" I am letting my feelings fade"

[Walters]

what does she have to feel guilty about? You two are not exclusive so she was capable of doing anything as a free agent. Question is why did you not want to be exclusive for and continue on as a free agent? It makes not sense to me outside you making sure no other options are available.

 

Either way she felt resentment for you not wanting to be exclusive, she decided once you ask in that moment to act out that resentment, you went crazy on her by yelling, she decided your anger is not worth the time. I don't want to be with somebody who can blow up, who does? Also she is 21 so its likely she has no idea what she really wants.

 

Let it go and find something else. Don't become some crazy guy drilling her for answers when at the end of the day the result is the same; its over.

[UltimaWeapon]

what does she have to feel guilty about? You two are not exclusive so she was capable of doing anything as a free agent. Question is why did you not want to be exclusive for and continue on as a free agent? It makes not sense to me outside you making sure no other options are available.

 

Either way she felt resentment for you not wanting to be exclusive, she decided once you ask in that moment to act out that resentment, you went crazy on her by yelling, she decided your anger is not worth the time. I don't want to be with somebody who can blow up, who does? Also she is 21 so its likely she has no idea what she really wants.

 

Let it go and find something else. Don't become some crazy guy drilling her for answers when at the end of the day the result is the same; its over.

 

We agreed to exclusively see each other from the beginning. We established that from the get go

 

I just needed time to for the feelings to develop- to make sure things felt right- I wasn't in a full blown relationship in 5 years. I did not want to rush into something so quickly. That was the only reason

Edited August 26, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[autumnnight]

I don't know what it can be considering everything was fine up until the argument, unless she started seeing someone else or talking to someone else- but that doesn't make sense because she was out in public with me on Canada day- even slept over- and came over again 2 days later and that is when we had the argument.. if she had someone else she would have backed off from me and I would have noticed this before- her behavior did not change at all towards me. so her reaction when I asked her to be official with me caught me completely off guard and I was not expecting it at all.

 

Her actions did not match up her words at all--- and than she was using the argument as the reason why she didn't say YES. Like I said previously I waited for her to explain herself and say everything she had to say before I reacted- there was no YES there to me it was a flat out rejection on her end.

 

But like you said- for it to end over this argument?? and for her to use this argument as the main reason- doesn't add up. There is something else going on that I don't know about. She was acting really sketchy after everything.

 

I am convinced she cried because she felt guilty for something she did.

 

This is your ego talking. You made her wait, and then she wanted to wait. You didn't like it and acted like a jerk. End of story.

 

There's no secret "thing."

[UltimaWeapon]

She had a lot of red flags that I chose to ignore because I wanted to give us a chance

 

She did things that at the beginning that made me question her and I needed to see if she was really in it for me

 

* She has a ton of guy friends- to which I found out later some that she also hooked up with previously

* She keeps them around for ego boosts and confidence

* She was always showing me messages at how other guys would want to see her and how she was curving them - to make me jealous- this was at the beginning I guess to show that she was a high value target?

* She used triangulation techniques as well to try and manipulate me to make me jealous

* Always wanted to be the center of attention

* Would send me like 10 selfies a day

* she was a huge party girl

* She never had a real relationship from what she told me

* She threw herself at me and was infatuated from the beginning- it was way too soon for her to feel like that

 

She praised me with attention from the beginning, even said her ideal guy was someone who had all the same physical characteristics that I do. She would constantly pursue and text, want to see me, compliment me, she seemed really into me but my gut feeling told me something wasn't right. According to her, I was literally everything she wanted and more...It didn't feel natural on her end.

 

 

And naturally, she started criticizing me after, de valuing me, comparing herself to me- and that is where the de-evaluation stage came. AFTER the argument.

 

I had trouble taking her seriously because she literally displayed all signs ( I realized this after) of being in a relationship with a Narcissistic - my gut feeling knew something wasn't right.

 

1. Evaluation

2. De-Evaluation

3. Discard

Edited August 26, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[GemmaUK]

Ugh!

 

You left it way too long to agree to being official.

