Lobouspo Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) In an earlier post I wrote about a woman I met online who lives in London. I live in the Southwest United States. We talk for hours every day pretty much, and text a lot as well. Additionally, we video chat nearly every day. Given that we're so far apart, I know this thing is a longshot, and I don't want to waste much more time or emotionally energy than I already have. We've tentatively discussed meeting up late October, early November, as she is a contractor, and expects her latest project to end at that time. Lately, she's been kind of wishy washy on meeting. First, she wanted me to travel to London, than she wanted to travel to my home city. Now she's saying she would rather I travel over there. Also the other day, she said she had no plans on meeting me in October, and stated she would be going to Australia to help a friend with a newborn baby she's having. She later admitted she just said that to upset me, because she was mad I didn't message her all afternoon. If she flakes on meeting in October while she has time off work, should I just call it a wash and move on? Edited August 27, 2015 by Lobouspo Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 If this " relationship" means something to you, then pack your stuff and go meet her. Tell her you want to come in Octorber and you have your trip planned. If she wishy washy about that then you can definately move on. I dont know about people but i think the first time the man should take the initative. Beside, its safer for the woman 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 What was your response to her first suggestion (that you travel to meet her in London)? If you agreed to do so and she changed her mind later on, then yes she's being wishy washy and I'd find it suspicious. If you did not agree, you're both at fault for making the meeting so difficult. Either way it doesn't sound like good news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 How would you react if she says shes coming to your city with her friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
courtneykay Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I would make sure that the ticket you buy to London is refundable. She sounds very immature to me based on the fact that she made up some lie to purposely make you upset. Her wishy-washiness is also a cause for concern as it seems like she isn't willing to commit. I would begin planning your trip, tell her I'm looking to fly in on this date, does it work for you? See what her response is once you seriously start planning and it's not just a "what if" type of situation. But yeah, if she backs out, I think you should end it. No sense in getting involved with someone who has commitment issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 i would say too far away. i try to stay within the u.s.. i never do international dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 My question is how do you know for sure she is a contractor? that she does what she told you she does? Most of international scammers say that they are contractors, they are in a business, they are traveling from country to country... It is silly to be mad that you did not message her one afternoon. Just be careful. Talking to someone on cam does not mean they are telling you the truth. You should think about how she does not want you to visit her. No matter what you do, don't buy a ticket for her, don't send her money to buy a ticket. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I come from London. I live in the USA at the moment. Why over think it so much? You could have a fantastic vacation (London is a wonderful city. Where does she live?) even if things don't workout romantically. I say, if you can afford it, GO!! Life's too short. Whatever, it could be a great experience. As a woman I'd be very hesitant to travel to a foreign country alone to meet a guy I don't really know. I bet her friends & family have reminded her of that... Probably why she backed out of that idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 My question is how do you know for sure she is a contractor? that she does what she told you she does? Most of international scammers say that they are contractors, they are in a business, they are traveling from country to country... It is silly to be mad that you did not message her one afternoon. Just be careful. Talking to someone on cam does not mean they are telling you the truth. You should think about how she does not want you to visit her. No matter what you do, don't buy a ticket for her, don't send her money to buy a ticket. Well she has a LinkedIn Profile that appears pretty legitimate, but we got into an argument over the weekend. Mostly my fault I have to admit, the whole LDR thing is frustrating and I'm bit over sensitive to things she says especially in regards to her exes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 I come from London. I live in the USA at the moment. Why over think it so much? You could have a fantastic vacation (London is a wonderful city. Where does she live?) even if things don't workout romantically. I say, if you can afford it, GO!! Life's too short. Whatever, it could be a great experience. As a woman I'd be very hesitant to travel to a foreign country alone to meet a guy I don't really know. I bet her friends & family have reminded her of that... Probably why she backed out of that idea. Thanks SL, she lives in the St. John Wood area. I guess she lives within walking distance of Abbey Road and that famous picture of the Beatles crossing the street. So my question is, what kind of contingency plan do I form if things go sideways if I do buy a ticket, and we have a falling out either before the trip or while I am there? She insisted I stay with her, given the fact that a decent hotel room is not cheap in London Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 I have to admit, I am somewhat apprehensive about the whole thing and about her to some degree. She lied on her profile about being divorced. Come to find out she has been separated from her husband for three years, but the divorce has never been finalized. She admits to having feelings for her ex still. I still have feelings for her and would love to visit London, but I sure as h-ll do not want to buy a $1,500-$2,000 ticket for something that may go sideways. I mean traveling to a foreign country by myself to stay with a woman I have never met in IRL is risky right? What type of contingency plan do I put together? Am I dumb for still keeping in touch with this woman and considering it? