Should I assume she doesn't like me and just move on?

[stemgeek]

Hey guys, right now I'm a college junior at Penn State. I enjoy college alot but don't really interact with females that much, so help me out here.

 

So there's this girl (I'm a guy btw), that I've known for a few months and I always felt something strange in the way we interact. First off, we met when both of us were the only ones in a study lounge at midnight studying for our classes, and it turned out, we were in the same engineering class. We chatted quite a bit throughout the night until 4am, when we left and went back home. The next day, she remembered me in the lab, and it seemed normal. She saw me as she was leaving, and we talked a little about our projects and I friend requested her on facebook, because well, that's what I always do with someone who I think I click well with after meeting them, guy or girl. Anyways, fast forward a week, and I finally came to lecture (I usually watch webcasts which is why I usually don't show up) and when I saw her and smiled her, and instead of saying hi, she looked down and smiled and walked away. We bumped into each other a few times after in lecture and in lab and she acted as if she doesn't know me. So I thought that she probably doesn't like me as a person after those two interactions for whatever reason and I forgot about her. Three weeks later, I received a facebook notification that she accepted my friend request and a few days after, she started talking to me and we chatted with me about our project in the lab. We also studied a bit together, with some other friends as finals approached that semester. During that week of studying, I also ran into her in office hours once and as a TA was explaining something to a group of students (including us), I noticed that she turned her head towards me and looked at me w/o smiling, then turned away, twice. My zipper wasn't down nor was their was there a stain on my shirt or anything else I know of that might've attracted her attention. That concludes that semester (Fall 2014)

 

Now onto the next semester. we joined the same club so we talk a bit whenever I go (like once every 2 months). We also occassionally bump into to each other in the club and sometimes out on the street. Sometimes, I see her smile and look down when we pass each other on the street. Other times, she says hi to me and we talk a little bit, usually at club meetings. We bumped into each other about 6 times in total that semester. The last time she saw me that semester we chatted the most. We ran into each other on the street walking in the same direction, and she said hi to me and asked me how my birthday was from 2 days ago, what did I do etc. Then after we're done talking about my birthday, I tried to talk to her about other stuff, like upcoming finals and summer plans. All of a sudden, she started becoming really awkward and gave me really short responses. Then we pretty much walked together silently until she abruptly said bye to me at an intersection, and walked off in another direction. That concludes the second semester (Spring 2015)

 

Our facebook interactions have been mainly onesided, with me doing the asking. I asked in the middle of summer how's everything going, and she replied 3 days later. Her responses were very short and simple answers and never really kept the conversation going while it was me doing most of talking. Yesterday, I asked her how's the semester starting out and what classes she would be taking, and it was marked by facebook as "seen" but wasnt replied to.

 

Without the facebook interactions, I believe that the signals she sent me could either mean

A. she isn't interested in me but suspects that I like her (most likely because I friend requested WAY too soon and/or some other signals I might've given her not long after we first met) and feels awkward

or

B. she likes me and is shy.

 

I was kinda planning on asking her out beginning of this semester. That itself is a challenge since we dont share any classes right now, but we probably will see each other at a few club meetings later on. With the way she acted on facebook though, I'm strongly convinced now that option A best describes the situation, not option B as I really hoped, to the point that I believe I should just move on and not bother to ask her out at all even if we do see each other. Is my judgement correct?

[d0nnivain]

As a fellow lion I can tell you there are a million things to do at Penn State to interact with others. FB & all that social media makes everything worse.

 

 

I think the problem is you moved too slow. What I remember about Penn State is the ask came within about 5-10 MINUTES. You are up to the 3rd freaking semester -- a year and half. She was probably shy & is now weird around you because she has convinced herself you never liked her & she feels humiliated.

 

 

When you see her at one of the clubs, immediately ask her if she wants to get food or a drink with you when the meeting ends. Grab a stickie. Head to the HUB. Go to CC Peppers. Take her to the creamery. (best ice cream ever!) Have a killer cookie. Even though you are not in the same classes this year since you are in similar programs set a time to study together. Patee has lots of hideaway carrols & the smaller branches offer even more privacy. If genuine studying isn't the goal, there is always Roys. While it's still warm hang out on the HUB lawn or in front of Old Main. Take a walk & snap a selfie on the Lion. Invite her to your tailgate. Sit with her at the game if you can.

 

 

Do they still show movies in the Forum on the weekends? Take her to one. Best cheap date.

 

 

Make a move already. . . entropy is destroying you here.

[warrenorabbits]

Is my judgement correct?

I have no idea. It's almost futile to try to interpret someone's body language in a case like this, since I've had girls avoid me but secretly really like me and, on the other hand, be really flirtatious only to suddenly take a giant step back once I asked them out.

 

So there's only one way to find out if you're right, and I think you know what that is.