Then you decided it was OK with you.

You say she had excuses.

For her they were reasons.

You don't actually respect her one bit.

Then you blew the hell up and YELLED at her.

She didn't give you anger when you weren't ready so you should have given her the same respect if she then wasn't sure.

Then you smothered her.

She saw things she wouldn't deal with in a long term relationship, followed her instincts and exited.

 

That's it.

End of story.

[UltimaWeapon]

This is your ego talking. You made her wait, and then she wanted to wait. You didn't like it and acted like a jerk. End of story.

 

There's no secret "thing."

 

She wanted me to wait for her- without me seeing her or talking to her for an entire month? How is that the same thing at all?

 

She stonewalled me completely- her waiting for me and me waiting for her are too entirely different things in this context

Edited August 26, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[UltimaWeapon]

I know I made my mistakes and I take full responsibility for me getting angry and for my role in the argument.

 

I did everything I could do after - I apologized to her and told her it was a moment of weakness on my end- I got emotional over it because I deeply care about her. I even sent her a huge bouquet to show I was truly sorry and I wanted to cheer her up- I have never done that for anyone before.

 

Ye I agree I may have taken a bit longer than a should have but that's just how my feelings developed for her- she did things that made me doubt her as GF material early on and that affected me opening up fully to her. On top of all that she wanted to be in one right away- and I knew from my past experiences that rushing into something like this was not smart.

 

I tried my best to fix our situation because it could have been easily something we could have gotten passed- it was our first argument and I just asked her to be my GF- something that took a lot of courage for me to do. I haven't been in a full blown relationship in 5 years.

 

I had my issues and I tried to deal with them as best as possible. I am not perfect and I know I made some mistakes with this situation but for her to just give it all up after..it really stung me because I felt discarded and not only that..she didn't even want to meet up with me after- or talk about the situation in person. It was all about her at that point:

 

I don't want too right now

I don't have the motivation

I don't like who you were that day

 

and this is someone who claimed to be crazy about me and wanted to be with me the entire time- for her to just discard me like that after everything? She couldn't even make time to see me in person to discuss this as adults- one on one. What am I suppose to feel after that?

 

It kills inside

Edited August 26, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Versacehottie]

The title talk wasn't even something that I felt would turn to what it did..It was just for her and me to know that we were on the same page and that we were official. I felt that we were both BF and GF in my eyes at least- based on how we were acting- that's why when I asked her - her reaction was not a reaction of someone who was happy or someone who wanted a relationship- even though her actions stated that she did.

 

That is why I was so taken back- because I felt played completely by her.

 

It also felt like she got used to having me there not necessarily as the OFFICIAL BF but the same thing nonetheless and she didn't have to have a title- but still got all the benefits of having one- and when I finally asked her to be together- I guess because she was moving out soon wit her roommate and the fact that she wants her freedom or freedom in general- it scared her and I guess she was too comfortable just "seeing" me without the title...and when it was suppose to become official she panicked and got scared.

 

I really don't know....

 

I agree that often the title thing is overrated and misused or whatever. Maybe she was being overly immature about wanting a title. But you have to realize that by failing to take her feelings on wanting a title into consideration, you are taking a risk with how she is going to react to that. I think you still don't get it that why did it have to be only the way you wanted it? She was probably getting more and more fed up (6 months is a long time to wait for something that is important to her--no matter how trivial you think it is). I'm guessing her feeling started to change where she didn't she you as much in that infatuation stage where everything you do is amazing. You can only dangle a carrot so long. She didn't "just" change her mind in that argument, it was cumulative and the argument was the final straw. I don't think you are totally wrong but you could probably stand to work on your empathy. The way you keep talking about the title is like "bestowing" on her like it's some great thing because she had wanted it for so long and you are so great. By dragging it out so long she had a chance to find some things that she did not feel were so great to her.

