Married + Baby boy but going to hookers Weekly! [updated 2017]

[MidwestUSA]

If it was not clear, I know that going to hookers is wrong,

I am determine to overcome this

 

What is your first language, OP? What is your culture?

[linqer]

I am just an imperfect person with a conscience.

 

The only way through this is honesty. Trying to keep this secret AND stop it is impossible.

 

What if you give your wife a terrible disease? What if YOU get a terrible disease, die and leave your wife and child without support?

 

You are very able to do the right thing. It is all about choosing to do it.

 

Its impossible? People that use that word I call the little guys..

 

In this thread dont use this word please..

 

Mm.. you right about the disease, I will not have sex before going to do tests..

 

We are rich but live in very modest way, she will not lack of money

[linqer]

What is your first language, OP? What is your culture?

 

Why this is important?

[GorillaTheater]

Why this is important?

 

It has a bearing on the advice you get. For instance if these hookers are male, and you're in Saudi Arabia, you face a bigger problem than your wife, a little jail time, or STDs.

[MidwestUSA]

Why this is important?

 

You have a different way of expressing yourself. Just curious.

 

What is the word we can't use? I'm confused.

[linqer]

Why this is important?

 

This situation is very popular noedays, and was very popluar in the past..

 

I am out millions or more with the same situation around the world..

 

So my culture its really not important here..

[linqer]

You have a different way of expressing yourself. Just curious.

 

What is the word we can't use? I'm confused.

 

I guess you will have to stay curious on my origin..

 

Dont use the word impossible..

[linqer]

It has a bearing on the advice you get. For instance if these hookers are male, and you're in Saudi Arabia, you face a bigger problem than your wife, a little jail time, or STDs.

 

Jail is not option.. STDs are less likely because I use protection but you never know,

I will go test very soon..

[d0nnivain]

Jail is not option....

 

Not is a strong word. A prominent lawyer around here just got arrested after being picked up as a "john" in a prostitution sting.

[autumnnight]

This situation is very popular noedays, and was very popluar in the past..

 

I am out millions or more with the same situation around the world..

 

So my culture its really not important here..

 

You're playing games and refusing to do anything that might be difficult.

 

You do not want to change. You do not care about your wife or child.

 

Question: what would you do if you found out your wife was doing what you are doing? Would you be upset? Would she remain alive?

[linqer]

Not is a strong word. A prominent lawyer around here just got arrested after being picked up as a "john" in a prostitution sting.

 

In my country customers by law cant go to jail, only the pimps

 

I never was a pimp and never will be, so going to jail for this reason its unlikely to happen..

[linqer]

You're playing games and refusing to do anything that might be difficult.

 

You do not want to change. You do not care about your wife or child.

 

Question: what would you do if you found out your wife was doing what you are doing? Would you be upset? Would she remain alive?

 

Its has been like that for years, no need to escelate this so quilcky before try the other options

 

Yes she would stay alive.. I she will confess I will understand her and offer open realshionship or somethink like that..

 

I am not going to confess at that stage, not because I dont have balls

again because I dont think its the right solution..

 

I will keep update my progress here..

[linqer]

You're playing games and refusing to do anything that might be difficult.

 

You do not want to change. You do not care about your wife or child.

 

Question: what would you do if you found out your wife was doing what you are doing? Would you be upset? Would she remain alive?

 

You give life changing advices even though you are not certified for that..

 

and to make things worse you have full confidence..

 

wow!!

[linqer]

You're playing games and refusing to do anything that might be difficult.

 

You do not want to change. You do not care about your wife or child.

 

Question: what would you do if you found out your wife was doing what you are doing? Would you be upset? Would she remain alive?

 

I would rather utilize all ohter less risky option first..

 

Defficult not necessary is the right move..

[Mr. Lucky]

Actually I am very successfull business owner,

I made everthing on with my will power..

 

I have great wins in the past, thats why I am sure I can overcome this also..

 

It's amazing how many people I've met through NarAnon that were successful business owners. Or respected members of the community. Or happily married.

 

Until their behavior took the down.

 

If my current plan will not succeed then

I will shock myself using pavlock

if this will not work I will go to consulting

if this will not work I will confess to my best friend

if this will not work I will go clean..

