Another unrelated question: This man wants a baby

[guest 600]

I've never dated a man who was keen on having a baby before. Either they had children from divorces or they just weren't interested in having children. I'm in my early 30s and this man is probably in his 60s but he is very well preserved and into health. He meditates and fasts once a week, goes on long walks and hikes and is a professional Rolfer (specialty massage).

He's never been married before, never had kids and says that he wants more than ever to have a child now. At first when I was meeting him and going out for walks I wasn't really sure if this would work because of the age difference and he didn't want to tell me his age and said I'd find out eventuallly if we got into a relationship. I joked and said, "so does it mean I have to sleep with you just to find out your age?" Well anyhow, after about a month of meeting him and getting to know him it just happened one night and it was very satisfying to me.

He has property here and abroad and says that the child will be well supported and taken care of well into his collage years. I have had so many problems before with guys that have not been good to me and this one is everything I want. The ONLY flaw I can see is the age gap. We are both messy people who could care less about order and tidyness and we don't care alot about luxury cars, fancy clothes and all the "keeping up with the Jones's" type of attitude. We both love to travel and are not very ambitious in the negative sense. I really honesly feel I've met a soul mate because I don't feel the usual feelings of jealousy and possesiveness and insecurity that I feel when I get into a new relationship. I don't feel I have to proove myslef to him or 'earn' his respect.

What do you think of this? Can age gaps like this work? What about him wanting a baby?

[Merin]

Well honestly this is a pretty big age gap... what like 30 years or so?

 

Although right now this Man is (from what you've said) in good health/physical shape.. whats to say that will be the case 8 years from now? Even 5 years from now?

 

Are you going to be okay with possibly having to take care of him if his health goes downhill? If he is no longer able to get out and do things with you? And what about having a child... Kids take a lot of energy, is he going to be able to have the stamina to keep up with a toddler? If the 2 of you decided to have a child right away even by the time he/she is ready for school his/her Father will be in his 70's if he's in his late 60's now...

 

There is much more to consider looking long term than just right now...

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by guest 600

I've never dated a man who was keen on having a baby before. Either they had children from divorces or they just weren't interested in having children. I'm in my early 30s and this man is probably in his 60s but he is very well preserved and into health. He meditates and fasts once a week, goes on long walks and hikes and is a professional Rolfer (specialty massage).

He's never been married before, never had kids and says that he wants more than ever to have a child now. At first when I was meeting him and going out for walks I wasn't really sure if this would work because of the age difference and he didn't want to tell me his age and said I'd find out eventuallly if we got into a relationship. I joked and said, "so does it mean I have to sleep with you just to find out your age?" Well anyhow, after about a month of meeting him and getting to know him it just happened one night and it was very satisfying to me.

He has property here and abroad and says that the child will be well supported and taken care of well into his collage years. I have had so many problems before with guys that have not been good to me and this one is everything I want. The ONLY flaw I can see is the age gap. We are both messy people who could care less about order and tidyness and we don't care alot about luxury cars, fancy clothes and all the "keeping up with the Jones's" type of attitude. We both love to travel and are not very ambitious in the negative sense. I really honesly feel I've met a soul mate because I don't feel the usual feelings of jealousy and possesiveness and insecurity that I feel when I get into a new relationship. I don't feel I have to proove myslef to him or 'earn' his respect.

What do you think of this? Can age gaps like this work? What about him wanting a baby?

 

Feh. Age ain't nothin but a number.

 

My padres are 22 years apart - and my Dad is THE BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WORLD - and I totally attribute it to his age. He was 50 when I was born. He has NEVER raised his voice to me in anger, nor raised a hand, he is wise, wordly, well-travelled, and he was ready to settle down. He is kind and patient and loving with my mother in a way a younger man could very rarely be.

 

Although my Dad is 75 now, and has health issues, it is somewhat difficult for my Mom. Sometimes I find her standing in the kitchen (she does work full time, but loves to cook) and she looks so sad, and says "I don't know what I'll do after your father passes away." (they've been married 35 years).

 

But my Dad really abused his body when he was younger, drinking, smoking, fist fights - he was wild and calmed WAY down in his old age.

 

I think older Dads are the best. I think, if you really love him, it can and will work. And I think my Dad enjoyed being a father a lot more. He woke me up every morning, made me breakfast and packed my lunch, drove me to and from school (I never took the bus) - he was there to pick me up if I got sick....because, of course, he was retired and had the free time. It was the best, having my Dad around all the time, and even now knowing I have someone who loves me unconditionally.

 

Ok I'm done with my rant. I hope this encourages you, somewhat.

[magda]

Men who haven't been married by the time they are 60 probably aren't relationship material. I could be wrong, but what you say about him just strikes me as odd and you should pay close attention for any alarm bells.

[JanieQP]

Oooh, I attract men like this. And their motivations for wanting babies eventually come out, and it's not always pretty.

 

That said, it could work as Blind Otter described ...

 

Maybe you have to give it time, keep your eyes open and investigate, gently? Do you know his siblings, are his parents still alive? Does he have (very) long-term friends? What kind of relationship does he have with his exes?

 

And on the financial thing - get solid facts and proof before you have a baby with him ... what one man sees as sufficient provision might not cover the hard realities of raising a child, even in the most non-materialistic upbringing. My parents raised their first kids absolutely non-materialistically, and we're still scarred from not having the basics. The younger kids are being raised much more (to our eyes) materialistically, but they're a lot happier and more comfortable - maybe they actually just have the basics.