Physical abuse after drinking..

[Sparkstef]

Hi,

 

 

I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. I am 22 and he is 30. I have always noticed in him that he has a bit of a temper but before anything happened, I sat down and spoke to him and asked if he would ever hit me in one of his angry moments where he said that he would never ever do that and he can control himself.

 

 

After 5 months being together, we had both been out drinking and invited some friends back to our place to continue the party however we started having a little argument between ourselves and so our friends decided it was time to leave.

 

 

After they left, we went into a blazing row where he then started smashing glass bottles, glasses, tables anything he could find infront of him and that's when he hit me the first time, it was a hard slap on my face but it didn't stop there, he then grabbed me by my arm and was pulling me around the house where he wanted and continued to slap me on both sides of my face.

 

 

The next day he was very upset about what happened and apologised to me many times but he said that, I am the one who encourages him as he says when I have a drink, I can say some very nasty things which he hates and that's when he loses it and he says that he is hitting me to wake me up from the drunken state and to realise what I am saying to him.

 

 

A few weeks passed and we had had a few small arguments but nothing to that extreme again until another night when we were both out drinking again and started an argument on the way home.

 

 

He started hitting me on my arm in the car while I was driving and then when we got home, he slapped me once around my face and then banged my head against the wall about 5 times. I was soo scared at that moment that I rang the police but they were no help at all, they just told me that ive had a bit to drink and to go to sleep and tomorrow everything will be ok...

 

 

Is it true that once a man hits a woman, he will do it again and again ? Im scared that it might get worse I do love him, he is the nicest guy in the world but this is the only bad thing he has about him.

 

 

What should I do ? Maybe its best when I know he is in one of his moods to go out somewhere until he cools down ?

[elaine567]

Get him out of your house ASAP. Restraining order whatever it takes. Document the abuse as this will not be the last time he hits you. Take pics of the bruises and the breakages and take any help you have available from friends and family.

He is an alcoholic, and now you tell us he is a dangerous abuser.

Any man who can batter your head up against a wall, can kill you. He is NOT a nice guy.

Take this very seriously.

[salparadise]

Is it true that once a man hits a woman, he will do it again and again ? Im scared that it might get worse I do love him, he is the nicest guy in the world but this is the only bad thing he has about him.

 

Yes, it is true and it almost certainly will get worse.

 

You are attached, and it may feel like love to you, but in the first 6 months to having been physically assaulted several times... that's not love, it's type of codependence and victimization.

 

 

What should I do ? Maybe its best when I know he is in one of his moods to go out somewhere until he cools down ?

 

What you should do is get the hell out of this mess––immediately and permanently. How can you not see that he is dangerous and that you are at risk for ongoing abuse, serious injury or even death? He justifies his abuse and blames it on you. This is wrong.

 

You have to open your eyes and see this for what it actually is, not what you wish it would be in your dreams. Call a crisis/abuse hotline. Make an appointment with a counselor/therapist. Call a woman's shelter and ask to speak with a counselor.

 

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1−800−799−7233. Call now.

[mrldii]

You already know once it starts, it gets easier...it took him 5 months to do it the first time and less than a month to do it the next.

 

You know he has a bad temper, but - according to him - he can "control it". Alcohol breaks down inhibitions and makes one able to do things they aren't capable of doing when sober. Each time he lays hands on you in anger while drunk, it creates a muscle memory...and makes it easier - and more *natural* to do it while sober.

 

Oh, and the "you make me do it" excuse? F*ck that. Dump him. Fast. Being together for only 6 months isn't long enough for you to stick with him while he gets help for his alcohol problems. To be honest, 6 decades isn't either.

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

[Methodical]

I do love him, he is the nicest guy in the world but this is the only bad thing he has about him.

 

What should I do ? Maybe its best when I know he is in one of his moods to go out somewhere until he cools down ?

 

Call the cops! Get a restraining order. Get as far away from this abusive jerk as soon as you possibly can. As in right now. This situation will only get worse. He can't even man up and say he was wrong without placing blame on you. "You made him do it by saying something he didn't like." Really?? Hell no! LEAVE. Don't walk, RUN.

[d0nnivain]

By my count he has hit you on two occasions already & you have only been together 6 months. Don't give him the chance to do it again.

 

 

Him working at a bar & staying out late is the least of your problems.

 

 

The minute a man hits you the relationship is over. This is never debatable.

[mrldii]

...The minute a man hits you the relationship is over. This is never debatable.

 

This ^^^.

 

I would only alter to it to say, "The minute anyone hits the other, the relationship is over."

[Satu]

This won't go away.

 

You can't fix it by talking with him or by trying not to anger him.

 

Do yourself a favour and leave this relationship before you are badly injured or worse.

 

Please listen to what people here are saying to you.

[anika99]

Oh my God! You have only been with him 6 months and he's already physically abusing you?! Yes this is definitely going to get worse if you don't get away from him right now. If you stay with this creepy small horrible male (can't call him a man) he is going drag you into a deep pit of hell that you might never be able to get out of it.

