More like third chance

[AleksandarSrb]

Hello guys, I am new to this forum and I'd like to share my story with you . I was having recently really bad heart problems, because of my relationship with one girl. I don't want to write a lot about this, because there is so much. So much, I can't express how much but.

I've cheated on her, long time ago, long. We were together 3 years almost.

Somebody told her, she like dumped me.. but she still loves me, when 1 month passed, it came to me like a train hit. I couldn't live, I couldn't eat, drink water. I had really bad stuff going on. Hospital, bad pressure etc.

I was killed with knowing that she wont be part of my life anymore. That she wouldn't be in my room again, that we wont kiss again, have sex again, nothing. I was really jerk about that, honestly I did. Reason I have cheated on her it was because. I hadn't got enough money last year to go to Greece with her, and she went there. I was killed with that fact. The place was Zakynthos (Kavos part2) the places are only parties, drinking, hanging out etc. And I was like sad about the that. We fought so much through the messages on that. And she said, we shouldn't be together anymore? I said what why? And she said, yes. I said okay... I was heartbroken like an last idiot.

3 days after that. 3days in a row then I was drinking so much alcohol because of that. We often do that because of love right. And then I was out of control what I am doing so I went with 2/3 girls. After that, we were cool.. till now. This year, I went to the seaside with my father to Montenegro and she was @ the Paris at that time. By the time we went both, like 2 days difference somebody told her that I did that, and she got really mad. Said do not ever call me or see me again, EVER. So, I said no I didn't do that bla bla. No problem. I stayed for 17 days there. It was easy. Honestly it was. But when I came back. 10 days after some break of everything. I got drunk, called her like 10 times. She refused... Next night drunk again, same story. Next night again drunk. With her seeing her in the club, we went out together. We went behind some bank.. arguing what was how it was. Like we cried together whole night... from 3am to 6am and went home. I was like, I am done with this crap. I can't live anymore. I want to cut my veins, to do anything that can cause bad to me. 4 days ago. Heart problems. Low pressure. Hospital, EKG, Blood signs, and that some. Can't sleep, heart beating so fast and I only think about her. Getting up at 8PM everyday. Can't eat. I was like what, all I want is vomit when I think of food. Okay. 3 days ago. I went half-in. I wrote her like I never in my life. She was out of words, couldn't comment. Said no you didn't get me off my legs, we just can do conversation like normal people now. 2 days ago. She said. Actually why would we talk the same story again and again. I was like sad, as hell. Her friend told me, if you love her, put your choices behind, and leave her. Show her with leaving that you love her. And I was like holy ****, how can I do something like that, I will be more in pain than now. ? So I wrote her message, hey it would be so selfish from me that I can ask you for anything or something like that. I assume that all would be good if I just leave you. She said, I appreciate it, and I wont forget you ever. Ha. Me equal dead man.

So last day I was thinking what to do. Come on, bring her back son of a bitch, you could have done that stuff and now you can't bring her back. It was hurting so much. I've read so much quotes about that. Nothing helped. Like, get over it. You'll get stronger and you will probably get life easier. I refused to give up on her. Bullet and knife can't kill me more than giving up on HER. I really do love her, more than anything I just went full jerk, because I was scared to go on long distance relationship because of last time. So no problem. Last night, I've been writing message for 2 hours, really long. Honest, like 101%. More like book, heh. I asked her best friend to help me with it. Took a spray today to write her down on the floor in front of her balcony, that every time she gets on balcony she will see my message, don't forget who loves you the most A. In that moment I've sent that big message, her friend was on her doors at the time. Spoken to her. And she was extremely surprised by that. I've been so happy both went out. I was with her like 2 hours. We've talked so much. How it was, how I changed, she said I even know that I can trust you but right now I want to be alone, and after that, find someone new maybe. I think we should put this behind. I was like, no please, begging not to do that because I know she loves me still. She really does. Even though she told me that tonight. So we talked, I asked for last chance, that I will stay with her my whole life if needed, just to not do this. And she said, I wont hurt you like that, because currently I don't want anyone in my life. I don't want to be in relationship still, maybe in month or 2 but who knows. I asked her, can it be me again? She said, I don't know. We must let time do the job for us. I was totally screwed, she was asking me to find someone else and that she might also find another person.. I said no. I really don't want that to happen, nor I will find someone! I don't need anyone to be with. You can do anything you want, but I wont give up on you. I can't. I just can't. I love you so much everyday more and more, and it hurts me so bad. Like really bad. So after that, I followed her back home. We stood, hugging and yes... kissing, kissing in the neck. She said to me human needs. I said yes I believe you that, I need this as well. She smiled, and we talked and said. Lets put this natural way, and see in sometime how it will be. I said, hmm, well why not. (Secretly hiding that I wont give up of course) And I said, don't you think this is some goodbye or farewell!!! She said okay,okay I wont don't worry. And kissed again, and she went upstairs. I went home like, someway I was good.. and then when my friends left my home, heart goes again... and I still can't get back in shape. I watch her being online on facebook, want to write anything, just anything but I promised sometime not. My opinion is that she went cold 80%, other 20% shouldn't get anymore colder! Because I saw it, in her eyes. In her smile that we miss each other so much! So I don't know what should I do now. I can't get into friendzone because I JUST CAN'T. But I need to show her something like that she can count on me again, gain trust again.. and by time win her over.

