minimariah Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Well I must be from another planet then...I've never cheated, have no intention to either. you're not from another planet - but i think that, overall, you're in a minority. most folks i know, did cheat. some of them had cheated once in their lives and never again and some do it often. many feel entitled about their cheating & avoid to even call it cheating - but they did cheat. but the point is - i think most will cheat, at least once during their lifetime... in one way or another. i also think EAs are far more common than we think & they can catch you off guard when you aren't aware of them. You do it because you CHOOSE to. correct. no one is really arguing this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Bigdaddyt Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Shattered Lady, You have read my thread and contributed to it as well, I just wanted to say that I am also in the beverage industry and I manage the bottling and packaging. I am always traveling and I am surround by many beautiful women when working and when I travel. I have never cheated on my wife. That would be a choice, even after my wife cheated on me I chose to be loyal. I could hook up every time at these conferences, but I don't and wouldn't , on this site we always see the worst in people, but there are good men and women out there. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I do not believe that satisfying sex stops affairs. I believe that people who are not getting their sexual needs satisfied can look elsewhere, but not all do. Many stay faithful in sexless, or sexually unsatisfying marriages for years and years. I think the cheater often blames lack of sex - my wife is basically frigid or my husband is not interested - but too many BSs come here and say they had an active sex life or even an improved sex life prior to finding their partner was cheating on them, for cheating to be caused by lack of sex. Some people just want "extra", for whatever reason and that is the bottom line. Any OM or OW who believes that their AP is NOT having sex with his/her spouse is very naive. Yup we had an active sex life during my WH's A's. Always 2-3 times a week. It never seemed to be enough and my WH watched porn and masturbated daily too. Sex addict and sex with someone other than ME, and someone who stroked my WH's ego and listened to all his daily complaining is why my WH had A's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShatteredLady Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Do you guys really think that if a man says, "No thank you I'm married" they will receive peer pressure? "Are you gay?" etc. I thought that was a school age thing? The average grown man can't be an "I would of nailed that!!" kind of person after a few drinks?!?!, Whatever, I'd want my H to be a man & ignore any kind of pressure! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Do you guys really think that if a man says, "No thank you I'm married" they will receive peer pressure? "Are you gay?" etc. I thought that was a school age thing? The average grown man can't be an "I would of nailed that!!" kind of person after a few drinks?!?!, Whatever, I'd want my H to be a man & ignore any kind of pressure! I had a woman question my sexuality because I wouldn't cheat on my wife with her then she called me a beta. The beta part was what got to me since it is one of the worst things you can call a man in 2015. Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Unfortunately I know more guys who would cheat on their spouse/partner than not. I have known just as many woman who were just as bad in my dating years. They would cheat with whoever raised their hand. I was propositioned at least 5 times - all while dating and once married. Turned them all down. There are two types of cheating guys out there. Those that don't hide the fact that they are cheaters and those who pretend they are the next best thing next to Jesus but then you find out otherwise. I think the later are actually the worse scumbags. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 There are two types of cheating guys out there. Those that don't hide the fact that they are cheaters and those who pretend they are the next best thing next to Jesus but then you find out otherwise. I think the later are actually the worse scumbags. I think you nailed it on this one! Link to post Share on other sites
Timmos Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I had a woman question my sexuality because I wouldn't cheat on my wife with her then she called me a beta. The beta part was what got to me since it is one of the worst things you can call a man in 2015. What if you don't care about the opinions of children who throw around the words Alpha and Beta? Does that make you Alpha? lol Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I think that they only adults that are moved by peer pressure to cheat on their wives are guys that cheat on their wives anyway. I mean real insecure type guys hanging out with other insecure guys. I've never heard any real men goad a man into cheating. I've seen single guys who are not marriage material make disparaging remarks about fidelity, in general. Never seen actual goading. I've hung out with single guys, even "dog" type guys who will sleep with anything in a skirt, and I have NEVER had any say anything about me other than to remark how luck I was to have found a good wife and to never mess that up. I have had offers from married and single women. Lots of offers. Most, I just ignore. I don't even bother to turn them down. I act like the words were never even spoken. When confronted with the question, "did you hear what I said" I have replied, "yes" and then walked away. Like I taught my kids, "we don't talk to strangers, just walk away." Maybe twice I thought about the concept of taking one up on her offer, not actually doing it, but the concept of cheating. Both times I was in my car or otherwise leaving the event where the offer was made. In the end, I always conclude the following: 1. My wife and I are a great team, so why break up the team. 2. I have never had any Pu*** worth ruining my life over, ever. 3. When we were young I said I wanted to grow old with her, so these offers are just offers to ruin our happiness. Of course, it goes without saying that I love my wife, but I am a great compartmentalizer, so I go ahead and face the demon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kofybean Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 ...I know women cheat too, but there seems to be way more males than females...for example look at how many men were signed up on AM: 30 MILLION compared to 5.5 MILLION women and most of those women were fake profiles to lure the men's CC payments... Your proof that way more men cheat is based off of a scam website? Link to post Share on other sites
