Crossed The Line w/ Friend Even Though I Have a Boyfriend

[Dead Language]

I'm sorry if this is long. I just couldn't keep to myself anymore. Everything I mention is what I think about every night since the incident and sometimes I don't even sleep. I'm not looking for advice, but for a different perspective, I just need some opinions about what I did. I welcome your judgement and your truthfulness. Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep after getting this event off of my chest to strangers.

 

Alright so, I'm 20 and I've been dating this guy since I was 15. He's made me change my views on dating and I can act like myself when I'm with him. We've talked about moving in together, getting married, and having kids. We're pretty committed to each other, even though both of our parents worry about our culture differences. The down side is we have a long term relationship going on, even though he lives about 30-40 mins away, neither of us have a car and barely see each other in person. We mostly talk on the phone & text each other constantly--even when we're pooping.

 

Now this friend of mine (and the problem), I've known this kid since kindergarten. We went to the same school all the way through 8th grade; we barely talked to each other, but knew of each other's existence, and parted ways in high school. He was just one of those faces, you know? Then we started hanging out about 7-8 months ago (due to another friend) and I even helped him get a job where I work. We got to know each other and we became really good friends that we'd want to keep in our life for as long as possible.

 

I'm not sure when it started, but I started wondering if he was a good kisser or even good in bed--FYI I'm a sexually curious girl and ask all my friends about their sex lives--also every time he'd take off his sweater (the way guys do) I would always see some skin (and he has the kind of bod that I like) and I would turn away or look in a different direction like I never noticed. He never showed interest in me; I never showed interest in him, and when I did, I would distract myself because all I wanted was to be just one of the guys and that's how all the dudes saw me.

 

Then one late night, with the artists that we are, we started drawing/doodling all over each other just for fun. I happened to be drawing on his knee and then he started fidgeting because he said it tickled and proceeded to say "every time you touch a tickle spot, I'm gonna tickle you back." He kept his promise--sometimes I thought he pulled me in closer towards him but ignored it. Afterwards, me being the natural flirt I am, said something along the lines of being extremely ticklish; and thus...began the tickle war. After awhile it got to the point where he'd end up on top and when he'd tickle me I'd pull him in closer with my legs and try to tickle him back. Nothing happened that night.

 

Over the next few days whenever we hung out--even with our other friends around, we were always chillin on the same bed, the same couch, found lying next to each other and once they'd all go home. The tickle wars started but every night it turned into something more. Tickle fight evolved to tickle fights and licking (to gross each other out, but neither of us were bothered by it) then the hand holding, then the cuddling; then one night it led to copping feels and in between cuddles and thigh/hip groping, he just kept saying "____ what are you doing to me" "you're driving me crazy" "oops copping feels" and I never replied because I had no idea what was going on either. That night after awhile we just cuddled and every now and then when I was talking to him he'd move my hair out of my eyes and stroke my cheek or my jaw line--and then BAM! He kissed me!

 

It was quiet for awhile and my eyes were closed the entire time during the silence until he said "I'm sorry about that awkward kiss" and me with my eyes closed just couldn't reply because if I said anything or even opened my eyes, I knew my animal instincts would kick in. The awkward night ended.

 

Two days later, it was just the two of us hanging out again. After a few hours passed.. the tickle fights started again, but then we started kissing, which led to groping and then to dry humping and in between gasps and kisses we kept saying things along the lines of how it'd be great sex if we--excuse my French--f*cked each other. Then a friend of ours calls him, and while he's on the phone he's still kissing me and grinding, and then hands the phone over to me and I had to stop kissing because my friend kept asking me about bathing suits and I had to give more clear answers other than yes or no, but the entire time this kid is kissing my neck, groping me, nibbling my ear and neither of us could barely concentrate on the phone call.

 

--Oh geezz I'm sorry guys if this is way too long, but I'm already feeling a little bit better--

 

Anyways later that day, we ended up going to the lake with a group of friends and we hung out a bit after we were kicked out. And after they left, things started getting heated up between us again, and before we crossed the line, we had this really long conversation that lasted an hour about us and if we should have sex.

 

Things like, how we're really involved in each others lives and we go to work together, how we'd react if people asked us if we're dating (like always), also the fact that we don't want to ruin our friendship and be homies for life (lyfe), as well as not getting jealous of one another because "the feels" for each other are off limits, and the fact that I have boyfriend and that what we're about to do won't f*ck this sh*t up--excuse my French again. We basically settled that this would never ever happen again, this was just our animal instincts and we just dig each other, and we'd never talk about it.

 

--Dang, this is a novel. Again, I'm so sorry guys.--

 

We did the deed and it was awesome (He's in my Top 3 being #2). Honestly, he's the only guy I French kissed because I kissed this one guy and he basically shoved his tongue down my throat and I was scared for life. But this kid, he was smooth about it, and I've never been kissed like that. I mean before, the closest I ever got to it was just grazing my tongue across my boyfriend's lips because it felt nice.

 

We didn't see each other for a few days until we had to work, and we talked and hung out with each other like nothing ever happened. But then we started kissing and just kissing. I'm not going to lie I'm addicted to his kisses--he kisses better than my boyfriend.

