Am I Settling?

[Leigh 87]

People can undermine the importance of a mutual spark all they like. The fact is, many people need an initial spark of excitement in order to even feel good about dating!

 

At times in our lives we have all had " those people " with whom we just grinned like an idiot over, when we are out grocery shopping and they text or call we grin from war to ear and feel our hearts race just a little faster. We are instantly in a good mood when we hear from them or when they show interest.

 

That is called living - it's passion. Having zest and giddyness surrounding someone that you're wildly attracted to will ALWAYS out shine those people that you're just not that into initially you have to grow to be into as opposed to feeling those * love high *, spark and chemistry derived feelings.

 

Late 20s adults are largely set in their ways...some people don't need the butterflies and they are totally content to skip the infatuation phase and rather grow to love a partner for reasons strictly to do with wanting to find a partner and their mutual admiration and respect for their partner....MANY adults are totally happy in long marriages with people they never felt butterflies or sparks with. Sex can be learned and you don't need sparks to be flying in order for good sex to be possible.

 

Alternatively, you could be like me. Absense of that initial spark and chemistry and having to purely rely on factors outside of the intangible chemistry, doesn't make me feel alive. The fun, nice mannered, altruistic and honourable men I've dated, I have them one or two dates and if I am still more excited about new prospects then them and I am just not feeling at all giddy about seeing them again, I end it. I'd rather find a good man who's honourable but perhaps not as funny or successful as the above man, but one whom I shared the spark with.

[Leigh 87]

It's actually a very common and simple problem.

 

Some people are really content in the OPs predicament.

 

While some people need sparks to be flying in order to want to even date or get to know a guy, there ARE those who don't need much of a spark and don't need to fall " madly " in love ; typically, people who don't need a super lusty honeymoon stage fall " quietly " in love over 6 to 12 months.

 

People like me need the more magnetic chemistry and need that feeling of just " knowing " they are right for us.

 

Most people don't rely in " just knowing " that a partner could be the right person, and instead of relying on a passionate innate feeling, love is more of a choice for them; they want a loving relationship so they set about finding candidates with the right qualities and then they work on cultivating a relationship that is devoid of that " you just know " feeling that is based on wild attraction, chemistry and " getting along together well enough ". No, most people actually don't need the fairy take sparks and sunshine and prefer to work on things with a person who first and foremost, has the qualities they need and they then foster passion and a good sex life as time goes by.

 

I need kissing and sex to feel amazing and natural from the outset and would rather have thst wild attraction with a slightly lesser compatible mate ( who is still an honourable and kind person), as opposed to getting 10/10 for personality and compatability and no initial, natural spark.

 

The OP isn't a man who can settle for an OKAY sex life. He needs a spark. It doesn't matter HOW * amazing * a woman is, he would rather feel the * magic * ALL of us have felt at one time or another, with a lesser compatible girl than settle for the nicest girl in the world that he doesn't feeling ripping their clothes off.

 

We all compromise. If you a very pretty girl who you just want to devour and rip her clothes off, she probably won't also have ALL the attributes you have dreamed of on a partner. And chances are, if you get a woman who is everything you want on paper and she's the nicest woman on the planet AND she is wild about you, she also won't be gorgeous in your eyes and sparks won't likely fly. We cannot have it all. With the right person, you cease wanting it all though because you're so enamoured and in mutual adoration with a partner who wasn't necessarily everything you wanted ( be it looks, chemistry or their personality).