DKT3 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Good for you that your life is finally going in a directions. I wish you well. With that being said, you have a lot of digging to do. Since the time you've come here you have downplayed the role you LTA had on your marriage. You've downplayed the damage that it has had on you husband and kids and focus so much on your pain and how its all affected you. Secondly, you never committed back into your marriage and hung on every bad thing your husband did. All the while the MM was still on your mind and in your heart. I say these things not to hurt you or to attempt to talk you back into your marriage. If you recall I told you a year ago that your marriage would fail, but don't fool yourself its just as much your fault as it is his, you weren't present in the marriage either, the last quarter of it you've been in love with another man. I say these things because your behavior wasn't because of your marriage or husband it was because of you. If that isn't fixed this pain and dysfuction will follow you into any relationship you enter....TRUST ME. It starts with owning your sh*t 100%. Your affair wasn't a result of a bad marriage, what your doing NOW is a result of a bad marriage. Your affair was a result of selfish, self serving entitlement, poor boundaires and horrible ability to cope. That part of you won't change with your husband leaving. If I'm being honest I haven't seen a ton of growth from you in that area. Just a few weeks ago you were still so selfishly focused on what was being done to YOU as result of your decision to engage with another woman's husband as if she didn't have reason to dislike you or think of you as a sl*t or wh*re. Jos, I really like you and I honestly hope it works out well for you, but there is a lot of self work ahead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Time for self-discovery and reflection. It's hard to step back into a marriage, when the other doesn't want recommit and change. Your husband doesn't want to do the work either to save your sinking ship. It takes two to make it work. I think this is positive change for you, Jos. It won't be easy, but spend the time you need to heal form everything you've been through and to find YOU. One day, one step at a time...you got this. Best of luck and happiness to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Good for you that your life is finally going in a directions. I wish you well. With that being said, you have a lot of digging to do. Since the time you've come here you have downplayed the role you LTA had on your marriage. You've downplayed the damage that it has had on you husband and kids and focus so much on your pain and how its all affected you. Secondly, you never committed back into your marriage and hung on every bad thing your husband did. All the while the MM was still on your mind and in your heart. I say these things not to hurt you or to attempt to talk you back into your marriage. If you recall I told you a year ago that your marriage would fail, but don't fool yourself its just as much your fault as it is his, you weren't present in the marriage either, the last quarter of it you've been in love with another man. I say these things because your behavior wasn't because of your marriage or husband it was because of you. If that isn't fixed this pain and dysfuction will follow you into any relationship you enter....TRUST ME. It starts with owning your sh*t 100%. Your affair wasn't a result of a bad marriage, what your doing NOW is a result of a bad marriage. Your affair was a result of selfish, self serving entitlement, poor boundaires and horrible ability to cope. That part of you won't change with your husband leaving. If I'm being honest I haven't seen a ton of growth from you in that area. Just a few weeks ago you were still so selfishly focused on what was being done to YOU as result of your decision to engage with another woman's husband as if she didn't have reason to dislike you or think of you as a sl*t or wh*re. Jos, I really like you and I honestly hope it works out well for you, but there is a lot of self work ahead. Ok , Dk I know you mean well, but enough is enough with the psycho babble. I'm moving on and not looking back... Only forward. I'm not analyzing my affair anymore or my behavior. It is what it is and now it's over. Yeah I feel bad, I always will. As far as you seeing growth from me.... Well there is no way you'd know anything about me truly by these posts.... Let's face it, half the people on here post but let's face it, anyone can post anything.... I have grown and I don't need your approval.....sorry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Dk, sorry if I sound abrupt.... Just tired... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Dk, sorry if I sound abrupt.... Just tired... Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I think the most important question that needs to be asked of this situation now is are you going to be keeping the satellite after he leaves or are you going to drop it and just do Netfix? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hi Jos. This will be a hard time, but also a time of rebirth and rebuilding, so I wish you the best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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