 

You seem bright enough to understand that changing the behavior without changing the underlying reason is at best a temporary fix.

 

If you're so in control, why not just quit? Why post here?

 

Mr. Lucky

[autumnnight]

You give life changing advices even though you are not certified for that..

 

and to make things worse you have full confidence..

 

wow!!

 

None of us are certified.

 

I'm not the one spitting on my wife and child by paying strangers for sex every week.

 

I do not think you want to change. I think you want to defend yourself.

 

As for impossible being what small people say....I don't know how a person gets much smaller than leaving his wife and baby to go see prostitutes.

 

Is this just a prostitute blog, or do you really want to make changes in your life?

[linqer]

It's amazing how many people I've met through NarAnon that were successful business owners. Or respected members of the community. Or happily married.

 

Until their behavior took the down.

 

 

 

You seem bright enough to understand that changing the behavior without changing the underlying reason is at best a temporary fix.

 

If you're so in control, why not just quit? Why post here?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I dont believe in single strategy, this thread is just one step out of many..

 

I will keep this thread as my log, and update here my progress,

 

I think it can increase my chances to overcome this..

 

Its not going to be easy, but doable..

 

Its very tricky to understand the underline dynamics,

 

I have few guesses but sure..

[Got it]

If you are going to disregard advice as not certified you have purposely set it up so you can reject all the advice given to you simply by just posting it on the internet.

 

So what is it that you want to hear? You aren't want to be told how to overcome an addiction, you don't want to seek professional help, you don't want to be transparent with your wife, you what? You want to to white knuckle it by simply using will power to get past it?

 

Let me ask, in all the years you have been doing it, how has your will power been working for you?

[linqer]

It's amazing how many people I've met through NarAnon that were successful business owners. Or respected members of the community. Or happily married.

 

Until their behavior took the down.

 

 

 

You seem bright enough to understand that changing the behavior without changing the underlying reason is at best a temporary fix.

 

If you're so in control, why not just quit? Why post here?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Last year i started to go to hookers more often, it gave me huge motivation

to hit the gym, now I have very good body..

 

I hope that after quiting with hookers, I will be able to continue the gym momentom..

[linqer]

None of us are certified.

 

I'm not the one spitting on my wife and child by paying strangers for sex every week.

 

I do not think you want to change. I think you want to defend yourself.

 

As for impossible being what small people say....I don't know how a person gets much smaller than leaving his wife and baby to go see prostitutes.

 

Is this just a prostitute blog, or do you really want to make changes in your life?

 

So stop be so confidence.

 

Yes I am serious, I want to get my life back

[linqer]

If you are going to disregard advice as not certified you have purposely set it up so you can reject all the advice given to you simply by just posting it on the internet.

 

So what is it that you want to hear? You aren't want to be told how to overcome an addiction, you don't want to seek professional help, you don't want to be transparent with your wife, you what? You want to to white knuckle it by simply using will power to get past it?

 

Let me ask, in all the years you have been doing it, how has your will power been working for you?

 

Quitting cross my mind few times, but this time its serious

 

This is really good point, why this time is different?

 

I guess I need to think more about it..

[linqer]

Quitting cross my mind few times, but this time its serious

 

This is really good point, why this time is different?

 

I guess I need to think more about it..

 

I think nowdays my belive on me is very strong,

 

Also I am starting to love my baby boy..

..

 

when he was very young I didnt felt this

[ShatteredLady]

Your will power has already faltered which is why I suggested an addiction support group. You stopped looking for 3 days but then the temptation was too much. You need somewhere to turn when you know you can't resist on your own.

 

Where do you 'look'? Online? I suggest you find a way of resisting that. You say you like working out. When the desire is too much go to the gym. Could that work?

 

Honestly, overcoming addiction on your own is so very hard as you've already discovered. An addict can't just have 1 drink because it got too hard after 3 days! Please post here BEFORE you do it NOT after!!

 

Some of us are asking these questions like "What's the perfect hooker" & "What's your culture" etc so we know more about how you're thinking so we can HELP you!! You need mental 'mantras' etc to stop when you really, really want to. The more we know the better we can help you when you need it.

At the moment you're being very defensive. That's normal for an addict. You need to justify your behavior. Some are being very tough on you to STOP you allowing yourself to slip. You asked for our help & we are trying in our different ways to help you!!

