Heartbroken- Separated BF Considering Reconciling

[Sunshine33]

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words, I truly always tried to think about everyone involved, not just myself... Honestly. But it looks like I'm the only one hurting after all. It's a bit easier to see same stories and get some hope for healing. Sorry for talking about it here, I'm trying hard to cope with it on my own. Just seen a happy picture and my stomach is in knots, feeling really worthless.

 

 

My stomach is in knots for you. Don't feel worthless. Your story will go on and your path will lead you to love and fulfillment. He taught you something. Your time together meant something important for you both. The pain you feel just means that you have not hardened and become bitter, so you will find your way to love again. The pain is excruciating right now, but it will get better. You are most welcome to talk about it here, if these posters give you strength and hope. You aren't alone.

[Mount]

Very well said and totally agree. I am also very much not a big fan of seeing people encourage OWs whom happen to be in the same workplace with MMs to go NC, by saying "change job" to go NC....Sounds like there have always million dollar wages job offers everywhere.

 

For those OWs their emotion/mental state/spiritual is already hurting or not stable, by encouraging them to quit job/change job is to add another layer of (financial) hurting to those OWs. This excludes OW who voluntarily wants to change job herself.

 

Instead of be wisely observing the motion of the whole situation and then choose what to do without rapid rush/decision, some opinions here are too extreme/dramatic, which is also the cause of some of OWs or BS living the life path of destruction.

 

Oh, I didn't have any particular user name I wanted. All I have ever sought is anonymity.

 

I am also divorced. I divorced after the affair started but before my ex-husband found out anything about us (he never did). It wasn't about the affair, though - we just didn't like one another much at all. I am also a mother. It adds another layer - and makes all these decisions much more weighty.

 

I know several people who have ended up married to their APs. None of the relationships have been easy or seamless, but they have all seemed worth all the torture involved, which in any case pushed the boundaries of "extreme". For better or worse, they are battle-tested relationships that managed to survive despite that the odds were stacked so heavily against them. One involved a divorce with over a million dollars in legal fees. One involved more than 15 years of push and pull and just countless heartache. They're not for the faint of heart.

 

It's hard to be on the other side and recommend this course - and it's hard to say anything positive at all, knowing the likely outcome and the real pain and heartache at stake. To the people posting that "if he really loved you, he would divorce" that's an oversimplification of the human condition. If life were just so black and white, we wouldn't need to ask others for advice. That's a trite and unenlightened way to look at the world.

 

Sure, there are plenty of MM who are just looking for some strange. That's not your guy. He's genuinely conflicted and hurting. He's also sort of a ****head - but aren't most people, really?

 

I hesitated to post because I feel like my story gives people false hope. But really, it's just a relationship like any once the dust has cleared. Mostly wonderful; sometimes heartbreaking; most days, I'm just irritated that he's left his boxers on the floor again, or that we can't decide where to go for dinner. And then I look at him and instantly want to cover him with kisses after all this time.

 

Good luck to you. Give it a year.

[Sunshine33]

 

I know several people who have ended up married to their APs. None of the relationships have been easy or seamless, but they have all seemed worth all the torture involved, which in any case pushed the boundaries of "extreme". For better or worse, they are battle-tested relationships that managed to survive despite that the odds were stacked so heavily against them. One involved a divorce with over a million dollars in legal fees. One involved more than 15 years of push and pull and just countless heartache. They're not for the faint of heart.

 

It's hard to be on the other side and recommend this course - and it's hard to say anything positive at all, knowing the likely outcome and the real pain and heartache at stake. To the people posting that "if he really loved you, he would divorce" that's an oversimplification of the human condition. If life were just so black and white, we wouldn't need to ask others for advice. That's a trite and unenlightened way to look at the world.

 

Good luck to you. Give it a year.

 

Thanks for your wisdom. It certainly is not for the faint of heart. 15 years of back and forth. Dear God. I do feel that our connection has certain undeniable and inevitable aspects about it. After seeing him yesterday that was very clear. He sent me a long email after we saw each other and I have not yet responded. Just letting it all soak in.

 

I am profoundly grateful for the support from this forum. I kind of can't get over it- the strength, life lessons, wisdom and compassion offered up from utter strangers offering their most intimate emotional experiences as lanterns through the darkness for others. I wish I could have you all over to sit in my living room and grow from your wisdom. The major theme I have heard from you all is that he needs to do his work, and I need to do mine. I want to fast-forward to the finish, but that isn't possible. One day at a time. The excrutiating pain has subsided a bit. I am sure it will return, as this circus is far from over, but you have brought me back to life just a bit. Words really cannot express my thanks.

[Sunshine33]

Update from original author.  My guy and I did get back together and we married in January of 2018.  I would not change one minute of our story or journey for the world.  Being together is harder than I realized it would be , however, we are happy.  We were and are the loves of each others' lives.  Living any other way would have been living a lie.