Betrayed...but not really...

[mrldii]

OK, kids...y'all are so good at giving advice, now I want some input on MY situation...

 

My last LTR was 10+ years...he was my last, the one I'd be with 'til the end and forever.

 

Who knew "forever" came with an expiration date?

 

 

He's a good man...rough around the edges, but A Good Man. Solidly employed (for 20+ years with the same company), good values, good heart, good mind, good sense of humor...we share values and the same outlook on life. Butttttttt...he's a rather closed-off person. He's never been married, never had children, a life-long (at now, 50+ years) bachelor. He's had a couple of serious relationships...none as serious as ours.

 

I left him in 2011...after years (3+?) of telling him I wanted more, needed more...needed him to be more invested in *us*, and after realizing he couldn't be. His first - and only - love was his job and making money. Not to spend...just to have. After progressively growing more and more alone while together in *our* relationship, I'd had enough. There's no lonelier feeling in the world, than being alone while being *with* someone.

 

For a month, I packed my sh*t, ended my life with him, and set up My New Life somewhere else. He watched me; he helped me...took my car down to get serviced, making sure it was safe to drive 600+ miles away from him. Helped me carry my boxes down, watched as I took pictures down off the walls, sold stuff, and got rid of *our* life, one piece at a time.

 

It took him three months to check with me to see if I'd made it to my next destination, safely.

 

Since then (in the past 4 years), he's had time to think. He realizes he doesn't like life without me; I am the woman for him. He wants *us*; he wants us to be together. He wants me back.

 

For 4 years, I've seen him (2 or 3 times a year); each time, I've been stand-offish. I'm hurt; I'm rejected. I'm adrift; he didn't want *us* enough when there was an *us*; now, when there's not an *us*, he misses it. I gave my all; it wasn't enough...now, I'm not interested in giving any more of me, since my all wasn't enough.

 

Butttt, now I'm softening. He's hung in there, for 4+ years, to *prove* that he's all in. I feel like I've *punished* him enough; he's proven his staying power. I know I'm strong enough, that if I go back to giving it my all all and - once again - it's not enough, I'll survive it. I just don't want to do it, again...IF I'm stupid enough to NOT have learned my lesson well enough the first time.

 

I want to vent; I want disinterested, un-involved, impersonal input. I want to read things I've never thought of before...I want to consider things I've never thought of, before. Through it all, I'll make sense of it.

 

Have at. Ask questions to fill in blanks...be brutally honest, to make me think of things I've never considered, before...even if it's "What the hell...what do you have to lose?!?..."

[TaraMaiden2]

Everything you do in life, should be on your terms.

As long as we don't tread ruthlessly on the dreams of others, what we do with our lives should nourish us and bring about personal fulfilment.

 

Ask yourself whether you would be nourishing yourself to get back with him, or whether you'd be beginning a slow path to starvation?

 

What would fulfil you about returning to him?

 

In short - what's in it for you?

[Haydn]

You left him for a reason that was important to you. You felt alone and needed to move on. You made that step to break out. I think you may be feeling a bit nostalgic and alone at the moment.

 

He might have stuck around for 4 years in one shape or form but i doubt he`s changed so much. You probably have changed as you pulled the rug and went forward.

 

I am not saying don`t consider it but maybe this will be one sided if he has being trying to prove himself so much? I doubt you have been punishing him.

 

Personally i wouldn`t pursue someone for 4 years trying to prove i`m great.

 

You`ll get my support whatever you choose to do.

 

I`m sure others will chime in......

[mrldii]

Everything you do in life, should be on your terms.

As long as we don't tread ruthlessly on the dreams of others, what we do with our lives should nourish us and bring about personal fulfilment.

 

Ask yourself whether you would be nourishing yourself to get back with him, or whether you'd be beginning a slow path to starvation?

 

What would fulfil you about returning to him?

 

In short - what's in it for you?

 

Thank you, Tara...those are the types of nudges I was hoping for, to unstick the needle from the rut and give me new ways to look at it.

 

What's in it for me? A shared history, someone to grow old with; he's got his own money, so together, we would do fine in retirement - which is a loooong ways away for me, but he'll be retiring from his field within the next 5 years and plans to lead a life of leisure. I can not imagine not working (which he's fine with).

 

After 10+ years together, there's a rhythm to us; we are and always have been compatible, with very few fights. Even where we are different (he's a homebody, I'm a social being) for the most part, we let each other be. He was a good lover, friend, confidante, and playmate.