 

And here's where I realized I was in trouble. FYI: we didn't hang out for a week just to stay away from each other. Them the other day, he was helping me paint my place and he started talking about this girl. This girl he used have a this big crush on in high school and how they hung out recently and the entire time he's talking about her, I'm waiting for him to realize that he likes her, like like likes her; and all I'm thinking is "damn, why did I have to have a boyfriend?"

 

But I kept my promise of not being that crazy girl that obsesses over guys. Instead, I told him to be careful about how he approaches the reality of dating her since she just recently broke it off with someone else. And when he showed me her picture I was like "Whoa she's really hot" and I did mean it--like I can see why he likes her even if it's just based off of her looks, and then he goes on about her vibe and he likes her vibe too... I got a little bit upset hearing him just talk nonstop about her.

 

Also I've been letting him leave work early, and let him ditch previous plans that we've made because something came up and I'd always smile and be like "Nah man it's cool, do what you gotta do" and I only did it because I was punishing myself. I'd let him go off and live his life, while I returned to my life of going to work and then going straight home. And even then I'd take work home because I wasn't able to finish it. So I punished myself by working more and I'd purposely not tell him I'm at the studio in fear of hearing more news about the chick he likes.

 

Thanks for reading guys. You made it to the end and that just makes a good person to me, for being able to put up with senseless babble. If I could, I'd give you a brownie.

[MrBojangles]

Sooo.... What exactly are you looking for here?

 

Is there a specific question that you have? It's interesting you say you have a boyfriend, but never really mention him in your story. Which leads me to wonder if you now want to be with the new dude in a relationship, since there seems to be Zero guilt for cheating on your BF.

 

Is this confession really about the new dude meeting a new hot chick, and you being jealous about that?

[road]

You found out someone you like better the current BF. Dating is not the same as being married. Dating is the job interview for marriage.

 

 

Based on that dump current BF.

 

 

Based that you cheated on your BF dump him because he deserves to have a GF that did not cheat on him.

 

 

Do not cheat any more for it becomes a behavior pattern that is hard to break. And, keep marriages intact.

[lana-banana]

Break up with your current boyfriend. Youth is too fleeting to spend in a mostly texting relationship, and as others have pointed out, your boyfriend appears to be an afterthought or nonentity. You shouldn't feel that way about the person you're dating.

 

I am a little surprised you think you haven't already "f*cked sh*t up" by sleeping with another guy while in a relationship. So because you haven't told your boyfriend about it, it's okay? You sound incredibly inconsiderate and self-centered.

 

Frankly, this new guy doesn't sound like much of a catch. Regardless of what he says it seems he was most interested in having sex with you (rather than dating) and now he's found someone else he's more interested in.

 

I'm not going to judge you too harshly because you're so young. Making mistakes is what youth is all about. But if you can't recognize how selfish you've been, this could happen again in thr future with someone you love dearly, and it won't be pretty.

[writergal]

OP, so you've cheated on your boyfriend and had a one night stand with your guy friend who doesn't want to date you. What exactly is your question or concern here? You don't seem remorseful about cheating on your boyfriend either.

[d0nnivain]

You started dating your BF when you were 15. You have been together for 5 years or 1/4 of your life. That is a long time.

 

 

You say he "changed your views on dating." BS. As a teenager you didn't have views on dating or anything else. You didn't have enough life experience to form an opinion.

 

 

You are talking about living together or getting married yet, you cheated on him. You do understand that you can't do either now? Forget the cheating. You simply don't have the financial wherewithal to even consider cohabitation or marriage.

 

 

My take is that your teen romance / young love has run it's course. You barely get to see this guy even though you are only 30 minutes apart. Both of you live at home with mommy & daddy & neither of you have a car.

 

 

End your disintegrating relationship with your BF. He'll dump you any way when he finds out you slept with the other guy.

 

 

It's sad & it's scary that this relationship which formed the foundation of your life to date is ending but that's OK. Change is inevitable.

 

 

While I'm not going to condone cheating, I think it part you did this because you know your other relationship has run it's course. It would have been more mature & more honorable for you to break up with your BF after the 1st tickle fight / kiss with the other guy but certainly before you had sex. You didn't. But the end result is the same. Your relationship was fading into childhood & it was time to move on.

 

Spend some time being single & earning money to give you a start in life. Go from there.

[ExpatInItaly]

You've outgrown your relationship with your boyfriend.

 

End it with him. You got together when you were kids; now you're entering adulthood and you're realizing you want something more / different.

 

It's time to move on.

[dental]

A bit too eloquently worded, smells like troll to me.

[LoveRefreshed]

Break up with boyfriend. That is the only advice to give you, you've got some growing up to do.

[Space Ritual]

Can I have the last 10 minutes of my life back?

 

Jesus H. Christ OP, you are about as toxic as they come. Please break up with your boyfriend AFTER you tell him all the BS you pulled. He deserves someone who is honest and not toxic, and that sure as hell is not you.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

How much does it cost to ride the bus to your boyfriends place? Do you guys live at home or on your own? Why can't one of you move to the same city as the other lives in? People in love want to be with the one they are in love with.

[Grumpybutfun]

Where the hell is the brownie promised?

G

[hyrule]

I didn't have to read it all to understand that you cheated.

 

This comes to a simple matter of breaking up with your current boyfriend. He doesn't deserve to be miserable.