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Married + Baby boy but going to hookers Weekly! [updated 2017]

linqer

By linqer
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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I see things differently..

 

My wife is happy and that's what important..

 

My believe that in the end of the day Happiness is more important than truth..

 

I am still I'm proceess of rehab, because I see the two sides of the coin..

MadJackBird Established Member

MadJackBird

Posted
Posted

Are you still using porn? When is the last time you shared intimacy with your wife.

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linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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25/90

1/90 :(

 

Yesterday I almost went to hooker :(

 

Regarding to port yes every 2-3 days.

I kiss and hug, do guesters, say nice things everyday to my wife..

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
I see things differently..

 

My wife is happy and that's what important..

 

My believe that in the end of the day Happiness is more important than truth..

 

I am still I'm proceess of rehab, because I see the two sides of the coin..

 

Happiness being more important than truth is just another justification that will fuel the secrecy the keeps the addiction going.

 

Addiction survives as long as there isn't self-honesty and honesty with others.

 

At this point you are just white-knuckling otherwise.

  • Like 2
MadJackBird Established Member

MadJackBird

Posted
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So you still have a porn addiction. Every 2-3 days. I'm not sure what the point of your counts are for not going to hookers if you are using porn and fueling your sex addiction.

 

It's sort an alcoholic saying they have not had a shot of tequila in 30 days, but drink beer every 2-3 days.

 

Heck you already relapsed on your not visiting hooker websites.

 

So when are you going to attend a support group?

 

I recommend Celebrate Recovery, but honestly just showing up to an AA meeting would be a good start.

  • Like 3
  • Author
linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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Yea, I relpased yestreay on hookers website,

 

And it was bad day :(

 

I got critic here and it made influenced me,

 

Regarding porn, I have plans to quite that also, but it will be down the line,

 

Rome wasn't build in 1 day, I didn't become addict in 1 day, it was long process,

I can try to cut everything include not to stare on girls boobs/ass not to think about sex that is not relate to my wife and so on..

And I can also take it step after step approcah,

 

Both are good in case I am getting closer to the goal everyday.

 

Since I started to go to hookers I never had such a long break, and the days still counting, so apperently I doing something right, and need to keep doing it..

 

Do you know how long and low precentage of success if addict go to therapy?

 

Most of the addicts can't think about thier life without the addiction,

Most of the addicts can't stop for a month just because they decieded

 

Going to therapy is bold move that I prefer to do small steps before I do it.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
25/90

1/90 :(

 

Yesterday I almost went to hooker :(

 

Regarding to port yes every 2-3 days.

I kiss and hug, do guesters, say nice things everyday to my wife..

 

Well, here's the important part.....

 

You DID NOT GO to a hooker.

 

You felt sh*TTY, or horny or both etc....

 

And you didn't go

 

 

Watch yourself over the next two weeks, when you relax about it, the draw becomes stronger for some reason.

 

Don't expect the urges to dry up soon. It may take years. But the more you don't indulge them the less they become as your brain chemistry normalizes.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
Yea, I relpased yestreay on hookers website,

 

And it was bad day :(

 

I got critic here and it made influenced me,

 

Regarding porn, I have plans to quite that also, but it will be down the line,

 

Rome wasn't build in 1 day, I didn't become addict in 1 day, it was long process,

I can try to cut everything include not to stare on girls boobs/ass not to think about sex that is not relate to my wife and so on..

And I can also take it step after step approcah,

 

Both are good in case I am getting closer to the goal everyday.

 

Since I started to go to hookers I never had such a long break, and the days still counting, so apperently I doing something right, and need to keep doing it..

 

Do you know how long and low precentage of success if addict go to therapy?

 

Most of the addicts can't think about thier life without the addiction,

<<<<<<<Most of the addicts can't stop for a month just because they decieded>>>>>>>

 

Going to therapy is bold move that I prefer to do small steps before I do it.

 

I find the quote that I put in brackets is not accurate.

 

A lot, if not most addicts can stop for a month or so easily enough. But then they go back to it. That's part of where the issue lies.

 

So, from this experience you can learn that criticism is a trigger for you.

 

It can cause you to feel discomfort and lose hope so you want to turn back to your addiction at that point.

 

Expect to feel strong urges when you are criticized (or even questioned) and make a plan on how to deal with it.

