Married + Baby boy but going to hookers Weekly! [updated 2017]

[linqer]

SmartDude. This is a very serious addiction. For the OP sex workers ARE the problem. He's trying REALLY hard in a very difficult addiction situation.

 

 

I wouldn't consider masterbating after a movie as a major slip here. Don't get disheartened. It's all about no porn, no Internet, no hookers. Step by step. Keep concentrating on avoiding the big problems. Can you get tested Monday morning? At least make an appointment. That's a step in the right direction.

 

Remember you don't want to hurt your family. You love your wife & boy dearly. You would never forgive yourself if you hurt her with a STD. Get the tests first. I know it's incredibly difficult for you.

 

I think posting here & being open about your addiction is a great first step. You can make it through next week. You've got a plan for Friday. Let's be optimistic. DON'T think about excuses to falter.

 

thanks for comment,

 

Yes I see hookers addiction as sickness..

 

I will try to avoid musterbation as much as I can

and avoid porn and hookers at all costs..

 

I will do the tests this week, not sure about monday..

[linqer]

Yea true, If he does not just natually stop looking for girls on his own and its a constant obsession, Then I can agree.

 

I am single and I have seen quite a few sex workers myself. But after awhile it should get boring. Its a fun place to visit but you would not want to live there. I can understand his problem of women being available with just a quick phone call.

It sounds like the OP might be happier commiting to his marriage though and is strugling to find that path.

 

OP you cant do this forever because you will get old too. Even if you are attractive now and the girls enjoy time with you, it will all fade. So if you have something good you should try and hold on to it. But if it is just an excuse to stay monogomous out of guilt, I cannot support this. Don't stay married for the sake of marrige and fidelity, but do stay married if you beleive you love your wife in this way.

 

My wife is super good for me,

I love to flirt with her .. we actually flirt few times a day and we have been togther for 10 years..

 

Also I have wondefull kid..

 

I will my best to save this marraige..

[linqer]

Some other good resources are Out of the Shadows and Facing the shadow.

 

both by Patrick carnes.

 

Apologies fir spelling/grammar on my phone. VERY HARD TO EDIT.

 

I will be very blunt: you are white-knuckling.

 

SMART meetings run online . they help with all types of addictions and scientific-based recovery.

 

It seems as things you are very protective of your image and not very conscious f your own feelings. Often very driven people have trouble letting down their guard to have fun.

 

My father is a workaholic. I believe that his alcoholism bad sexual addiction was how he "had fun" bad the rest of his life was a "big responsibility."

 

(Husband is kind of the opposite, sees himself as the "victim of his addictions" father sees it a "I support you ****es and I'm entitled to have some fun.")

 

Thanks I will have a look in those resources..

 

didnt fully understand what you mean in the rest of the post..

[linqer]

How exactly does this improve it?

 

For me it gave me huge drive to go to the gym,

So my eife is defently enjoy that my fit body

 

I also have better sex moves..

 

however this is risk our health and marraige and not worth it

[ShatteredLady]

Sometimes people on this forum chat about things connected to the subject but not necessarily the posters original problem. That's all those chats are about ;-)

 

I think avoiding masterbation too could be very difficult. Could you masterbate to the idea of your wife? Just NO masterbating to the thoughts of porn or hookers. I would be telling you that connecting with your wife is a great idea but you need to avoid that until the tests really. Then condoms.

 

Will someone PLEASE tell me if this is correct... The STD tests NOW will reveal anything that a condom DOESN'T protect against. The repeat tests are for things like HIV. Will it be ok for him to use a condom with his wife after the first tests? Will this keep her safe?

[linqer]

Sometimes people on this forum chat about things connected to the subject but not necessarily the posters original problem. That's all those chats are about ;-)

 

I think avoiding masterbation too could be very difficult. Could you masterbate to the idea of your wife? Just NO masterbating to the thoughts of porn or hookers. I would be telling you that connecting with your wife is a great idea but you need to avoid that until the tests really. Then condoms.

 

Will someone PLEASE tell me if this is correct... The STD tests NOW will reveal anything that a condom DOESN'T protect against. The repeat tests are for things like HIV. Will it be ok for him to use a condom with his wife after the first tests? Will this keep her safe?

