Don't you hate it when...

[jen1447]

I personally haven't met many Christians who've seemed to feel that the practical implementation of their faith was an impediment to interacting with me. fwiw.

[kylle]

Or, we could view this from a different perspective: He knew it was important to her, he doesn't believe it anyway so who is it going to hurt, and HE refused to do something that was important to her.....

 

That's not how it works, in order to get married on the girl's church, the guy had to take several religious classes and convert to her religion afterwards. Being and atheist, of course he didn't want it.

 

If it was just entering the church and getting married, I would agree with you.

[MissBee]

From the opposite end, the guy I'm seeing now is too religious for me. I am compatible with him in every way but that. Initially I thought he was just nominally and culturally Christian, which is fine. I am spiritual myself and not religious, but was raised more Christian than not so can appreciate it, but I slowly began to realize he is far more than just nominally Christian.

 

He sends me Christian worship songs...and often makes certain kinds of assumptions or choices based on his beliefs, which I don't share. The only saving grace or hope is that it seems it might be possible that on his own he'll be less staunchly Christian as he seems to be struggling with that, if he loosens it up things could work, but if he remains so it probably will never work as so many things he believes from a theological perspective that then affects his choices are things I disagree with. Everyone is different but I feel most happy in relationships when we share similar worldviews and philosophies.

 

I think the cases when it works is where one or both people are not particularly strict about their beliefs/practice. But if you live your life by the book literally, be it Christian or secular, I find it hard to see how it can work, comfortable anyway, as it literally affects so much of what you do or don't do: from whether you believe in sex before marriage, gay marriage, the kinds of stuff you teach your kids, will your kids be baptized,foods you eat or don't eat, do you believe in particular medical procedures or not and the list goes on. For strictly religious people much of their faith affects very practical things that would be areas of friction for any couple if they can't see eye to eye on it. If however, it's a thing you kinda are into but not strictly then it's likely that you'd be more willing to make concessions and compromises so being with someone who believes differently is less of a problem.

Edited September 12, 2015 by MissBee

[anika99]

I think what makes it challenging is that the very difference is what makes the person. If "Intolerance" is that much of a problem, then yes, no matter the spiritual belief system or not, the relationship will not work.

 

Sadly I carry a dislike for a particular faith that maintains arrogance for its chosen attitude. I admire the persons faith, yet have no reason to be in a relationship that is excluding ...that just doesn't seem very loving.

 

 

I'm not sure calling this intolerance is actually fair. This isn't someone saying that he refuses to be friends with an atheist or associate with atheists in any sense, just that when it comes to finding a life partner they would like someone who shares their faith.

 

 

Everyone has things they would like to find in a partner and everyone has things they would consider a deal breaker. Who we choose to marry is huge life impacting decision and it's normal to want someone who is compatible.

 

There seems to be different degrees of Christianity. The Christian who sees his Christianity as a daily walk through life with a living God will naturally want to include God in his marriage. He will want someone to pray with, go to church with. A spouse who he can spiritually encourage and who will encourage him in his faith when wavers. That's kind of hard to do when one spouse says there is no God.

 

 

A Christian who wants to marry another Christian isn't being judgemental and intolerant, they just want someone who is a good fit for them, which is what everybody wants. Some young people in their twenties have no problem falling in love and marrying people twice their age, however many young people prefer people in their own age group. Are they intolerant? I don't think so. Some people look for people in a certain class or with a certain level of education or with a similar interests. To me it's perfectly fine to have likes and deal breakers when it comes to selecting a spouse and everyone has them, not just Christians seeking other Christians.

[anika99]

The word 'hate' is offensive to me.

 

Beyond that, I am not sure if you are calling yourself a Christian or not......it is a Christian's 'duty' and spiritual obligation to be and to set an example.

 

Are you saying that a woman who is not a "Christian" is not worthy of a date or the completion of conversation?

 

LOL..yes Christians should be and set an example to others. What does that have to do with dating and marrying? Are you saying Christians have no right to seek someone who they feel is a good fit for them?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Miss Bee,

 

You kind of nailed it on the head as far as the nuances and intracies of coming across the overly religious vs. someone who isn't so friggin' rigid.

 

I live in an area where some families raise their children highly Evangelical. There's a woman in our Meetup that lives near me, but we both travel far to the big city to the regular Meetups, she hadn't been to Meetup in a long while because a guy she started to date from a Christian Singles Meetup in the city an hour away wasn't "as Christian" as he claimed to be, at least in action.

 

Not sure to what extent he was, either she could be the strictly religious one, and he probabably has no qualms seeing a rate R movie like she does. Who knows.

 

Another woman I know, in her 40s, a regular church attendee, pianist during services and active in her kids youth group dated a guy that hasn't set foot in a church since he was a kid...and guess what...she's fine with that.

 

Apparently, her first marriage was to a pastor that cheated on her and wasan alcoholic. She did the whole "remain pure before marriage" thing and now has no qualms with sleeping/living together with a guy before marrying him only because there's really no meaning to remaining chaste...her previous "Christian" marriage to a corrupt pastor was a sham, so now she's being more level headed about it.

 

Funny the more rural of an area away from the city you get, the more highly religious people around here become.

 

There was one woman on OK Cupid that was age 50, never married, no kids...said, "If you claim to be spiritual or don't use the word of God in your verbiage, we wouldn't be a good match."

 

Funny, Miss Bee, that you mention how these types tend to make life decisions based on what "God told them while they prayed" I knew of one person that dropped out of the local community college because "God told her too." That's enough to creep me out. God didn't tell her to, she just didn't care for college.

 

 

From the opposite end, the guy I'm seeing now is too religious for me. I am compatible with him in every way but that. Initially I thought he was just nominally and culturally Christian, which is fine. I am spiritual myself and not religious, but was raised more Christian than not so can appreciate it, but I slowly began to realize he is far more than just nominally Christian.

 

He sends me Christian worship songs...and often makes certain kinds of assumptions or choices based on his beliefs, which I don't share. The only saving grace or hope is that it seems it might be possible that on his own he'll be less staunchly Christian as he seems to be struggling with that, if he loosens it up things could work, but if he remains so it probably will never work as so many things he believes from a theological perspective that then affects his choices are things I disagree with. Everyone is different but I feel most happy in relationships when we share similar worldviews and philosophies.

 

I think the cases when it works is where one or both people are not particularly strict about their beliefs/practice. But if you live your life by the book literally, be it Christian or secular, I find it hard to see how it can work, comfortable anyway, as it literally affects so much of what you do or don't do: from whether you believe in sex before marriage, gay marriage, the kinds of stuff you teach your kids, will your kids be baptized,foods you eat or don't eat, do you believe in particular medical procedures or not and the list goes on. For strictly religious people much of their faith affects very practical things that would be areas of friction for any couple if they can't see eye to eye on it. If however, it's a thing you kinda are into but not strictly then it's likely that you'd be more willing to make concessions and compromises so being with someone who believes differently is less of a problem.