Clep Established Member

Clep

Posted
Posted
Yea, I relpased yestreay on hookers website,

 

And it was bad day :(

 

I got critic here and it made influenced me,

 

Regarding porn, I have plans to quite that also, but it will be down the line,

 

Rome wasn't build in 1 day, I didn't become addict in 1 day, it was long process,

I can try to cut everything include not to stare on girls boobs/ass not to think about sex that is not relate to my wife and so on..

And I can also take it step after step approcah,

 

Both are good in case I am getting closer to the goal everyday.

 

Since I started to go to hookers I never had such a long break, and the days still counting, so apperently I doing something right, and need to keep doing it..

 

Do you know how long and low precentage of success if addict go to therapy?

 

Most of the addicts can't think about thier life without the addiction,

Most of the addicts can't stop for a month just because they decieded

 

Going to therapy is bold move that I prefer to do small steps before I do it.

 

Oh for goodness sake. You won't tell your wife so you don't have to be truly accountable for your behavior. You continue to abuse her via your behavior and are hoping people will praise and support you because you haven't seen a hooker but still look at porn.

 

I know many, many addicts. I have seen more than I can count abstain for months or years. The reason they relapse is because they never changed their way of thinking.

 

An addict who tries to manage their addiction and cut down is simply avoiding quitting and isn't really addressing their issue. You keep failing because you keep trying the same thing over and over that isn't bringing the desired result. Then you justify it later and praise yourself for not being the worst you have ever been, just much worse than any man should treat his wife.

 

Tell your wife and leave her to make the choice if she want's to be with a guy that is addicted to hookers. Ya she will probably leave you and that is the natural result of your choices. Grow up and accept it. Get to counselling or an addiction program and quit trying to control something you have proven you have no control over. Quit fooling yourself that you can do this on your own. Who cares if you don't feel comfortable doing it other ways that might bring better results. Grow up and quit trading your own comfort for your wife's lack of comfort.

 

If it was your wife doing all the things you are, would you be okay with her trying to cut back or would you expect her to stop and change rapidly. I can't see you going along with this from her. Time to live the standards you would probably set for others.

  • Like 1
MadJackBird Established Member

MadJackBird

Posted
Posted
Yea, I relpased yestreay on hookers website,

 

And it was bad day :(

 

I got critic here and it made influenced me,

 

Regarding porn, I have plans to quite that also, but it will be down the line,

 

Rome wasn't build in 1 day, I didn't become addict in 1 day, it was long process,

I can try to cut everything include not to stare on girls boobs/ass not to think about sex that is not relate to my wife and so on..

And I can also take it step after step approcah,

 

Both are good in case I am getting closer to the goal everyday.

 

Since I started to go to hookers I never had such a long break, and the days still counting, so apperently I doing something right, and need to keep doing it..

 

Do you know how long and low precentage of success if addict go to therapy?

 

Most of the addicts can't think about thier life without the addiction,

Most of the addicts can't stop for a month just because they decieded

 

Going to therapy is bold move that I prefer to do small steps before I do it.

 

Let me rewrite this in other terms that may make a bit more since.

 

I relapsed and drank a bottle of wine yesterday. It was a bad day.

 

Regarding beer. Yes I still drink every 2-3 days, but I have a plan to quit that as well, sometime down the line, not now though, because now I need that.

 

I can try to cut all alcohol out including beer, wine, shots of tequila, rum and cokes and margaritas, but I'm not going to do that right now. I'm going to focus just on the shots of tequila. I have not had a shot of tequila is 25 days! The longest I've ever gone without tequila! I'm doing this guys!

 

I'm not sure anyone told you to go to therapy. I suggested and others that you be truthful about your addictions. I think you should be truthful in a support group. See if there is an SA group in your area, or Celebrate Recovery, which has small groups for sexual integrity. If there is not one in your area I think you should go to AA. Addictions are very similar in nature and even if you just listen in you'll get something out of it.

 

Have you googled the 12 steps of recovery yet?

 

Call me jaded. I was married and lived with an addict for way too long, but your success story you are trying to spin to us makes me roll my eyes. I've heard the same story with different words. No she wasn't a real drug addict either, it was just her OCD. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
Let me rewrite this in other terms that may make a bit more since.