 

That's the danger of not going exclusive or giving the title you take that risk. She may have felt like she had to put up with it so at a certain point she was at least going to take the benefit of not being exclusive or bf/gf. It's easier to walk away, you have every right to date others. Just because you interpreted that it was like you were bf/gf doesn't mean she did. I happen to agree with you that your actions and way you spent time together should be enough without the title but some people get caught up in the title. She let you know it was important to her. So

 

Very possibly she is doing some power play. The real bottom line though is when you post the transcript of your texts is that it sounds as if her mind is completely made up. I don't think one argument is what changed her mind, though it could have if you were scary enough. When people are not even wanting to talk through stuff and feel like they are done, it's usually a bunch of things that have led them to this point where they don't believe in the ability that you two would be a good couple anymore. I think you are being smart to try to understand what happened but I wouldn't try change it or blame her or think she had some devious plan. I would do some self-introspection so you will at least learn from this. Good luck

[Qboro90]

Based of your description of her and the red flags you listed in your earlier post she seems like the exact kind of girl who the only way to get through to them is go complete no contact whatsoever. You clearly expressed that she likes being the center of attention, has a lot of guy friends, let you know she was a high commodity. Now I can see why she reacted and made a big deal about you asking her to be official when you did. She had no control, no power, and making you jump through hoops and basically beg to have her as your gf gave her all the power back that she wanted. Her attraction to you initially was most likely due to physical attraction and the fact that you didn't beg and seem desperate to date her and be her boyfriend... Something that she is used to from guys hitting on her.

 

The ONLY way to make this girl ever think about you romantically again and regret what she did is for you to act like you've completely moved on with your life and she hasn't crossed your mind whatsoever. This will drive her crazy because she's getting off knowing that she's got you on the hook just waiting for her to say "ok I'm ready now". Next time she texts you, flat out ignore it. Anytime she texts you after a period of no contact it is simply her trying to boost her ego when you reply. That makes her think "ok I still got him if I decide I want him back". If you ignore and go about your life as if she never existed you'll completely flip the tables on her and she'll start to doubt herself and become the person that you were after the break up (needy, desperate, apologetic, willing to do anything to make it work). As long as you're available and she knows you're not going out and interacting with other girls, she's gonna walk all over and play you.

 

Even if you have to fake it. Put on the act that you've completely forgotten about her and you felt stupid for ever acting the way you did to try and get her back. Post pics with other girls, let it be known you're socializing.

 

But also I want to caution you.... If this is what you need to do in order to get a girl... Are you sure that she's really worth it? She's an immature self absorbed college chick... You dodged a bullet a few months ago... Maybe it's best you just cut your losses.

[UltimaWeapon]

I agree that often the title thing is overrated and misused or whatever. Maybe she was being overly immature about wanting a title. But you have to realize that by failing to take her feelings on wanting a title into consideration, you are taking a risk with how she is going to react to that. I think you still don't get it that why did it have to be only the way you wanted it? She was probably getting more and more fed up (6 months is a long time to wait for something that is important to her--no matter how trivial you think it is). I'm guessing her feeling started to change where she didn't she you as much in that infatuation stage where everything you do is amazing. You can only dangle a carrot so long. She didn't "just" change her mind in that argument, it was cumulative and the argument was the final straw. I don't think you are totally wrong but you could probably stand to work on your empathy. The way you keep talking about the title is like "bestowing" on her like it's some great thing because she had wanted it for so long and you are so great. By dragging it out so long she had a chance to find some things that she did not feel were so great to her.

 

That's the danger of not going exclusive or giving the title you take that risk. She may have felt like she had to put up with it so at a certain point she was at least going to take the benefit of not being exclusive or bf/gf. It's easier to walk away, you have every right to date others. Just because you interpreted that it was like you were bf/gf doesn't mean she did. I happen to agree with you that your actions and way you spent time together should be enough without the title but some people get caught up in the title. She let you know it was important to her. So

 

Very possibly she is doing some power play. The real bottom line though is when you post the transcript of your texts is that it sounds as if her mind is completely made up. I don't think one argument is what changed her mind, though it could have if you were scary enough. When people are not even wanting to talk through stuff and feel like they are done, it's usually a bunch of things that have led them to this point where they don't believe in the ability that you two would be a good couple anymore. I think you are being smart to try to understand what happened but I wouldn't try change it or blame her or think she had some devious plan. I would do some self-introspection so you will at least learn from this. Good luck

 

Thank you for your reply I appreciate you taking the time out to give your insight. I keep coming back to her " waiting" those 2 months for me. Like if she had any doubts or problems why did she continue to stay in the relationship is what I am saying..