 

This jerk is dangerous and he isn't truly remorseful for hitting you, because if he was he would have never tried to blame it on you. I don't understand the police telling you to go to bed when you called. I don't know where you live but where I am they are not allowed to treat a domestic violence call like that. Once, many years ago I had a BF shove me during an argument. He didn't even push me that hard but there was something right behind me and I fell. My poor son got scared and ran to call 911. My BF and I immediately got a grip and I went to talk to the 911 operator who was asking to speak with me. I calmly explained that everything was okay, that my BF had given me a push but it wasn't hard and that we had calmed down and were no longer fighting. It didn't matter what I said, I couldn't stop the police from coming. The operator said she had to dispatch them. It was so humiliating to have the cops at my door for a domestic dispute and my BF and I learned a valuable lesson about not childishly fighting in front of son. He never ever touched me in anger again. The police are the least of your problems right now but right after you ditch your loser BF you may want to consider making a formal complaint about the way they handled your call.

[Methodical]

If a man ever hits me, he'd better be prepared to get it right back and I won't fight fair. I'll do whatever it takes to beat his a$$ and make him think twice before ever striking another woman. Two wrongs don't make a right but evening the score and giving him a healthy dose of his own medicine might do him some good. For a dainty, shrinking violet, that's a tall order to accomplish, but I'm far from a wallflower.

 

There are plenty of women who are 100% feminine AND skilled in self defense. Years ago my sister had an abusive a$$hat husband. He laid his sorry hands on her the wrong way exactly once (by hitting her) while traveling to our vacation destination. During a restroom break, I saw the evidence (we were traveling in separate vehicles) and questioned her. Let's just say he was served a dose of humble pie. Afterward, he sported a few colorful spots including an eye as black as hers, was left gasping for air and profusely apologizing. They are divorced now.

 

Leave him!

[bathtub-row]

Smart women leave men like this.

 

Look, any time you even feel the need to ask someone if they're going to ever hit you because you can tell they have anger problems, is the first clue that there's a serious problem.

 

ALL ABUSERS APOLOGIZE AND ACT COMPLETELY REMORSEFUL EVERYTIME THEY ABUSE.

 

ALL. OF. THEM.

 

Wake up and don't let yourself become a statistic. This 30-yr-old is with you because he knows you're naive and will put up with his crap.

 

I repeat: smart women leave men like this. They do not listen to excuses, they do not listen to accusations, and they do not allow any man to ever lay a hand on them in anger.

 

Alcohol is just an excuse he uses. No matter how smart this man seems to be or how nice he is when he's not being abusive, he's a monster that will rip your life apart and make you wish you were dead every day of your sad life if you stay with him. He will never change, no matter how improved he seems. He is a stick of dynamite that you're holding to your face.

 

But please be clear about this one thing: he can't ruin your life if you leave him. If you wait and stay, you will pay a VERY high price. On this, you can count on.

[summerdowling87]

I rang the police but they were no help at all, they just told me that ive had a bit to drink and to go to sleep and tomorrow everything will be ok

 

I'm sorry but this in unacceptable you should file a complaint.

 

Secondly you need to get away from him.

[SammySammy]

Having a "temper" is not an excuse.

 

Being drunk is not an excuse.

 

Neither of those things make getting hit acceptable.

[dragon_fly_7]

Is it true that once a man hits a woman, he will do it again and again ? Im scared that it might get worse I do love him, he is the nicest guy in the world but this is the only bad thing he has about him.

 

 

What should I do ? Maybe its best when I know he is in one of his moods to go out somewhere until he cools down ?

Yes, once a man hits you he ceases being the nicest guy in the world. Rather he becomes the most disgusting man and lowest scumbag in the world.

 

Personally, I wouldn't get over a bf even threatening to hit me, much less hit me. I've broken up for much less than what you're dealing with.

 

How can you love someone that you're now afraid of and know he's capable of hurting you? Even worse he had the nerves to say that you cause it??? Screw that.

[candie13]

He will hit you again. He will hurt you much much more. He will destroy your own sense of worth so that you feel powerless and even more easy to manipulate. And he may even kill you in one of those angry drunk stages.

 

Change the locks on the door, pack his bags and never ever talk or see him again. That's the only thing you should do.

 

Make no mistake, this is DEAD serious. move to a friend's or family house until his moving out is sorted. Go into therapy immediately !

[candie13]

I've heard a Ted talk of Leslie Morgan Steiner on domestic violence and why abuse victims won't leave. Please listen to it, it is most inspiring:

 

https://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave?language=en

 

every little helps ! talk to people - talk to everyone near you about his abusing you, if you cannot get the courage to leave. Talk to people near you and hear their reactions.... Your mother, your sister, your dad, your colleagues, his friends, get in touch with reality.

 

You'll see much more clearly after that !

[turnera]

Is it true that once a man hits a woman, he will do it again and again? I'm scared that it might get worse

Yes. It will ALWAYS get worse.