To Men. Who can actually resist (infidelity)

[atreides]

i agree with those that say this is not a gender issue.

Also, Mrs Adams is right, so many of our friends could have cheated and we would never know. Cheating is an equal opportunity behavior.

 

I also agree those that say, avoid the opportunities. This reminds me of one example in debates here on LS via opportunity with GNOs Girls night out and so on.

Thus in the theme of opportunities, there is a difference, if you get my meaning for its use in words of GNO and say a night out with girlfriends. It's all about the opportunities and intentions to be in such opportunities.

 

Some would argue that to be a character flaw as there are those that insist they can resist. Maybe, as for me, so far so good and i hope i am above doing so.

[katielee]

I'm just concerned about how many people are saying that opposite sex ppl throw themselves on them, knowing they are married.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Katielee....in my case...and certainly in shattered lady's case...the other man/ woman...certainly knew the person they were pursuing was married. Sometimes...I think being married is even more desirable....I believe it was in my case. The single OM was looking for a conquest...not a relationship....what better way to find it than to pursue a married woman.

[William]

Folks, I noticed some topic drift so let's trend this back to men who have resisted the temptation to have affairs and how and why. There are other threads to discuss how the women approach this topic; here it's specifically men and how they approach it. Thank you.

[HurtOfGlass]

The one who made the thread....

 

Asking this question in an infidelity section is a paradox because this board is filled with betrayed men who comes here crying (including me) "how could my wife/gf do this to me? I never cheated in her". So how will you get your answers here? From a market research point of view, the OP has selected wrong sample/target group.

 

Moreover those men that cheat won't certainly populate these threads judging from the number of betrayed husbands compared to them.

 

As for me, well, if someone like Morena Baccarin was throwing herself on me, it would be too hard to resist, no matter how much I love my wife. Just being honest.

[shet]

OP doesn't demand we be married.

 

I've turned down a few propositions while single. Probably 6 or 7. It's not a matter of temptation for me. In each case, I've found either the manner it was done or the woman herself distinctly untempting - regardless of looks.

 

As far as I'm concerned, to be so brazen is classless, and makes me feel anything but special and desired - actually it makes me feel like I'm probably not even the first or last guy they'll hit on that week or that day. Because let's be honest, most women don't behave like that. Someone capable of coming onto a man directly is using a practiced skill. Put it this way - none of the women who've ever done it, have been what I'd consider relationship material.

[LostOnes05]

When I was in a relationship, I had plenty of opportunities to cheat (i'm a guy). Never did. I enjoy monogamy and the perks that come with that. Also, who wants to have to lie and then remember a lie and make sure to cover up things. To me, it's just foolish. I'd rather just give the person I'm with my full love and attention. Did learn a valuable lesson though. Lots of people my age (late 20s) don't give a crap about being faithful. So I developed the mentality to never put the bulk of my emotions into a new person just in case they pulled a fast one. So far that has saved me a lot of nights I might have been unable to sleep.

[compulsivedancer]

My ex took great pride in the fact that he had many opportunities but never took them. As a musician, he was frequently surrounded by a variety of women, many of them drinking, many of them attractive, many of them very sexual.

 

On the flip side, when I had my affair, I was extremely flattered by how into me OM was. Now I realize that it wasn't even a little out of the ordinary. I've had a few married men come onto me since I broke up with my xH, and most of them weren't particularly sleazy guys.

 

My current boyfriend is thoroughly offended that men could treat women this way. Hopefully that means there is nothing there for me to worry about. Hopefully he has nothing to worry about with me, either.

[Woggle]

I'm just concerned about how many people are saying that opposite sex ppl throw themselves on them, knowing they are married.

 

As a man I think it's actually a little easier to get a date when you are married. Being married seems to attract women and increasingly attract men.

 

As for me I am too loyal to cheat. I don't let people in too easily but the few who I do trust I will never betray and I would take a bullet for them. I considered my wife worthy enough for me to marry so I am unwavering in my honesty towards her and she is the same towards me. She tells me about guys that hit on her and thinks it is pathetic that they try even harder when she tells them she is married.

[compulsivedancer]

As a man I think it's actually a little easier to get a date when you are married. Being married seems to attract women and increasingly attract men.