 

I'm ambivalent about it, though. Being alone doesn't bother me (right now); (right now) i enjoy it. Maybe it's residual from feeling alone for so long in the relationship, maybe it's a natural reaction (4 years later?) to the break-up, maybe it's because I haven't met anyone, maybe it's because I don't (really) want to meet anybody (else).

 

In a nutshell, what's in it for me is having someone good, sound, healthy, and fun to grow old with...when I'm not even really sure that I need/want that. I'm not one to look back with regret, but...will I wake up 20+ years from now and say, "Ahhhhh...I shoulda/woulda/coulda..."? When I envision getting back together, I don't have that same nagging little feeling of, "But what if we get back together and it doesn't work? Will I then say 'shoulda/woulda/coulda'?"

[mrldii]

You left him for a reason that was important to you. You felt alone and needed to move on. You made that step to break out. I think you may be feeling a bit nostalgic and alone at the moment.

 

He might have stuck around for 4 years in one shape or form but i doubt he`s changed so much. You probably have changed as you pulled the rug and went forward.

 

I am not saying don`t consider it but maybe this will be one sided if he has being trying to prove himself so much? I doubt you have been punishing him.

 

Personally i wouldn`t pursue someone for 4 years trying to prove i`m great.

 

You`ll get my support whatever you choose to do.

 

I`m sure others will chime in......

 

Thank you, Haydn.

 

Actually, the nostalgia came and went early on; when we first started talking about getting back together, I was flooded with it, but then realized what was, was and we will never find that place again. If we're going to do this, it will be from a new starting point, going forward.

 

He has changed, all the while remaining exactly who he is. He is more in tune with *us* and a relationship, but then again, it's easy, now...from 600 miles away and with 3-4 visits per year and daily phone calls. This is an extremely comfortable 'relationship' for him, with absolutely NO day-to-day demands made of him. Which, ironically, frees him up to spend 'all' his time focused on his job and career...which is what got us in trouble to begin with.

 

Again, it's the ambivalence that I'm struggling with...the constant companion while I live with one foot in, one foot out - never fully committing 100% to one or the other. And then, I'm ambivalent about my ambivalence...as the fact that I am still perched on the fence (4 years later) doesn't particular bother me, other than I suspect I should be bothered by it.

 

I've never been this way about anything, before; I'm the type of person who looks at a situation, weighs the options, and decides the 'best' course of action based on the information at hand and then moves ahead with it, never looking back. I find it odd that this situation leaves me stymied...AND not at all *worried* about my inaction/lack of decisiveness.

 

Hmmm...perhaps only time will tell...

[Marc878]

First question is what do you have to lose?

 

Second, can he supply what you want in the future?

 

Time and age changes all of us.

 

I learned over the years on how to treat a woman. Some by trial and error.

 

Maybe you leaving has changed his perspective only you and he would know that.

 

Do the pros out way the cons?

 

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

 

Not sure this helps but I do hope you get what you want.

 

Good luck to you!

[jen1447]

Are you in love with him?

[mrldii]

First question is what do you have to lose?

 

Nothing, really.

 

Second, can he supply what you want in the future?

 

Yes, as can I. With him, we simply have more of a secure future.

 

Time and age changes all of us.

 

I learned over the years on how to treat a woman. Some by trial and error.

 

Maybe you leaving has changed his perspective only you and he would know that.

 

It appears that it has, in theory anyway. The only way to know for sure, is to actually continue to work towards the day that we move in together, again...which is a ways off (after he retires and moves from the city he's in).

 

Do the pros out way the cons?

 

Probably. The cons are leaving my family (a mother, brother, and son) who will end up being 1200+ miles away, again. But, I can fly out 3 or 4 times a year for extended visits. When and if my son makes me a grandmother, I can fly out more. If it doesn't work out, then it simply means uprooting myself again and moving back again...this time not at 50 years old, but at 60+. Ugggh.

 

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

 

Hmmmm. Haven't noticed "fonder" or "less fond"; what I have noticed is a disconnect, because we're not sharing day-to-day activities with one another, anymore. He lives his life, there...and I live my life, here. I don't know 'his' people; he doesn't know mine, so our daily chats are brief. On the plus side, we don't fight...there's nothing to fight about. HA!

 

Not sure this helps but I do hope you get what you want.

 

Good luck to you!

 

 

Thank you, sincerely, for your thoughts.