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 If you enjoy talking to her and only having an OLR which may never turn into something real, keep on as you have been. If she wants to come to you on her dime, fine. But you are naive if you plop down good money to go see someone who is still in love with her S(?)TBEX & not divorced from him. I put the question mark because I have real doubts that they will be apart soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 So my question is, what kind of contingency plan do I form if things go sideways if I do buy a ticket, and we have a falling out either before the trip or while I am there? She insisted I stay with her, given the fact that a decent hotel room is not cheap in London Why do you need a "decent" hotel room aka up to American standards? All you need is a clean, safe, cheap place to sleep. I mean after all, you're going to be traveling all the way to London. It could be a once in a lifetime visit. You'd need months (some say years) to see and do everything there is in London. So, you're going to stay all day in your room for the few days you're there? a) I'd look at this trip AS a trip to London. Start Googling and put together a list of everything you'd like to see and do. Buy guidebook and some maps. If you end up doing a few of what's on your list together, then great. If not, you have a ready list of places to go, things to do, and experiences to have. It's not difficult to spend days in London and see only a fraction of what may be on your "bucket list." You'll come home with a ton of memories and the satisfaction you conquered one of the world's greatest cities all on your own. b) I WOULD NOT stay with her at her flat. Just too many downsides to making plans to do that when the two of you haven't met. Again, start Googling and look for what is available nearly where she ostensibly lives. Use some of the travel websites like Travelocity, Expedia, Kayak, Priceline, Cheapseats, etc. See if you can get a package deal that will include your airfare and hotel -- often you can end up with a better quality room for the same money you would have spent at a lesser property because you're buying a package. Many airlines have hotel/airfare packages, too that can make things more affordable. Prices go down in the fall and are at rock bottom in winter. Take advantage of any special sales. If you can't find a package or a hotel/hostel to your liking, then look at sites like AirBnB. Yes, you'd be staying in someone's place, but at least it's not her place where neither of you will have any privacy or space -- which will be especially bad if things don't go well. Who knows? You may even strike up a friendship with the people you are staying with which could be a nice side benefit. Even though you think you know her, you don't. Even though you think you know how you feel about this relationship, you don't. You won't until you actually experience it and have time/space to mull things over which is impossible when the other person is in your face 24/7. Don't put more pressure on the situation than you need to. Find your own accommodation and have a list of what you'd like to do -- with or without her - and you'll do fine. Best, TMichaels 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 First, she wanted me to travel to London, than she wanted to travel to my home city. Now she's saying she would rather I travel over there. Also the other day, she said she had no plans on meeting me in October, and stated she would be going to Australia to help a friend with a newborn baby she's having. She later admitted she just said that to upset me, because she was mad I didn't message her all afternoon. If she flakes on meeting in October while she has time off work, should I just call it a wash and move on? the bolded above is extremely disturbing. She's manipulative and a game player. I would call that a wash and move on. There's a reason why some people are single and she's shown you why she is. As far as your trip in October, make sure you plan to do other things while you're there so that if she does flake on you, you at least can take advantage of your plans. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 If you can't find a package or a hotel/hostel to your liking, then look at sites like AirBnB. Yes, you'd be staying in someone's place, but at least it's not her place where neither of you will have any privacy or space -- which will be especially bad if things don't go well. Who knows? You may even strike up a friendship with the people you are staying with which could be a nice side benefit. This is how I'm doing my trip to France and the UK next May. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 How about you save your time and money and find someone in the continental US? If you guys are already "arguing" without having met... NOT. WORTH. IT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thanks for all the input and advice folks, I truly appreciate it. Another thing that bothers me is not only does is she still civilly married, she always talks about the guy she had after her husband, who lived in Australia. She always brings up how she misses Australia and how good sex was with this guy. I know we've never met, but come on why bring this up repeatedly, I told her it bothers me and makes me uncomfortable, and she doesn't think its a big deal. Am I being overly sensitive? Then she brings up being BF and GF and where we will get married. Its from one extreme to the other. Future life to together to being cold and distant. Second thing she gets really preachy and patronizing with her Catholic religious views. I'm Catholic, so in that sense, initially I thought we were compatible. What drives me nuts is she gets preachy with me, that I don't pray enough do this or that etc, etc. Well she's initiated some things on video cam that her priest would definitely call a sin, and then out of the blue she said she would like to have a one night stand with a black guy sometime, because of their "big cocks". Its not that she said that, but it seems real hypocritical to me to get preachy. I've brought this seeming hypocrisy up with her on a couple of occasions and she has just flown off the handle and gotten really defensive and angry when I bring it up. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Again, I think you need to find someone closer. This just sounds like a mess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I think she enjoys the pen pal nature of your interactions but doesn't want more. Next! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 She's married dude! Find someone close to you and date them like each week. Someone single! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Well, I do have a date lined up this Thursday, with a girl I met off EHarmony. AND I DON'T FEEL THE LEAST BIT GUILTY ABOUT IT! given some of the feedback I have gotten off of here. It's now a question if I'm beating a dead horse and should just end it Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Enjoy the date and throw this fish back. If you want to visit London as a vacation, you'll have no trouble meeting single women there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Well, I do have a date lined up this Thursday, with a girl I met off EHarmony. AND I DON'T FEEL THE LEAST BIT GUILTY ABOUT IT! given some of the feedback I have gotten off of here. It's now a question if I'm beating a dead horse and should just end it End what? The idle chit chat that looks phonetic? Yes, don't waste any more energy on text, email or Skype. Glad you're going on a real date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Oh, and from someone who did do the long-distance thing and did have a relationship right up to the K1 realm, ladies who are sincerely interested want to meet in person and move things along and have little patience for keyboard romeos. Hence, if going down this path again, already have a visiting plan of action in mind and don't waver on the sincere interest. If they waffle, erase. Otherwise, visit ASAP and, if WOVO (write one visit one) always have a plan B. I think the advice to date local is sound, presuming you can meet single ladies in your locale. It's a heck of a lot easier! Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thanks Carhill, Great advice as usual from you! Link to post Share on other sites
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