But how, can anyone help me how can I do it, by not disturbing her or making things worse I've been really honest in my message, and honest to my self as well. I was praying to God for a some sort of positive answer, and that this heart thing stops. Answer wasn't either positive or negative. I just know I need to win her back, elsewise I am really in bad position since I really don't want to be with anyone else.

 

Please I'd like to hear some opinions it would be pleasure to read something that I can make to get my life better.

Thanks in advance!

Sorry for some of bad English.

Sincerely, Alex.

Edited August 28, 2015 by AleksandarSrb

[La.Primavera]

Hi Alex

 

You asked for advice of how to make your life better so I am going to try to help you.

 

First, you need to stop obsessing over her. I know you want to be with her but you make it sound like you can’t live without her or you become sick. That is too much pressure to put on her, and it is unhealthy for you to think that way. You said you have blood pressure and heart problems, which needs to be your number one priority, keeping stress to a minimum and taking care of yourself. Trying to win her back is not as important as your health. You need to learn how to be happy with yourself and cope with being independent.

 

If you are meant to be together then one day she will contact you and tell you she wants to try again. She knows how you feel so you don’t need to keep reminding her or perusing her. If you push her too hard she will pull away forever so for now leave her alone and give her space.

 

For your own sake you need to prepare for the possibility she won’t want to be with you again. It will be hard, but you will get through it. That is why it is important to focus on your own happiness and health.

 

Take care.

[AleksandarSrb]

Hi Alex

 

First, you need to stop obsessing over her. I know you want to be with her but you make it sound like you can’t live without her or you become sick. That is too much pressure to put on her, and it is unhealthy for you to think that way. You said you have blood pressure and heart problems, which needs to be your number one priority, keeping stress to a minimum and taking care of yourself. Trying to win her back is not as important as your health. You need to learn how to be happy with yourself and cope with being independent.

 

If you are meant to be together then one day she will contact you and tell you she wants to try again. She knows how you feel so you don’t need to keep reminding her or perusing her. If you push her too hard she will pull away forever so for now leave her alone and give her space.

 

For your own sake you need to prepare for the possibility she won’t want to be with you again. It will be hard, but you will get through it. That is why it is important to focus on your own happiness and health.

 

Take care.

 

Well yes, it is my plan and I left her alone and giving her space. I just want to be there for her as friend. I promised her if she passes the exam, I am taking her to some place as a friends. She said really cool. It's like, I will keep on trying indirectly, because I really really really love her. I can't go out there without her, I know that you feel me how hard it is. I can't just throw away those 3 years knowing that there is possibility to be again with her, just because time needs to pass. She can find another guy I guess, and that would really kill me for sure. It's not like I am obsessed but I finally realized what I've lost. And it would be like really nice, if she can feel for me a little bit, by giving me some chance in future. Since I was never the person I've become now, and I guess with me like this now, we could spend like whole life together. I just need that another chance to prove I am real, and being realistic. I believe in this love, and I think I should never give up on that! I am the man since I love, I guess. My health is currently good and, I still have that weird feeling and heart is beating so fast when I think of her and all the situation. But screw my health if she isn't with me here. Like I am really not a psycho guy, or total freak. I never forbid her anything in her life, never said a word. Somebody told me like, if you were some crazy guy, you wouldn't let her go on that seaside. Nothing I can do there to forbid or not let.

All though, thanks I appreciate everything

[quattrob]

I can tell you that you'll NEVER get her back if you're going to be her friend. You sticking around her life will only make her feel comfortable to see you nothing but a friend. Sorry TC not to be mean but you sound way too obsessed with this girl, you need to take her off the pedestal. Its good that this break up made you realize what you didnt appreciate but there's way more for you to learn from this than JUST that. Other important things like improving yourself and learning to let go and be independent. Be happy alone and dont rely on others for your happiness.