 

If I will masturbate, I will try think about my wife..

 

Regarding tests, you will get results in 1 hour, but its not detect if you infect in the last 3 months..

 

I always had condom, although 1 time it broke ;( I did had fever or anything hiv simptom the following day..

 

anyway I will takw test this week, maybe in two days from now..

[Redheaded Mistress]

So here we have a guy who has an addiction, who won't come clean to his wife and seems to not understand or care his behavior could kill his wife or his child, or severely injure them, who wants to take the easiest route to resolving his problem, who only wants to put in the smallest amount of effort possible, and who is only marginally serious about getting help, who refuses to be honest about himself, his identity, his heritage, or anything related to him. He just wants a place to post "whoops, saw a hooker" every Friday and call it 'accountability.'

 

Explain to me why we are wasting our time here.

[linqer]

So here we have a guy who has an addiction, who won't come clean to his wife and seems to not understand or care his behavior could kill his wife or his child, or severely injure them, who wants to take the easiest route to resolving his problem, who only wants to put in the smallest amount of effort possible, and who is only marginally serious about getting help, who refuses to be honest about himself, his identity, his heritage, or anything related to him. He just wants a place to post "whoops, saw a hooker" every Friday and call it 'accountability.'

 

Explain to me why we are wasting our time here.

 

Just to remind you I want to stop,

most of cases only when guys get caught they try to stop..

 

mm..

 

my wife is super happy, no need ruin that if I dont have to

 

I dont want to go to hookers! I regret I did

The best that I can do is stop by myself

[linqer]

So here we have a guy who has an addiction, who won't come clean to his wife and seems to not understand or care his behavior could kill his wife or his child, or severely injure them, who wants to take the easiest route to resolving his problem, who only wants to put in the smallest amount of effort possible, and who is only marginally serious about getting help, who refuses to be honest about himself, his identity, his heritage, or anything related to him. He just wants a place to post "whoops, saw a hooker" every Friday and call it 'accountability.'

 

Explain to me why we are wasting our time here.

 

There are millions of married guys go to hookers..

 

Very few initiate the stop with that

[linqer]

Yesterday my wife was sleeping and I was looking on her during her sleep -> I really loved what I see

 

 

Currently 3 days without porn (& hookers..)

 

But it much more than that, my mind is determine to get over this addiction,

 

I already noticed more focus during the job, instead of searching for new girls,

 

porn/hookers was big obstacle that drag me down in the last ~15 years.

 

I am totally believe in that ^^

 

Its not that it just big obstacle for my success, its also risk to drag me down..

 

 

I recently made few moves

1) I moved around 200k$ from my personal account to our shared account (I see it as a believe in our relashionship)

2) throw condoms & viagra pills (I took viagra so I will be able to have more time with the hookers)

3)Delete all porn movies on computer (still need to delete bookmarks, will do it this week, just thought about this now..)

 

The next challange is when I will get horny again, my goal is

No masturbrate or Mastubrate and not think anyone but my wife

 

Yesterday I had a thought about it but I was able to win..

 

I think going testing tomorrow..

 

I got so much motivation from this thread, thank you all, those who don't believe in me as well as those who do believe!

[Redheaded Mistress]

You say you want to, but you don't ACTUALLY want to. You want to wake up one morning and not do it, but not really put yourself out by trying to stop. Guess what? If it was easy as not going, you wouldn't be where you are. So clearly stopping yourself is not the best you can do. You're too uninterested to even get tested. Just maybe at some point you'll think about it.

 

And newsflash, you've already ruined your wife's happiness by going to hookers. And when she looks at you in tears wondering how her and her son now have HIV, her happiness will be fairly well ruined then too.

 

And let's be honest... You're not avoiding telling her because it hurts her. You're not telling because it hurts you. Two different animals.

 

You need therapy, IC, group meetings, and a kick in the butt. Not a "I sort of feel like not doing it today so I'll kind of try not doing it." Heck, you want the best accountability partner in the world? Tell your wife. Here's guessing she'll be a marvelous accountability partner. And if not, at the very least she deserves to know you don't love her, may be starting to love your child, and you have no issues spending your child's money on parades of hookers while simultaneously exposing them to debilitating, disgusting illnesses that will, at best, make them I'll and ruin their chances of having a normal life, or at worst will kill them.