 

If she says no or flakes out on you, then drop it. Don't try to do any further interpretations; just assume she's not interested unless she makes another move ... and don't wait around for that to happen. I'd unfriend her as well in this case, so you don't go on an emotional roller coaster if she finds someone else later.

 

If she says yes, well, then ... great!

 

Best of luck.

[loveflower]

Our facebook interactions have been mainly onesided, with me doing the asking. I asked in the middle of summer how's everything going, and she replied 3 days later. Her responses were very short and simple answers and never really kept the conversation going while it was me doing most of talking. Yesterday, I asked her how's the semester starting out and what classes she would be taking, and it was marked by facebook as "seen" but wasnt replied to.

 

I think you have your answer already here.

[stemgeek]

As a fellow lion I can tell you there are a million things to do at Penn State to interact with others. FB & all that social media makes everything worse.

 

 

I think the problem is you moved too slow. What I remember about Penn State is the ask came within about 5-10 MINUTES. You are up to the 3rd freaking semester -- a year and half. She was probably shy & is now weird around you because she has convinced herself you never liked her & she feels humiliated.

 

 

When you see her at one of the clubs, immediately ask her if she wants to get food or a drink with you when the meeting ends. Grab a stickie. Head to the HUB. Go to CC Peppers. Take her to the creamery. (best ice cream ever!) Have a killer cookie. Even though you are not in the same classes this year since you are in similar programs set a time to study together. Patee has lots of hideaway carrols & the smaller branches offer even more privacy. If genuine studying isn't the goal, there is always Roys. While it's still warm hang out on the HUB lawn or in front of Old Main. Take a walk & snap a selfie on the Lion. Invite her to your tailgate. Sit with her at the game if you can.

 

 

Do they still show movies in the Forum on the weekends? Take her to one. Best cheap date.

 

 

Make a move already. . . entropy is destroying you here.

 

There's a little problem with that, unfortunately... we haven't seen each other AT ALL this semester so far. We never share any class and haven't crossed paths at all. We ran into each other a few times last semester, not often, but I definitely should've asked her out the last time we saw each other and talked, out on the street back in May. How should I go about this?

[d0nnivain]

I don't know what the service is now, OL I suppose, but the university always had a system where one student could find another student. You used to call a 5 digit # from anywhere on campus using a "house phone". If they had that capability back in the dark ages when I went there, they have to have something now, like an electronic students only version of FB or something.

 

 

Reach out to her. Also ask around to others in your major if they have seen her. It should get back to her that you are asking about her.

[stemgeek]

I don't know what the service is now, OL I suppose, but the university always had a system where one student could find another student. You used to call a 5 digit # from anywhere on campus using a "house phone". If they had that capability back in the dark ages when I went there, they have to have something now, like an electronic students only version of FB or something.

 

 

Reach out to her. Also ask around to others in your major if they have seen her. It should get back to her that you are asking about her.

 

The thing is, isn't asking a girl out over phone or text considered a big NO-NO? If I just randomly call her one day out of the blue and we haven't spoken in months, I feel that is incredibly weird...

[d0nnivain]

You don't ask her out then. You talk to her. Find out how her semester is going.

 

 

Do this a few times. Casually mention your weekend plans or study plans. See if she shows up. In response to hearing that you study in the map room (a huge social gathering) on Wednesdays at 3, a savvy girl who likes you will happen to show up. If you are going to Triangle for their party on Saturday, she'll be there.

 

 

If that doesn't work, ask her to meet you at the HUB or stop by your tailgate. or simply to hang out. this is one of the few times asking to hang out vs asking for the date is OK.

 

 

When you see her in person, then you ask her out.

[stemgeek]

Hey guys, right now I'm a college junior at Penn State. I enjoy college alot but don't really interact with females that much, so help me out here.

 

So there's this girl (I'm a guy btw), that I've known for a few months and I always felt something strange in the way we interact. First off, we met when both of us were the only ones in a study lounge at midnight studying for our classes, and it turned out, we were in the same engineering class. We chatted quite a bit throughout the night until 4am, when we left and went back home. The next day, she remembered me in the lab, and it seemed normal. She saw me as she was leaving, and we talked a little about our projects and I friend requested her on facebook, because well, that's what I always do with someone who I think I click well with after meeting them, guy or girl. Anyways, fast forward a week, and I finally came to lecture (I usually watch webcasts which is why I usually don't show up) and when I saw her and smiled her, and instead of saying hi, she looked down and smiled and walked away. We bumped into each other a few times after in lecture and in lab and she acted as if she doesn't know me. So I thought that she probably doesn't like me as a person after those two interactions for whatever reason and I forgot about her. Three weeks later, I received a facebook notification that she accepted my friend request and a few days after, she started talking to me and we chatted with me about our project in the lab. We also studied a bit together, with some other friends as finals approached that semester. During that week of studying, I also ran into her in office hours once and as a TA was explaining something to a group of students (including us), I noticed that she turned her head towards me and looked at me w/o smiling, then turned away, twice. My zipper wasn't down nor was their was there a stain on my shirt or anything else I know of that might've attracted her attention. That concludes that semester (Fall 2014)

