Back with my girlfriend after she broke up with me, wrong choice?

[Odino]

As the title says, my girlfriend left about a month ago, now it looks like we are back together and everything looks fine, BUT, I am still not sure if it's the right or wise choice to be back with her.

I never posted on a forum like that, and I am also not a native english speaker, so forgive me for any mistakes

 

So,

I know the reason why she broke up with me, at least what she told me:

I wasn't the best boyfriend, jelous and very possessive, from the first time; so we had every day some sort of fight, for about an year, than she got sick of it, couldn't handle it anymore and cracked; until here everything fine, at least I can say she is right, I could have done better.

 

So, she left me exactly one day after I got fired from work....but hey, life is hard isn't it?

 

Now, the thing that troubles me is:

after few days she started to talk (hang out) to a guy, flirt with him, going to gym, having lunch, so actually "dating" him.

I felt something was off already before we broke up, she added him on facebook, he gave her some car rides back home when I was out of town and things like that. One night we had a party all together, we had a fight and she told me to leave, so I left and she got back home with that guy, since she was too drunk to call a taxi or walk home.....nevermind

 

Well after some weeks, she told me, that he kissed her twice, but that actually she didn't want to kiss him and that she was disgusted from it....

So that same night I sneaked up on her phone (bad thing i know), (I was leaving at her place for couple of nights since I had to work in her town even we were not together),

and found some messages: she was actually jelous and troubled that he had slept with one girl while they were writing, and that she felt like the second one. But he kept trying on her and wrote her that he really liked her and wanted to be with her, and since they were not dating, he wasn't doing anything wrong to my eyes.

She told me they just kissed, or actually he kissed her, nothing more, nothing else.

 

After some days we talked, and we tried to start a new relationship, based on trust and love, no fights no arguing over past and mistakes.

Things are good now, the thing that kept me trying on her was that we still had nights together, we made love almost everynight after break up, so I don't think she actually slept with that guy.

 

What do you guys think? If she loved me, would she be attracted to that guy? Or even worse be jelous that he had something with another girl?

Is she telling me eveything, on the breakup reason, or she was actually planning to get with him, since that party ride, so she took the excuse and left me?

 

I am very confused, I love her, I have never loved anyone that much, we were leaving together and now I have to go back to her city to work;

I am italian and she is slovakian, very different countries, cultures, but hey, that's why i love her so much.

I hope you can give me some good advice and opinions!!!

 

Cheers guys, viva l'amore!

[d0nnivain]

You could have been the perfect BF. Some people are just objectively attractive. So she may very well have noticed him but noticing is not dating or even flirting. If you had been a better BF when she thought about picking him over you, she may have picked you.

 

 

The fact that she came back says she's willing to overcome YOUR shortcomings, including the possessiveness & jealousy. Sadly you don't really have it in you to overcome those things in yourself. Because you are already focused on him & what they may have done, there is no possibility that you & her can get past this so my advice is don't bother trying.

[bluefeather]

Odino,

 

Ok hello sir! I will give you my advice, but remember that I have problems of my own with relationships. I am still learning too, so do not take my words as the absolute truth! ok? now that that is said, I will give you my perspective, right or wrong...

 

 

First, it is usually a mistake to be possessive and jealous. A little bit of possessiveness can be sexy, if for example you like to be dominating in sex. And a little bit of jealousy is ok, in my opinion, if for example you have not started dating, and you are both not in a committed relationship. But once the two of you are exclusive, there should not be jealousy. You should be able to trust your partner that they will be faithful and loyal to you. If you are suspicious that she is doing something behind your back, either you are being excessive with your jealousy (you do not trust her, you feel INSECURE of yourself and your ability to keep her affection), or your senses are picking up on something true, and she is starting to have feelings for someone who is not you. It is up to you to look into yourself and her and see which is really true.

 

But from the clues that you have given me, this is what has been my experience: something big needs to change for both of you if you both wish to continue the relationship.

 

you said "now it looks like we are back together" - what does that mean??? Is your relationship defined as boyfriend and girlfriend or not?

 

Let me tell you something, from one guy to another. If a guy is giving a girl he likes a "ride home" while the other guy is out of town... there is a big chance of something happening or at least something being tried.

 

If she admitted to "kissing" him, while at the same time you found messages saying that she was jealous he slept with someone, that is, to me, a sign that she did more than kiss with him, or at least intended to do more. I will give you two examples from my own experiences on BOTH sides (the one lying and the one being lied to).

 

In one relationship I was in, I broke up with the girl. While broken up, I started dating someone and we were pretty intimate. We did not have sex, but damn we got super close to it. Think about it like this, we did everything but penetration. Ok so on that note, I eventually ended the relationship with that girl (which was a bad thing for me to do, took me years to realize - my loss) and I got back with the girl who I broke up with. What happened then? Well me and girl #1 got more serious together and I felt like she should know that I was with another girl. She didn't suspect anything at all and I could have kept everything secret, but a part of me wanted very strongly to be honest if we were to continue a relationship.

 

So I made a mistake (again) and was not completely truthful. I told her that I dated someone and that... we "kissed." This was a mix of me wanting to be honest, but at the same time holding back all of the truth so that I would not hurt her. Can you imagine if I went into detail with the actual things I did with another girl (despite this being after a breakup)? Now I will admit here that a real woman might be able to handle the truth, but this was not a healthy relationship on either side. She had issues of her own and would have broken down.

 

Now I will give you the perspective from the other side on another relationship, but for the sake of not being too wordy, and because I myself don't even want to go back there much, I will make it short.

 

There was another girl I once became interested in, and her me. Things went bad when she admitted to me that her ex boyfriend went over to see her for some random excuse. She could have hidden all of that from me but she told me she saw him. I asked her "did you have sex with him?" And she said, "no, he started to but I stopped it." ... now really, what does that mean? first it is "no" but then it is "he started"... that could be as much as kissing or as much as 5-10 minutes of actual sex. anyway, that was her also trying to be honest by telling me that she saw a guy but also hiding the truth, which she later admitted, she did sleep with him.

 

 

Now that you have my perspectives and my stories of experience, you can hopefully look at them and decide where to go from there.

 

If you want my advice, that would be hard to give since I don't know you personally. I don't know the kind of person you wish to be. But I can tell you that if I were in your shoes, I would probably tell myself this:

 

1. you might have a problem with insecurity. you need to work on this, yourself.

2. you need to find someone who understands your needs and will help you become a better person, not feel insecure. most importantly, you need someone you can actually trust.

3. let this one go. (if she has feelings for someone else, that is an instant turn-off for me)

4. she awoke a flame inside you. a passion. thank her for that and now use that flame on someone who actually wants it.

5. there are billions of girls on the planet and many different countries! don't worry about the one exotic girl. there are many!

 

Not necessarily advice, that is just what I might tell myself.^