 

That's why I feel like she played me completley and waited for me to want to be with her so she could reject me. Why did she not walk away when I told her I needed more time. She agreed to continuing to see each other and knew we were heading in that direction. I wasn't going to continue seeing her for an entire year without making it official.

 

I decided to make it official the 6th month in- at that point like I said before the title was literally just a title- we acted like BF and GF the entire time- I understand it was probably more important to her but when it came down to it and when she had the opportunity to actually make it official when I asked her- she started going against it.

 

She even told me after the argument- you gave me 2 months to doubt you and to doubt our relationship- I started comparing myself to you and basically she just kept giving me more excuses of why she can't be with me.

 

If that was the case why didn't you walk away- no one forced you to be with me those 2 extra months? Suddenly now its an issue?

 

No one forced her to hang out wit me on Canada day or sleep over- why are these issues now suddenly being brought up?

 

Do you get where I am coming from? If at ANY POINT in our relationship she felt she didn't want it- why didn't she walk away and just tell me? Why did she wait for me to make it official ?

 

She even told my friends 2 days before I asked her- that she was waiting on me to make it official..

 

"The way you keep talking about the title is like "bestowing" on her like it's some great thing because she had wanted it for so long and you are so great"

 

It's not about me being great or her having the privilege of me being her BF it's about her keeping her word and not flip flopping.

 

If I was to get into a relationship with her 2 months prior- who is to say she wouldn't change her mind the same way again? Do you get what I mean? Its the act of changing her mind so quickly- If I did not see anything between us I wouldn't have continued seeing her or invested 6 months of my time into what we had.

 

If I had any doubts I would have told her - she kept everything from me and apparently it's like she was forced to stay with me 2 extra months? If she had any issues- the door was open for her to walk..she never did....so to me that is complete bull**** on her end

[autumnnight]

She wanted me to wait for her- without me seeing her or talking to her for an entire month? How is that the same thing at all?

 

She stonewalled me completely- her waiting for me and me waiting for her are too entirely different things in this context

 

You misunderstood. The first time she wanted to be official, you stalled on her. By the time you were ready, she then stalled. You got mad at her for stalling and acted like a jerk.

 

It really is that simple. To start speculating about secrets and other men is just your ego trying not to take responsibility.

[autumnnight]

I know I made my mistakes and I take full responsibility for me getting angry and for my role in the argument.

 

I did everything I could do after

 

Sometimes "after" is just too little too late. And that is her choice.

[Versacehottie]

It's not about me being great or her having the privilege of me being her BF it's about her keeping her word and not flip flopping.

 

If I was to get into a relationship with her 2 months prior- who is to say she wouldn't change her mind the same way again? Do you get what I mean? Its the act of changing her mind so quickly- If I did not see anything between us I wouldn't have continued seeing her or invested 6 months of my time into what we had.

 

If I had any doubts I would have told her - she kept everything from me and apparently it's like she was forced to stay with me 2 extra months? If she had any issues- the door was open for her to walk..she never did....so to me that is complete bull**** on her end

 

But she didn't have to keep her word. What was her word? That at first point she spoke to you about a relationship and a title, she wanted one? She changed her mind by the time you asked. That's it.

 

She stuck with it those two months because she was getting "something". Now she was ok with the no strings attached thing and was reaping the benefits of it. She was not mentally committed because it had been denied her. Even if you were in a relationship, people change their minds. I suspect the argument you had was explosive and maybe hurtful things were said. Sometimes an apology after that is just not good enough for people who already have some concerns about the relationship overall.