[linqer]

You say you want to, but you don't ACTUALLY want to. You want to wake up one morning and not do it, but not really put yourself out by trying to stop. Guess what? If it was easy as not going, you wouldn't be where you are. So clearly stopping yourself is not the best you can do. You're too uninterested to even get tested. Just maybe at some point you'll think about it.

 

And newsflash, you've already ruined your wife's happiness by going to hookers. And when she looks at you in tears wondering how her and her son now have HIV, her happiness will be fairly well ruined then too.

 

And let's be honest... You're not avoiding telling her because it hurts her. You're not telling because it hurts you. Two different animals.

 

You need therapy, IC, group meetings, and a kick in the butt. Not a "I sort of feel like not doing it today so I'll kind of try not doing it." Heck, you want the best accountability partner in the world? Tell your wife. Here's guessing she'll be a marvelous accountability partner. And if not, at the very least she deserves to know you don't love her, may be starting to love your child, and you have no issues spending your child's money on parades of hookers while simultaneously exposing them to debilitating, disgusting illnesses that will, at best, make them I'll and ruin their chances of having a normal life, or at worst will kill them.

 

 

I am avoid telling her because I believe in myself that I can win this without telling her..

 

I dont know your background... I just dont believe I gave quitting alone enough chance,

I am only few days in this journy

 

what is rush? Telling her will have huge side effect that might be prevented in my current way..

so why the rush? Give me few weeks credit to try it my way..

 

so far I am very statisfy with the last few days, I learned alot and my point of view changed..

 

I had huge success in several other areas in life,

Much more the average person, mostly because hard work and my will

 

To tell her now and not 1 -3 months from now I see big risk without seeing the benefit clearly...

[autumnnight]

Telling her will have huge side effect that might be prevented in my current way..

 

This is the most honest thing you have said so far.

[linqer]

This is the most honest thing you have said so far.

 

Thanks!

 

Another day I was clean.. killed the bad thoughts in the begginig..

 

three more days to the big challange.

[Zagan]

If I will masturbate, I will try think about my wife..

 

Regarding tests, you will get results in 1 hour, but its not detect if you infect in the last 3 months..

 

I always had condom, although 1 time it broke ;( I did had fever or anything hiv simptom the following day..

 

anyway I will takw test this week, maybe in two days from now..

 

No hiv symptoms the next day? Are you messing with people here, seriously. What an idiot.

[truncated]

Why do you see hookers in the first place? ( aside of the sex) ? What has caused this addiction?

 

These women are not with you because they want to be with you, they are with you because you pay them, and part of you knows that. What is the attraction?

 

Also, how much do you really know about std's? HIV is bad, but syphilis ( which can still be spread even with the use of a condom) can be just as deadly, and it often drives a person slowly insane before it kills them, not to mention other std's that have been linked to cancer, infertility and other long term conditions.

 

 

I know you don't want to tell your wife about this, but don't you think she has a right to know about something that could be playing such a huge role in her life that goes well beyond disease?

 

You're laying with fire by thinking she'll never know, and it almost sounds as if that's part of the thrill of it for you. Not the hurting her part, but the having a secret part.

 

It also sounds like you need some counseling and/or therapy. Is there any way that you could schedule in " therapy time' in place of "hooker time" for Fridays? After all, it's not just your life in the balance, and if you won't be honest with her, then you at least owe her giving your best shot and coming clean.

[linqer]

No hiv symptoms the next day? Are you messing with people here, seriously. What an idiot.

 

I always use protection..

 

Plus after hiv infection you get flu sympyoms

 

Chill out man..

 

Anyway I am horny its getting harder..

[linqer]

Why do you see hookers in the first place? ( aside of the sex) ? What has caused this addiction?

 

These women are not with you because they want to be with you, they are with you because you pay them, and part of you knows that. What is the attraction?

