Family Is Driving Me Insane

[Kcame30]

For most of my life I’ve always been in between battles with my family members. I’m emotionally drained from it. I’m NOT the problem but someone else always is.

 

Just a year ago I decided to not be the PEACEMAKER between angry family members. It’s too many headaches, too much drama and messy when getting involved. I've now decided to opt out of my family affairs and let them handle their own messes between each other. Mind you I’m talking about ADULTS that are older than me.

 

I’m the go to person when someone has an issue with someone else. I always let them know before hand to talk to the person that their having a problem with. Yet they still vent to me about how they feel. That’s when I get drained from the negativity.

 

I’m tired of hearing one family member vent to me about another one. Dumping their toxic negative energy into my peaceful world. Then the one their talking about does the same with me. It’s exhausting and I don’t know how to deal with it most of the time.

 

Has anyone dealt with this before?

What would you do?

I've already distanced myself and feel like isolating myself to have some peace.

[ScotchBeef]

I feel you have answered your own question; just distance yourself and don't let it have a negative effect on your own life. I have been caught up in massive family feuds, or even just friends falling out, and i've always found the best course of action is to just let them get on with it.

 

Getting involved, even just as a mediator, offers no benefits and in the worst case scenario each party might accuse you of being two faced or traitorish for talking to the other side, regardless of your intentions.

[Fleur de cactus]

Can 2 parties meet for mediation and reconciliation? I sometimes go through similar situations. I listen and try to show them where they could be wrong about the other. I limit my words since I know they could use them again to make the situation worst. I also avoid supporting one side. I play neutral and visit them equally. Sometimes you cannot fix their hate to each other but you can let them know that you disagree on their believe about the other.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Call, email, message or text every one of them & tell them that you are done. You will not listen to any complaints or pass messages. Send cards and only show up for glutton & materialism day dinners.

[preraph]

^ Yes, and then they will finally have something they can all agree on: that they're mad at you. But it might be worth it.

[nescafe1982]

I have a family that is sort of like this. At some point, I started redirecting their 'venting' into something else. Like, literally changing the subject every time they bring it up.

 

My dad: "Can you believe that my sister said my son was a deadbeat dad? What nerve... she's one to talk."

 

Me: "Hm, that's too bad. Hey, what are you and mom doing for Christmas?"

 

Dad: "Oh, I don't know, we haven't talked it over yet. But Wendy, she has no right to say..."

 

Me: "...I was thinking about visiting X relatives, and maybe after the New Year I'll do Y. Maybe you could talk to mom about joining me."

 

Dad: "..."

 

And so on. I started doing this after trying to reason with toxic relatives. I discovered that having a frank conversation about being stuck in the middle of their fights was, well, impossible.

 

So I refuse to engage. And if they can't take the hint after several attempts to change the topic of conversation, I make up a reason to hang up the phone/leave the scene/end communication for the moment.

 

Over time, I discovered that the most toxic members of my family started seeking out other people to whine to. And that's the dream, right there.

 

Good luck, OP!