[mrldii]

Are you in love with him?

 

"IN love"? I was. For the first 7 years or so, madly in love. It gradually grew into a more solid, stable, ever-constant feeling of contentment and love. Does my heart go pitter-patter when I see him, now? No. But I'm not sure it's supposed to...we've known each other for 15 years, now.

 

But I do love him and knew, early on, we could - and would - be together 'forever'. When 'forever' ended - and after the initial shock and realization of it - I got over the disappointment of the broken plans and broken dreams.

 

We 'get' each other. His past pains, lessons, and experiences mirror mine, so instinctively we know and understand eachother's weak spots, trigger points, and how to not step on eachother's toes. When issues would arise [for the most part], we were able to discuss and work them through; compromise wasn't difficult, because we both were ultimately coming from the same place...and knew we were heading in the same direction, too.

 

~sigh~ Seeee? This is all helping. I think I'm coming to the realization I need to sh*t or get off the pot. This life is nice...there's no drama, no trauma, no highs and lows; it's all very even-keel and steady as she goes.

 

 

 

But, it's also almost like a flat-line on a heart monitor, yanno? Sure, you're not having a heart attack or heart palpitations,

 

but it's quite the opposite of actually living.

[Marc878]

Family is great! But they all have their own lives to live and you have yours.

 

The real question is what do you want?

 

Some men are weird about things. I've always worked hard for one thing. To make sure we were secure when the time came to retire, etc. Money doesn't mean a lot to me but the security does. For some this is hard to understand.

 

I love my wife but what does that mean? I married her because I wanted to take care of her and give her a great life.

 

I don't know your situation but a solid guy who has it together is hard to find. As you get older those things will stand the test of time and you learn to appreciate them more.

 

If he's a great guy and you have trust I'd go for it.

 

There's always give and take.

 

I hope it works out great for you both.

[jen1447]

"IN love"? I was. For the first 7 years or so, madly in love. It gradually grew into a more solid, stable, ever-constant feeling of contentment and love. Does my heart go pitter-patter when I see him, now? No. But I'm not sure it's supposed to...we've known each other for 15 years, now.

 

But I do love him and knew, early on, we could - and would - be together 'forever'. When 'forever' ended - and after the initial shock and realization of it - I got over the disappointment of the broken plans and broken dreams.

 

We 'get' each other. His past pains, lessons, and experiences mirror mine, so instinctively we know and understand eachother's weak spots, trigger points, and how to not step on eachother's toes. When issues would arise [for the most part], we were able to discuss and work them through; compromise wasn't difficult, because we both were ultimately coming from the same place...and knew we were heading in the same direction, too.

 

~sigh~ Seeee? This is all helping. I think I'm coming to the realization I need to sh*t or get off the pot. This life is nice...there's no drama, no trauma, no highs and lows; it's all very even-keel and steady as she goes.

 

 

 

But, it's also almost like a flat-line on a heart monitor, yanno? Sure, you're not having a heart attack or heart palpitations,

 

but it's quite the opposite of actually living.

 

So ....not in love. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you're not in love with?

[angel.eyes]

He's a life-long bachelor (mid/late 50's?) because he chooses to be. Many guys like this have tons of positives as a partner and a history of very long-term girlfriends. But these guys usually like things as they are and are comfortable with the stability and extras the live-in girlfriend provides. They aren't looking for "forever," marriage, or the next level of emotional intimacy that the girlfriend really wants. That's why things don't progress for five, ten years.

 

I don't know you or him. It may not apply. But your pattern is typical. You 600 miles away, regular chats, and occasional visits while he lives his life is working for him. That's why he's remained involved. You returning and living with him? A year from that, you'll likely be right back where you were when you decided to separate your lives and move away. Right now, you're nostalgic and somewhat lonely and wistful about what might have been. Honestly ten years together was more than adequate to work out what would have been. It didn't work for you. That's why you left! He had no interest in becoming more emotionally involved. That's why he helped you leave.

 

You're wasting your life in limbo right now. You have two choices:

 

#1

Return and remind yourself that he has limited emotional availability and will never fully meet your needs (although you will meet his). Continue the makeup-breakup dance until you can accept his limitations.

 

#2

Let go of hope that things "might be different this time." Until you are able to do that, you will not be open to becoming attracted to other men.

 

We only get a limited amount of time on this earth. Time is one of those resources that we never get back. Choose and move forward.