 

Now onto the next semester. we joined the same club so we talk a bit whenever I go (like once every 2 months). We also occassionally bump into to each other in the club and sometimes out on the street. Sometimes, I see her smile and look down when we pass each other on the street. Other times, she says hi to me and we talk a little bit, usually at club meetings. We bumped into each other about 6 times in total that semester. The last time she saw me that semester we chatted the most. We ran into each other on the street walking in the same direction, and she said hi to me and asked me how my birthday was from 2 days ago, what did I do etc. Then after we're done talking about my birthday, I tried to talk to her about other stuff, like upcoming finals and summer plans. All of a sudden, she started becoming really awkward and gave me really short responses. Then we pretty much walked together silently until she abruptly said bye to me at an intersection, and walked off in another direction. That concludes the second semester (Spring 2015)

 

Our facebook interactions have been mainly onesided, with me doing the asking. I asked in the middle of summer how's everything going, and she replied 3 days later. Her responses were very short and simple answers and never really kept the conversation going while it was me doing most of talking. Yesterday, I asked her how's the semester starting out and what classes she would be taking, and it was marked by facebook as "seen" but wasnt replied to.

 

Without the facebook interactions, I believe that the signals she sent me could either mean

A. she isn't interested in me but suspects that I like her (most likely because I friend requested WAY too soon and/or some other signals I might've given her not long after we first met) and feels awkward

or

B. she likes me and is shy.

 

I was kinda planning on asking her out beginning of this semester. That itself is a challenge since we dont share any classes right now, but we probably will see each other at a few club meetings later on. With the way she acted on facebook though, I'm strongly convinced now that option A best describes the situation, not option B as I really hoped, to the point that I believe I should just move on and not bother to ask her out at all even if we do see each other. Is my judgement correct?

 

Ok, here's an update.

 

I saw her at an event about a month ago, we said hi to each other but I chickened out of asking her out.

 

Yesterday, I ran into her on the street, and I finally got the balls to ask her for coffee.

 

Her response was that she always studies at the cafe I was mentioning (not surprising, since it's very close to where she lives) and I'm welcome to drop by and chat.

 

I rarely go into the cafe, and the 2 times I went in to grab a quick drink, I didn't see her there, but of course, 2 times is hardly indicative of anything.

 

Now, I know I moved WAAAY too slowly here, but the past 3 times I ran into her this semester, including that event, I simply did was too scared to approach her and ask her out.

 

NOW though, how should I treat her response? Should this be considered as a "maybe" or a no? If she rejected me, I don't think she would tell me where she hangs out and where I might find her. Shouldn't it be easier for her to say she's too busy prepping for finals or whatever? But then again, she could be saying a half truth or a lie to reject me as gently as possible. That could be one of her study spots, one which she will now avoid knowing that I might go there looking for her.

 

What are your guys take on this situation?

Edited December 5, 2015 by stemgeek

[d0nnivain]

Finals are coming up. Accept her invitation & go study with the girl. She's in part trying to judge the sincerity of your interest.

[MGX]

If she read, but didn't respond to your Facebook message, then I'd say she isn't interested in you at all.

 

If she'd liked you, she'd make time for you or let you know how best to contact her. It could be possible that she told you a random place that she never visits in order to get rid of you. It's like giving you the wrong number. That Facebook message is a big red flag.

[Erik30]

I think she's not interested, but likes talking to you whenever you're around.

To me, her response to you asking her out seems like a soft rejection.

She didn't really treat it like a date. You didn't make plans. "Welcome to drop by" kind off sounds like "well I'm always there anyway so I guess it's fine to join me if you see me sitting there."

[preraph]

I don't think she's wild about you at this point. Any interest she had may have waned from lack of forward momentum. She may have realized you're not any better at taking the reins than she is. In other words, if there was ever attraction there from her end, which is as yet undetermined, she may have been hoping you were the type guy she might like who was confident and swept her off her feet, but when you weren't and things just stalled out and drug on, she realized you're not the right guy. Truth is, sounds like you're both too much alike. Someone has to be able to step up sooner than this.

 

In general, if it's hard to tell if someone likes you for an extended period of time, then they probably don't or are neutral. And if you let the initial attraction wane because of inaction and not being certain enough to just ask her out and go on a real date, that's nearly impossible to recover from. It's better to not waste time and get it done all at once while the energy is there. It's always a risk. Most dates do not end in lifelong marriage and often not in sex anytime soon, so it's always a risk. Why waste months or years when you could ask out, go on a date and find out in one or two nights if there's anything in common or any attraction, and be done with it to move on.