Kofybean Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 ... i think that, overall, you're in a minority. most folks i know, did cheat. ... Do you have a source, other than your insignificant life experience, that the majority of men cheat? Otherwise your "most folks I know" is complete conjecture and ignorable in context. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShatteredLady Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I know so many people who signed-up for AM because it hit the news & became famous! They (like me, H, friends) had never even heard of such a thing! We put in false information. Were horrified by how many people in our area were signed-up AND contacted the posters!! I don't consider ANYTHING about AM to prove anything...other than there are 'some' scummy people who want that kind of thing! It's mostly smoke & mirrors & curious 'innocent' people just "Craining their neck at the car wreck!". Link to post Share on other sites
zinger Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Do you guys really think that if a man says, "No thank you I'm married" they will receive peer pressure? "Are you gay?" etc. I thought that was a school age thing? The average grown man can't be an "I would of nailed that!!" kind of person after a few drinks?!?!, Whatever, I'd want my H to be a man & ignore any kind of pressure! I've been on the receiving end of peer pressure for many things, including adultery. What I have realised is that (for me) big part of being "a man" is an ability to say big FU to any kind of pressure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchman1 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Met my first wife when I was 16, married at 18. She was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I was a pro musician, played 5 gigs a week. There were woman who wanted to be my groupie. Some would come in the dressing room.lift there skirts and tried to rub there wet lady part in my face or directly on my mouth. Some succeeded as sometimes I wasn't expecting it. Never gave a millimeter in!!!!!!!. One night I came home from a canceled gig at 22.00, because a plane from the base we had a concert crashed. I put my guitar case in the hall, petted my dog,and went upstairs. When I opened the door my wife was the burger in a sandwich, and her girlfriend was accommodating 3 other gentleman. I was crushed, cried and filled an ocean. Divorced at 20, still played. In the band as it helped me. After a year I got crazy from frustration, grieve and anger. In the next 4 years I slept with 400 + lady's. Something real bad happened come to that another time. Met Mrs Dutchman when I was 26. Best thing ever could happen to me. Always remained a musician, groupie's and loads of interested lady's tried. Never took the beat. I'm 56 now, grandpa of 5, dad to 2 great boys, and still loved and in love with Mrs Dutchman. Dutchman 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 After reading this thread it sounds like there are either men that can't resist or women who blatantly throw themselves at men. I don't know which is worse at this point Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShatteredLady Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Reading through this post actually makes me very happy! I've noticed that most. Even the ones that appear very negative on the surface are written by people who do have morals & principles AND stick to them...they're just saying at lot of OTHER people don't! I know this isn't a truly representative sample of the worlds men but it warms my heart that there are so many who take pride in being (my definition of) A REAL MAN! I've said before in my life.... If a racial minority or women were portrayed the way the 'average man' is in the media there would be outrage. There are so many shows that portray men as being overgrown children. I remember when the Olson twins became 'legal' & David Letterman (amongst many) made jokes about "Finally being able to admit they've been a sexual fantasy for years!". The audience laughs but REALLY?!? Has this truly become a society where a dirty old man fantasizing about sex with children is applauded?? I've heard many complaints about how black people are portrayed on TV since living in the USA. I think the way 'men' are depicted is also terrible. Maybe it's being a foreigner that makes me see these things. Anyway.... Thank you guys for taking the time answering my question. It's made me feel a little brighter in a very dark time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 The current model of psychology theorizes that our psychological make up includes biological (genetics) psychological(mindset, coping mechanisms) and sociological (environmental) influences that make us are who we are. Some people are just simply more likely to cheat and even have the genetic predisposition to do it. Some people are programmed to seek novelty and thrill seeking situations. Some people naturally like risky behavior. Some people watched their friend and family do it, etc but not everyone does it. Most healthy people have empathy. The don't cheat because they know how they would feel it it happened to them. They don't want to make someone else feel that way. There are A LOT of fiercely loyal men and women out there. In fact, nearly every set of statistics you look at show that the majority of people do not cheat. Even if you get it the bat crap crazy, manosphere, worst stats, they rarely claim 50%. It's not about men or women as much as it about personality types. People who cheat usually always have big read flags that we ignore. When someone's is self-centered, grandiose, lacking in empathy and most importantly, has an amazing ability to rationalize, they are more likely to cheat. That rationalization is the worst. Some people can truly justify ANYTHING. Those are the people you shouldn't start reationships with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I just want my faith restored. well reading this thread how can it not be. not sure i saw even one that would 'fess up' (and if i did it was 99v1). so now we proved men do not cheat.... oh wait. OP you really need a break from these sites. you would never know the number #1 marriage killer is MONEY. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I think the way 'men' are depicted is also terrible. I think the way they're depicted is pretty spot on. In fact, I think in general we're depicted in a more positive light than is reality. Yes, there are a lot of "real men" out there. A lot of good guys. But depending on where you are in the country, there are an a**load of douchebags as well. I'd count friends and relatives that I care about among them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I just want my faith restored. Are there men here who have been offered unconditional sex when drunk & said no? Are their men who have been very attracted to a woman who shows interest in being 'friends' but avoided them because they are married? Can the men here PLEASE tell me stories of avoiding temptation? Real temptation thrown at them? Please tell me there are..... Hopefully, all 6 of them are here on LoveShack. Link to post Share on other sites