 

I wouldn't keep harping on her move being bullsh*t. She might have some game playing in her but she's also within her rights in general and it's not abnormal that she changed her mind after the way the relationship went down and the argument. It happens.

[UltimaWeapon]

After the argument she also attacked me personally and said she had 2 months to compare herself to me and question herself.

 

Am I sure about him? Why isn't he ready? What am I doing wrong?

 

She went as FAR as to say she was doing things in her life and making progress and I quote:

 

" I compared myself to you and I started to realize...I am making money, I am going to school and I am moving out, I have goals and plans I am putting into action, you are wandering around lost."

 

This is coming from a 21 year old who just recently signed a lease for her apartment with her roomate. She literally thought she was better than me now because she was moving out and I was still with my parents?

 

It's as if I was some sort of homeless person now. I am 24, a recent university graduate from a top Canadian business school, I have been working for a market research company for the past year, continuing to try to find a job in my field, Ye I don't like the job I am doing now and I complained to her about it but for her to suddenly now flip things and basically think shes better than me because of that?

 

That killed me inside and I never expected that from her..

 

keep in mind guys, this is coming from someone I wanted to make my GF after seeing her 6 months- she literally shat on my life and my purpose and as if I was some bum on the street?

 

Now suddenly it's an issue? Nothing changed when we first started seeing each other..now shes complaining about me and my role in life?

 

Do you guys see why I keep referring to the Narcissistic personality disorder trait-- this is exactly what the De-evaluation stage is about.......

[Versacehottie]

well she could be saying that if she's narcissistic OR it could just be her view of the truth for her--she sees you two going in different directions. Needless to say, I realize initially you are angry but staying angry is not going to help you go on with your life or figure this out. She's putting herself first. Center of attention, narcissistic stuff or just looking out for herself, it looks the same when you are hurt like you have been.

[UltimaWeapon]

Based of your description of her and the red flags you listed in your earlier post she seems like the exact kind of girl who the only way to get through to them is go complete no contact whatsoever. You clearly expressed that she likes being the center of attention, has a lot of guy friends, let you know she was a high commodity. Now I can see why she reacted and made a big deal about you asking her to be official when you did. She had no control, no power, and making you jump through hoops and basically beg to have her as your gf gave her all the power back that she wanted. Her attraction to you initially was most likely due to physical attraction and the fact that you didn't beg and seem desperate to date her and be her boyfriend... Something that she is used to from guys hitting on her.

 

The ONLY way to make this girl ever think about you romantically again and regret what she did is for you to act like you've completely moved on with your life and she hasn't crossed your mind whatsoever. This will drive her crazy because she's getting off knowing that she's got you on the hook just waiting for her to say "ok I'm ready now". Next time she texts you, flat out ignore it. Anytime she texts you after a period of no contact it is simply her trying to boost her ego when you reply. That makes her think "ok I still got him if I decide I want him back". If you ignore and go about your life as if she never existed you'll completely flip the tables on her and she'll start to doubt herself and become the person that you were after the break up (needy, desperate, apologetic, willing to do anything to make it work). As long as you're available and she knows you're not going out and interacting with other girls, she's gonna walk all over and play you.

 

Even if you have to fake it. Put on the act that you've completely forgotten about her and you felt stupid for ever acting the way you did to try and get her back. Post pics with other girls, let it be known you're socializing.

 

But also I want to caution you.... If this is what you need to do in order to get a girl... Are you sure that she's really worth it? She's an immature self absorbed college chick... You dodged a bullet a few months ago... Maybe it's best you just cut your losses.

 

 

Even if the argument happened - this all could have been avoided if she just wanted to see me and fix things- she did not want too for whatever reason.

 

She could have easily said yes to me when I asked her to be together- she didn't

 

All of this happened as a result of that- and to be honest I see where ur coming from and how I could flip things on her at this point.

 

To be honest - I don't even want her back at this point...I am conflicted completley- ( a part of me misses how it all was- because we had great moments and the last 5 months with her were great )

 

 

It's just how all of this that happened after just showed me how immature and childish she is- she could have at least met up wit me in person to talk about all this- she didn't. she just stone walled me and did not even give me the respect to see each other in person. I felt played by her entirely.

