Not Very Tidy

[treehugger101]

How many of you have met someone that isn't very tidy and or organized? Like if you get a ride in their car, their car is filled with stuff, clothes, trash, other items, etc. The same thing goes for their home, it just being covered with stuff here and there. Not hoarding status just not very tidy. Would you continue dating this person or help them clean up, to only have them mess everything up all over again?

[darkbloom]

How many of you have met someone that isn't very tidy and or organized? Like if you get a ride in their car, their car is filled with stuff, clothes, trash, other items, etc. The same thing goes for their home, it just being covered with stuff here and there. Not hoarding status just not very tidy. Would you continue dating this person or help them clean up, to only have them mess everything up all over again?

 

I used to live out of my car basically, so my car was always a mess. I am someone who is so focused on other things that tidying up tends to fall on the bottom of the priority list. My house is clean but scattered. I generally clean it, and then everything piles up and then I clean it again. I am deeply organized when I want to be.

 

Deal breaker for me would be someone who is dirty. Like food left in the kitchen dirty. Stains and dirt perpetually on the carpet. Bugs. Etc. I can deal with some mess but not dirty.

[carhill]

How many of you have met someone that isn't very tidy and or organized?

I've slacked off in my old age to some semblance of normal but, as a young man, my perception was often of 'whoa, pig sty'. However, that was a perception warped by my own issues with organization.

Like if you get a ride in their car, their car is filled with stuff, clothes, trash, other items, etc.

Very common, especially when young. Some cars looked like they were filled with flotsam and food and a bomb went off in them, spreading detritus everywhere.

The same thing goes for their home, it just being covered with stuff here and there.

Yup

Not hoarding status just not very tidy.

Oh, yeah, hoarding too.

Would you continue dating this person or help them clean up, to only have them mess everything up all over again?

Most of them were friends, not dates, but I did run into a small percentage of dates who, to my thinking now, were fairly normal but I found their housekeeping, etc, to be somewhat scary at the time. I tended to give more of a benefit of a doubt, though, especially with the women I dated who had kids, since kids can be a handful. The couple I actually had relationships with, yeah, I would organize a cleanup and, yup, put the kids to work! To my mind, a family was a team and everyone shared in the process and kids weren't above work.

 

Nowadays, whatever. I just step over the stuff and bring my own hand sanitizer and don't eat anything that looks fit for the trash, all without comment. This does occasionally annoy my cat. He's a bit of a neat freak. Heh...

[Tayla]

With due respect to my work place, my boss is from the outside perspective, disorganized to the point that if you saw his desk area, you'd wonder how anything gets accomplished. Not piled high, piled everywhere in no particular order or reasoning. Just tossed about. One day I cleaned up, filed his stuff and as grateful as he was, he could not function under such an organized system.

 

He amazed me sometimes by saying."the paper you are needing is on the fourth pile over, seven pages deep. And sure enough there it was!! ,

I sincerely think that what may be perceived as disorganized by one , is a system well adapted by the owner of it.

 

Now being lazy and deliberately leaving half opened food out or tossing things randomly with no intent to clean it up for safety sake is something to be addressed. I once sat in a car that the driver had left his lunch from a week ago in his seat area, the stench was perturbing. I addressed it with- Care if I donate this to science? He got the message and quickly discarded.

 

By far I am not a neat freak, it takes away from the time spent with someone or some event that deserves my attention. Took years to learn taking pride in people takes precedence in tidiness.

[mrldii]

Uh-oh. For yet just One More Reason, I'm again deemed "undateable".

 

 

 

My car is always a mess...as is my immediate work space. However, at home, everything is neat-as-a-pin and properly tucked away in its own space.

 

I do not know why the dichotomy...it must speak to something.

 

In my defense, while my desk always looks like a bomb just went off on or near it, I really do Know Where Everything Is...as anyone who's ever dared move even one piece of paper or the tape dispenser or the stapler on me can attest.