 

I relapsed and drank a bottle of wine yesterday. It was a bad day.

 

Regarding beer. Yes I still drink every 2-3 days, but I have a plan to quit that as well, sometime down the line, not now though, because now I need that.

 

I can try to cut all alcohol out including beer, wine, shots of tequila, rum and cokes and margaritas, but I'm not going to do that right now. I'm going to focus just on the shots of tequila. I have not had a shot of tequila is 25 days! The longest I've ever gone without tequila! I'm doing this guys!

 

Amusing, and proves a point. I don't know that OP sees how unrealistic this thinking is...

 

OP, you are not going to do this on your own. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. The fact that you have tried for so long to do it on your own and you have not been successful, should show you that you need help. Seek a counsellor or a support group.

 

But most of all, be a man and accept responsibility for your behavior. Your wife needs to know - her health is at risk. The fact that you expose her to STD's without her knowledge is unacceptable.

 

Women are not objects to be used. What you are doing is disturbing, for so many reasons. I feel so sorry for your wife. Do the right thing and tell her.

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 1
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linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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The reason this time is different because I put my focus on understanding. .

 

Each day I understand another part of the puzzle,

 

When I will have enough pices it will be over,

 

In the past I tried many things but never tried to understand.. I was trying to fix random things..

 

Anyway I had some breakthrough regarding port and decided to quite it as well.. so I will add a counter to it as well sooner than I expected.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
The reason this time is different because I put my focus on understanding. .

 

Each day I understand another part of the puzzle,

 

When I will have enough pices it will be over,

 

In the past I tried many things but never tried to understand.. I was trying to fix random things..

 

Anyway I had some breakthrough regarding port and decided to quite it as well.. so I will add a counter to it as well sooner than I expected.

 

So what the counter at now?

 

And when does the "days until you tell your wife what she really means to you" counter starting?

  • Author
linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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27/90 no hookers

3/90 no hookers websites

2/90 no porn

 

Yeah I will add such counter in the future

  • Author
linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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I continue to watch the strange addiction TV series which is great to help me understand my addiction,

 

I am going to start NLP course which also will help..

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linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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Now I will stop staring on girls asses and tits on the streets..

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linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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30/90 not visit hookers

6/90 not visit hooker websites

5/90 not watching porn

0/90 not staring on girls

 

First month achieved, I will not lie luck was involved in this, but as time goes by more understanding was involved..

 

The current plan:

After 90 days I will do STD test, then I will start having sex with wife

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linqer Established Member

linqer

Posted
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Posted

People here are so hypocrisy,

 

Don't show support at all, even that I was able to achieve 30 days off,

 

Its looks like they are waiting to me to fall instead of show real support..

MadJackBird Established Member

MadJackBird

Posted
Posted

It's a holiday weekend in the states.

 

You are not getting to the root of the problem as many of us have already said.

 

Why wait 90 days before getting an std test? That makes no sense at all.

  • Like 1
GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted
People here are so hypocrisy,

 

Don't show support at all, even that I was able to achieve 30 days off,

 

Its looks like they are waiting to me to fall instead of show real support..

 

 

Congratulations on going an entire month without using hookers. Just think of it, an entire month.

  • Like 2
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

Sorry, I wish you well in your endeavour even though, as I've already said, I think you need assistance with this problem.

 

It's hard to celebrate your success when your behavior is very disrespectful, to all women, especially your wife. We're supposed to celebrate the fact that you are not using women as sexual objects to satisfy your addiction and staring at women inappropriately? You may be proud of your success and I don't mean to take that away from you, but it's just not really something I want to pat you on the back for doing...

  • Like 2
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
Posted (edited)
People here are so hypocrisy,

 

Don't show support at all, even that I was able to achieve 30 days off,

 

Its looks like they are waiting to me to fall instead of show real support..

 

I think many people are angry at you because you're still lying to your poor wife, and you appear to consider yourself a victim of your self-diagnosed sex addiction rather than taking responsibility for your actions and making the proper amends. It's very very selfish. You've also put her health at risk countless times, and you don't care enough about her to tell her she needs to get tested.

 

I hope you don't fail, I hope you never see another hooker again. But I also hope your wife gets to find out this enormous piece of HER life that you are hiding from her.

Edited by ChickiePops
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