Should I be concerned that my boyfriend talks to other girls?

[Ashley S]

I've always had severe trust issues, with just people in general. This is my first boyfriend. All he does is confess his undying love for me, he is very honest with me, and says he's gonna marry me, etc. He is known for being the relationship type, and he is known for being loyal to a girl, and not cheating. He always says how much he's in love with me, and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I am always thinking "yeah right", but he constantly confesses his love for me, and people even see it, and say "All he does is talk about you, and is so in love with you." He doesn't have a reputation of being a player, or a cheater.

 

However, he'll text and talk to girls. He says a lot of them are old friends. One day, I went over to his apartment, I was an hour and a half late of the time I was suppose to show up, and he wasn't there, so I called him, and he said "I'll be home shortly." he didn't tell me where he was at. Then later on in the day he told me he went to this girl's house named Lucy. Me and my boyfriend's best friend passed away recently, and we are both grief stricken over it. This Lucy girl apparently knew our deceased friend and invited him over to her house so she can the full story on how our deceased friend died. He then said to me "Is it ok if Lucy comes over?" I said "Yeah", because I thought she's probably grief stricken like us. She never showed up. The next day, he said to me "Lucy wanted to me to get in on a threesome with her and this girl Heather, and I was like uh no." I said "Hmmm...well that's a shocker." He said "i'm not a cheater." Now Lucy likes every picture, and post my boyfriend makes on Facebook. I don't know how to approach this. Am I being paranoid because I have extreme trust issues? Am I right for having doubts about his loyalty? I don't want to meet this girl now because I think it's disrespectful that she would ask him to be in a threesome with her and another girl, knowing he has a girlfriend. What do you think about all of this? He says he never wants to let go of me, and he loves me so much, and he has proven that, but this Lucy girl is suspicious, and I don't know if I should let it go or not?

[CarrieT]

He's talking about sex (a threesome?) with another girl?

 

Yep - time to leave. He has crossed the line and is obviously disrespectful of you.

[Keenly]

He's talking about sex (a threesome?) with another girl?

 

Yep - time to leave. He has crossed the line and is obviously disrespectful of you.

 

He gets zero points for turning down the once in a lifetime offer, and then coming clean about what happened?

 

What? The guy did nothing wrong.

[autumnnight]

First, kudos to him for not only telling you about Lucy's offer but turning it down.

 

Second, you might ask him what made Lucy think he would do that? Not because he necessarily did anything wrong, more to get into HER head.

 

I have to say, my instinct on reading your post was not to be mad at your boyfriend but to think how I would want to...um....speak with Lucy about her offer to MY boyfriend.

 

However, I would probably also keep my ear to the ground concerning exactly how he talks to all these female friends.

[d0nnivain]

Your BF sounds like a trustworthy guy. However, this Lucy character is someone you should keep your eye on. He can't control what she does but in light of her offer, he needs to not be alone with her or Heather. It is a matter of boundaries.

[Vercetti]

I would not want that threesome girl or any connected talking with him anymore. If boyfriend is honest and stand up, he should be on the same page of her being toxic. Even the best of guys enjoy a ego boost. Someone that wants to sleep with him liking his pictures is road don't want to travel. This girl already tried playing a sympathy card on him. She is stalking and pushing buttons.

 

Anyhow don't know how long you two have been together. I love you, want to spend life with you, get married is easy to say. Real future plans, really living together is something else. Does he even know your ring size. Just say I.g, thoughts words actions. The future doesn't just happen, you make it happen, and there are steps beyond words that make it reality.

[ExpatInItaly]

Ashley, is the same boyfriend from your recent threads?

 

The one with legal problems, drinking problems and who threatens to kill himself if you leave?

 

If so, then yes. You have a serious concern here.

[Diezel]

All of your threads about him lately seem to indicate that there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn't stay with him.

[PegNosePete]

Whilst he did the right thing by declining her offer and telling you about it, it's pretty weird that he would just carry on as normal being friends with her after that. If one of my female friends said something like that it would certainly be a major issue. We would have strong words and it might end the friendship permanently. It's weird that your BF blows it off so casually and even invites her round to his place the next day.

[QueenDafine]

Wow, I'd be really pissed off if I were you. Yeah, it's good that he told you about Lucy and the three some thing, but why he's still deciding to stay in contact with her is just shady and straight disrespectful to you. But you also have to make it clearly to him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and that if he really cared about your feelings, he wouldn't think to talk to her or even be her friend on Facebook. She isn't thinking about just being his 'friend' when she's offering sex, and she clearly doesnt give a **** about anyone but herself if she knows you're his girlfriend just See how he takes it. It shouldn't be a great loss to him at all since she's 'just Lucy' and he should be understanding. If he has a tantrum then there's a problem. Personally, i'd be pretty angry enough to bring it up with her and let her know how much of a bitch she's being. But who knows? It's best to find out both sides of the story right? Contact her and ask her about what's happened, because there could be another side your boyfriend might not be telling you. Just a thought..

[Lois_Griffin]

Well.

 

I guess that's a new way to grieve a friend's passing - suggest a threesome to a guy friend. This Lucy ain't working with a full deck, is she?