[newmoon]

it's a deal-breaker for me. if your house/car/workspace is dirty, you're dirty, as i see it. people who can't bother to keep their personal areas clean and neat probably don't take good care of themselves either. they tend to have bad habits, like diet, smoking, drinking, etc. neat people tend to take care of not just mess, but themselves as well. these types of people .. and i've tried dating a few... are scatterbrained, unorganized, inefficient, they forget times and dates, they aren't motivated, and they have lots of other issues that stem from not being tidy. HUGE deal-breaker. i don't expect to just date uber-clean freaks, but i can't tolerate mess at all and i keep a very tidy home and person.

[Keenly]

it's a deal-breaker for me. if your house/car/workspace is dirty, you're dirty, as i see it. people who can't bother to keep their personal areas clean and neat probably don't take good care of themselves either. they tend to have bad habits, like diet, smoking, drinking, etc. neat people tend to take care of not just mess, but themselves as well. these types of people .. and i've tried dating a few... are scatterbrained, unorganized, inefficient, they forget times and dates, they aren't motivated, and they have lots of other issues that stem from not being tidy. HUGE deal-breaker. i don't expect to just date uber-clean freaks, but i can't tolerate mess at all and i keep a very tidy home and person.

 

That's a very large overgeneralization. Peole can be organized and messy at the same time. Peole can take care of themselves while still having a messy place.

 

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep your place clean with a 2 year old here every other day? Combine it with s stressful job and you've got a messy house.

 

 

Oh well. If some one wants to judge my personality based on the toys and coloring books laying around my room, then that is on them and it's their loss.

[Ms. Faust]

My SO is very not tidy. In fact, I would say he is a slob when it comes to household cleanliness. Now with his own person he is meticulous. I have showered with him (of course) and he has his 3 cleaning routine where in one shower he cleans his entire body with soap 3 times. But I digress....

 

Yeah, home wise he is terrible. The files on his computer are organized, his desk his crap. I have tested leaving dishes on his desk and they stay there for days. I end up moving them. His car is reasonable, but that is mostly because he bicycles to work and does not eat fast food. His tools are organized. And the way he thinks is very organized... I guess the home being clean falls way down in priority.

 

I am OCD clean. I cleaned almost the entire refrigerator yesterday because I saw dirt from potatoes on the bottom shelf. I am fine with being the one who cleans mostly because if I do ask him for clean he does it without complaint, and he actually does a damn good job.

 

Anyway, I blame his parents, lol.

[Gloria25]

Sorry, I don't play that...And I'm a "very" busy woman - even when I was younger.

 

I grew up in filth - literally. One day I like in my tweens got mad and just cleaned my room. My sister came in and threw down her robe and I literally punched her in the face.

 

From that point, it was "on like Donkey Kong"

 

I grew up cleaning after everyone in the house. Once I moved out and was on my own in the military, I kept my barracks room clean, car clean, etc.

 

I know of two chicks in the military who had nasty cars and barracks/condo...they married and are now divorced with kids. IMO, lazy usually goes hand-in-hand with nasty.

 

I'm sorry, but we people spend too much time wasted that could be used to clean - like posting here on LS. I have to go and clean my house right now and don't have time to be on here posting.

 

So, I will not date someone who has a nasty place. Yes, I have been to a guy's place that looked like a pig sty and I literally wished them a nice nite and left their place.

 

I was just talking about this with a relative today...for some reason parents aren't giving their kids chores, there's no more "home economic" classes in the schools - so people are growing up to be lazy, nasty, and think that cleaning is "someone else's" problem - not theirs. I mean, all these "maid" services are popping up all over the place and I'm like "really?"

 

Yes, I do get busy and the place gets a little messy - but not freakin' nasty. I find time to make it happen and cannot be with a slob.

[newmoon]

That's a very large overgeneralization. Peole can be organized and messy at the same time. Peole can take care of themselves while still having a messy place.