GrandFunkRailroad Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) SL I am new to the club of BH. I posted my story here in LS and it is new. I want to tell you that not only in our marriage but in all my relationships I have never cheated. I had many opportunities. Still have them today, women flirt with me shamelessly all the time even knowing that I am married. I have never wanted, never understood it, never found anything there in cheating as a big turn on but disgusting. I don't think it so hard. Moreover, as a very young single guy I had an opportunity to have a one night stand with another single woman (not cheating). I didn't find it as another experience I want to have. I will not talk about "men", although I know many men like me and believe many men are like this, when we put myths aside. So, I believe there is a very great amount of men like that. For me sex in a committed relationship is always better than any other kind of sex. I will not go into all the detail why it is like this and what sex means for me but only state that for me some of those reasons are the degree of openess, vulnerabilty with your partner, the deep emotional connectionand and many more - I find nothing about sex without this connection so great - which in return do not deny the mere physical aspect of sex. Moreover, having that deep connection in the background you can also have the most amazing sex that is pure physical pleasure if you wish to enjoy it with your opartner that way. Once again I think I will maybe leave it hear but I want you to know there are men that have no problem to say no and I did it all my life; I will continue to do it right now; I have no desire for RA (revenge affair) and will never degrade myself to the level of a cheater. Nevertheless after so many years cheated on. Edited September 21, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sheberiding Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Here's one. I had suspected my girlfriend (now my wife) of cheating on me once or twice with her former FWB when we were six months into our relationship but I had no proof and let it go. I also had reason to believe she may of had a threesome with her best friend and her boy friend (details of which are in the thread "Did She Do it") given I had no real proof just suspicions and a fair bit of circumstantial evidence I had to let it go. Working in the pub/bar business at the time always presented its share of opportunities but I never really took advantage. Until, one time when a coworker whom I had a crush on made numerous advances on me and asked me to come over to her place for the night. It would have been the perfect opportunity for revenge sex for all my suspicions. However, I just couldn't do it because I didn't want to be that kind of person. I resolved that even if my gf had cheated on me I wasn't going to do the same because that wasn't who I was. This helped me further let go of suspicions and hurt about what she may have done. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and left the building. It was awkward with the coworker but I learned something important about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Not a guy but I do believe faithful men exist. They're as rare as white lions though so I remain hands off from anything serious. As for me; could never cheat and never be involved with a taken person/take part in the deception of another (had 2 or 3 opportunities for the latter already, it grossed me out when those men approached me). It's against my nature. However, since cheating is much more out in the open now thanks to the internet and media, I do wonder how many women use that as an excuse before they decide to cross the line with another man. Of course there's bound to be infidelity if at least one party thinks to themselves "He's/She's gonna cheat on me anyway, so I might as well get some fun on the side too". Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShatteredLady Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 I remember a story from after World War 2. My grandfather was very close with a group of men who had been through so much together. They all stopped being friends with one guy & it turned out it was because he had an affair with the local bar maid. They were all so disgusted that a H & father could do that! I wonder if it was the morality of the day. So many men went through the nightmare of war, rarely getting letters from their loved ones. Maybe marriage meant more then. This was also a very homophobic generation. My Dads "uncles" lived together their whole lives. Everyone knew the situation but no-one ever spoke of it. Things have got much better for gay people because of modern media & exposure. It's a great thing! No longer do people live thinking they are so alone. It gives many the courage to act on their feelings. It does make me wonder what hugely bad things are now a little easier to do for the same reasons. From cheating too serial killers, child molesters...there's now exposure & Internet 'entertainment' for ANYTHING. So many serial killers are now known to follow & study eachother. Would they of had feelings they never lived out if they believed they were the only one? Our 'heros' & celebrities, even religious personalities are setting horrible examples. I don't know but if a butterfly flapping it's wings in Tokyo has an effect?...... Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 it can be tempting, but it is kind of like touching the 3rd rail at the subway...you might get close, but pull back from doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
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