[linqer]

Your will power has already faltered which is why I suggested an addiction support group. You stopped looking for 3 days but then the temptation was too much. You need somewhere to turn when you know you can't resist on your own.

 

Where do you 'look'? Online? I suggest you find a way of resisting that. You say you like working out. When the desire is too much go to the gym. Could that work?

 

Honestly, overcoming addiction on your own is so very hard as you've already discovered. An addict can't just have 1 drink because it got too hard after 3 days! Please post here BEFORE you do it NOT after!!

 

Some of us are asking these questions like "What's the perfect hooker" & "What's your culture" etc so we know more about how you're thinking so we can HELP you!! You need mental 'mantras' etc to stop when you really, really want to. The m

ore we know the better we can help you when you need it.

 

 

At the moment you're being very defensive. That's normal for an addict. You need to justify your behavior. Some are being very tough on you to STOP you allowing yourself to slip. You asked for our help & we are trying in our different ways to help you!!

 

 

 

good idea next time before I will ho to hooker I will post here..

 

the perfect hooker for me will feel like real girlfriend and look in my standarts e.g dhe is someone I would date her if I wasnt married..

[dreamingoftigers]

I think none of you can really understand me..

only those who has been in situation like me and fought thier way out can really understand me..

 

I am not going to tell her, Its going on for years, I am going to cut this bad behavior for good

 

I am going to do std test in 3 month from now,

 

My wife and I dont have sex, after I will do the test we will have

 

The best present that my wife can get is loyal and love husbant

I can be such one, I know I can..

 

regarding the money, yes it could be much better spend on my family, but to be honest they dont lack anything that money can buy

 

Its like being addicted to drugs, like all addictions,

 

I have a good strategy to overcome this,

If I will not be able to overcome this by using my current plan

I will escelate it

 

I have few more escelate points before going clean to my wife..

 

Its not a question if I will overcome this or not, its a question how much time it will take me.

 

If my current plan will not succeed then

I will shock myself using pavlock

if this will not work I will go to consulting

if this will not work I will confess to my best friend

if this will not work I will go clean..

 

A few things:

 

1. My husband is a sexual addict. I get it. Boy do I get it.

 

2. You aren't going to be able to manage it yourself AT FIRST.

Sorry bud. A lot of you ys seem to need to learn the hard way. Don't wait for that. On some level you know, really know, that you aren't going to manage it on your own. You've already made several contingency plans for "when you fail"

 

If you want this to be done, you won't try "Plan A" and then "see if you end up with a hooker." YYou wl immerse yourself in EVERY resource you possibly can to get help. Starting with a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist. See THAT PERSON WEEKLY INSTEAD OF A HOOKER.

 

3. Find you motivation for stopping. Is it because you don't want to live a life of lies? Is it financial?

 

Typically my own issues with sexual compulsion stemmed from trying to avoid how I felt.

 

My husband's was from trying to avoid feeling trapped by intimacy.

 

Often you guys had a very overbearing mother. It makes it harder for you to automatically bond with women in any real emotional sense with you get older. A rural raw fear f not being accepted for who you really are. Yet you want to be wanted, even idolized. It's easier to pay for that than try for it in a marriage and risk rejection.

 

My husband had to finally go through a serious injury, a separation he imposed, not being allowed back until he stabilized and dealt with his addictions and finally: his five year-old daughter not wanting to take to him anymore. Not fromNo. my influeNo. nce whatsoever. That broke him. There is ssomething about many addicts that "seeks a punishment" from others. When it doesn't come, the spiral out more and more. When it does they wail about the unfairness ofIit all. "You're judging me / trying to control me / it's not fair /you aren't very forgiving / I provide for you, I should be able to do what I want." No No. You high from addiction comes at the expense of your family. You are stealing intimacy and trust from your wife. You aren't BEING her husband. You are ACTING like it. And frankly, probably more poorly than you realize. You threads your son's stability. That is no small thing.

 

BTW my husband's sexual addiction went out of control when I became pregnant. Something about the stress and becoming a father pushed it over a tipping point.

 

Things are still not sorted between us. He has so much repair work to do, it simply may not ever be possible.

 

You have a Helluva problem and by trying to keep it in the dark you are only protecting and prolonging your addiction.