Forget About Her Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 What the hell does she want? She dumped me about 5 months ago! We started talking on the telephone recently, and I said to her that I do not want to tell her anything about my life. So our phone conversations consist of her telling me about her day, and the things she did or things she has going on. I told her that I have enough friends to confide in, if I need to talk to someone, and that I don't need her. I happen to mention to her on the phone last night that I was working today and she asked if I wanted her to bring me breakfast. I politely declined. So as I'm walking from my car to the building, she pulls up along side of me and asks if she can come in. I tel her she can do whatever she wants, and she comes in. I didn't really say anything to her, she was telling me how she was in the area to get her nails done, etc. I started to get upset a little bit, and she wanted to give me a hug, but I wouldn't let her and asked her to leave. She started to cry a little when she saw that I was getting upset, and she told me that she didn't want to leave. I politely insisted that she leave, and she left. She called me a couple times since then to ask if I was okay, and what was wrong, and I told her that I did not want to talk to her. She asked if I would call her when I got off of work, and I told her NO. She is on this whole "I want to be friends" thing, but I just can't deal with seeing her. What the @$%^ is her problem? She has been calling a couple times a day recently, and waits for me in the parking lot of my job?!?! Is this normal behavior, and if so, what does she want? She broke up with me, she started dating another guy, she left my house.
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Seems to me she still needs you for emotional security without the restrictions of a relationship. Her need to talk to you and keep you as an emotional support in her life conveys her dependence on you. Tell her very clearly that she is not stop calling and stop showing up. It's unacceptable and inconsiderate. Tell her to move on with her life like you are and you do not want to see her again.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 She broke up with her boyfriend (the one she started dating immediately after me), about a month ago. She said she couldn't be in a relationship with him while she was still in love with me. She changes her story every freaking week and it drives me nuts. One week she doesn't like the guy and loves me, the next week, she has strong feelings for him and she's not sure if she loves me. Then this week she tells me that she doesn't even want to meet any other guys. 3-4 weeks ago she wrote me this loooong email about how I need to move on and she can't give me a second chance. I really love her, but I don't want to keep going back and forth.
SadAndLonely Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Wow, I was feeling sorry for her, a bit, until your last post. She needs to figure out what the hell she wants. Tell her that she told you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and that you aren't interested in remaining just friends with her.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 We are in a bit of a unique situation b/c she never cheated on me, never really did anything wrong. It was me being an a**h*** to her. She got with a guy immediately after we broke up, but I can't really blame her for that. She seems like she wants me back, but she won't say it, and I don't want to be the one to break down and tell her i want her back because that would be making it too easy for her. She left me and hurt me beyond anything I could ever imagine.
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her We are in a bit of a unique situation b/c she never cheated on me, never really did anything wrong. It was me being an a**h*** to her. She got with a guy immediately after we broke up, but I can't really blame her for that. She seems like she wants me back, but she won't say it, and I don't want to be the one to break down and tell her i want her back because that would be making it too easy for her. She left me and hurt me beyond anything I could ever imagine. Wow - you sure are self-absorbed. Here I thought she was the one in the wrong by trying to depend on you when the relationship ended. Now it seems like she's willing to give you another chance and you want to punish her when you're the one that was in the wrong to begin with. And what's comical is that you even admit it, but you still feel justified in punishing her because she left you.
Author Forget About Her Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Lol, thanks for putting it into perspective. i think i'm going to go with the no contact thing and just break it off completely. This **** is too hard, and i start to get upset every time i talk to her. I'm not ready to get back with her. It's done!!!
Pocky Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her Lol, thanks for putting it into perspective. i think i'm going to go with the no contact thing and just break it off completely. This **** is too hard, and i start to get upset every time i talk to her. I'm not ready to get back with her. It's done!!! I'm glad you didn't take it badly I wanted to write it in a way so you wouldn't feel attacked, but I kept coming back to being point blank. Honestly, I figure most people have a reason for being an ass to another person. Whether or not you were right in what you were doing, your ability to be that way might be indicative of your true feelings for her. You're probably better off not getting into another relationship with her until you can determine why you were that way in the relationship. May be something as simple as you really weren't interested in being with her and used that as an outlet for your discomfort. Sure - some people are just asses, but in general, I think people reflect their true feelings by their behavior. It may be that you two just aren't good as a couple.
SadAndLonely Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Hmm, I agree with Pocky after your (again) last post. Sometimes it's nice to know all the info up front.
fundamental Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by Forget About Her We are in a bit of a unique situation b/c she never cheated on me, never really did anything wrong. It was me being an a**h*** to her. She got with a guy immediately after we broke up, but I can't really blame her for that. She seems like she wants me back, but she won't say it, and I don't want to be the one to break down and tell her i want her back because that would be making it too easy for her. She left me and hurt me beyond anything I could ever imagine. I don't know about what the other posters on the board think but it seems to me she loves you but is just very confused right now. It's like she is realizing how much you really mean to her. It also seems like you are not over her yet. If you want her back (as a girlfriend or a friend), just talk to her and keep it light, be friendly but not her friend. That way you are not letting her have too much emotional security and you are not losing yourself. You don't have to be mean to the girl. Being intentionally rude doesn't always help you get over someone. I have been in your situation before, she knows it bothers you, so she hopes you will make a move. You can really throw her off guard by being friendly with her. Then you might not be upset with her anymore and find it easier to move on.
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