[elaine567]

His workaholic, money making nature pushed you out in the first place, so how is he going to fill his retirement?

Some men in this position can immediately start other "projects" and if he is no longer making the money of which he is so fond at his job, then he will need something to fill that drive, else he is going to be pretty grumpy at home.

What projects does he have in mind and how will they affect you, were you to return?

[anika99]

Thank you, Haydn.

 

Actually, the nostalgia came and went early on; when we first started talking about getting back together, I was flooded with it, but then realized what was, was and we will never find that place again. If we're going to do this, it will be from a new starting point, going forward.

 

He has changed, all the while remaining exactly who he is. He is more in tune with *us* and a relationship, but then again, it's easy, now...from 600 miles away and with 3-4 visits per year and daily phone calls. This is an extremely comfortable 'relationship' for him, with absolutely NO day-to-day demands made of him. Which, ironically, frees him up to spend 'all' his time focused on his job and career...which is what got us in to begin with.

 

Again, it's the ambivalence that I'm struggling with...the constant companion while I live with one foot in, one foot out - never fully committing 100% to one or the other. And then, I'm ambivalent about my ambivalence...as the fact that I am still perched on the fence (4 years later) doesn't particular bother me, other than I suspect I should be bothered by it.

 

I've never been this way about anything, before; I'm the type of person who looks at a situation, weighs the options, and decides the 'best' course of action based on the information at hand and then moves ahead with it, never looking back. I find it odd that this situation leaves me stymied...AND not at all *worried* about my inaction/lack of decisiveness.

 

Hmmm...perhaps only time will tell...

 

The bolded is why neither of you has moved on. You moved away but didn't really end the relationship. In a way you gave him the relationship of his dreams by leaving but staying. The only way either of you will move on is by truly ending this relationship.

 

It is easy to convince someone that things have changed when you only see them a few times a year. I've been suckered back into a bad relationship myself by falling for that.

 

Lastly this is more about you, than him. Often times we hide our own defects and flaws by being with someone who has the same defects and then blaming that person for the problems in the relationship. You described this guy as emotionally unavailable but you sound rather emotionally unavailable too. You've had 4 years to move on yet you too hold onto this semi relationship rather than putting it behind you and finding someone to be fully engaged and intimate with. Perhaps you and your ex are more alike than you realize.

[mrldii]

So ....not in love. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you're not in love with?

 

I'm one of those who believes staying "in love" with someone through the years is difficult...if not downright impossible, at least by my definition of what "in love" is.

 

I don't mind that as we grew together, it morphed from being "in love" to a deeper, quieter, saner, and ever-constant "[*just*] love".

 

Actually, when dating others after the break-up, the idea of falling "in love" was not nearly as attractive and exciting as when I was younger. I also would frequently comment to friends that I've been living my life for (now) 50+ years; I am soooo sick of the re-telling of My Story, something that is a necessity when meeting someone new and at the beginning of a relationship.

[jen1447]

I'm one of those who believes staying "in love" with someone through the years is difficult...if not downright impossible, at least by my definition of what "in love" is.

 

I don't mind that as we grew together, it morphed from being "in love" to a deeper, quieter, saner, and ever-constant "[*just*] love".

 

Actually, when dating others after the break-up, the idea of falling "in love" was not nearly as attractive and exciting as when I was younger. I also would frequently comment to friends that I've been living my life for (now) 50+ years; I am soooo sick of the re-telling of My Story, something that is a necessity when meeting someone new and at the beginning of a relationship.

 

Sounds like settling to me. (Not trying to be snarky, just trying to push your thoughts the way you wanted then pushed. )

 

I understand that love or being in love doesn't stay the emotional high that it is toward the beginning of relationships, but I know many ppl who maintain that they're in love w/spouses or long time partners, even tho the fireworks have long since leveled off. If someone asks me if I'm in love with my partners, my answer is "yes." You seem to be negotiating a peace treaty.

[mrldii]

He's a life-long bachelor (mid/late 50's?) because he chooses to be. Many guys like this have tons of positives as a partner and a history of very long-term girlfriends. But these guys usually like things as they are and are comfortable with the stability and extras the live-in girlfriend provides. They aren't looking for "forever," marriage, or the next level of emotional intimacy that the girlfriend really wants. That's why things don't progress for five, ten years.