 

Also, how much do you really know about std's? HIV is bad, but syphilis ( which can still be spread even with the use of a condom) can be just as deadly, and it often drives a person slowly insane before it kills them, not to mention other std's that have been linked to cancer, infertility and other long term conditions.

 

 

I know you don't want to tell your wife about this, but don't you think she has a right to know about something that could be playing such a huge role in her life that goes well beyond disease?

 

You're laying with fire by thinking she'll never know, and it almost sounds as if that's part of the thrill of it for you. Not the hurting her part, but the having a secret part.

 

It also sounds like you need some counseling and/or therapy. Is there any way that you could schedule in " therapy time' in place of "hooker time" for Fridays? After all, it's not just your life in the balance, and if you won't be honest with her, then you at least owe her giving your best shot and coming clean.

 

Good points,

 

Some hookers do enjoy, you wipp not belive.. but the best proff I got that I managed to sleep with some for free after work hours..

I have few more stories that support my claims, but sex for free are the most extreme ones..

 

 

Regarding my knowlege about hiv and such is not where it should be..

 

I know that if you have sex with hiv your chances are quite low to get infected even if you dont use condom.. something like 1/200

 

but you have only one life, so even those low chances are high..

[autumnnight]

I always use protection..

 

Plus after hiv infection you get flu sympyoms

 

Chill out man..

 

Anyway I am horny its getting harder..

 

You are completely ignorant about HIV.

[linqer]

You are completely ignorant about HIV.

 

You are completely ignorant about HIV.

 

16 Signs You May Have HIV

16 Signs You May Have HIV - Health.com

[linqer]

You are completely ignorant about HIV.

 

16 Signs You May Have HIV

16 Signs You May Have HIV - Health.com

 

 

Putting a number on it: The risk from an exposure to HIV | CATIE - Canada's source for HIV and hepatitis C information

 

The chances to get HIV for unprotected vaginal sex with HIV infected women is around 2500 times,

 

While I never did unprotected sex, while I can assume that around 90% + didn't have HIV, while I slept with around 100 girls,

 

Condoms reduce according to studies the 80% less likely,

 

so my chances to get HIV are 10 / 2500 x 8 x 9 = around 1 / 18000

 

So its acutally low.. to infect my wife is around 1 out million..

 

Which is almost non exist

 

Being said that,

 

The chances to get tons of other sex infection are more likely,

 

Like herps which 80% of people will get this in their entire life, and such other.. which in some cases can have severe outcome,

 

I think HIV is very well knonw, but most people don't really understand that they will get infections and illness for sure, but probably not hiv..

 

from getting down a women you can get trhoat cancer and so many other things..

[truncated]

As I said before, HIV, while a terrible disease, is not the only one.

 

There's gonorrhea, herpes, HPV ( certain strains can cause cancer in women and there is some speculation it can in men too) chlamydia, hepatitis, trichamoniasis, chancriod , pelvic inflammatory disease, etc.

 

There's more than these, and no, condoms don't provide 100% protection...

 

you seem hung up on HIV, but all of these can be nasty and some deadly. Like I mentioned before, syphilis ( which is on the rise) can also be fatal, and it drives you crazy before it kills you...

 

The Syphilis Poem…

 

There was a young man from Black Bay

Who thought syphilis just went away

He believed that a chancre

Was only a canker

That healed in a week and a day.

 

But now he has “acne vulgaris” –

(Or whatever they call it in Paris);

On his skin it has spread

From his feet to his head,

And his friends want to know where his hair is.

 

There’s more to his terrible plight;

His pupils won’t close in the light

His heart is cavorting,

His wife is aborting,

And he squints through his gun-barrel sight.

 

Arthralgia cuts into his slumber;

His aorta in need of a plumber;

But now he has tabes,

And saber-shinned babies,

While of gummas he has quite a number.

 

He’s been treated in every known way,

But his spirochetes grow day by day;

He’s developed paresis,

Has long talks with Jesus,

And he thinks he’s the Queen of the May

 

source...The Syphilis Poem...

[linqer]

As I said before, HIV, while a terrible disease, is not the only one.

 

There's gonorrhea, herpes, HPV ( certain strains can cause cancer in women and there is some speculation it can in men too) chlamydia, hepatitis, trichamoniasis, chancriod , pelvic inflammatory disease, etc.

