I was a fool, blind, deaf and dumb. I should really have my head examined. lol Did she give me another chance? She didn't know, she said she would need a 2 - 3 months to think it over. Meanwhile, she had already hooked up with some dude off OKCupid. Backup plan anyone? After that, I was like "Pfft, whatever, later!". So yeah, I've learned the hard way that NC truly is the only weapon you have in breakups. It's the key to early success and overcoming any irrational behavior (see story above) that might cause even further grief. Lesson learned. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
nellbell86 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Yep I begged and pleaded, I had a complete emotional brekdown, its like this crazy, crying, hysterical demon took over me, and I WISH I had come across things like this forum and info about NC etc before I went so crazy!! I totally let my emotions rule my actions and probably look like this insane, needy person in my exes eyes now. Trying to redeem myself 1 month post breakup by doing NC now and working on myself/doing things for myself and seeing how things go. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance: "This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it and endure the pain which comes with it." Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
seasickpeeve Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance: "This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it and endure the pain which comes with it." Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain. Definitely what I have learnt. There's no need to lie and pretend to be 100% ok with it as it just becomes game playing and it's hurtful to yourself to be dishonest about your feelings. Emotionally strong people don't hide their feelings. But there really is no need to say anymore than what you just wrote. If it happens to me again I will be saying just that.....and only that! I pretty much said that but in a very long and emotional drawn out sort of pathetic way. It took about a week to get there. Not gonna beat myself up for it though, I needed to learn the art of letting go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Definitely what I have learnt. There's no need to lie and pretend to be 100% ok with it as it just becomes game playing and it's hurtful to yourself to be dishonest about your feelings. Emotionally strong people don't hide their feelings. But there really is no need to say anymore than what you just wrote. If it happens to me again I will be saying just that.....and only that! I pretty much said that but in a very long and emotional drawn out sort of pathetic way. It took about a week to get there. Not gonna beat myself up for it though, I needed to learn the art of letting go. I learned it the hard way, and I'm not aware of any easy way of learning it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 There's an awful lot to be said for stoic acceptance: "This is not what I want. It is the opposite of what I want, but I will accept it and endure the pain which comes with it." Easier said than done, but the act of desperately trying to evade the pain only brings more pain. That's a very thought-provoking quote Satu. I hope one day that I can live by that statement when faced with it. "trying to evade the pain only brings more pain." - Agreed. It's like trying to cheat and getting caught. Not only does the pain persist, but the humiliation from failure becomes a new source of pain that eventually transition into regret. Having the courage to just "let go" is something I will strive to achieve. I lacked the willpower and maturity to remain detached from my own self-pity. Having time to reflect upon this I find it to be very humbling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 I dated a girl for 6-8 months. I could feel her getting distant. One day she tells me she needs space to 'work on herself'. I didn't beg or plead but I asked her if we could still go out the following night since we had dinner plans. We did. We had sex. She was definitely having a change of heart. I broke up with her the next day. She hates me now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 That's a very thought-provoking quote Satu. I hope one day that I can live by that statement when faced with it. "trying to evade the pain only brings more pain." - Agreed. It's like trying to cheat and getting caught. Not only does the pain persist, but the humiliation from failure becomes a new source of pain that eventually transition into regret. Having the courage to just "let go" is something I will strive to achieve. I lacked the willpower and maturity to remain detached from my own self-pity. Having time to reflect upon this I find it to be very humbling. Part of Freud and Jung's legacy, is the idea that most mental and emotional pain is caused by resistance and conflict. Begging and pleading in this context qualifies as both. It's a pain generator par excellence. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
catlady11 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 My ex tried to break up with me a few times before we really broke up for good (just typing that is painful). He told me that he wasn't on the same page as me emotionally and I convinced him to give us another chance, that when two people fall in love it doesn't always happen at the same time. He gave in and gave us a few more chances. I didn't beg or get down on my knees and cry and throw a fit to convince him-there was no drama whatsoever. I acted mature and I did cry a little (I told him I didn't want to cry because then it would look like I was manipulating him and he told me "no, I know you're crying because you're sad, that's different"). I believed with all my heart and soul that we just needed time-time for him to realize what I meant to him. He gave me that time. Do I wish I would have walked away sooner? I don't know. As painful as the way I feel right now is I think the joy of when I was with him outweighs the pain I now feel. Some days I wish I never would have met him. Some days I want to kick myself for not letting him end it sooner because then I wouldn't have fallen in love with him. Bittersweet is what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Begging and pleading almost NEVER works. I begged and pleaded with my ex, and she still left. It doesn't affect them in the way you want it to. They just get annoyed/turned off and even more eager to end things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenDeath Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Looking back on the break up that happened on Saturday, begging for another chance because I truly felt as if the whole thing could have been worked on, the whole thing was out of the blue and something that I didn't even see coming. Just looking back, I feel ashamed of myself begging, pleading or just asking for another chance because I never actually begged like that before for anyone. I even tried calling him later during the day and night to no avail. I just can't believe I just did that for the first in my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenDeath Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Begging and pleading almost NEVER works. I begged and pleaded with my ex, and she still left. It doesn't affect them in the way you want it to. They just get annoyed/turned off and even more eager to end things. I feel as this is true, since my relationship was a LDR, ( he lives in IL ) he pretty much told me to chin up, dry my tears and find someone in NY that would make me happier than he can which pisses me off because I thought he was the one for me and still think he is the one for me and someone I would love to spend my life with. First break up that left me feeling confused and lost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenDeath Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 I begged & pleaded. To this day I wish I hadn't. it hasn't even been a week for me and I already feel as if I shouldn't have done that. I feel your pain and it sucks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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