 

I don't know you or him. It may not apply. But your pattern is typical. You 600 miles away, regular chats, and occasional visits while he lives his life is working for him. That's why he's remained involved. You returning and living with him? A year from that, you'll likely be right back where you were when you decided to separate your lives and move away. Right now, you're nostalgic and somewhat lonely and wistful about what might have been. Honestly ten years together was more than adequate to work out what would have been. It didn't work for you. That's why you left! He had no interest in becoming more emotionally involved. That's why he helped you leave.

 

You're wasting your life in limbo right now. You have two choices:

 

#1

Return and remind yourself that he has limited emotional availability and will never fully meet your needs (although you will meet his). Continue the makeup-breakup dance until you can accept his limitations.

 

#2

Let go of hope that things "might be different this time." Until you are able to do that, you will not be open to becoming attracted to other men.

 

We only get a limited amount of time on this earth. Time is one of those resources that we never get back. Choose and move forward.

 

No, he's never wanted to get married before...never saw a reason, as he doesn't want (and doesn't have) kids. I don't particularly want to get married, again, either; it was never an issue with us.

 

NOW, part of his 'change' is he wants to get married; he wants to *prove* he wants to be with me forever, that he's changed and it's not all about [protecting his] money, that he wants to be part of a team, working together.

 

I did date, after we broke up and I moved away; I actually got pretty serious with a guy. Even though it doesn't last, it was nice to know I could care again and could love again. I know if I met someone worthwhile, I could do it, again.

 

Just not sure that I want to...with him OR anyone else. At 55, the thrill of the ride (no matter how long it lasts) no longer seems worth the price of admission.

 

Oh, and that's not said out of bitterness...that's coming from a person (i.e., a woman of a certain age) who's spent a life caring for others (a man, my child, and his children) and is truly enjoying having no demands - good or bad - placed upon me. Who knows...maybe I'll *outgrow* it, the older I get and the more I grow up.

[mrldii]

His workaholic, money making nature pushed you out in the first place, so how is he going to fill his retirement?

Some men in this position can immediately start other "projects" and if he is no longer making the money of which he is so fond at his job, then he will need something to fill that drive, else he is going to be pretty grumpy at home.

What projects does he have in mind and how will they affect you, were you to return?

 

HA! We've actually talked about this, both while we were together and since we've been apart.

 

It wasn't so much that his workaholic, money-making nature pushed me away; I was actually pretty understanding about it, even *giving up* my established career to move with him 6 times in 7 years, so he could continue moving up the ladder; I always took any ol' job I could find, in or out of my industry, 'cuz I can't stand not working.

 

No, I didn't mind it...except his job/career became the Other Woman; he gave his all to her, leaving very little for anything else. It's what his company expects of their single, white, male engineering types - to give it everything.

 

When we finally hit the wall we'd been careening towards for years was when he returned from a[nother] two-week trip overseas to a plant in Malaysia; he frequently traveled overseas. This time (10 years into our relationship), he came back saying he might like to pursue opportunities over there, and take a work assignment for a couple - or more - years. I reminded him that relocating within the U.S. was one thing; relocating to a completely different country was a different animal, and one that I wouldn't be riding on. He knew that. His response (after 10 years, and numerous relocations) stunned me: Seeeee?!? This is why I never wanted to get married or be in a serious relationship...I can't do what I want to do.

 

Really? You want to go to an overseas country for a couple - or more - years, knowing it's the end of your relationship? Don't...let...me...hold...you...back...baby.

 

That was the turning point...when I realized all the *sacrifices* I'd made for *us* to be successful, were meaningless...and simply not enough.

 

He never did take that promotion...one of the only ones he ever turned down. HA.

 

 

We've actually talked about this, both while we were together and since we've been apart...how he's going to handle being so career-driven for 30+ years with the same company and then retire by the time he's 55. I can't see him sitting and doing nothing; there's no way he'd be happy. He thinks he'll just fish on a lake all day. ~pfffftttt~ He's also been toying with the idea of pursuing his passion for BBQ, and maybe even opening a place.

 

Regardless, if he wants to retire and play house-husband, I'm fine with it. I have no desire to retire, 'til I absolutely have to...kicking and screaming the whole way, as they drag me away from my desk.

[BlueIris]

Oooooh, shoot. I was equivocal until that last post. That was mean and selfish of him.

 

Well, let me ask you this: you said that IF you reunited, you would move. Why? If he retires, he ought to move to you, where you have family and so on- right?

[mrldii]

The bolded is why neither of you has moved on. You moved away but didn't really end the relationship. In a way you gave him the relationship of his dreams by leaving but staying. The only way either of you will move on is by truly ending this relationship.