 

And the fact she could flip her feelings so quickly and change her mind that fast too?? It shows me she didn't really have any feelings towards me- maybe she just wanted me because she couldn't get me at the time? I dono

 

Her actions after all this just scream to me everything my gut feeling knew from the beginning- she just isn't relationship material. She is too young and inexperienced. She lacks the ability to deal with conflict. I completely own up to my side of the argument and my involvement in it- she literally put the entire blame on me for all of this happening- and that in itself brought guilt and doubt because I thought I caused this all.

 

At the end of the day- I did everything I could to show I care. Like you said once I completely disappear we will see how she acts- because she knows now that I want her. I will take your advice like I have before and just fake it at least- cuz it is killing me inside- and the fact she lives so close I know we could be together everyday hanging out- it would be so ideal....oh well.

Edited August 26, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Qboro90]

I'm telling you just completely ignore her as if she never existed. Don't answer texts, don't answer calls, don't check her fb, etc. if she's the kind of girl I think she is then eventually she's going to be like "wtf is going on with him!?" And that's when the "so you're just gonna ignore/not talk to me now huh?" Text is gonna be sent by her. That's bait... Don't fall for it. When that comes then wait a day and reply with "pretty much.... I'm not trying to get into it again right now, have other things I need to prioritize and being with someone shouldnt have been so complicated, wish you the best tho". And leave it at that.

 

That'll be like dynamite in her brain.

 

If you actually want her back then realize that the only way it will ever work out is if you Inception her mind lol. It's never gonna happen where she texts you or visa versa and you talk and then "oh wow yea were both sorry let's give it another shot yay!"... Doesn't happen.... She needs to feel she's lost you and ****ed up and then run into you or see you 2/3/4 months from now and let it happen naturally where you can both say "I've grown up a lot" ... Which is bull**** but hey, if you want to dive down the rabbit hole with this chick I'm just telling you the best way to do so.

[Versacehottie]

Qboro's advice is right on if you want to get her attention back/her back at least for a while. I think Qboro has pegged exactly what will work with this type of girl.

 

I think in the long run that you will just be spinning you wheels and wasting some more months because at the core, it doesn't sound like a fixable relationship for the long run. I think you both have some growing to do and would be best with a clean slate. But qboro's right this will be best way to get her attention. Not sure why you would want to though? You still sound really angry and hostile about it. That does not a happy relationship make. Good luck though

[UltimaWeapon]

I'm telling you just completely ignore her as if she never existed. Don't answer texts, don't answer calls, don't check her fb, etc. if she's the kind of girl I think she is then eventually she's going to be like "wtf is going on with him!?" And that's when the "so you're just gonna ignore/not talk to me now huh?" Text is gonna be sent by her. That's bait... Don't fall for it. When that comes then wait a day and reply with "pretty much.... I'm not trying to get into it again right now, have other things I need to prioritize and being with someone shouldnt have been so complicated, wish you the best tho". And leave it at that.

 

That'll be like dynamite in her brain.

 

If you actually want her back then realize that the only way it will ever work out is if you Inception her mind lol. It's never gonna happen where she texts you or visa versa and you talk and then "oh wow yea were both sorry let's give it another shot yay!"... Doesn't happen.... She needs to feel she's lost you and ****ed up and then run into you or see you 2/3/4 months from now and let it happen naturally where you can both say "I've grown up a lot" ... Which is bull**** but hey, if you want to dive down the rabbit hole with this chick I'm just telling you the best way to do so.

 

 

I am having a really hard time moving on from this- she shattered my ego, pride and self esteem really hard. I considered her my support and someone who became a very close person to me in such a short amount of time.

 

I am still somewhat in shock and dealing with the after effects of this all

 

I don't know how to act like I don't care now when I do- those feelings developed and they aren't going away.

 

I don't know why I am having such a hard time accepting this and why I am feeling this way considering this is by no means my first break up.