 

As a woman, I thought it was weird that these married men approached me when I was single but not when I was married. Me being single doesn't make them less married! I'm not sure if they thought I'd be more receptive, or if they just didn't want to deal with a BH.

[GoodOnPaper]

As a man I think it's actually a little easier to get a date when you are married. Being married seems to attract women and increasingly attract men.

 

I must be the outlier in this regard -- I was lousy at attracting women when I was single and I have not noticed any difference since I've been married.

 

That said, once I did break off a friendship that developed between a single co-worker and me. No offers or flirtations were ever exchanged but one could argue that things might have moved in that direction in the future.

[gaius]

I was getting certified for CPR the other day and as I was leaving a woman in the class approached and engaged me. Basically gave me an opening to ask her for some information and how to keep in touch. I played dumb and pretended I didn't notice, thanked her and let her go on her way. As other people said, when you're with someone you love and have something special with like I am you don't let it progress to the point where you're alone and drunk with someone else. And it's not even a hard choice, to pass when those opportunities arise.

 

There are always going to be people out there that are loyal and those that aren't. You just have to figure out why you keep ending up with the one's who aren't.

[salparadise]

I was married for 23 years and never cheated despite some serious temptation. I was running my own ad agency, and since I was really into photography I maintained an in-house studio. We had some great accounts. I was making more money than I had even imagined, driving a nice sports car, beautiful space, etc. A few days a week I was dressing up in suits to pitch new business. All of this is stuff that captures young women's imaginations.

 

So, I stumbled into several contracts to produce direct-mail sportswear catalogs and needed models. Not being in a major city there weren't any agencies close by so I advertised for models and hired a bunch of extremely attractive young women for the shoots. I asked a few of ones who turned out to be the most photogenic and comfortable in front of the camera to let me photograph them just to build the portfolio, and these session would typically happen on weekends when the staff wasn't around. Anyway...

 

I don't know exactly what it is about being photographed that makes women wet, but I can tell you that by the time they had done a few sportswear shoots and a portfolio session or two, they were ready. And these were women who were used to being in demand... woo'd and pursued incessantly. Some would be a little embarrassed, some would be borderline incensed, and others would just look at me like, what a dumbass this guy must be.

 

I had an overblown superego. I was so tempted and turned on at times, but I just couldn't cross that line. Never even kissed them.

 

It wasn't until years later when the wife had become openly hostile, sex was a thing of the past, separated and divorce in the works that I finally had a good fling. I'd love to have a few of those missed opportunities come round again.

[ManyDissapoint]

If I'm with someone, it means I'm nuts about them and de facto they are enough for me. However, I do subscribe to the theory that men and women (but especially men) are not created biologically to be monogamous. That is what makes it difficult, and what gives us the opportunity to shine as good men and women or evil ones.

 

Which is to say that our biology also gave us the gift of an intellect, an intellect which has constructed morality, empathy, and many other higher types of higher emotion and thought. I cannot cheat on a partner and I put it forever out of my mind because I cannot be a person who does that kind of emotional damage to another person. I feel the pain vicariously.

 

I have been cheated on 3 times to my knowledge and potentially more.

[craw]

It was really quite refreshing to read the replies from men in this thread. Nice to know there are still committed, faithful guys out there!

[Shepp]

I would & will never cheat. Ever.

 

Firstly I care more about my morals and my self respect than I do about getting laid. Sex is great, love it but if I'm choosing between that and my respect for the man in the mirror there's only one winner.

 

Secondly I think it's utterly cowardly & selfish & disrespectful. To cheat on someone you love, or at the very least loved once is to stick a knife in there back. I'm not that guy. I'm a lot of things. But I'm not that!

 

I have had and I still have opportunity, when girls approach me I absolutely tell them no! But I don't count that as a temptation any more than someone being like 'how do you say no to keying your own car' or 'breaking your own window' ...it's not resisting temptation when there's nothing tempting about the offer!!

 

I waited and I waited and I waited for my girl while she told me we could only be friends! I was a single guy with plenty of interested girls and I told everyone no cause they just weren't her!! What kind of fool would I be to want them now!!?