Kaiten Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) It's not like I dislike people who aren't trying to take over the world. I really do hate how people make ambitious people out to be these self-absorbed, self-seeking demented, obsessed *******s. But it's what my old friends accuse me of nonstop. It's like they hear me say what I'm trying to do with my life, and are shocked when I am out here struggling to make it happen and can't play video games for 5 hours a day, or just go with the gang to Applebees and sit there for 3 hours talking about football. To be honest, I don't want to spend so much of my time anymore shooting the breeze. But every time my old friends see me with my nose down in what I'm doing, they criticize my work and tell me how it's going to go nowhere, and how I'm wasting my time. All the people who berate me have one thing in common: they don't have any dreams of their own. They've never pursued a dream that they picked out for themselves. At the end of the day, I don't have a choice. I came from a really harsh background. If I don't make this happen for myself then there will be nothing for me to fall back on. I don't want to have to do this while I'm married with a kid, trying to start a business that pulls me away from my family and love. That's why I'm doing it now. I hate how it feels like I have to choose between my friends and my dreams. Edited August 26, 2015 by Kaiten 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Life ebbs & flows. Priorities change. Can you reach a balance? When you do have time, spend some of it with them but don't talk about your ambition per se. Just enjoy their company. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 To be honest, I don't want to spend so much of my time anymore shooting the breeze. But every time my old friends see me with my nose down in what I'm doing, they criticize my work and tell me how it's going to go nowhere, and how I'm wasting my time. Honestly, they don't sound much like friends to me. I think it's cool to gradually fade out of their lives and find other friends. The new friends don't have to be ambitious like you. They just have to respect your choices and allow you to be you! And you should do them the same favor, of course. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 We become what we eat, what we say, what we do and especially whom we hang out with. One of the best lessons in life is to learn what no longer serves you in a healthy manner and get rid of it. Sometimes toxic people must be left behind in life. You did the right thing by making your life about the things that will serve you as you grow. Good luck, Grumps 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Absolutely nothing wrong with bettering oneself although I dislike an individual who is self-absorbed. Maybe, they're being unfair with that comment as it does sound they have a tinge of envy about them. In my experience, friends who have no ambition can be a negative influence so it's in your own interest to find new ones I reckon, unless of course they change their attitude towards you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 It's unfortunate that I have to separate from people who I've shared some great times with in the past. It's really gotten to the point to where I feel like there is nothing that I can do to please them without abandoning my dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
I don't know Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Same thing happened to me 20 years ago. My friends were stunned that I was taking a full time position that required 60-70hrs a week during the summer and was no longer participating in the Beach House. Sure I did miss some great parties I hear but that position became one of the building blocks that catapulted me to my current position and career. Cut loose the dead weight, look forward and move on. They only reason they are giving you a hard time is because they are jealous and they have no ambition of their own. Trust me I know. Its not hard to drink all night and sleep all day on the beach. It is hard to get up at 5am and get home at 7pm and remember why your doing it. I applaud your efforts, keep it going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I did it. I was around 18 or 19 and cut everyone off that wasn't into doing something to better their lives. All they wanted to do is smoke weed, play games, and drown themselves in recycled pussy. And I get ridiculed for not doing those things. To hell with them. Surround yourself with positive people and you'll see a change and you'll be inspired more. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Sometimes you outgrow your friends. You can't let them hold you back. I've seen enough times when one person in an old friend group has some success in their goals and some other friends make fun of them for it or try to minimize it or act like it's a fluke or it's not going to last. Those are "friends" you don't want to keep who do that. A true friend will be happy for your goals and any efforts you make to reach them. You are right to consider distancing yourself from them if they are holding you back from leading a more productive life than they are. You can still keep in touch as long as they're supportive, but don't let them drag you down. You are absolutely right that it's ALL up to you to make something of yourself. This isn't just true of you but it's true of most people except the very most privileged. Things don't just drop in your lap. You have to focus on goals and chase them down and get what you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I faded on my friends when they had kids and started being stay at home mums. It's not even this that bothers me. It's that every time I saw them, they basically ganged up in telling me how I am wasting my time working when I should be husband hunting and how they plan to never work again. We had nothing in common anymore so we drifted apart. I now have a new circle of friends who are all ambitious and totally get me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Pursue what you love. Be with people whose company you enjoy. But if you cannot grow with the people you're around, you will never be able to truly enjoy their company. Life is full of endings and forks in the road. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 It has been a couple of weeks since I distanced myself from my last friend who I felt was far too negative. He literally berated me for backing out of a 6 hour video game binge, knowing full well that I had just begun a software company and was finishing a long-ass book I had been working on for the pat 15 months. I just think it's such a shame though. But of course I do now that I have goals and ambitions. I've noticed that people who dislike goal-driven people all have one thing in common: They have no goals of their own. Maybe they once had them but didn't follow through. Even so, what a shame. I have like 3 friends now. They're great. And they're all I need really. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Three friends is a wealth of companionship! Seriously. I'm in my 30s and I wish I had 3 close friends. Life gets busy, you know? Stay true to yourself and your passions. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 It has been a couple of weeks since I distanced myself from my last friend who I felt was far too negative. He literally berated me for backing out of a 6 hour video game binge, knowing full well that I had just begun a software company and was finishing a long-ass book I had been working on for the pat 15 months. I just think it's such a shame though. But of course I do now that I have goals and ambitions. I've noticed that people who dislike goal-driven people all have one thing in common: They have no goals of their own. Maybe they once had them but didn't follow through. Even so, what a shame. I have like 3 friends now. They're great. And they're all I need really. Your friend is still an immature kid who thinks playing video games is his best use of time. Don't even pretend to go along with it. Tell him you have better things to do and so should he. Link to post Share on other sites
isabellemarss Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 If they don't understand, to hell with it. They're never going to. Ordinary people will never understand how busy people doing worthwhile things can't just drop everything to hang out for a while. Some of them don't even understand how much time, effort, and energy you actually need to do your work. They think all of it is easy, because their minds are too small to comprehend it. I've alienated friends (and lovers) because I set my priorities right. No matter if I actually try to make it up to them by spending time with them for at least once or twice a month, I still get scoffed at for being a distant workaholic. Keep working hard, and soon the whole friendship thing will fall into place when you find like-minded people who actually understand you. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Honestly, they don't sound much like friends to me. I think it's cool to gradually fade out of their lives and find other friends. The new friends don't have to be ambitious like you. They just have to respect your choices and allow you to be you! And you should do them the same favor, of course. I was going to say the same thing. If they're berating you, for trying to succeed and study, they're not really true friends, and you have lost nothing in cutting them out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr1oyalty Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I hate how it feels like I have to choose between my friends and my dreams. You are passionate about your dreams and that is awesome. If you let go of your friends and fully embrace your new path you will find new friends for you new path and can still appreciate your old ones. I went through that with a music related business. While I was working they were partying, while I was getting compressors and exciters they where buying video games systems. Years later they still play video games after work. If I wanted to, now I could play video games all day for the next several years and not work. Stick to what your doing in unapologetic fashion. It will pay off and you will have a new set of friends and accomplishments. My new friends are mainly business acquaintances the opposite of my old buddies they are trying to get me back on the grind because I'm in a little depressive rut. Your post brings back memories though and inspiration. Do you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 It's not like I dislike people who aren't trying to take over the world. I really do hate how people make ambitious people out to be these self-absorbed, self-seeking demented, obsessed *******s. But it's what my old friends accuse me of nonstop. It's like they hear me say what I'm trying to do with my life, and are shocked when I am out here struggling to make it happen and can't play video games for 5 hours a day, or just go with the gang to Applebees and sit there for 3 hours talking about football. To be honest, I don't want to spend so much of my time anymore shooting the breeze. But every time my old friends see me with my nose down in what I'm doing, they criticize my work and tell me how it's going to go nowhere, and how I'm wasting my time. All the people who berate me have one thing in common: they don't have any dreams of their own. They've never pursued a dream that they picked out for themselves. At the end of the day, I don't have a choice. I came from a really harsh background. If I don't make this happen for myself then there will be nothing for me to fall back on. I don't want to have to do this while I'm married with a kid, trying to start a business that pulls me away from my family and love. That's why I'm doing it now. I hate how it feels like I have to choose between my friends and my dreams. You are certainly not wrong to drop those friends if they don't support you. If you are ambitious it is best that you choose friends who are ambitious. They will help you stay on your course. Link to post Share on other sites
La Trese Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Eh ambitious friends have their drawbacks too. One of my best friends is in one of the top medical schools. The other is an investment banker. The other is in dental school. I love them to death but 1) with all of our schedules being so busy we end up rarely having matching free time so I end up seeing them once every month or so and 2) you can't just call them up in the middle of the night crying about your boyfriend or something because they have jobs where they can't afford to be tired the next day like with a patient's life in their hands. Nice thing is they don't expect that of you either but the nature of the friendship is a little different. I am ambitious myself but I often wish I had more friends that had a more chill lifestyle and was more down to spontaneously hang out or talk a little more often. But the problem isn't that your friends are unambitious. The problem is they are not supportive of you. I've had ambitious unsupportive friends in the past and thats just as bad. And in that sense I agree you need to find people who are supportive first and foremost. Edited October 21, 2015 by La Trese Link to post Share on other sites
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