 

I dealt with way worse before - my ex of 4.5 years left me for someone else, I had another rel that ended because of religion issues, and 2 other small flings- I thought I would be better at handling this by now..

 

She made me feel guilty and put the blame on me- and continued to blame me for all this- and that's what I keep fighting myself with- I know its not my fault- I did everything I could do to SAVE and FIX what we have- I don't know why I feel like this though

 

I don't even know why I want someone who managed to do this on me after 6 months- I really miss the person before the argument- and I just am having a REALLY hard time dealing with how quickly she changed towards me.

 

It makes me question if she even felt anything for me at all- if she was able to discard me this easily. It is a scary thought because I actually believed she was crazy about me- well clearly that wasn't the case. She threw me to the side and stonewalled me as if I was some piece of trash. It is not something I can just forget...

 

All the advice you gave me is perfect and it makes complete sense- it will help me move on and at the same time- it can help me get her back - it just kills me inside day by day- and I am constantly thinking about how it all went down

 

I don't even have the desire to contact her anymore- I just miss her and what we had

 

My bday is in 2 days- im turning 25- and I feel AWFUL - instead of spending it with her and being happy im miserable now because of this situation. I KNOW I shouldn't give her this power over me but I can't help how I feel!

 

I miss her and I want her back - and at the same time - My feelings flip flop and I cant stand thinking about her after what she did.

 

I am so conflicted- why do I miss someone who doesn't want me anymore? lol

 

I know its the idea of her and my thoughts that are the cause of this but ahhhh it's just so draining physically and emotionally

Edited August 28, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Qboro90]

If you realize that the advice and suggestions you're getting are perfect and the right thing to do then saying "yea I know but it's hard" is just a weak excuse and laziness to be honest. No **** it's hard. Anything worth having is hard and requires effort or stepping out of your comfort zone to obtain.

 

You can either tell yourself that "it's too hard, I'm too sad and angry and can't do anything about it" and continue the route you're going or you can motivate yourself and suck it up. Put on the act as hard as it may be, it will be difficult but it's nothing compared to the trials and problems that some people have. It's a mental work out so that's your own ability to control. After a couple weeks you'll start to believe the act itself and the pain will fade because you might end up having some fun here and there during that time period. Do you have a group of friends? Start hanging out with them more and hitting them up to see what's going on tonight. Even if it's just hanging around someone's house. Being around others and distracting yourself with the convos they are having goes a long way.

 

If you are with your friends tho make sure you don't bring your ex up either, or if they ask say you don't want to talk about it, the only thing you want is a smoke show to hook up with and shove in her face so if they can help there you're all for it lol.

[Versacehottie]

Well it hurts because the whole time you thought she was your option without realizing that if you treated her like an option the whole "relationship" wasn't as stable as you thought it was. For some people this is the reason the title is important to them. They feel like an option without one and it feels frustrating and disrespectful to an extent while you are making up your mind. I know that's not what you felt like you were doing to her but it's likely what it felt like to her being in that situation.

 

I think if you want to talk about the breakup feelings the other forum has a lot of people in similar situation that can be really helpful so you might want to post over there as well. Not saying that you won't get that sort of advice here too but it sounds like that's what you are wanting today. Happy early birthday. It will get better. I think you might be learning something from this that will be good for the next one.

[UltimaWeapon]

Thank you for the birthday wish!!

 

I did my best to communicate to her how I felt and what I was dealing with...I don't know if she truly understood how hard it was for me to just get into a relationship right away considering how many times I got played in my past.

 

She knew from the beginning that I was only seeing her and that I was committed to just what we had. I told her many times- I wouldn't continue seeing you or hanging out if I didn't see something between us. I told her it is heading in that direction for us to be BF and GF.

 

I understand it might not have been how she wanted/ or the time frame she wanted it in- at the end of the day we never took a break or anything from each other- we continued developing the relationship. that is why I didn't understand why she just discarded it so easily after all this.