 

There's more than these, and no, condoms don't provide 100% protection...

 

you seem hung up on HIV, but all of these can be nasty and some deadly. Like I mentioned before, syphilis ( which is on the rise) can also be fatal, and it drives you crazy before it kills you...

 

The Syphilis Poem…

 

There was a young man from Black Bay

Who thought syphilis just went away

He believed that a chancre

Was only a canker

That healed in a week and a day.

 

But now he has “acne vulgaris” –

(Or whatever they call it in Paris);

On his skin it has spread

From his feet to his head,

And his friends want to know where his hair is.

 

There’s more to his terrible plight;

His pupils won’t close in the light

His heart is cavorting,

His wife is aborting,

And he squints through his gun-barrel sight.

 

Arthralgia cuts into his slumber;

His aorta in need of a plumber;

But now he has tabes,

And saber-shinned babies,

While of gummas he has quite a number.

 

He’s been treated in every known way,

But his spirochetes grow day by day;

He’s developed paresis,

Has long talks with Jesus,

And he thinks he’s the Queen of the May

 

source...The Syphilis Poem...

 

 

I totally agree with you.. however..

 

from this:

http://markmanson.net/std-guide

 

The more I’ve learned about STDs, the more I’ve encouraged people to relax a little bit about them. I know that sounds crazy, but seriously, relax. Use a condom. Get tested periodically. Stay away from the people with crack habits. Do that, and you’re going to be fine. Seriously.

 

For instance, about 1 in 1800 people is diagnosed with syphilis in the United States each year.1 By contrast, you have a 1 in 84 chance of dying in a car accident in your lifetime, just to give you some perspective. And the difference is syphilis can be cured with a little penicillin. Car accidents are another story.

 

The reason most STD information is absolutely terrifying is because 1) terrifying information sells in the media and 2) religious nuts don’t want anybody to have fun.

 

------------------------------

 

I was warrior in 5 years the army, I faced shooting few times,

I still going to the army for a week or two sometimes,

I drive each day 1 hour,

 

I didnt have sex with hookers from the street, I have only with very young girls, that has nothing to do with crack, its very easy to tell if someone is taking crack or not..

 

You know those activities are much more risky than most of the STD..

 

 

LIFE is not healthy, if you live you will die from it..

 

We have short time her, so need to enjoy it,

 

 

 

 

As times goes by, I am really not sure what to do..

 

In the past I tried to break up with my wife twice, yea twice, but she insist we will stay togther.. overall I am happy with my life, and I know she is very happy,

If I will not be with her, I am sure sex will take much bigger part of my life, like change my country to more "sex friendly" country, go to nudist places, and try many sexual things the world has to offer,

 

I just had very small fight (took 1-3) with my wife.. and it made me think..

 

I am sure I married too young, and in this stage in life I wasn't supposed to be married, however I already married need to give this fair chance which for sure I didn't gave..

[CarrieT]

As times goes by, I am really not sure what to do..

 

In the past I tried to break up with my wife twice, yea twice, but she insist we will stay togther.. overall I am happy with my life, and I know she is very happy,

If I will not be with her, I am sure sex will take much bigger part of my life, like change my country to more "sex friendly" country, go to nudist places, and try many sexual things the world has to offer,

 

I just had very small fight (took 1-3) with my wife.. and it made me think..

Again, tell your wife how you feel and what you are doing. Give her the opportunity to know the kind of guy she is *really* married to and see if she still insists on staying together.

 

The problem with all your data on the STDs is that you could catch it and not know in the amount of time it would take you to pass it on to your wife.

[autumnnight]

Know what?

 

The risk of STD's is a side issue. Here is the REAL issue:

 

You are repeatedly cheating on your wife, to whom you promised faithfulness, with strangers. YOU are choosing to stomp on your marriage vows weekly with people you pay. THAT is the central issue.

 

And because you care more about your comfort and feelings than your wife and child, you would rather try to secretly break this addiction than be honest with her and get real help.

 

You are selfish. THAT, sir, is the issue.

 

And you'd rather argue and become superior than change.