 

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep your place clean with a 2 year old here every other day? Combine it with s stressful job and you've got a messy house.

 

 

Oh well. If some one wants to judge my personality based on the toys and coloring books laying around my room, then that is on them and it's their loss.

 

ok, but why can some people manage, even with a 2-year old (or more kids) and a job to keep their home tidy? not everyone with a kid and a job is messy...

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

That's a very large overgeneralization. Peole can be organized and messy at the same time. Peole can take care of themselves while still having a messy place.

 

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep your place clean with a 2 year old here every other day? Combine it with s stressful job and you've got a messy house.

 

 

Oh well. If some one wants to judge my personality based on the toys and coloring books laying around my room, then that is on them and it's their loss.

 

Maybe it's true that some people do take care of themselves hygienically while still having a messy house, dirty dishes in the sink and unsanitary bathrooms; but, I doubt it's very many. Most people who choose not to keep a clean house also choose to take care of themselves only on occasion (gross). And, having a young child living in the home (especially if it's not even every day, but every OTHER day) is NO excuse for a parent to have a messy and/or dirty home! I'm a parent of two young children - and yes, it IS a LOT of work - but after I get home from work every day and on the weekends, I CLEAN my home...I pick up their toys...clean and scrub the kitchen and bathrooms...vacuum the carpet and sweep and mop the floors...and I do it because it NEEDS TO BE DONE. No one else is here to do it but ME.

 

Does it take a lot of time to do this? Yes. But, it's worth it in the end...because when our home is clean, my kids can run through our house barefoot, they can crawl and play on the carpet and floors...and when family, friends and guests come over, our home is CLEAN and PRESENTABLE. Before I go to bed at night, I make sure the dishes are done; the counters are wiped clean; all food is put away and that there's no clutter, toys or anything else in the living room or dining room. So, when I wake up the next morning, everything is in it's place and the kitchen is clean.

 

So, to answer the OP's question: NO.

 

I wouldn't (and honestly, couldn't) tolerate a person that I'm dating (or God forbid, in a relationship with) who was a messy and dirty person. If they're incapable of keeping their vehicle (which is a small space!) clean and clear of debris, I can only imagine what condition their house or apartment is in! And, if they choose NOT to keep their own vehicle or home clean, I don't want to even think about how unhygienic they are with their own body!

 

Um...no thanks. Tidiness, cleanliness and hygiene are absolute deal breakers for me.

 

 

 

.

[d0nnivain]

I am that person. My house is messy. It's not dirty but it is messy. Nobody ever refused to date me because of it

[CarrieT]

When I first started dating my now-Husband, I was not thrilled with the state of his house - but game him slack since he had part-time teenagers living with him.

 

I moved in and we got married and I started organizing and cleaning. I then realized that they all didn't mind living rather slovenly. It is one of the few things we sort of "disagree" on in that he wants his own "area of entropy" where he can pile stuff and not have it be moved. Drives me nuts - especially since I'm the one in the house all day and he is not.

 

In the grand scheme of things, it is not worth fighting over and I struggle with getting his kids to pick up their things, but we live in a 90% clean and organized home and I just deal with 10% clutter. It also means I suggest driving my car more than his, since his always has a bit of trash and flotsam in it.

[Keenly]

ok, but why can some people manage, even with a 2-year old (or more kids) and a job to keep their home tidy? not everyone with a kid and a job is messy...

 

Because they choose to put that higher on the priority list.

 

M? I'll clean when I feel like cleaning. Certainly not constant cleanliness as I'm not trying to impress anyone.

[RoseVille]

They say a messy desk is a sign of genius. The spotless desks in my office are of those people who also happen to be uptight, can't think outside the box, and don't get many professional accolades. Those of us with messy desks get the job done, find new ways to get the job done, get lots of pats on the back, spend more time doing our job than organizing the papers on our desks...

