Author Ali21 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Thank you everyone for your insight. We are currently already seeking counselling individually but he hasn't been for while. I'm working on getting him to schedule another appointment. We have been to one couple's session but need to schedule another one as well. He hasn't looked at porn for a few weeks so I'm very proud of him for that. As far as the ptsd goes, no it's not the same for every person which is why we are both going to individual counselling. His developed obviously from his time over seas, whereas mine developed from an abusive household growing up and then finding my brother dead in his house after hanging himself just this last March. I feel like all I have left is my marriage which is one of the reasons I'm going to fight to keep it. We have a lot of issues to work through but I'm confident we can work through it. We'll need to change a lot of things though because as he said today "If we keep going the way we are, things are going to end badly". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Like usual sounds like a much deeper issue than just the sex... it sounds like he has very little interest in your marriage. You guys should be in the newly wed phase of your relationship still let alone your marriage. If he would prefer to spend time playing facebook games than being with you, whether intimately or not, that is not a good sign. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'm so sorry. My brother also took his own life & it's one of those things people have to experience to truly understand the emotional carnage it leaves in its wake. Other than MC have you tried watching porn together? Do you know what kind of porn he likes? I wouldn't walk around naked or shower with him for a while. You say it's difficult to talk about. Have you had any really open, honest conversations about this? Can he open-up & tell you how he feels? What's his 'side of the story' when you do talk? Have you asked him what he feels when you come-on to him? Does he want to feel like he's chasing sometimes? Really, I agree with what others have said. This seems to be a deeper issue that only extensive therapy can deal with. Constant rejection effects your self esteem. Try not to let it. (easier said than done!) I don't think it's you he's rejecting, it's the intimacy & grown-up long term sex transition from the drunken ONS & paid for sex stuff. Sexual satisfaction in marriage is a very different thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ali21 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Like usual sounds like a much deeper issue than just the sex... it sounds like he has very little interest in your marriage. You guys should be in the newly wed phase of your relationship still let alone your marriage. If he would prefer to spend time playing facebook games than being with you, whether intimately or not, that is not a good sign. My point exactly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ali21 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'm so sorry. My brother also took his own life & it's one of those things people have to experience to truly understand the emotional carnage it leaves in its wake. Other than MC have you tried watching porn together? Do you know what kind of porn he likes? I wouldn't walk around naked or shower with him for a while. You say it's difficult to talk about. Have you had any really open, honest conversations about this? Can he open-up & tell you how he feels? What's his 'side of the story' when you do talk? Have you asked him what he feels when you come-on to him? Does he want to feel like he's chasing sometimes? Really, I agree with what others have said. This seems to be a deeper issue that only extensive therapy can deal with. Constant rejection effects your self esteem. Try not to let it. (easier said than done!) I don't think it's you he's rejecting, it's the intimacy & grown-up long term sex transition from the drunken ONS & paid for sex stuff. Sexual satisfaction in marriage is a very different thing. Thank you for your condolences and I am sorry for your loss as well. As far as looking at porn together, I am very against porn so looking at it together is not an option. Thanks for the suggestion though. I have a hard time talking to him about difficult subjects in general because he angers really easy... So I'm kind of afraid to talk too openly and in depth with him. I don't want him to get angry and storm out and I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking him. A man raising his voice or getting angry is a major trigger for my ptsd. I'm not afraid he'll hurt me because I know he would never do that but just him getting angry is really hard for me to handle. I've brought it up a little here and there lightly like suggesting new things we can try to rekindle his interest and he seems a little excited about that but there's still not a lot of intimacy. Sex is pretty emotionless anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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