 

It is easy to convince someone that things have changed when you only see them a few times a year. I've been suckered back into a bad relationship myself by falling for that.

 

Lastly this is more about you, than him. Often times we hide our own defects and flaws by being with someone who has the same defects and then blaming that person for the problems in the relationship. You described this guy as emotionally unavailable but you sound rather emotionally unavailable too. You've had 4 years to move on yet you too hold onto this semi relationship rather than putting it behind you and finding someone to be fully engaged and intimate with. Perhaps you and your ex are more alike than you realize.

 

Fair enough. No, I've never been an emotionally-unavailable person before and I refuse to believe that he *broke* me (as subsequent relationships have proven he didn't), but I'm willing to give that I'm not interested in emotionally-investing myself right now...or maybe, never.

 

As I'd posted earlier, the price of admission doesn't seem worth the ride to me right now...or, perhaps, ever again.

 

Nahhh...his [faraway] presence in my life doesn't prevent me from meeting others; if anything, it might be the other way around: that the lack of anyone interesting *makes* him appear to be more so than he actually is.

[mrldii]

Sounds like settling to me. (Not trying to be snarky, just trying to push your thoughts the way you wanted then pushed. )

 

I understand that love or being in love doesn't stay the emotional high that it is toward the beginning of relationships, but I know many ppl who maintain that they're in love w/spouses or long time partners, even tho the fireworks have long since leveled off. If someone asks me if I'm in love with my partners, my answer is "yes." You seem to be negotiating a peace treaty.

 

HA! If I'm settling, I'd be settling waaaaaay up. The women that I know now - who didn't know me when he and I met and have only heard of our relationship, since we broke up - are always asking What's wrong with you?!? If YOU don't want him, I'LL take him!!!" They're only half-kidding.

 

To me, being "in love" does require the fireworks; I've never minded - and actually look forward to - when the time arrives that the fireworks die down and it's replace by nice, softly-glowing embers that are ever-present. We had that, once. He wants it back. I don't know that I can provide it, again. I'm feeling very much like the Betrayed Spouse...when his OW was *simply* his job and she took everything he had to give...and then some.

[mrldii]

Oooooh, shoot. I was equivocal until that last post. That was mean and selfish of him.

 

Well, let me ask you this: you said that IF you reunited, you would move. Why? If he retires, he ought to move to you, where you have family and so on- right?

 

No, if we reunite, we'll move to another city, one that we both fell in love with, during one of his many, many relos. That's 'our' home and my favorite place on the planet. The only reason I live where I am now, is because my son (my one-and-only child) is here and my mom and brother are just 1.5 hours away.

 

He's in the Portland area, now; I refuse to go back there, again. I went 3 times with him there and once we split up that was the ONE thing I was definite about: I will never return to the Pacific NW. I know it's a lovely place for others...but I hated it. I never realized how much S.A.D. would effect me, after spending most of my life in California.

 

Nope, being able TO go back to the city that became my newfound home IS one on the plus side of making it work out, together.

[WomenWubber]

Butttt, now I'm softening. He's hung in there, for 4+ years, to *prove* that he's all in. I feel like I've *punished* him enough; he's proven his staying power. I know I'm strong enough, that if I go back to giving it my all all and - once again - it's not enough, I'll survive it. I just don't want to do it, again...IF I'm stupid enough to NOT have learned my lesson well enough the first time.

 

My take is that you have been waiting for this, which is why you have been holding on to this relationship all this time. You wanted him to prove himself to you. He finally got the message and is doing just that.

 

I think ball is in your court for now.

[Marc878]

Sounds like give and take on both sides. That's a good thing.

 

I hope it works well for you and him.

[BlueIris]

No, if we reunite, we'll move to another city, one that we both fell in love with, during one of his many, many relos. That's 'our' home and my favorite place on the planet. The only reason I live where I am now, is because my son (my one-and-only child) is here and my mom and brother are just 1.5 hours away.

 

He's in the Portland area, now; I refuse to go back there, again. I went 3 times with him there and once we split up that was the ONE thing I was definite about: I will never return to the Pacific NW. I know it's a lovely place for others...but I hated it. I never realized how much S.A.D. would effect me, after spending most of my life in California.

 

Nope, being able TO go back to the city that became my newfound home IS one on the plus side of making it work out, together.

That's good! If you two moved there and broke up, would you stay there?