[mrldii]

They say a messy desk is a sign of genius. The spotless desks in my office are of those people who also happen to be uptight, can't think outside the box, and don't get many professional accolades. Those of us with messy desks get the job done, find new ways to get the job done, get lots of pats on the back, spend more time doing our job than organizing the papers on our desks...

 

 

For obvious reasons, I'll agree with this. I'll absolutely marry the person who drew this conclusion after conducting exhaustive research on the matter...even IF that researcher is a woman.

[RoseVille]

For obvious reasons, I'll agree with this. I'll absolutely marry the person who drew this conclusion after conducting exhaustive research on the matter...even IF that researcher is a woman.

 

Why Creative Geniuses Often Keep a Messy Desk

[Gloria25]

They say a messy desk is a sign of genius. The spotless desks in my office are of those people who also happen to be uptight, can't think outside the box, and don't get many professional accolades. Those of us with messy desks get the job done, find new ways to get the job done, get lots of pats on the back, spend more time doing our job than organizing the papers on our desks...

 

I think outside the box, I get stuff done, I'm efficient - my desk, office, vehicle, home is clean. My yard stays clean also.

 

I have a Master's degree, in the military and high school competed and won many of awards and while not 1st or 2nd, or 3rd place in honors - reached listing of top 10%, Commandant's List, etc. I can go on and on...

 

Uptight? I guess so...

 

But, I, like many others - have somehow managed having a life and keeping my AO (area of operation) clean. I don't spend every waking hour organizing my papers - I just include cleanliness as part of my daily thing - like brushing your teeth before bed.

 

The other day I was watching someone just throw something from their car on the road. What's so hard about keeping a garbage bag or two in your car and putting the trash in it, then dumping it when you go home?

 

There's people who are even more accomplished than I am and I still sit here scratching my head how they got/get it done. But, when I look at time I spend in the day, I see where if I would be more organized, I could get more done.

 

Where there's a will - there's a way...even when/if you're overwhelmed.

 

Let's say you have kids and that makes cleaning hard. Make friends so that you can help watch their kids and they watch yours so you can find time to clean. Just an example of "where there's a will, there's a way".

[Gloria25]

I've glimpsed a bit of hoarders, listened to and there's usually something "else" going on. I actually know a hoarder in real life and talking to that person, they just volunteered that they grew up with a parent that hoarded, and on top of hoarding, they never had "roots" anywhere, and, there was abandonment issues.

 

So still, I'd still have reservations about dating someone with a messy place, cuz I'd have to wonder if they are lazy and/or have some issues they need to deal with.

Edited August 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Penguin_hugs]

I'm untidy but not messy. Having lived in shared houses I hate it when people don't do their washing up. I'm so fast to clean the house, do my washing up etc shower meticulously every day, always on top of my washing so I have clean clothes....

 

But my bedroom is another matter....

 

I usually have at least 4 text books on the floor, notes everywhere, my desk is never clear... But I am highly organised!

 

I went back home for a few weeks in the summer and while I was on holiday my mum came in to my room and "tidied". I had no clue where any of my stuff was when I got back! And I hate being tidied after!

 

My BF jokes all the time that I am untidy- it's my bad habit- but I put up with a few of his- so we're even

[spiderowl]

I worked for a very senior scientist. His office was like a Womble's den, piled high with paper. You had to lean round it all to see him. This was before Health and Safety became stringent. He knew where everything was. Much of the paper was computer print-outs of data. He knew it inside-out. He is one of the most organised people I've ever worked for. He did everything in good time and rarely if ever got irritated with people. He has a world-wide reputation for his scientific work and is in great demand as a consultant and speaker.

 

Tidiness is one aspect of a person's nature. It tells you they like things tidy or are maybe a bit OCD about it. It does not tell you anything about that person's intelligence, creativity, or capacity to get important things done. I think tidiness is highly overrated.