 

she stayed together with me for 6 months? why would she just let it go over this argument? that is the question that plagues me everyday....that's what gets me so much. It wasn't worth the effort anymore? Ye I understand I got angry and we had our first real argument...but it could have easily been fixed between us- we could have met up and just put it behind us and went forward in our relationship.

 

I really feel like a part of her - just had to reject me so her ego and pride felt better because she thought I rejected her when she asked me- when I did not at all. Me rejecting her would be "NO WE WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER AND YOU WON'T EVER BE MY GF"

 

I just told her I am not ready to jump into something so fast with you right NOW I want to continue to see you and head in that direction and continue to hang out and develop those feelings.. I was genuine- honest and upfront with how I felt. I never wanted to hurt her or lead her on and would never do that.

 

Her red flags made me real cautious but I went against all that and threw that all to the side because I wanted to believe she felt really strongly about me

 

Like I mentioned previously- she was all about POWER and things being on her TERMS and what she wanted, when she wanted

 

It really sucks that it had to come to this because we had something special..I tried to fix things because I know if she was to come back in a few months- it just wouldn't be the same anymore....

 

Me asking her to be my GF and to be official...should have said everything to her- because that is not something you ask someone everyday...

Edited August 28, 2015 by UltimaWeapon

[Versacehottie]

You're welcome.

 

That's how you see it. It's not how she sees it. You keep acting like the argument could have/should have been forgiven like it was a small thing. I kinda think it wasn't and that it was probably a lot harsher than you realize. Just your inability to see things as they could have been from her point of view is a sign that it was or that you may have been acting more selfishly than you imagine.

 

As much as a game player as she could have been, i highly doubt she wasted 6 months of her time to do a last minute power trip on you. She would have had to know that you were going to pop the girlfriend question and she never had assurances of that, remember? That's what makes me think she was nearly fed up and the argument was the last straw. Sometimes you can go wanting something or someone for so long but when you get it, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Not putting you down but it is a syndrome. I believe she can be attention seeking, possibly a narcissist like you said. Planning a power play for 6 months doesn't really fit the profile though. If she was attention-seeking, boyfriend-wanting narcissist she would have jumped ship immediately when you weren't giving her what she wanted. These types don't have a problem finding another guy. I think she truly liked you but became disillusioned along the way.

[Qboro90]

You keep replaying and re posting what occurred and what you don't understand and are upset about..... We know... It's been explained.... You've been given the advice and suggestions necessary to move forward. Make a decision and go with it. If you want to re hash why she was illogical and her actions don't make sense then perhaps the Rants section is better suited for these posts

[UltimaWeapon]

You're welcome.

 

That's how you see it. It's not how she sees it. You keep acting like the argument could have/should have been forgiven like it was a small thing. I kinda think it wasn't and that it was probably a lot harsher than you realize. Just your inability to see things as they could have been from her point of view is a sign that it was or that you may have been acting more selfishly than you imagine.

 

As much as a game player as she could have been, i highly doubt she wasted 6 months of her time to do a last minute power trip on you. She would have had to know that you were going to pop the girlfriend question and she never had assurances of that, remember? That's what makes me think she was nearly fed up and the argument was the last straw. Sometimes you can go wanting something or someone for so long but when you get it, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Not putting you down but it is a syndrome. I believe she can be attention seeking, possibly a narcissist like you said. Planning a power play for 6 months doesn't really fit the profile though. If she was attention-seeking, boyfriend-wanting narcissist she would have jumped ship immediately when you weren't giving her what she wanted. These types don't have a problem finding another guy. I think she truly liked you but became disillusioned along the way.

 

I told her the night before I was gona ask her to be official with me- that I had something important to talk with her about and she wanted to know what it was..and I told her its a surprise you will see tomorrow..and she asked if I was gona ask her to be my gf and I told her you will see tomorrow I don't wana spoil it.

 

so she def knew what I was gona ask her...that's why I was so shocked when she started giving me excuses and I reacted to all of that AFTER I let her say what she had to say..there was no..." but even if I am stating all of this I still want to be with you"

it was a straight up rejection :/

Edited August 28, 2015 by UltimaWeapon