It's time for a change.

[simpleguycomplicated]

Firstly, I'd like to begin by thanking the people who use this forum, as I've used it (mostly from a spectators angle) for the past couple of years when things were really dark for me, and it's really great to see how many people are willing to offer advice and support to complete strangers over the internet. The Loveshack community on here are for the most part very empathetic and genuine people, and it's something I think I will always appreciate.

 

I posted on here a couple of times when I joined the site in 2013 in regards to a failed long-term relationship, but I haven't really had much to say up until now. The short version of this is that my ex-partner and I were in a relationship for 5 years and broke up when we were 23, mostly due to her infidelity and wanting to go out and experience life as a single person, but I had a decent part in it too with the whole emotional neglect aspect.

 

I moved on and spent some time alone, then I started dating and just having some casual fun here and there, which was a time in my life that I hold fond memories of as I learned a lot and met some really nice people. I eventually entered into another relationship and relocated to be with her, and I am still with her today, about a year and a half on. The relationship started strong, but she breached my trust a couple of times and we haven't quite been able to bounce back from that since then. I mean I love her, but I'm in a place of apathy right now, which is probably just my brain protecting me.

 

I'm in the stage in my life now that I am starting to lose friends, good friends, and it's something that's been on my mind for a while now. I am pretty social and I like to think I am pretty personable and genuine as a friend, so it hurts when there's a distance that grows between yourself and those who are closest to you. I have had a few "good friends" in the past couple of years stop talking to me without an explanation also, which sucks, but it is what it is. I realise that as you mature your friendships change, people want different things, circumstances change, interests and needs change etc, especially in your 20's. Right now I, and most of the friends I am referring to are around the 25 mark.

 

I have changed a lot since relocating, I had originally relocated with my ex to Melbourne (major city in Australia) and settled in there with a decent job and social life. Now I've relocated again to a town that's relatively close to my home city, I feel like a different person. It took me a long time to find a decent and steady job, and as a result of that a lot of other aspects of my life went by the wayside. I am slowly recovering now, but I feel I am at somewhat of a crossroads, where I need to make clear and concise decisions so I don't repeat what has previously happened.

 

I am in a situation where I have a substance abuse issue using marijuana, which started slowly from the time my brother committed suicide four years ago and snowballed with the breakdown of the long-term relationship I was in, I was also using amphetamines and some other recreational drugs a lot at that time too. I have ceased all of that now and am only using marijuana. I have gotten a lot better with my habit lately, but it is still that, a habit. I am addicted to weed in the sense I rely on it at the end of the day to relax my body enough so I can sleep. I have tried stopping cold turkey, which was ok for the most part, but experienced a lot of anxiety and sleep deprivation from it.

 

My job is OK, I mean it's bearable and enough money for me to support myself on again, but I feel I need to make some better decisions in regards to being decisive on a path I want to go down and sticking to it. My health isn't too good as I don't eat to regularly or look after my body the way a normal person should. My mental health is another story, I have had clinical depression for the past 7 years, and though it goes up and down, I have never truly recovered from it or committed myself to taking it seriously enough to fix it.

 

I feel it is time for a change though. I feel I need to make a series of decisions involving all of the above, I need to decide what is best for me in a relationship, I need to be healthy and look after my body, I need to start making decisions that are going to reward me in the long term, and I need to get my mind to a place where it is in peace.

 

I know this post is rambling a bit, I guess I am just hoping that some of you who are reading it might have been or still are in a similar place to myself, and can offer me your story and the steps that you took to improve your life for the better, to finally be happy.

 

Thank you if you've read this far, and I look forward to some responses.

[casey.lives]

you're free to do anything anyway... it's your life!

freedom is freedom

[simpleguycomplicated]

Of course it is, but I feel like it's expected to go in a certain way, or the potential for both good or bad relies solely on what I do right now, in this moment. I was just hoping for some stories from people when they have been or still are in this position and what they did/are doing about it. Thanks for your input.

 

Matty.